章節 39: Chapter Thirty-eight
Elia
''I fucked up,'' I breathe.
My eyes glance down at her lips, seeing them smirking at me—somehow making me realise how I've been a fool. A fool to break her fragile heart; I made her fell in love with me and she did just for me to leave her suffer. How can I be so stupid? I thought.
''Why couldn't you see that I was nothing without you? Why couldn't you see my love for you? Why did you threw it all away just because you wanted me safe? Why couldn't you see that I will never be safe without you!'' She leans closer, saying those words frustratedly.
I immediately close my eyes before leaning my head against the wall, remembering back the moments of us together. From the day I laid eyes on her and how I've brought her in my life. Everything about her was making me insane and it was slowly killing me if I couldn't have an opportunity to be with her. She's perfect.
Why did I risk it all?
''So, don't say that you love me.'' She adds, ''Because there's nothing left for you to love. The Rose you knew is gone and she's not coming back. She's never coming back because you've hurt her enough,''
The way the words slip out of her mouth, it shows determination. It proves that she's determine to kick me out of her life; wanting me to be gone. Wanting me to just leave her alone because now, she's happier without me. Her life has gotten so much better.
It pains me to say this but I will never be her man.
The love we once had is slowly starting to fade and we both know that we can never go back to how we were. Things just don't fix easily—especially for us. We've been running away and pushing each other far, we can never accept or mend our broken pieces again.
''You're just going to keep on hurting me. If I ever let you in again, you'll just break me. Even if I heal from our past, we can never truly forget.'' She mutters. ''So, don't ever think I need more. Stop whatever you have in mind. There's no more you and I,''
There goes another heartbreak.
''What happens if I keep on loving you?'' I ask.
''I won't love you back,'' She replies. In an instant, my eyes are tearing to show the amount of sadness I'm feeling yet I try my best to hold it all behind. With a small smile, I force myself to look at anything but her.
Maybe we were never meant to be. I was only meant to be her first saviour, away from a place like that and then I was supposed to set her free; I was supposed to set her free when we had nothing towards each other. Now, things are harder than it seems—I've come to love someone other than Danielle even after all those years so I don't think I'll be able to love anymore.
We both turn to see the headlights coming from Elis's car, seeing him stopping near us before stepping out of the car—I take my time to see him immediately looking at her, worry shows all over his face. It's such a pain to see my brother being with the woman I love. Then again, it has always been my mistake.
''What happened?'' He asks, walking closer.
Once he's close enough, he turns to eye my shoulder and his eyebrows furrow immediately; it's quite a shocker to remember that he's the same brother that used to laugh, fight and even cry with me. Our once perfect friendship is now ruined because of that title. A title that he had let go for the sake of his life but I had given up mine for the sake of our father's avenge.
''Let's just take him to the hospital,'' She replies. Then, she starts to stand up—standing beside him.
Elis glances down at Rose before crouching down and slowly helping me up. Within seconds, I find myself groaning at the pain but I hold it back. My heart is breaking and that pain hurts more than this. I'm supposed to push him away and probably beat the shit out of him but for once, I'm actually glad.
Glad that he helped her.
''The hospital is too risky.'' I mutter under my breath as soon as he places me at the backseat of his car. He looks at me before nodding his head and entering the car after Rose. I watch him turning to look at her; something showing in his eyes.
It's just the way he looks at her. The same way I used to look at her; probably still. Eyes filled with so much adoration and love that he'd sacrifice anything but it was stupid of me to actually sacrifice everything.
''I'll take you to Marc then,'' He replies after pressing down onto the gas pedal—driving down the road. It's not a surprise to see him know all the people I'm associating with because he has seen them a few times. This isn't the first time that he has helped me either. I got shot badly a few years ago and he was the reason I'm still alive or I would already be dead.
The ride is utterly quiet, none of us wanted to say a word. From behind, I can't help but continue to eye Rose—not really caring if Elis is probably looking at me from the rearview mirror. Yet, he doesn't seem to care about me much as he would continuously gaze to look at Rose, wanting to make sure that she's fine.
To my surprise, I find him reaching for her hand before entwining their fingers together; causing me to stare at their entwined hands. If it weren't for the fucked up mistake I made, I would be beating him just for doing that but she's no longer mine.
What surprises me most is at the sight of him lifting their hands up before kissing onto the back of hers, long as he eyes down the road—leaving me speechless
What surprises me most is at the sight of him lifting their hands up before kissing onto the back of hers, long as he eyes down the road—leaving me speechless. The way I see him doing that to her just proves me enough that she's happier and better with him than me. He's pouring her love while I pour her pain.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I chant in my mind.
''Fuck,'' I mutter under my breath, causing Elis to glance up at the rearview mirror before turning to look at me. He frowns while I pretend to be hurting from the pain on my shoulder instead of by seeing them together all lovey dovey and shit.
''You okay there?'' He asks.
Fuck no. Are you blind or just fucking oblivious?
''Hurting but I'll live,'' I reply and he nods his head, making a short turn. After awhile, I turn to look away from them because it will only hurt me more.
''Good. We don't want you dying,'' He replies. My eyes wide at his respond but I keep quiet, holding myself back from muttering curses under my breath. It has been awhile since we actually talk because we would always be screaming or throwing shit at each other so I've actually forgotten him being sarcastic or an asshole.
When I turn to look at them again, I see her focusing onto Elis; only looking at him without a single blink interrupting her stare. Elis doesn't seem to mind either because he continues to drive without even slightly bothered to look at he but then again, he starts to glance at her for a few seconds. Smiling.
So, this is love.
I've been there. Done that.
I must admit, she looks like she's crazy in love.
As we arrive at our destination, I start to groan again; before stepping out of the car and heading towards the door, not even glancing back because I know that they'll be fine behind me. Besides, glancing back will only keep on hurting my heart.
When I enter the building, Marc glances up at me.
His eyes stop at my bleeding shoulder. Then, he clenches his jaw before heading towards me. ''Tell me. What happened this time?'' He asks but I push past him, only ignoring him and his men's stare.
''Where's your doctor?'' I ask.
We start to enter into a different room where it's mostly white and there stood Marc's doctor, he would always be here whenever he is injured or so. He once treated me but that was months ago—probably years. I sit on one of the chairs before leaning back and closing my eyes, wanting all of this to end. End.
''I don't want to talk about it right now. Don't ask me questions why Rose is out there with Elis and not in here with me. Don't even ask anything,'' I glance up at him, seeing him crossing his arms and only looking down at me without uttering a single word.
''I'm not going to ask you shit because you fucked up well, Elia. We all know why Rose is out there with Elis instead of in here with you but I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear why,'' He smirks, making me roll my eyes in annoyance. If he doesn't stop talking, I might actually stab him in the face. That would help.
The doctor starts to examine my wound while I prepare myself for the pain that I'll be feeling. My mind won't stop thinking about Rose which is not surprising either because I've always thought about her, almost all the time. Maybe all the time.
''She doesn't love me anymore,'' I mutter.
''I wouldn't too if I were her.'' He replies and I turn to look at him in dissatisfaction, to find him chuckling. ''Look, that's the thing with women. You fucked up once and they won't be back for your shit. The thing with Rose—the one thing that makes her different than any other women is her love for you. You dumb shit, you should've seen the way she looks at you. I'm sorry but I don't see that anymore; all I see is the way you look at her. That's no use,'' He shrugs.
''What do you mean?'' I furrow my eyebrows.
''You used to look at her as if you would have her forever, man. Now, you look at her as if you would lose her within seconds. You're lost as fuck,''
I find myself chuckling humourlessly at his fact.
It's so true.
''What should I do? I can't get her back, she hates me. She wants to get rid of me. She used to be all around me but now she's not even here,'' I breathe out.
What would happen if I didn't let her go? Would we still be alright? We might be happy but then again, we might also be dead. I can't help but think of what we would be right now if we still love each other. No, I still love her. It's just her; she doesn't.
''Then, don't. Let her choose,'' He says and I look down at the doctor stitching up my wound, ''But from the looks of it now, she'll choose your brother.''
She will choose him. It's clear. They're happy.
''For once, Elia. Give her a chance of her own instead of determining her life because she deserves so much more. She's a grown up woman. She'll make the right decision for herself,'' He adds before pointing at my wound and exiting the room—leaving me thinking.
I close my eyes again. This time, longer.
My heart can't take this anymore.
I'm actually growing weak for her and it's only now because I realised how she's my everything. I've lost the chance to be with her—how did that happen? We're supposed to be together like how we promised but now things are falling apart. I'm starting to imagine what she went through when I was gone.
Once everything is done, I start to exit the room and see the hallway empty. I slowly walk towards the elevator but I stop as soon as I see Rose near the balcony, her hair is being blown by the wind. Even in the night, she's such a stunner—mind blowing.
Just when I see that she's alone, Elis starts to appear.
''It's now or never,'' I mutter to myself before walking closer towards them but I stop as I hear them talking.
Elis turns to look at her, ''Do you want to tell me what happened? What happened, Rose? Why were you with him and how did you end up there? I was worried sick when I got home and you were nowhere to be found,'' He asks, looking straight at her as she sighs deeply.
''Someone kidnapped me. He took me to the warehouse and half an hour later, Elia was there.'' She replies, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Then, she turns to look up at Elis; eye to eye.
They keep quiet for a few seconds and all of a sudden, I find Elis pulling her closer towards him; wrapping his arms around her body and whispering something in her ear, making her nod with a smile on her face. She pulls him closer by the waist, letting the side of her face on his chest—listening to his heartbeat.
I take a few steps back, leaning against the wall.
I immediately place a hand on my left chest. My heart is beating fast and somehow aching with the amount of pain, almost tearing my eyes again but I hold back.
God, help me.
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