章節 20: Chapter Nineteen
تجري الرياح بما لا تشتهي السفن
Winds blow counter to what the ship wants
Rose
As we step inside the house, I start to look around and see that I have blurry images of this place; it makes me wonder if anything has changed or not. Elia continues to trail behind me before the both of us stop in the middle of the living room, waiting for the man to come back from the kitchen.
''I think you would like to meet her,'' I hear him say from the kitchen.
I turn to look at Elia and I see him eyeing the whole place—for a few seconds before his eyes landing on a picture near the television; which makes me stare at the picture longer than necessary. He takes a few steps towards the picture, paying full attention.
''It's you.'' He mutters under his breath, turning to look at me.
Just before I can respond, a familiar woman steps out of the kitchen. Her brown eyes are very clear—exactly the same like the one in my dreams. Her face also look the same but of course, she ages; quite well I must say but what confuses me most is that she looks like me except for the eyes.
Both of her eyes are on my face, eyeing every single part of it. Without me realising, she is already standing in front of me before cupping onto my face as she smiles, controlling back her tears from escaping. All of a sudden, her legs start to weaken which causes me to quickly grab onto her waist; preventing her from falling.
I look up to see Elia clenching his jaw before looking back at me.
''I'm so sorry,'' The woman cries, letting the tears escape freely as she pulls me in for a hug—making me awkwardly place both of my hands on her back, trying to process the moment.
As soon as she looks back up at me, I manage to realise that she's the woman I called mummy when I was a kid—before I was taken. I feel my own tears escaping so I quickly pull her close once more, hugging her tight; wanting to show how I've missed her after all these years of not being anywhere near her.
''Ryan,'' The woman mutters before turning to look at the man with blue eyes. I furrow my eyebrows, taking a better look at him once more, wanting to know who he is.
The man—Ryan, walks towards us but his eyes are never leaving mine. The both of us stand while I continue to look at Ryan, ''I don't know you,'' I say; earning a slight frown from him before he turns to look at Barbara; my mother.
''He's your brother.'' Barbara says and I immediately notice the resemblances. Yet, he has more of our father's features but his hair matches Barbara's. Then again, I never come to know that I have a brother—which surprises me.
The four of us end up sitting at the living room. While I sit beside Elia, Barbara and Ryan sits near each other but Barbara's eyes held sadness—somehow, I manage to see regret. Ryan just rubs his hand behind her back, soothingly trying to calm her down. As for me, I don't really know how to react. This is all strange to me; it's something I've never experienced before.
''How did you get out, Rose?'' I look up at Barbara, seeing that she glances at Elia for a few seconds.
I follow her gaze before meeting Elia's brown eyes; knowing that he's probably feeling uncomfortable but I don't know what do or say. I grab onto his hand, ''He saved me.'' I reply which Elia responds with a reassuring grip.
Her eyes widen immediately, ''He paid for you?''
We end up enjoying the silence—probably because we don't really know how to properly start a conversation when there's a lot of questions in our heads. I can see the confusion written all over Ryan's face but he stays still, not even uttering a single word. Same goes with Elia.
''When your father took you away, I tried to stop him. He sold you to pay his debt—he doesn't have a job, he would ask me for money but we weren't rich, Rose. I was only working as a waitress at the bakery downtown, the salary was hardly enough for us. Your father, he enjoys gambling; that's one of the reason why we ended up broke.'' She continues, her eyes are filling with tears once more.
Images of him come flowing by, making me remember his face but the images always remain as a blur which I appreciate. Deep inside, I don't want to see him—I don't want to get involved with a man like him, he used his own daughter to settle his debt; what kind of father would do that? His own flesh and blood. Me.
''I'm very sorry, Rose. It's my fault. I should've done something,'' She looks up at me.
''It's not your fault.'' I mutter under my breath.
Ryan clenches his jaw, ''We tried to take you back but unfortunately, we almost got killed.'' He says and my heart stops at the word killed—knowing that it wasn't only me who was suffering but they were too; living with a heartless man I call father, they weren't happy either.
''What happened to him?'' I ask.
''He died three years after you were gone. He got killed because he was messing around with some gangsters; he wanted money,'' He replies, turning to look at Barbara who tries to exhale.
All of a sudden, all of us turn to look at Elia who excuses himself in a hurry before he starts to walk out of the house; closing the door afterwards. My heart continues to beat fast as I follow him out, seeing that he's currently standing in the middle—breathing hardly.
I walk closer towards him, placing my hand on his shoulder, ''You okay?'' I ask, receiving a glance from him but he nods his head afterwards; continuing to control his breathings. As I try to pull my hand away, he quickly grab onto it.
He grabs onto both of my hands, leaning so close towards them before kissing them both—causing my heart to skip a beat. I eye him, surprised to see him acting this way but I can't seem to stop him; I actually enjoy the way he kiss my hands and by the look on his face, he's pouring something that I can hardly understand.
Then, he lifts his head up, his eyes are slightly red.
''I think we should go,'' I mutter, caressing the side of his cheek with the back of my hand; wanting to make him feel comfortable, wanting to make him feel fine.
When I turn around, I see Barbara and Ryan standing at the doorstep. The both of them are smiling at us; which causes my cheeks to heat up from embarrassment, ''Come visit, whenever.'' She says and I quickly make my way towards her; pulling her for a hug which she replies back.
''Take care,'' I mutter near her ear.
I glance at Ryan before smiling at him and I start to step inside the car, seeing that Elia is still controlling his breaths yet he's slightly calm now. As he drives down the road, the two of us doesn't utter a single word—but I can see the grip on his steering wheel shows how he's actually holding back some sort of anger.
He leans his head against the seat, continuing to accelerate down the road.
To my surprise, he presses hard onto the brakes, causing the car to stop. I turn to look at him once more, seeing him stepping out of the car—taking a few steps away from the car and from inside, I can somehow see anger radiating but he's trying his best to hold it in.
I immediately step out of the car, slowly reaching towards him. He turns around, not letting me face him before I lightly wrap my arms around his waist from behind; placing the side of my cheek on his back—wanting to make him feel better, even though I clearly don't know how.
As my grip around his body remain tight, he continues to breathe heavily. For once, I don't actually care if cars are passing and watching us because I know there's something wrong and he's important to me—even though he doesn't know that.
I feel him loosening my grip around his waist and I just take a few steps back, realising that he's turning around to face me before pulling me in by wrapping his arms around my body—snuggling close near my neck, letting me feel his warm breathing.
Closing my eyes as I feel his heartbeat slowing down which causes me to ease a little. Within seconds, we're already inches apart before he starts to pull me towards the car; gesturing me for me to get inside and he's driving once more but none of us are brave enough to start a conversation.
Once I realise that we're stopping near an unfamiliar house, I turn to look at him, seeing that he's actually looking down at his own hands before sighing, ''The reason why Elis hates me—is because he doesn't want me to get involved. The mafia runs in the family for us and it was supposed to be his title, he was supposed to take after our father but he ran away.'' He says, breaking the silence.
''My father, he was killed in Sicilian. Brutally killed,'' He adds, clenching his jaw afterwards. The way he speaks show how it pains him to tell me, ''My family didn't take that news very well, that's why Elis ran away, leaving everything behind; he's not coward for leaving because I understand how he feels.''
I keep quiet, letting him continue, ''He wants a normal life, Rose. He doesn't want this kind of life. We've been exposed to danger ever since we were kids because we kind of grew up this way. I took his title to seek revenge for the man who killed my father.'' He breathes out, turning to look at me, ''Revenge isn't really as sweet as I thought it would be. It'll never end. He killed my father, I killed him, his family might kill me—what's the purpose?''
''Elliot was too young. I was too selfish. I thought I was making my mum proud but all she wanted from me was for me to stop—just stop everything and leave it all behind. I didn't listen,'' He mutters under his breath, ''I did everything to protect her, took her far from here, wanting to make sure that she's safe. The last time I saw her was ten years ago, a few months after Elis left.''
''Elia—''
He cuts me off, ''—I'm a terrible person, a terrible son. You don't deserve me, Rose. There's no future with someone like me,'' He glances at my direction for a few seconds and I see tears forming in his eyes, almost falling down his cheeks but he steps out of the car, quickly entering inside the house; leaving me here all by myself.
After minutes of trying to figure everything out, I finally enter the house, seeing that I can clearly see outside from inside due to the amount of windows around the house—almost filling each spot. I breathe out, exhaling deeply after running my fingers through my hair; realising the burden that the both of us are carrying.
I'm broken, he's broken. We're the perfect match.
I walk towards the nearest glass window before looking out; exhaling once more. I close my eyes, wanting to escape the whole pain and sorrow but nothing seems to disappear—everything is falling apart. From all the smiles I show, it'll always eat me alive, I'll always turn back here and look back at my past.
Elia is no different.
I've been wanting to know him and now that I have, he's no different than me.
All of a sudden, I feel someone wrapping his arms around my neck from behind, causing me to open my eyes slowly before feeling him breathing against my neck as he snuggles closer towards me—pecking onto my shoulder. I hold onto his hand, seeing our reflection from the glass window; noticing that he's closing his eyes.
With a sigh, I let a tear glide down my cheek.
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