/ Book&Literature / Harry Potter: An Exception Side Character
摘要
Note :- This is my first time writing a HP fanfiction.
This is a story not about a dark lord or he wants to become an all powerful wizard or will he will have ever girl out there and create a harem,No he just wants to grow up to be very strong and survive the impending war with all of his loved ones and friends still alive and happy.
Disclaimer:- i do not own any related to Harry Potter they belong to their respective owners.
Note:- Mc x Daphne Greengass
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11評論
3.24
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
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寫檢討
I haven't even finished the first chapter yet, but I have liked the story so far. It seemed like it was going to be an overpowered main character from the start, which I wouldn't have minded, but it was the spelling and grammar that got to me. I can't read a story that hasn't been edited or at least double-checked for mistakes. It makes it so hard to read, and I just end up dropping it even if I was enjoying the story minus the mistakes.
Writing is a hard task trust me I tried and so I really shouldn't say much. But the MC got OP too quickly and the grammar and spelling is bad
grammar is pretty bad, but not horrendously terrible. the main issue is the story and characters. ok so the mc... before the age of 11 (so b4 he even steps into hogwarts) the mc is the best healer in the world (Dumbledore's words) and has healed both of nevlles parents and astora greengrasses blood curse. also, he is already newt level in basically every hogwarts class. he also has an arranged marrage with daphne, and her like of him primarily comes from him saving her sister. btw i havent read past chapter 5... this is all b4 chapter 5. its just nonsense.
Sorry mate. I tried to read as much as I can but I have failed. The cringe is to much. If you asked which part is cringe, let me tell you. The moment he start to use his powers wili nili. Like popcorn but with cement and you try to eat it with air as the utensil. It's just to much to bear. TBH with you, I don't have any problem with synopsis writing style of story telling. Believe me I have read 'Harry Potter and the true Wizarding World'. The author of that story write that same way. But, the way you handle your storytelling is just cringe to me. So, I am sorry. But, have this 5-star for effort. The base for your story I good tho. And I respect that. Just work in your delivery and your writing style.
First, the author's first language isnt english i think. Because theres a lot of grammar problems that would make you think 'even english speaking kids have better grammar'. So im assuming the author is still learning english. Second, please learn to use proper punctuations like commas and periods. In the first chapters, it gets hard to understand when you dont know when sentences end or begin anew. By chapter 17 the author uses some but i dont think it was proper use. Some cases it is overused. At least it looks like he or she is learning. Third, the author likes to skip reaction conversations. Like when showing daphne the ROR, author just narrates the events. Which is a shame considering the reactions of characters are the seasoning so to speak. And endless narrations simply make the story extremely boring so i found myself taking a nap after reading this fic. Author needs to add conversations between characters and reactions. Endless narrations are just plain bland and boring.
good story but:1. needs a editor ASAP2. less 11/12 yearolds kissing and sleeping around
The writing get better as the story continue. Continue the good work [img=update][img=recommend]
I don't like how op the mc is such a young age