章節 25: Axt 4, Chapter 5
No matter how much you and your body were calling for sleep, it just didn't seem to want to come over you.
You had been lying awake in bed for several hours now, tossing and turning around trying to find a position that would allow you to calm down.
But it was no use.
You blamed your current situation on the shock that was still deep in your bones several hours later.
You also blamed it on the light that was on in your room as a factor for the insomnia just to avoid having to admit that you were mostly thinking of Chrollo.
He saved your life, but then again, he was the reason you ended up in that situation in the first place.
And yet, he didn't have to save you.
You also couldn't get rid of the feeling of his touch and his breath on your face and on your ear.
Both were very different from the touch you had felt before.
His body and his breath didn't seem as cold as the time he touched your hip while you slept or the time you felt his breath on your neck in the attic.
You couldn't describe it properly, but it was different.
And now you were tossing and turning in bed in your best attempt to get some sleep.
You didn't really have anything planned for tomorrow, but the funeral was going to take place the next day and it was about a 45-minute drive away, so you wanted to be as rested as possible.
As much as you didn't want to, you just gave up sleep after another hour.
Maybe you would get tired if you were busy with something.
Maybe some reading?
Draw something?
Write something or just be on the phone?
You were lost because you really had no idea what you wanted to do.
With a book that your parents had brought you, you sat down on the armchair and put your legs on the stool provided.
You hadn't gotten around to looking in yet, which is why it's been sitting on your bedside table and rotting away since you put it there this afternoon.
You opened the first page, read a few before you closed the book again.
Your thoughts kept drifting off, the words printed on the paper just didn't grab you.
Your gaze slid out of the window, you could look out just barely because of the position of the chair.
You still didn't feel comfortable with the view of the forest at night and when a shiver ran down your spine you quickly looked away again.
Your gaze was now on your bed and the slightly untidy sheets that laid on it because you hadn't made your bed when you got up earlier.
Maybe you would still be able to fall asleep?
Nothing was scheduled for tomorrow, so it didn't really matter when you got up.
You looked at your un-made bed for another moment before tears welled up in your eyes and you knew that if you spoke now your voice would tremble and break.
But you didn't stay like that for long before you burst into tears.
You didn't know exactly why you did, maybe because of the sadness that night brought with it naturally or becase of what had happened this evening in the basement, but suddenly a wave of realization hit you that you've been pushing away so far for way too long.
A ghost haunted you, your great uncle, with whom you had spend many time with as a child and who decades later could still remember your name despite his dementia, died with you only being able to see him twice.
And he was also the first who knew about your problem and helped you.
In addition, your parents lived further away, you knew nothing and nobody in this city and didn't even have a job.
You felt so alone in the world.
Even Abir, probably the only person who could have helped you now, had fled.
You couldn't say exactly how long you had been crying, but it must have been about 20 minutes, which you needed to calm down enough to be able to breathe properly again.
Tears flowed silently from your eyes for another 5 minutes before you leaned back in the chair exhausted.
You stared up at the ceiling in silence until you fell asleep.
Your neck ached from the uncomfortable position you had been in the chair for the rest of the night and when you went to the bathroom to wash your face in the morning, your eyes were red and slightly swollen.
Definitely nothing that a hot shower couldn't make better.
As you stepped out of the shower, you recoil at the sight of the fogged up mirror.
'Don't cry' was written on the mirror but you could see it had been a while since it had been painted on it.
The letters were fogged up too, just not as much as the rest of the mirror and you realized that Chrollo must have written it last night after you had your breakdown.
You wiped away the words with your hand, left the bathroom almost angry but you didn't know where the anger came from.
You got dressed, still angry, because you needed new drinks, alcohol being the most important thing to you.
You almost slid down the stairs, made your breakfast in the kitchen and headed towards the dining room.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw something darting from one direction to the other in the back hallway in the guest room door.
You took a step back, the guest room was unusually dark and the door open.
Not pitch black like the basement or the attic but definitely darker than usual.
You carefully placed your breakfast on the dining room table and walked towards the guest room.
On the way there you had to swallow hard and you would be lying if you said that the fear didn't grip you tightly at that moment and threatened to crush you.
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