章節 14: Self-Hatred
"And you expect me to believe you?"He laughed, his lump of fuzzy hair swaying.
After a long moment, he finally got a hold of himself and looked back at me.
"Now really, how did that happen?"He said while he walked over to where he kept his syringes and knives in a obvious attempt to frighten me.But interestingly enough, I felt no fear.Only anxiety because he asked a question that I didn't have a answer to.
"I...Don't know."I said with lack of better answer.I couldn't say that I had dug it out myself or that a guard had done it, since there was no evidence of pain.And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't believe me if I just told him that I woke up one morning without a eye.
But there's nothing else for me to do.
I'm so damn helpless.
So I sit in silence and wait.Wait for the familiar feeling of powerlessness to overcome me.But something new comes along with it this time.
Self-Hatred.
I hated myself for being weak.I hated myself for being ignorant.I hated myself for being obedient to the people who ruined my former self's life.How could I just sit there like a mouse in a cage?
Like a dog on a leash.
Like a drowning fish with them holding the bowl of water.
My blood burned as the self-hatred and helplessness pierced through me.My heart ached with loathing.My eye lit up with a fire it didn't have before.
But the Doctor was unaware of my change of mind, he just continued on with the insults and threats.
"Do you know what I hate most in this world?Lies.I hate people like you who tell dirty, foul, awful lies.People like you only know how to run their mouth off.Unlike people like me, who work for a living.While you get everything for free.Free food, free housing, free healthcare.But you have the audacity to not be grateful and tell dirty lies!"He ranted.
Something within his words tipped me over the edge that I was already scaling.
He wanted me to grateful?He wanted me to be grateful.He wanted me to be grateful!
HE WANTED ME TO BE GRATEFUL?!
GRATEFUL FOR THIS?!
GRATEFUL FOR THIS EXCUSE OF A LIFE I HAVE?!
...Next thing I knew, I had his neck in my hands.
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