章節 19: Foul Comments
In summer, I actually did not do anything. I just binge watch my favorite shows on the television day and night. So absolutely, I gained lot of weight. I don't really care about this kind of things. Whether I am fat and ugly, skinny and pretty I really don't care. Not until I enrolled through High School. First day in class, I met new friends, new buds, and new beginnings. Turns out that watching television catches more attention, I mean, I boost my confidence by letting out topics from the television. Now, I have bunch of friends to hang out with, go home together with, and tell stories with. I really thought this will all continue until the end of time. Then again I proven myself wrong.
Third year in High School, we were shuffled by the principal. My old friends were destined to other classes. I was left alone, like literally alone, again! I tried to make friends with my new classmates but they seem to dislike me physically. This is the time when I opened my eyes to ideal vital statistics, hair grooming, and fashion. All my classmates were fashionable here, sassy there, sexy here, great hair there. Then there am I, normal looking girl with confused thoughts. As a part of growing up, I also like to try out these new things. I mean it's on the media, advertisements and the celebrities wear them make ups and fabulous clothes.
I insist my mom to buy me new clothes one time. She was so shocked that she agreed to it at once. We visited a store where my sister frequently buys her clothes. This is my first time going into stores with girly clothes hanging on the walls. It was indeed magical for me. Then I spotted this cute top with ruffles and ribbons on them plus its color is pink…
Vanya: Mum, I like to try this one.
Mom: Miss, do you have a size XXL on this one?
Saleslady: I will check ma'am
2 minutes later…..
Saleslady: Ma'am I'm sorry we only have sizes up to XL
Mom: Okay let my daughter try it.
I excitedly tried on the top. But it doesn't really fit me. I even break out a sweat trying on one top….
Mom: How did it go?
Vanya: Mum, this does not fit me.
Mom: Don't worry dear, will find one. Miss please try the biggest size on this one.
Saleslady: Yes ma'am I'll get one.
4 minutes later….
Vanya: Mum, it doesn't really fit me.
Mom: How 'bout this dress?
Mom: This red top?
Mom: This green blouse?
Mom: This purple one with thin straps?
Mom: How about this white one? This seems elegant it is for a proper lady.
Mom: No? Try this black long sleeves
Mom: Strapless?
Mom: Halter?
Mom: Lacey?
Mom: Stripes?
Mom: Checkered?
Vanya: I tried all of them mum! I am exhausted. Nothing fits me at all.
Mom: How about this plain shirt?
Vanya: Haaaaaa, last one.
As I was fitting all those clothes, I overheard the Salesladies giggling so I intended to listen to their little conversation…
Saleslady 1: (whispers) she literally wore every single stock we had.
Saleslady 2: (whispers) yeah and we don't carry any size that fits her.
Saleslady 3: (whispers) she must try other stores or just try on clothes that fit the pregnant and the old.
(All giggles)
Saleslady 1: (whispers) I feel so tired looking for something that suits her.
Saleslady 3: (whispers) yah she's too big, that even sizes XL doesn't fit her.
Saleslady 1: (whispers) so we should diet or else we will end up like her
Saleslady 2: (whispers) yah I mean, not a single top or dress compliments your figure, with this large store and tons of different tops. I'd rather starve than be like her.
(All laughs quietly)
They were all laughing at me. Making comments about my figure, my looks, my size. I don't even gave out comments about them. They don't even know how painful those words mean to me. As if they crushed my own personality. They burned my soul. It was that painful. I did not choose to be like this, why can't they just let everyone be? As far as I know, we humans are imperfect beings. Why do people always make comments on the physical appearance first? Does " don't judge a book by the cover" mean anything or is it just made up phrase that comforts the ugly, does that phrase only meant to comfort me?
I silently walked pass through them with my head down. As if I was embarrassing the human race by my appearance. I proceeded to my mom with swollen eyes. My mom tried asking me why but I can't answer anything. I just walked out that store. My mom quietly observed me then, she tried cheering me up. I did not want her to wary about such things so I just put those comments at the back of my mind. I like smiling, my mom likes me to smile too. Back to reality, my mom insisted to go to another store nearby. I don't want to spoil our time together so I agreed. It was no ordinary store. It was just a plain thrift store. There we had so much fun picking on some new tops for me. At last, some of it fix me and its half the price! I am so glad something still fits me.
The following week, I eagerly plan to wear those tops. I picked the green top with a pretty ribbon. I also choose a hairpin that looks exactly like the ribbon on my top. I was so excited to wear these things on me. I might gain friends by it. I was on my way on my class when I heard laughter from my back. I did not pay attention to it, because it might not be me they're laughing at. I came to our room early, then as time flies our room was full then classes began. At the end of the period, I walk passed my female classmates. I thought they were going to talk to me but that's not the case. They still kept laughing at me so I proceeded to go home. I nearly forgot about the notebook under my desk so I had to go back. I did not expect to eavesdrop on my classmate's conversation….
Female Classmate 1: Huh! What was she thinking?
Female Classmate 2: Who? That fatty Vanya?
Female Classmate 3: HAHAHAHA! I know is she even thinking? She looks stupid!
Female Classmate 1: HAHAHAHA! Yes!! She looks like a child with her ribbon on her hair and on her top. She looks retarded!
Female Classmate 2: HAHAHAHAHA! That's so funny! How will she gain friends that way? She is so weird that it's so creepy and disgusting!
They kept talking at me making foul damaging comments like that. I cannot bear to hear it anymore. So I proceeded home, did not eat for the night and just lay down on my bed wondering what I did wrong. Then I sighted a golden colored book, it was my bible, given by my parents on my last birthday. I opened my book and read…
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
I nearly forgot that he is with me, he will never judge me because he loves us all equally.
Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Luke 6:27 "But I say to you people who are listening to me, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you."
Proverbs 11:17 "Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you."
These are just few verses in my beloved bible that enlighten me. It keeps me up and walk my way through. I gain confidence upon reading these verses. I came to school as myself. I don't need their approval. I just need to love myself more than before. Those mean comments? Yes, they still hurt me but I always shrug it off for I know I did nothing wrong. So, just like that. I graduated in high school with few friends. Sort of. At least I survived. Me as a college student, I am full of excitement. I took an entrance exam at A. University and got in. Time flies, it is now first day of school. What is in stored for me at my College life? Tune in to me. I love you readers. Vanya signing out once again.
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