章節 30: An Odd Development
I was sitting in the living room, distracte-...er, pondering such profound matters that the feeble human mind would simply explode were I to elaborate on them when Shirou poked my shoulder, looking slightly nervous.
"Bro... a guy shouldn't be making that kind of expression." I said with a deadpan, that nervous fidgeting is reserved only for cute girls, not for you Shirou, even if you are a housewife, "What's up?"
Shirou stopped for a few seconds, narrowing his eyes in confusion, "You said you'd get me a teacher."
Oh yeah, back when I stopped him from practising on his own, I remember that.
"But it's been weeks since then. I can't even prac-"
I cut him off with a raised hand, "What you're doing isn't practise, it's just plain wrong and hurting your magic circuits."
If you don't know, I'm speaking based on what I know about Shirou, not because I'm some pro magi. Shinji can't even use magecraft in the first place...
Not that I need them, what the fuck is mana? Sci-fi all the way.
"So you say but... do I really have any other choice?"
Dear Shirou, I've said it before and I'll say it again, stop being so reasonable... You're supposed to be a dumbass obsessed with self-sacrifice.
"Yeah, you do?" I turned to look at him, "Why do you even need to be in a hurry? Tiamat's here all the time, just tell her if you want somebody ganked."
I'm pretty sure she'd kill somebody if he asked if only by virtue of me liki-...er... being his 'friend'.
I don't like people, liking isn't a word in the dictionary of any self-respecting mad scientist.
Shirou clenched the hand he had on the table into a fist and shook his head resolutely, "No, I can't have someone do something for me."
Right, the survivor's guilt shtick he has going on.
"Look Shirou..." I started with a small sigh, "It wasn't your fault some pedophile acted on his sick fantasies and nuked a part of the city. How can it logically be your fault? You were just lucky to survive."
"But I don't dese-"
"Blah blah blah, get over it. Nobody deserves anything in the world, you get what you get and try to get what you want." He furrowed his brows at my words, and opened his mouth to disagree.
So naturally, I cut him off, who do you think I am?
"You think that's not fair? Tough luck, that's life."
I get that this type of explanation is lost on a 12 year old, and many adults too, but it's what I got.
Take it or leave it.
"You wanna help people? Be a good person? Stop going out of your way to put others first and help where you can." I offered him more consolation than I've ever offered to anybody, that's something... but not surprising seeing as I'm a literal paragon of virtue.
"But... then why do you go out of your way?"
Wha?
"The airplane thing, going to France just for one child... You released a sealed Goddess everyone feared or hated because you thought it wasn't fair." He explained briefly, a small smile tugging at the corners of lips.
...
...This is pure slander.
I haven't done anything to help anyone, the only person I help is myself, those were just natural by-products.
Shirou's stupid. That's it.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore."
D... Did he just snicker at me?
"Fuck you, Shirou."
"Language." He smacked me in the back of the head so I flipped him the bird.
He's not my mom.
Why do people have to be so weird about things?
Fiine, I'll console him more.
I let out a prolonged sigh before leaning into the table, "About your teacher."
So now he perks up.
"Rin Tohsaka's coming to Fuyuki soon enough. Guess Kirei's fraud finally screwed her." I spoke calmly, tracing a line on the wooden table with my finger, "Anyway, she's the same age as us but... she should be a good teacher."
Shirou tilted his head slightly, "And you're sure she'll help?"
"Oh she definitely will, leave it to me."
Plainly speaking, Rin Tohsaka is a brokie.
She has no money of her own to speak of, has to do part time jobs to make ends meet, and she's so bad at technology she somehow made a VCR explode by clicking random buttons.
Guess what I have that she doesn't?
That's right, I'm fucking loaded.
Especially from all the pyramid schemes Cortana's running, not to mention the recently released hit game Flappy Bird from an 'anonymous' developer.
"Is there anything I can do?" Shirou inquired with a strange look on his face.
...This guy man, I swear.
"Think of it as payback for letting me freeload."
I could always just move out but eh, the place grew on me.
"Anyway." I snapped my finger to catch his attention, "Watch this."
"Hm?"
Tiamat was in the next room over, ironing my clothes or something, doesn't matter. Point is, she was in the other room.
"Tiamat, can you come here for a second?"
When she's at home, she just leaves her horns out at about half their real length and since they're all curved, they jut out to the side... You following me so far?
The doorway was too narrow for her horns.
"Of cooourse~." The Creation Goddess hummed and stood up with a sweet smile, sauntering over to me... only to hit the door and get stuck, "Eh?"
"Hahahaha..."
"Shinji..." Shirou looked at me like I was being a dick, which I was, but it was funny so it doesn't matter.
Tiamat puffed up her cheeks, tried to walk forward, only to bump against the doorframe again and fall back on her butt, "Mm!"
Half the time, she just forgets they're there... so it's even funnier.
Pouting, the GODDESS of CREATION shrunk herself down to the same age as me and Shirou, trying to walk through the door frame again... Only it didn't shrink her horns and she got stuck again.
However, by some miracle, she forced herself through... but that just ended with her firmly wedged in the doorframe with her feet hanging a few inches above the air.
Shirou covered his mouth and looked to the side.
I know you're trying to hide your smile, you piece of shit, you're not as good a person you want to think you are.
Tiamat looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes, "Shinjii... help... please... I am stuck..."
I pursed my lips, using all the willpower that made man superior to all other living things to not burst out laughing like a madman at the GODDESS who got herself stuck in a door frame.
"Yeah Shinji, I think you should help her now."
"Thanks Sherlock." I pushed myself up to my feet and walked over to Tiamat, "Come on let's get you out."
"Mmm... sorrry."
If I had a nickel for every time this has happened, I'd have three and that says something about Tiamat I would rather not comment on.
I inspected her with narrowed eyes, "Ehem... horns- EHEM!"
Fortunately, she caught the clue and lit up, shrinking her horns to plop down on the ground with a big smile, "Shinjii's so smart."
Yeah no... I'm not the one who's smart here but I'll take the compliment anyway.
Also, I'm pretty sure she could've just blown through the door frame instead of trying to squeeze past it, "Why didn't you just destroy the door?"
"Because it is Shinjii's... friend home."
Aww.
"What do you... need? Is Shinjii hungry? Do you need... a hug? Or is someone... bothering you?"
Seeing how earnest she is makes me feel slightly bad for fucking with her... only slightly though, because I'm a mad scientist.
"No, just wanted to see you. Sorry for calling you over."
Tiamat lit up before profusely shaking her head, "I don't miind... if it's Shinjii."
Before I could reply, my phone buzzed with notifications so I just nodded at her and walked outside into the yard.
As the mastermind I am, I wasn't just lounging around, I was waiting to get a report from my Irish lackie regarding the task I 'delegated' to him because I was la-... as a test!
I opened my phone and found several pictures attached to a message.
'It's done all proper, boss. They gave me a bit of trouble but nothin' worth mentionin'... Magi are just posh cunts.'
The 'pictures' were a little more... extreme?... than I'd thought they'd be.
'Shot the fuckers up and then, 'burnt the heathens', as the Church lot love to say. Left a rosary, all priest-like.'
I sent him after the few magi we had to hit to spark an open conflict between the two factions moving into the city and well, he's delivered his money's worth. He grouped them up somehow and killed them all before burning the corpses.
...That's a little beyond what I'm willing to do.
Pursing my lips, I sent him a message, 'Good job, are any of the magi in Fuyuki necromancers?'
'None that I could find, I reckon you could find one of those rats at a cemetery if they're here for some reason... though, those lot mostly hang around battlefields and third world countries and the like so I wouldn't bet on actually finding one. There's nothin' for 'em here.'
Hm.
So then where did those zombies I came across come from?
-
Hope you enjoyed.
— 新章節待更 — 寫檢討
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票