章節 3: Chapter three
It is Monday and my mother just left for work and i just finished bathing. I am in my black gown instead of my school uniform. I just cannot bring myself to get dressed for school, I am scared, yes! I am a coward. I have never had to deal with such humiliation in all my life, i do not even know what to expect. And on top of things, today I'm giving the word of encouragement at the assembly.
Giving the word of encouragement is a headboy and headgirl duty every Monday. We take turns in coming up with an encouraging topic and present it at the assembly for the whole school.
I decide to log on to Facebook to check for any alarming comments, who knows? Maybe they have forgotten all about me. I scroll through the comments and they have multiplied even more and most of them were sent this morning,
'just when you thought she couldn't get more popular she gets all this attention! I need her autograph like yesterday!'... 'Hey Hazel how's KCK in bed?' He looks yummy!... 'Caleb keeps getting hotter i also want you to post me! Please dm me! 'Omg I really looked up to her eew I'm utterly disgusted'... 'she's not even defending herself where the hell is she?'... 'I can't wait to see her at school do you guys think she'll be embarrassed?'...
These are the few of the awful comments i come across i guess i was wrong. What is wrong with them? It is not like i made a sex tape!
I slide down from the edge of my bed to the cool ceramic floor and weep. How am i going to get through the day? Simple, I will not be able. I decide to call Vanessa because she lives closeby and she is my best friend. She answers instantly "Haze is everything ok?" "No" I cry, "come on, you can't let this get to you keep your head high and let's go to school" "i can't, can you please come over?" "Ok I'm on my way".
I quickly change into sweats and a hoody then quickly text Thabo, the headboy to fill in for me by giving the word of encouragement, which he was not pleased with but eventually agreed. The door opens and i hurry to it and there she is, my best friend i can't hold my tears at bay when she opens her arms for me, i quickly hug her and she tightens her tiny arms around me.
When i finally pull away i see she has been crying too, "i hate seeing you this way, I'm so sorry" she says sadly. "Don't be it's not your fault" i give her a small smile "no it is, if i wouldn't have persuaded you to go to the house party none of this would've happened" she says as she wipes her tears "no,no dont you dare put this on yourself, i have myself to blame for lack of self-control"
"Ok let's not play the blame game, what did you need?" She says seeming lively and just like that she's back to her sassy self, her earlier sobs forgotten. Why can't i be like her though? She is so strong and lively i really envy her. "I need you to submit my assignments for me, and I'll see school tomorrow i just can't today". She nods and takes them and then she's gone.
I spend most of my day going through organic chemistry and reading other notes. I have not been on Facebook since this morning and i have no intentions of logging in. I find myself chuckling,
At around three when the school is out the trio comes with loads of junk snacks and we all dig in not either one them mentions the Facebook post which I'm totally grateful for. "Thank you guys so much for being here for me i feel so much better than i have all weekend i really appreciate you guys being here" i tell them "aw group hug!" Megan says and we comply.
"Okay girls let's put everything aside and talk about Thabo's speech at the assembly this morning!" Cathy says and they all burst out laughing "my poor man, he was such a mess all flustered and hungover it was crazy, Haze your absence truly went unnoticed." Vanessa chimes in and we share a laugh and they tell me all about Thabo's speech and when they're done, my ribs and cheeks hurt from laughing.
Once they have left i realised i felt so much better that i even played some music on my phone something i did not do all weekend and i really love music so i thought 'kiwi' by Harry Styles would do a great welcome back to my world.
At around aix the door opens and reveals my mother she walks in wearing baggy stonewash jeans and a black hideous blouse and a red head wrap. "Hi mama" "hi" she says as she passes straight to her room, she returns, sits on the couch and calls me and i go.
"Sit down" she commands in a sour tone and i oblige "am i in trouble?" I weakly ask "how was school?" And she is asking about school. Nice, it is as if she knows i did not go "it was long, you know Mondays" i casually reply "you're lying Hazel!" She shouts and my eyes widen.
Oh no "Principal Hendricks called me after my lunch to tell me you were not at school today! You're in matric Hazel and you were supposed to begin netball today what's wrong with you? Why weren't you at school?" I just sit there quietly not knowing what to say to her, because really what am i going to say? My half naked body is on the internet, posted by someone i used to date who i gave consent to take the picture while we were indulging under your roof? No I do not think so.
"I asked you a question young lady answer me!" "Don't yell at me" i say and my tears begin to roll down, i really hate how fast my tears fall "what? You really said that to me? Wipe those crocodile tears and give me an answer!" I realise it is now or never if i don't tell her the truth then I'm digging myself a hole, and i will probably feel better after telling her anyway.
i stand abruptly and go to my room and she begins shouting again but i ignore her, i retrieve my phone and go back to the living room and give her the phone "that's the reason i didn't go" i quietly tell her and she immediately looks down at my phone, "what's this? Most importantly Hazel who's this? You're sleeping with boys now? Worse! Under my roof Hazel!? Who the hell are you? You're no longer a virgin? Do you want to ruin your future? After everything i taught you! After everything i did for you! This is the thanks i get? You're an ungrateful piece of garbage Hazel Khoza!" She spits and I am full on sobbing now all i wanted from her was comfort and support not for her to criticize and humiliate me further.
"Mama please I'm sorry i thought he loved me! I trusted him!" I cry "ha! Love?" She scoffs crushing my self esteem even further. "Love Hazel? What do you know about love? no boy would love you at your age, open your eyes sweetheart they'll use you and toss you aside I've told you this, time and time again but you don't listen you treated me like a fool, who's the fool now?" I sit there weeping uncontrollably "what really happened here?" She says a bit more calmer but still annoyed.
I tell her everything from our break up and him coming here after school,( not mentioning the house party) till he posted on Facebook. "And of course you're on Facebook, when i completely warned you not to go on social media? Do you ever listen to me at all?"
After everything i told her the only thing she chooses to comment and focus on is the fact that I'm on Facebook. I remain quiet while tears roll quietly down "argh I'm going to take a shower" she groans and leaves me alone with my tears.
After some moments she comes back from her room. "Get up!" She yells as she grabs my elbow aiding me, more like forcing me to stand. "you're going to show me where this boy lives and we deal with this right now" what? No no no, i am not ready to face that bastard! I silently plead.
"Mama please no! I can't go there I'm begging you" i look her straight in the eyes pleading with her but she is not having it, "i begged you to stay away from boys but you didn't listen and you expect me to listen to you? Not a chance young lady now let's go" she points to the door and i do not move i cannot go there what is his father going to say? "Don't make me drag you out that door Hazel!" I quickly get on my knees and literally beg her with my palms pressed together in a pleading gesture "Mama please i can't go there, please, he's already embarrassed me enough please" i continue crying.
She says nothing but i see her fierce features relax and she subtly huffs "Fine, get up and clean yourself up but this boy is not getting away with this" she says calmly and goes for her shower. I release a sigh of relief as i slump down and furiously wipe my tears away. I am not ready to face people but i know i have to because if i wait till I'm ready my life would pass me by, because i am never going to be ready, i just have to suck it up and face everyone, it is not like i will see Caleb.
(A/N: spread Love and Kindness)
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