章節 68: Chapter Two: Lies And Truths
The only thing Kanako Nakatomi was able to do was sit in silence. Haruna was gone, running away so quickly that Kanako had never stood a chance of stopping her. Even if she had been able to, what would she have said? The shock of Haruna's confession had robbed her of her words.
"Haruna... is in love with me..." Kanako kept repeating those words, over and over in an effort to convince herself of what she had heard. "There's no way..." she said. "It can't be..." Her follow-ups rang hollow. In Kanako's heart, she knew it was true. Haruna, the girl that Kanako had grown up with, the girl that had fought with her numerous times and claimed to hate Kanako, the girl that Kanako became friends with again...
The words had been spoken so clearly, so loudly, there was no denying what she had heard. Haruna had confessed. She had poured her heart out to Kanako and laid her feelings bare, all in the hope of changing her mind about Akio. While there was a lot to process, there had been one part that Kanako could easily understand: the pain on Haruna's face and the tears she cried were from the heart. "She really meant it..." Kanako thought. "But..."
But what? There was something more to that thought. Some amount of doubt. Questions needing to be asked. Maybe even some unnamed feelings. However, it was impossible for Kanako to pinpoint it exactly. She was stuck on Haruna's confession, as it kept replaying in her head. She had no idea how to face it. No matter how she looked at the situation she was in, Kanako couldn't call it a normal confession. It had been yelled. It had contained an insult.
It had come from a girl.
Never in Kanako's life had she ever thought she'd get confessed to by someone of the same sex. Although, she had never really imagined anyone confessing other than Akio. People had pointed it out to her. Friends and family alike had told Kanako she focused too much on one guy. She had never understood the problem. She loved Akio, so why shouldn't she focus on him? Was it dismissive of Kanako to think like that? She couldn't really say no, but it wasn't like guys were lining up for her either. Why bother considering them when they weren't doing the same?
So instead, Kanako had put all her attention on Akio. Now, after actually receiving a confession from someone that wasn't Akio, Kanako saw her self-made tunnel vision shatter. No longer could she look only at the boy she grew up with. The other person from her childhood, the girl with her in all the old photos, was singularly responsible for widening her view. Though, just because it had widened, that didn't mean she knew what to do with it.
Perhaps objectively speaking, it was possible for Kanako to see Haruna in a romantic light. But from her own perspective, all Kanako could see was Haruna. There was no romance nor a sudden shift in feelings. All that was happening was Kanako was being forced to see more than just Akio, and that meant seeing the only other person in the picture, Haruna.
"She said she's in love with me..." Kanako repeated again. The shock had yet to wear off. In the classroom she was in, the sun was beginning to set, casting an orange glow across the space. How long she had been sitting there, Kanako wasn't really sure. It felt like it had only been a minute or two, but looking at the clock on the wall told her it had been at least 20 minutes.
It was only then that she realized that there was still someone waiting for her. "Oh no!" she exclaimed. "Akio-kun is still here! Oh geez, I hope he isn't still outside. It'd be terrible if he caught a cold." Standing up, Kanako pushed all of her other feelings aside. This was supposed to be a dream day for her. All she had to do was go and tell Akio 'yes' and they'd officially be a couple. And so, Kanako's tunnel vision returned, standing on a very broken foundation.
Leaving the classroom, Kanako made her way down the halls and toward the back of the school where Akio was still waiting. She bounded along, somehow recovering her energy that had been sucked from her just moments ago. Reaching the doors, she opened them quickly, revealing a boy standing by the picnic table under the large tree full of autumn colors.
Akio Miyashita, a second-year like Kanako Nakatomi, stood casually as his short brown hair got tussled by a slight breeze. Having not left school grounds yet, he was in the boy's winter uniform of Iwanai Municipal High School, which consisted of a white dress shirt, grey dress pants, and a navy blue blazer. He also wore a green tie the same color as the girls' bow, although the ties weren't mandatory for the guys. Hearing the doors open, he turned and gave a warm smile.
"S-Sorry that took so long!" Kanako called as she approached. "It's okay. Luckily it's not too cold out yet," Akio said, though Kanako noticed how red his nose and cheeks had gotten. "Have you been out here this whole time?" she asked. Akio nodded. "Yeah. I guess I got lost in thought, because it didn't feel like you were gone for very long." Kanako was a little concerned about Akio's well-being, but she decided to believe him.
"So, were you talking to Haruna-chan that whole time?" Akio asked. "O-Oh, um, n-no... Our conversation was... not long..." Kanako said, trailing off. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" Akio asked. Kanako wasn't sure how to answer. Of course, something certainly had happened, but how was she supposed to tell Akio about it? "N-No, not really..." Kanako lied. "I see," Akio said back simply.
It was quiet between them for a moment, and with Akio's inquiry at an end, Kanako decided that it was the perfect time to give her answer. Gathering her courage, she took in a breath before speaking. "A-Akio-kun!" she said. The boy's full attention turned to her. "U-Um, about... about before... what you were saying... I-I'm really happy you feel that way about me. A-And, um, I-I know you know how I feel about you, so... I guess what I'm trying to say is-"
Suddenly, Kanako heard a small laugh. She had been looking all around while she spoke anxiously, but the laugh drew her eyes toward the source. It was from Akio. With a hand over his eyes, Kanako could see him laughing. It was clear that he wasn't laughing about something she had said or did. No, he was laughing AT her.
Removing his hand from his face, Akio turned to Kanako with a sneering expression. "Right, that's what we had been doing," he said with a giggle. "I confessed to you, didn't I?" "A-Akio-kun?" Kanako said, taking a step back out of caution. "Ah man, you should've seen the look on your face when I did! It was priceless!" Akio cackled. "Huh? M-My face?" Kanako said. "Oh yeah, it was great! I wish I would've gotten a picture of it or something!" Akio laughed. "I-I don't understand. Akio-kun, why are you acting like this?" Kanako said.
Akio looked at her head-on, his face twisted. "Don't you get it Kana-chan? It was all a joke! One big fat joke just to see how you'd react!" "...What?" Kanako let out as Akio continued. "I can't believe you fell for it too! It was so easy!" "W-Wait," Kanako said as she tried to understand. "You... you confessed to me... you said you love me." "Me? Confess to you? Didn't I give you enough hints Kana-chan? There's no way I'd see you like that!"
Akio finished speaking, a smirk still plastered on his face. After a few seconds, it was clear his words had sunk into Kanako. "So, it was all a lie?" she asked in a low tone. "Of course it was! Come on, we'd make a terrible couple!" Akio said with an exaggerated wave. "You don't love me?" Kanako asked in the same tone. "Nope!" Akio said back easily. "I never have and never will! Kana-chan, you're forever just a fri-"
SLAP!
Within two strides, Kanako had reached Akio. Her hand hung in the air, poised just after it had ran across Akio's cheek. Lowering that hand, Kanako spoke. "You're terrible," she muttered. "Awful... Evil..." Akio was silent. His smirk was gone, and he stared down at Kanako with sadness in his eyes. "How could you..." the girl went on. "You knew... you knew how I felt about you... why? Why would you do something like this?!"
Kanako's volume level rose. Her face shot up, and she stared at Akio with all the pain and anger she could muster. "I love you! I've loved you for so long! This was what I always wanted! How could you?!" Tears ran down her face, but Kanako continued to force her voice through the catches. "This is sick! It's cruel! How could you ever think this was a good joke?!?!"
As Kanako went on, Akio's eyes widened. He had expected a bad response, but what he was getting was even more intense than he had thought. "Hey, Kana-chan-" "SHUT UP!!!" she screamed, cutting the boy off. "I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY!" Kanako paused, but only to catch her breath. "You took my feelings and toyed with them for fun... what happened to the gentle and kind Akio-kun I knew? He would never do something like this."
"I might've... really screwed up," Akio thought. This had been his plan all along. First, get Haruna and Kanako to be friends again, then get Haruna to confess. He had hoped that she would've done it before now, because playing the card that he was at the moment had been the last thing he had wanted to do. Kanako was right. Akio completely knew how she felt about him. Knowing that, he had used those feelings to their fullest extent. What he hadn't quite realized though, was how deep those feelings for him were.
At most, Akio had expected Kanako to get mad and point out how terrible his "joke" was, but then she'd see that Haruna was the better fit for her anyways, and the two girls would get together, the end. Akio knew that both of them would probably be mad at him for a long time, but he had convinced himself he could live with it. Even knowing how Kanako could be when she's mad, Akio was still willing to accept responsibility for his actions. However, the way Kanako was acting was more than he had anticipated. Seeing her the way she was, he had no idea what to do, so all he could do was take her hits one at a time.
"I don't ever want to see you again," Kanako said darkly. "I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to be near you. I don't even want to hear you. From now on, we aren't friends." That, Akio had expected, but expecting it didn't make hearing the words any less painful. "So I guess that means you probably don't love me anymore huh?" he said callously. "Seriously Akio-kun?" Kanako said, glaring at him.
"More than anything, I hate you."
Deciding to push a little further, Akio asked another question. "Did you really still love me anyways?" "Huh?" Kanako let out. "What do you mean?" Akio sighed. "Wow, you really are clueless aren't you?" Thinking for a moment, Kanako guessed at what Akio was talking about. "Do you mean about Haruna's feelings? If so, she confessed to me, so I'm not that clueless." Akio showed a look of surprise before returning to a calm demeanor. "Good for her. Although, that's not really what I'm talking about." "If you know something, can't you just tell me?" Kanako asked. "Unfortunately, this is something only you can find out for yourself," Akio said. Kanako sighed, then spoke one last time.
"I hope you got a good laugh out of this," she said. "I'm leaving. Goodbye Akio-kun." "Hey Kana-chan," he called to her as she walked away. "One day, you'll thank me for this." Kanako stopped walking for a moment, keeping her back to the boy, but then she continued on without another word.
Once through the doors of the school, Kanako's strength left her. Her anger had propelled her through most of that situation, but now that it was over, her anger had changed into immense pain. If heartbreak was enough to physically break a heart, she was sure hers would have a huge crack in it. "I told him I hate him..." she muttered as she dragged herself through the halls. "But... do I really? Could I ever... really hate Akio-kun?" Kanako had spent so much of her life being in love with him that she had no idea what it was like to not be.
Gradually, her tears started up again. One by one they fell off her lashes, splashing on the tile below. "Akio-kun..." she said aloud. Why she said the boy's name, she wasn't sure. It wasn't like he would save her. After all, he was the cause of her pain. Maybe she had said his name as a question. A question of why and how everything had turned out the way it had.
As Kanako dealt with those emotions, more came flooding back to her as she could no longer keep her earlier feelings aside. Haruna's confession went back on replay, clashing with Akio's declaration of his own confession being a joke. Both sides were so strong, and with Kanako caught in the middle, she wasn't sure how much longer she could remain standing. She was sure the weight of all of those emotions would cause her to collapse.
Kanako had no idea what to do. Her heart had been broken and then stomped upon in tremendous fashion. The deed had even been done by the boy Kanako had had feelings for. OF course, now those feelings were completely dead. It hurt Kanako so much to think that, especially considering she had held onto those feelings for so long, but it was true. What Akio had done, there was no way Kanako could forgive that. And if she couldn't forgive, she certainly couldn't love him.
Unfortunately, knowledge is little comfort for a destroyed heart. Even if Kanako knew why she no longer loved Akio, it didn't ease the pain. If anything, it made it worse. She didn't know why Akio had done what he did to her, but she had a feeling that if she did know, it would only serve to worsen her current state.
Kanako's heart was in shambles. Her emotions were one, big, tangled mess. Slowly, she shuffled along through the school, the occasional teardrop dripping from her cheek. While she walked, she didn't have a destination in mind. Kanako didn't particularly feel like going home. She was sure she looked like a wreck, so if her parents so her, she'd have to explain why, which was something she didn't want to do. However, sitting alone sounded like a terrible idea too. "I just want someone to talk to..." she thought.
Then, a face came to mind. It was a face that Kanako had come to rely on a lot, and it was sure to help her figure herself out. Getting out her phone, Kanako searched through her contacts until the name Chiyo popped up. Pressing the call button, she waited for an answer.
*****
When Kanako hung up the phone, her confusion had only been increased. "Talk to Mayu-chan?" she repeated. That had been Chiyo's advice, but what Mayu had to do with anything, Kanako had no idea. It was something that didn't make a whole lot of sense to her, but in a way, it was good. There were still plenty of emotions swirling around inside of her, but having a concrete purpose seemed to help dampen them a bit.
"What should I do?" Kanako wondered. "Showing up unannounced wouldn't be good." She could always give Mayu a call, but she felt like she'd have to have a reason for suddenly wanting to come over out of the blue. "Besides, it's not like we spend much time together alone..." They were friends, but to Kanako, there had always remained a clear divide between her and Michi, and Mayu and Itsuki. The girls made one group, but it was easy to split it into halves. Just as she hadn't spent a lot of time with Mayu, the same went for Kanako's relationship with Itsuki. She liked both of them, but for some reason she had never gotten that close.
From a different perspective, this could be viewed as an opportunity. Kanako could get closer with Mayu. That would've been nice, was it not for the looming storm hanging above her head. "I just don't know anymore..." she muttered. Slumping into a bench near the front doors, Kanako sat and stared out through the window. She was completely and entirely overwhelmed. Nothing made sense anymore. Haruna said she loved her. Akio said he didn't. Mayu was somehow involved in it all. Trying to fit all of those pieces together felt impossible. They didn't connect, at least Kanako couldn't tell how.
While lost in thought, Kanako��s phone buzzed. Checking it, she found a message from Mayu. It said that Chiyo had told her to talk to Kanako. How or when Chiyo had told Mayu that, Kanako didn't know, but she was grateful that someone was reaching out their hand. Taking it gladly, Kanako asked if they could meet halfway between the school and the Kawaguchi home.
As she walked, Kanako wondered what it was Mayu could talk about with her. Obviously it had to be related to either Haruna or Akio, but whatever it was, Kanako had no guesses. She hadn't seen Mayu interacting with Haruna much since the two of them had met, and she was sure Mayu hadn't been around Akio.
It wasn't long before she'd get answers. Kanako hit the rough estimation of what was the halfway point. The houses and few businesses had only begun to get a little further apart, and the small amount of sidewalks available had already ran out. Where Kanako stood was no more than a random spot in front of a couple of buildings. Arriving first, she leaned up against one of them. Whatever business it was seemed to be closed for the day, so she didn't have to worry about disturbing potential customers. Bringing her hands together, she breathed on them a few times in an effort to warm them up before stuffing them back in her pockets. About 10 minutes later, Mayu arrived.
"Hi Kana-chan," the girl said as she approached. One look was enough to tell someone the simplicity of Mayu Kawaguchi. With her black hair kept in double braids and basic round glasses adorning her face, she appeared to be the classic bookworm. Since coming home, she had changed out of her uniform, but she was just in a long blackish-grey skirt that came down to the ankles and a simple long-sleeved, white shirt.
"H-Hi... Mayu-chan..." Kanako said. Her voice was slow to come out. Mentally, she had begun to somewhat recover from her shock from everything that had happened, but she found that when trying to actually say what was on her mind, the words were rough. "Are you sure you want to talk here?" Mayu asked. "We could go somewhere else." "..." Kanako didn't know what to say. She had a feeling that they should probably be somewhere a bit more private, but nothing like that was around. "Would you like to go back to my house? Mother could give you a ride home afterwards," Mayu suggested. With no better options, Kanako nodded.
The 10 minutes it took to get there were journeyed in silence. The quiet hadn't seemed to bother Mayu, but Kanako had felt uneasy the whole way. She wasn't sure if it was because of everything that had already happened or because of something else, but she knew she was nervous. Arriving at Mayu's house and going to her room didn't do much to alleviate those nerves either.
"Would you like some tea?" Mayu asked. Kanako nodded, so Mayu went to make some. When she returned, she found Kanako still sitting in the same position as she had left her, on her knees in the middle of the room. "Here," she said, handing Kanako a cup full of the piping hot liquid. "Careful not to burn yourself. I just poured it," Mayu cautioned with a smile. Taking a similar position, she sat down across from Kanako.
For a moment, it was quiet, but then Kanako spoke. "W-Why... did Chiyo tell me to talk to you?" she asked. "I don't know," Mayu answered plainly. "All she said was to talk. Did something happen?" Kanako looked down at her knees. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. Doing her best to hold them back, she began to explain.
"Akio-kun... confessed to me... b-but... he didn't mean it..." "What?" Mayu let out as Kanako continued. "H-He lied to me... he said it was just one big joke... t-that he'd never feel... that way about me..." "Kana-chan..." Mayu said softly. "I'm so sorry that happened. That must have been hard for you. I know how much you like him." "Liked," Kanako corrected in a harsh tone. "Liked... him... there's no way... I can ever feel that way about Akio-kun again..." "I see..." Mayu said gently.
Setting her cup down, Kanako balled her hands into her skirt as she went on. "Also... Haruna... told me she's in love with me..." Looking up, Kanako saw how wide Mayu's eyes had gotten. "S-She told you?" she asked. "Huh? Y-Yeah. Why?" Kanako said, not understanding Mayu's reaction. "So she really did... that's amazing..." Mayu mumbled. "M-Mayu-chan, what's going on? Do you know something?" Kanako asked, beginning to feel more anxious than before.
Gathering herself, Mayu tried to speak as composed as she could. "Kana-chan," she began. "During the camping trip we took this past summer, I may have stumbled across Endo-san's feelings." "What do you mean?" Kanako asked. "Well, I was coming downstairs one morning, and then I overheard Endo-san talking to Chiyo and Jasmine-chan and Endo-san said... that she was in love with you." Mayu finished her explanation, getting quieter toward the end. "They told me to keep it a secret, so I did. Although, even now it's still hard to believe and understand..."
"It's been that long...?" Kanako asked to no one. "Kana-chan?" Mayu said. "Haruna... she's been in love with me since the summer?" "Oh... well, um... it would appear so," Mayu said. "Perhaps even before the trip." Suddenly, Kanako stood up. Her breathing was ragged and sweat beaded on her forehead. "I... I need air." "Oh, okay. Come over this way," Mayu said. Quickly, she took Kanako out of her room, through the hall and out the backdoor in the living room. Standing outside in the chilly air, Kanako began regain control over her breathing, though it was clear she was still in a panicked state.
"Kana-chan, are you alright?" Mayu asked. "...No. No, I'm not alright," Kanako said slowly. "Akio-kun... someone I've been in love with for years... broke my heart and danced all over it. Then Haruna confesses to me, and it turns out she's been in love with me for months. Months, Mayu-chan!" Kanako said, turning to look at the glasses-clad girl. "I didn't even notice! I mean, sometimes her behavior seemed odd, but I just thought we were getting closer! Do you know how shocking it is to find out she was acting that way because she has feelings for me?! Me, a girl!"
Approaching her slowly, Mayu placed a hand on Kanako's shoulder. "Deep breaths Kana-chan," she said calmly. Kanako listened, taking in and pushing out several. "S-Sorry... it's just... it's a lot to take in..." she said. "I know," Mayu said. "It took me awhile to figure out how I felt about it, and I'm just an outsider." "Really?" Kanako said. Mayu nodded, although she looked hesitant to speak. "Mayu-chan?" Kanako said.
Taking a breath of her own, Mayu spoke. "Mother isn't here right now, so it should be okay if I talk about this." "Huh? What does your mom have to do with-" Kanako began to say, but stopped. She remembered the last time she was at Mayu's house. During dinner, Mayu's mother, Ai, had made a comment that had really bothered Kanako. She had said that if those rumors about Kanako and Haruna dating were true, it would've been unsightly, and that she didn't want her daughter hanging around people like that. "So if Mayu's mom was here, she might not have told me what she really wants to," Kanako thought. Coming to that conclusion, she began listening more intently.
"As you know, I've been raised in a very traditional household," Mayu said. "I've always been told how to dress, how to speak, and what's expected of me. Honestly, it's never really bothered me. I appreciate the structure and stability my family has given me, and while I know that perhaps our livelihood could be considered a bit outdated, I'm still happy with it. But..." Mayu paused. Giving a small smile, she went on. "After meeting people in school, especially people like Chiyo and Jasmine-chan, I've found myself thinking more about how other people live. It's made me wonder if maybe... I should try to live my own life a little more freely."
In all the time Kanako had known Mayu, this was the most she had ever heard the girl speak. And, it felt like the longer she spoke, the more compelled Kanako was by her words. "I think, because of those experiences I've had, it helped me to really think about Endo-san's feelings," Mayu said. "When I first heard about them, it shocked me completely. A girl falling in love with another girl was something I had never heard of before. I had always been told love was something between a man and a woman. Endo-san's feelings conflicted strongly against what I knew. Even now, it feels difficult to fully accept a situation like that... but, I think, now that I've thought about it a lot, I can at least understand how Endo-san has feelings for you, another girl."
Kanako let Mayu's words sink in. "How Haruna feels..." she repeated. "How can you understand something like that?" "Well, I can't speak for Endo-san, but from what I've seen, even if it wasn't love, she clearly cares a lot about you. You two are so close and spend a lot of time together. When you get hurt, she gets angry. When you're happy, she's smiling. Just watching her is enough to tell me that Endo-san truly cares for you."
Kanako sat in silence as she tried to wrap her head around it all. Everything felt like a jumbled mess in her heart, and she had no idea how to put it all in order. Before she could, Mayu asked a question. "Kana-chan, does it bother you that Endo-san confessed to you because she's a girl?" "Huh?" Kanako let out. "N-No, that's not..." She trailed off.
What did it mean to date someone of the same sex? That was the first question to come to Kanako's mind, but it felt like too much to answer. To simplify it, she tried one on a smaller scale. How did she feel about Haruna, a girl, confessing to her? Did it bother her? She didn't feel bothered. Was she disgusted? Definitely not. Confusion was still the prevailing feeling, but what lie underneath that?
"I think... if I had to say exactly how I felt about that," Kanako said. "I would say... it made me happy." "Happy?" Mayu repeated. "Y-Yeah. I don't know how I really feel about any of this yet, but... knowing that Haruna cares about me so much to the point of love... that's something I never thought would be possible even a year ago. So... I'm happy to know that Haruna thinks of me that way." "I see," Mayu said with a kind smile. "So, what will you say to Endo-san in response to her feelings?"
Kanako was quiet for a moment. "...I... don't know... but... Haruna deserves a proper response, so I'm going to think about both her feelings and mine." "I think that's a good answer," Mayu said. Both girls took drinks from their cups of tea, after which they made disappointed faces at each other. "It's cold," Kanako said. "Yes, it is," Mayu agreed. Sharing a small laugh, Mayu got up. "I'll get us fresh cups."
By the time Mayu returned, her mother had come back home. Considering the hour, she insisted that Kanako stay for dinner before leaving. Accepting the offer, Kanako stayed. The meal passed without incident, and not long after, Kanako left the Kawaguchi home.
Little by little, Kanako's confusion was fading and a more coherent thought process was taking shape. Talking to Mayu had helped her a lot, and now that she was more clear-headed, Kanako was able to sort through her own feelings better than before. However, that didn't mean her mountain of emotions had shrunken any. Trying to think about them all felt like an immense challenge, but they had become so intertwined that it was basically all or nothing. Because of that, Kanako failed to get much sleep that night.
End of Chapter Two.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票