Let me kiss you?

Will

It's so obvious how uncomfortable he is, and the only thing I want to do is tease him even more.

— What's the problem? Do you seem uncomfortable with what I said? I ask innocently.

— Uncomfortable with what? He responds a little harshly, and doesn't look at me.

— Because I said that you think I'm beautiful. I say, smile and he finally looks at me.

— And what... What's the problem with finding you beautiful? I don't see any problem with that!

— I also have no problem finding you beautiful, for example. But in your case, I can see you're embarrassed! I say, and I see confusion in his eyes.

— I'm not ashamed! I'm hungry. “Nate Naetang, you're so cute when you're embarrassed, but there's no need to hide it, I know you're lying.

He turns his back on me, and walks among the people. I smile and follow him. Walking between the tents looking for something to eat next to Nate seems like an adventure, he doesn't know what he wants, and I don't, after all, there are so many options.

— What do you want to eat? I ask, staring at him as we walk between the tents.

— I don't know, I think I'll have a meat skewer. Is that you?

— QI love Pad Thai, I haven't eaten in a while… — he looks at me with an enthusiastic air that I love.

— I think I'll have it too, and then I'll have sticky rice, what about you? he asks with an impatient look.

— If I still have room to eat sticky rice...

— I'll order a portion, enough for two people to eat!

— All right, Nate!

After walking behind stalls that sold what we wanted to eat, we found an area with tables further away to sit.

— You know Nate, I want to thank you for the day... It was different, I don't usually do tours like this. I say, and he watches me closely, and answers.

— I imagined that.

— Why?

— After what you said, I could already imagine that you didn't know a place like this!

— I want more rides like this! Could you be my guide on the next tours, what do you think?

— All right!

— But next time, I want to know places where couples usually hang out… — I say, smile and Nate almost chokes on his juice, wipes his mouth and asks.

— Like this?

— Oh Nate, I don't know about Bangkok romantic walks! — I answer, and he barely looks at me, swallows a spoonful of rice, and looks away, but his ears feel like they're burning; they're so red. — I'm kidding, you don't have to take what I say so seriously, okay?

— All right! He looks at me and shakes his head.

— Jokes aside, I loved the tour, these are places I'm not used to going to, so it was a lot of fun…

— Rich people don't usually go to places like this, do they?

— Like this?

— At get me wrong, but you know the two of us are extremely opposite realities, and their way of life includes expensive restaurants, international travel, and a host of activities.

— You're right, but the problem has always been my parents, and my excessive obedience!

— Like this?

— I've always wanted to see sights like this one, but my mom always said it wasn't right for me, and I've always been a no-brainer for her, and for my dad...

— But you're still not so obedient, are you?

— I got tired of doing what they wanted, or what they expected of me. I want to live my life my way, making my choices!

— Very well, and that's how you say it! — speaks and gently touches my hand, and smiles. A smile that melts my heart. I stare at our joined hands, notice my gaze, take his own. — You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a rich snob, but as soon as the real Will showed me that he was nothing like I imagined, I completely changed my mind, and I realized that he has no frills with anything, if it was someone else. would have declined my invitation...

— Even if I were a rich snob, I would have accepted your invitation, Nate! — I say and his confused look reappears, he smiles shyly and asks.

— Why?

— Because it's good to be by your side, you do me good! I say, and look at him, alternating my gaze between his eyes and his mouth. He looks embarrassed, I can see him swallowing hard. She pops a chunk of shrimp into her mouth at once, chews quickly, and I just smile.

[...]

My car was in the parking lot of the Mall which is right in front of Ratchada Rot Fai. So before we went in, I asked him if he wanted to drive, but he just shook his head no. Ever since I teased him about him doing me good, which is still true, Nate hasn't said anything else, and it's been bothering me.

— Nate, what's the problem? Did I say something that hurt you? I say and stare at him before starting the car.

— It is not alright!

— It's not okay, you're quieter than when we first met... I need to know what happened! — although I have a slight suspicion.

— Will, I think our friendship is taking a very strange turn! - He says, and puts his hand on his face, running it quickly through his hair, while I pretend not to understand, I look firmly at him using my most innocent look.

— Strange? As well?

— Don't play dumb! You know very well what happened...

— I don't know, why don't you tell me, Nate? I ask in an innocent tone of voice, he looks at me angrily,

— Do you want to play funny with me, Will? Did you forget that you kissed me? "Does he want to play funny with me too? — I didn't kiss anyone alone.

— I know, I remember very well. But I also remember that you reciprocated, and...

— I think this is all just a mess in our heads…— Nate leaked in full denial.

— What are you saying?

— It's very simple... I've never done series, or any kind of BL work. I had to read and reread that novel to feel inside Thirasak's life, and understand the love between two men, and...

I know he's in a state of denial, as well as noticing the various "Gay Panic" moments he's had today, but this is too much.

— To Nate! Don't you understand the bullshit you're saying? Do you think our kiss, and all that excitement, and the heat that was getting inside this car, was all our heads mixed up? Do you mean that every time I think about you, that I feel an uncontrollable urge to kiss your damn mouth, it's because I incorporate Wanchai?

Did I need to dump all this? Needed. It's his problem to keep lying to himself, but I don't want to keep lying, I managed to live like this for a while, and today I don't accept it anymore. His gaze seems quite lost, his mouth opens and closes, as if he wants to say something.

— Will, I... I don't know what to think. I...

— So don't think, Nate... Let me kiss you?

As I speak, I approach him with measured slowness, but Nate doesn't look at me, he notices something in front of us, and quickly looks at me in an embarrassed way, and then goes back to catching a glimpse of nothingness. His ears are red, he's embarrassed.

— I think it's my time, if you can't give me a ride, I'll go downstairs and get a cab! — and again he runs away.

— Okay andI take you!

[...]

As soon as we arrive in front of his building, he unbuckles his belt, stares at me with that damn look I've recently discovered, which shakes me, and makes me extremely upset. It was not the one that intimidated me, but one that penetrated my “I”. I've never met anyone who invaded my mind, my emotions with just that damn look. He doesn't say anything, just touches the car lock, and I feel like I can't let him go, not like this, after asking to kiss him and feeling that we both want it.

— Nate, wait! I exclaim, he stops and stares at me.

Before he does anything, I unbuckle my belt and approach. The distance between us is a few centimeters. I bite my lip. Nate turns away. Fuck, why does he do this to me?

— You don't answer my question! I exclaim, and he looks at me again.

— What question? — and gives me a curious look.

My voice comes out as a whisper before him.

— Let me kiss you, Nate?

— Will, this isn't right, we're...

— You do not want to? So, all right... Good night!

I speak and walk away without looking at him. I don't want to force him into anything, but I'm not going crazy, I feel like he wants something too, but he denies what he feels. I notice him as he leaves, see through the rearview mirror as he turns around behind the car. I put my hands over my face, and lean under the steering wheel.