章節 14: A TEST
Minutes after the incident of catching Angelou sneaking her way to the attic, I didn't think twice and called someone to have the door lock fixed. I couldn't afford to witness another incident like that, simply because I don't know what I might do to her if she disobeyed me again or if I caught her once again.
Honestly speaking, this was just a small occurrence if she wasn't the one who was involved. But since that wasn't the case, I am deeply troubled about this. Others might say that I am overreacting with simple matters or I am extremely being too childish with it, I wouldn't blame them. No one knew what I had been through except for my father, so it was expected that no one would understand where I am coming from.
There are things in life that I could compromise at and things that I barely couldn't, and clearly this matters with the attic is one of those that I can't get lenient of.
When the padlock was securely settled at the attic's main door, I went down to my study room for a much needed thought. I need to analyze myself, about my recent wavering behavior towards Angelou and the continuous war happening inside of me. This is driving me crazy and I hate it.
Everything that was going on inside of me now is starting to become alarming. At first, I thought I could handle it accordingly. That, just like before, I could easily suppress the old Gabriel and put him behind the limelight. I thought the revenge process would be a piece of cake, since I prepared myself for it, and I shouldn't worry at all. But as days passed, adding what happened earlier on the third floor, things were getting out of hand. Way out of hand.
I don't recall where it all started. I can't pinpoint when exactly my behavior towards her started to go shaky and when exactly did I start to compromise when it comes to her. I tried several times thinking about it, studying every single detail in different angles, but I failed to solve it.
Was it the time during our honeymoon when I first kissed her on her lips inside the car? Or was it during the night of a charity event we attended where I can't undeniably take my eyes off her and was followed by the incident of catching her with one of my subordinates at the veranda? Or could it be during the tragic accident that recently happened to her family, where I witnessed how fragile and lost she had become and how she unashamedly begged for me to tell her the truth?
Right until this very moment, I still can't figure it out. I am still clueless and bewildered, which makes my head hurt from thinking.
'You still love her, Gabriel. Admit it or not, Angelou still has a place inside your heart that you yourself denied to agree with. She still owns the throne of your heart.' A part inside my head concluded.
"No! That's insanely untrue. I got over her long ago. I don't have feelings for her anymore." I rebuke myself for even thinking such ridiculous thoughts.
'If it's not love, then what is it? If it's not love, then why did you act the way you did at the charity event when you saw her with Jenkins? Why were you so angry upon seeing her with another man? You were jealous, Gabriel. Jealous that someone got her attention where you couldn't. It wasn't your ego that got trampled that night, it was your heart.'
I abruptly stood up and swiftly stormed out. My feet brought me to the bar section at the basement and I immediately poured myself a hard drink. Disregarding the bitter taste of the liquor, I emptied the rock glass with one attempt. It didn't calm my senses so I poured another one and emptied it again to the brim.
I don't like what's happening to me now. I hate being in this stage of my life where I am battling against myself all over again. This chronic feeling of being lost and confused only further heightened my anxiety and fear of what's to come.
I think I need another session with one of my therapists. This can't continue. This chaos inside of me couldn't continue, because it will only ruin what I already planned beforehand. Any breakdown on my part would only mean failure. I can't afford to lose everything that I worked hard for in years. I couldn't bear seeing my plans fail, all because of my incapacity to firmly stand with what I wanted to accomplish. Not now that I already started with my revenge process.
"No! This can't be! I have to put an end to this insanity once and for all!"
Without much further ado, I quickly pressed one of my therapist's numbers and set an appointment for tomorrow. I felt partially relieved after ending the call.
The next morning, I went to my therapy appointment before going to work. I felt rejuvenated and renewed, like I was rebirthed. My worries of days before immensely drift away after hours of counseling. My therapist strictly advised me to distance myself, just for a few days, from the source of why I am struggling until I am totally fine. With our arrangement at home, I don't see any problem with regards to distancing myself from Angelou. So I am confident that I'll be back to my normal state in no time.
"Sir, you have a call waiting for you at line one" My secretary, Emma, informed me on the spare phone intended only for her.
"Who was it?"
"It's the chairman himself, Sir. He said that it's important."
"Alright. I'll take it from here."
"Yes, Sir."
While securing the documents I need to bring home inside my briefcase, I pressed the answer button where my father was on hold before putting it on speaker.
"Yes, Dad."
"I need you to come here to the mansion tonight, Gabriel. I'll be holding a small dinner gathering and I want you to join me and my guests."
"Business gathering?"
"No."
"Then I can't, Dad. I have some things I need to finish at home. If there's nothing else you wish to say, then I need to hang up now" I concluded and was about to end the call when I heard him speak again.
"I am not asking you, Gabriel, I'm telling you. Bring your wife along, bring Angelou with you" He commanded with finality.
I was stunned for a moment after hearing his last words. My brain started to function double time, thinking why the old man wanted me to bring Angelou to the mansion. This was the first time after all.
"There's no sense of bringing her along, Dad, because I will not come. I simply can't. I'm sorry, but I'm occupied for the night."
"You won't? Even if the guests I'm talking about are your Aunt Felicity and her family? The news about you getting married already reached her and she personally wanted to see her favorite nephew's wife. Will you deprive her of finally meeting Angelou?"
'Damn! Now I certainly have no excuse for not coming and bringing Angelou with me.'
Aunt Felicity was my father's only sibling who took care of me when my mother died minutes after giving birth to me. She was my second mother and I respect her so much. Without her, her guidance, and her love when I was young, since my father was always busy with work, I wouldn't be where I am now. I owed my life to her. And knowing that she and her family will come over for dinner, there's no reasonable excuse for me not to be there tonight.
I sighed deeply before answering. "Alright, I'll be there later."
"Don't forget Angelou, Son. See you in a while."
'How can I distance myself now from the source when I am ordered to bring her along with me tonight? Is this a test for me? To know if I could really surpass this moment of my life? This will definitely be a long night for me. Well good luck, Gabriel, you'll be needing it.'
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