/ Anime & Comics / As Bell Cranel's Older Brother
摘要
Van is just your average normal highschool boy, until he fell deep in a sinkhole that suddenly appeared beneath him and died only to be reincarnated in Danmachi as Bell Cranel's older brother.
In a dangerous world full of monsters, superhuman beings and even Gods and Goddesses, how will Van, a normal highschool boy who lived in a peaceful world survive in this kind hellhole?
[ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE, SO PLEASE DO FORGIVE ME IF THERE'S A GRAMMATICAL ERROR]
標籤
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票 你也許也喜歡
3評論
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
與他人分享您的想法
寫檢討
The writing style isn't bad but can use a lot of work, (Advice: Read the top Novel of WN, dont go searching for top books from Google, what Google recommends are the top books in the world that are meant for professional readers only.). Some dialogues are unnatural, (Advice: Read what you write out loud.) Transition isn't bad but not good either, it's too fast sometimes, (Advice: Little I can say here... and again read what you write, if you feel even just a little discomfort or confusion then the transition isn't smooth. Dont need to improve here too much since WN readers are mostly casual readers.) Story Development is good in the start but can't say much about the later half... Chapter 10 which is Info dump was just a status chapter that you should put in the Axu Volume, Chapter 11 is too fast and too lacking in explanation, and Adam's legacy destroyed the story's flow, it's too overpowered. (Advice: redo, and introduce what the legacy can do slowly to keep readers engaged.) World Background is very lacking(Just google it or watch a YouTube vid, it's too long to explain it in the review.) ||| There is a lot more I want to say but I will only leave it at this. If you want help with something i am on Discord, "sky.novel.lover"
It’s good so far Boss, apart from the bit where mc likes Artemis, it just doesn’t make any sense for a 3yr old to feel and react that way.
it's a change from other fics and i can tell that the author is putting a lot of work into this, even though English is not his first language that alone deserves props, author I'm looking forward to more chapters so don't get discouraged and each chapter I'll give my stones to you so keep it up.