章節 9: Metamorphosis
Lilith PoV:
Location: Outside the SCP Containment Site
My reality sense displayed the beautiful scenery of the surroundings which other than the facility were devoid of any human inhabitation. A mesmerizing starry sky painted the canvas of the silent night as a gentle breeze tousled my long hair.
This was the first time I was consciously able to survey this new world. The first time free of the shackles constraining me and not being locked up indoors. The first time I could truly feel alive in an unknown number of eons.
It is only when you have lost something that you truly understand its value. I don't exactly remember if that is how the phrase went, but I personally believe that it could not be more right.
If just these thoughts were not enough to prove these thoughts, then maybe the fact that tears threatened to spill out of the corners of my eyes due to witnessing the enchanting starry sky, a spectacle I considered mundane in my former human life might underscore their validity.
No, I could not cry here. Even if I want to perform an act of being a pitiful child, I did not want to be perceived as weak for even a moment. My experiences so far and threats from an impending misfortunate future, necessitated that I must be strong.
I would much rather be viewed as a strong child who just unfortunately happened to experience misfortune. Someone who overcame ordeals before her and still continued living without complaints. Someone who does not ask for help even if she can.
When people who care about you want to desperately help or provide some form of comfort to you, but cannot because you don't open up to them, it makes them more hurt than otherwise.
Ainz and the NPCs, my new 'family', would continue experiencing rising amounts of guilt. This would drive them even more to make greater efforts to be useful to me.
I didn't even withdraw memories regarding the torture that this body experienced under Nyx-chan's control. In other words, my, Lilith's, mental condition has not changed at all.
I was mentally older than most people in existence would ever be. There was no way I could display such as unsightly act for short term benefits. I had no reason to lose control of my emotions over something so meagre.
And yet, my body seemed to have different thoughts. It did not listen to the rational, compelling arguments that I put forward.
It was as if the floodgates that my body held were forcibly opened despite my complaints, unleashing an uncontrollable cascade of tears.
"Sniff…Hic…hn…" Stop it, I am not some weak pathetic piece of trash that can only cry and complain over my circumstances. I have always taken things in stride, whether it was when I was floating around in the void or when I reincarnated. Nothing phased me in the slightest.
"Why won't you listen?" I whispered softly to myself, my voice breaking as each tear betrayed my futile attempts to maintain composure.
The weight of unspoken emotions spilled through my eyes, drowning any semblance of stoicism I desperately clung to. In that vulnerable moment, words failed me, and the only language my body spoke was the silent eloquence of tears.
I was crying. I was just denying everything I had experienced in an attempt to push away any misfortunes I went through into the deepest recesses of my mind. I was just convincing myself that I was something more than I actually was.
Yes, I now held power unfathomable to my human self. I was not a human anymore and human ethical standards did not apply to me. And so I could happily do horrifying things without a care in the world. This fact had not and will never change.
But ultimately, I was just lucky enough to even get this chance to be something more than I was. Just an ordinary, perhaps far more selfish than normal human, that got lucky to be 'me'. That was also a fact that would never change.
And yet I desperately wished it did. I did not want to be played around by someone due to being a weak, pathetic waste of existence. Weakness was the greatest sin and my past human self was now the greatest stain on my existence.
To put it simply, I was just in denial until now. By denying my past and glorifying my present, I could unconsciously relieve any stress I faced. I was unconsciously trying to separate the human 'me' and the mighty 'Lilith' into two different entities while we are one.
***
I suddenly felt a bony hand gently patting my head as my thoughts were about to go on a downward spiral.
"It's fine to cry. There is no need to hold back on your tears. Sometimes I wished that I was able to cry when I am sad but unfortunately I do not have this gift. No one is going to judge you for crying, I promise. And I wish that as your family, you share your burdens with me." Ainz calmly spoke as if noticing the struggle I was going through.
I knew he truly did not. He was likely oblivious to my thoughts but was simply saddened because I cried. That was the sort of character he has.
And I probably will never be able to trust him from the bottom of my heart due to my personality as well as the [Eldritch Deception] debuff like he wishes. If I do, it will be an act for greater gains.
But for this moment, this one moment, his action made me reconcile with my inner conflict as I started crying out wholeheartedly for the first and, very likely, the last time in my new life.
"Hic…Hic…"
From this moment on, my life as Lilith Nyxshade could begin without the mental baggage I carried from my past life.
***
"I have something important to do. So please wait here for a few minutes. Demiurge, look after her." Ainz spoke.
"Of course, Lord Ainz. I will make sure that no one is able to harm even a strand of the young lady's hair." Demiurge answered and clasped my hand which Ainz had held until just a while ago.
He seemed more determined after having witnessed the spectacle that had just unfolded. From their perspective, I am completely blind and can't see a single thing so this behaviour makes sense.
But I could not focus on their interaction as I was blushing fiercely due to how I had behave earlier. I am a master of the mind and yet I lost control over my thoughts and acted in such a disgraceful manner. How embarrassing!
It seems that my emotions have become far more turbulent after rebirth and given enough driving force, not even my abilities could hold back against such strong, repressed emotions.
In a way, it's like those instances when Ainz's anger can overpower his emotional suppressors. As an undead he should not be capable of even showing such strong emotions, and yet for a few brief moments he can due to a strong external stimulus.
Emotions are a powerful phenomenon and as a mindbender, they are directly under my control. While I should be careful of breaking character in the future, perhaps I can use this to my advantage.
Eldritch beings do not understand the power of human emotions. They don't need to. They have always been high above such a 'primitive' concept. Even for Nyarlathotep who is adept at manipulating mortals, emotions of humans are simply a tool.
This might be an inaccurate comparison, but if I as a human had simply read about Newton or Einstein, it did not mean I could instantly think like them.
Well, the point I am trying to make is that, eldritch horrors might understand human emotion from an outsider's perspective. They did not have to lower themselves to understand a concept created by ants beneath them.
But due to my unique circumstances, I am not simply an eldritch horror. I carry the memories and emotions of my past self. And now I understand how strong they can be, if under certain conditions they can even overpower my innate abilities over the mind.
I can try to turn this unique aspect of my existence into a power that differentiates me from the rest of cosmic beings out there. This was another unexpected yet interesting topic of research I should focus on in addition to creating [Lilith's Book of Spells] that I had planned earlier.
Moving on, I could sense Ainz going wild and destroying the SCP facility. He had used a magic spell to isolate whatever he was doing from my location so I could not feel the vibrations or hear the sounds of destruction.
Since he thought I was blind, he assumed I would never know what was happening. He may have wanted to act like he went somewhere for a stroll and returned calmly in front of me.
Of course, he did not know I could sense everything happening using reality sense rendering his efforts moot.
What attracted my focus more than Ainz's rampage was a single crimson butterfly that was slowly fluttering towards me. It seemed to ignore the demon in a suit and cosmic horror in front of it.
Even if we did not display our power, it should not have been possible for a regular old butterfly to move towards us without fear. The butterfly's instincts should have warned it to run away as far as possible to avoid impending danger. This deeply intrigued me.
As it approached me, I sensed that Demiurge was planning on obliterating it. He did not like a mere insect approaching me without a care in the world. Obviously, I could not allow such an interesting specimen to vanish into nothingness.
"~Demi, what is that fluttering sound I am hearing?~" Now, he could not kill it and pretend it never existed as that would mean lying to me. Furthermore, I had spoken to him of my own accord. The first NPC to have this 'honour' of me speaking to them.
Let's not forget that they were also desperately trying to make me open up and have a conversation with me. This butterfly would give him an avenue to converse with me.
As expected, Demiurge calmed down and spoke to me: "It is a butterfly, young lady. What do you wish to do with it?"
I did not immediately reply as the butterfly landed on my palm. I was busy inspecting the…mesmerized butterfly? Yes, mesmerized. I could feel that it was entranced, as if a magical force was attracting it towards me.
My body came to a conclusion after analysing this phenomenon. The reason was very surprising for me. It was my [Loved By Madness] title. Any insane entity would be attracted towards me.
I had underestimated the efficacy of the title and assumed it to mean that sapient life forms like crazy humans, demons or whatever else would be influenced by the title. I was wrong. The title affected anything and everything that could qualify as insane.
Meaning that this butterfly could be categorized as [Insane], at least amongst its own species. How intriguing!
I have decided. You should be my first 'pet' from now on. Is that the right way to say it? Did people keep butterflies as pets? I did not know and did not care. I will keep this insane little cutie as a pet.
"~Demi, do you want to see a magic trick? It will be a secret between the two of us." I spoke.
At the same time, I conveyed my feelings to the little cutie. 'Do a little task for me and I will give you a name. I will officially make you my pet. Work hard.' It seemed to be overjoyed at successfully gaining my attention. I'll transform it into something more cute after it returns to me.
I did not understand the language of butterflies, if they had one. But I could decipher the 'language of madness'. I guess it is sort of like decoding the information using the insane thoughts radiating off an entity.
As for the task, I was something I had just thought up. I was extremely petty and would not forget the injustice done to me. I had to give this world guarded by the SCP foundation a little present to mark the beginning of my new life.
"I would love to, young lady. I would never give up a chance to watch you display your magnificent power. Please allow me to partake in this secret." Demiurge replied while showing off his incredible zeal.
Hmm, the NPCs would also make cute 'pets'. Well, they already are something akin to my 'pets' from now onwards.
The whole secret thing is so that he won't rat me out to Ainz after making a promise to me. He will only think that I am playfully showing off some magic. Like a child showing off some random scribbles they had drawn. This will be in line with the persona I am trying to establish.
"~Here you go little cutie. Carry my present to as many people as you can. [Fear Pandemic].~"
My eyes glowed and my mana decreased as I cast the 9th tier spell that will hopefully trouble the SCP world for quite some time. Seriously, I felt like spamming this spell all time. I kind of understand how Ainz liked the 9thtier spell [Grasp Heart]. This spell carried a similar addiction to me.
The little crimson butterfly spread its wings and fluttered away to carry out my wishes. It's flight seemed to signify vanishing of my worries as I embraced being free.
***
~The butterfly will be the first of many pets. I have 2 more planned so far and also figured out what sort of abilities they will have. Please help me come up with a suitable cute and demonic name cuz I am drawing blanks on that. Hope you enjoyed reading!~
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