章節 5: A NIGHT OF MELANCHOLY
Coral Miller
My heart broke a million times over when I answered that phone call. At first I thought it was my so-called best friend that had called me initially, I had actually thought she was calling again only to see my cousin's name displayed on the screen and then answering the phone to hear the most saddening news ever. My favorite aunt was dead and was killed by a drunk driver.
Aunt Lydia was my mom's elder sister and I can say for sure that she has always been the cool one. Whenever my mom and I were having our episodes of fight, aunt Lydia's place would end up being my place of solitude. You could say she was understanding on all levels and my mom not so much.
Remembering a memory I shared with her breaks my heart knowing for the fact that I won't have a place of solitude anymore.
"Coral, look at me. You're going to be alright" aunt Lydia said, calming down my nerves.
"How can I be alright, I lost my best friend, I lost dad," I cried out, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably.
She hugged me tight at that moment, her body smelling so much like strawberry that soothes my nerves, her arms were enough comfort for me.
"I know you're going to be alright, because you're strong and you're fearless" she encouraged me further, allowing me to cry in her arms.
"I know it feels like you're not going to be alright but I assure you only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for." She added.
"Aunt Lydia," I called out to her trailing off and crying even more.
"I know, I know," she said, patting my back gently.
"I read something online that got stuck with me and helped me when I lost my husband," she said. I broke off the hug to look at her. I never knew she was married because she never had any pictures of him hanging in her house or anything of such and she didn't have kids either.
"It's a saying by Elizabeth kubler Ross, she said The reality is, you will grieve forever. You will not "get over" the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will
be whole, but you will never be the same agate. Nor should you be the same,
nor should you want to." She said, with a light smile on her face.
Those words pierced my soul and I guess it's Stuck with me now. Her words to me will be what will help me move forward right now. I got to find out later that aunt Lydia had a complicated teenage life just like me. I guess that's why she was so understanding and why she was able to relate with me on every level.
Losing her right now, I didn't know who to turn to. She was my only place of solitude, she didn't deserve to die like that, it was too soon losing her like that also. She was my second best friend and I lost her too. I was drawn out of my thoughts when Evans called out my name.
"Coral?"
I turned to face him and met him lying on the bed beside me and crawled into his hands and let out all my tears in his embrace. Being in his embrace the familiar strawberry scent of aunt Lydia lingered in my nostrils. He smelled just like her, they are probably using the same perfume. The strawberry scent was a bittersweet reminder of me and aunt Lydia's time together. I held tightly onto him, I did not want to let go anymore.
"Can we just remain like this till daybreak," I muffled underneath his embrace.
"Yeah, sure thing cherry," He said, kissing my head.
Evans was truly a sweetheart, he was too perfect, he was too much of everything I doubt I was ever going to match up to him.
My sobs echoed in the stillness of the room, a haunting melody of pain and sorrow. He held me tightly, offering the only comfort that he could. I didn't know what would have happened if Evans wasn't here by my side.
Earlier on we were lost in the moment, our world narrowing down to just us. It felt like nothing else mattered, like we were the only two people in existence. But then, as if jolted awake from a dream, reality came crashing back down, reminding me of the world outside our bubble.
What felt somehow like an hour had passed, I freed myself from Evans embrace gently and calmly trying not to wake him up.
"Hey cherry," He said, cupping my cheeks gently. I was shocked to find out that he was awake the whole time.
"I thought you were asleep?" I asked, still shocked.
"How can I sleep knowing that you are sad and heartbroken," He said calmly, his brown eyes filled with Sadness for me.
I turned around and walked into the bathroom, closed the door behind me and sat on the cold bathroom floor, leaning on the door. I grasped my chest, my heart frantically hammered against my ribs. My heart couldn't handle it all at once, grieving over my aunt and then falling in Love. It was too much and for a million and one reasons I thought to myself that I didn't deserve Evans' love, I'd be too much of a burden.
"Cherry?" He called out from the room, after just walking out on him.
That goddamn name 'Cherry' that he always called me, getting under my skin and making me feel special when I knew I wasn't.
"Coral?" He called out again.
I sobbed quietly in the bathroom, I would say I was there for about thirty minutes. I stood up and washed my face, dried my face with the towel in the bathroom. I opened the door and Evans came crashing down on the floor in front of me. He was also sitting by the bathroom door waiting for me to come out. I didn't know what to feel or how to react right now so I shouted at him.
"What the fuck do you want from me Evans? Can't you just act like you don't care, can't just you just…" I stuttered, and he just came rushing in and hugging me like I said nothing.
"I can't act like I don't care when I actually do care Coral. I care about you a lot and it scares me. I've only known you for just a few hours and it feels like I've known you for a lifetime and for sure I still want to continue knowing you," He said, in my ears still clinging onto me.
The tears I thought I had control of just came rushing down, hearing his words.
"I know you're going through a lot right now, but I'm here for you Coral" He said, breaking the hug to look at me, holding my shoulders and then kissing me on my head.
Yeah, I know I'm a mess and getting Evans wrapped up in that mess would only complicate things.
He took my hand in his big, warm hand and walked me to the bed, we both sat down on the bed and he cleaned the tears that dropped from my eyes with the back of his hand.
"So tell me cherry, what happened?" He asked, looking deeply into my eyes as though he was searching my soul.
"I lost my aunt, she was more than just being my aunt she was like a best friend to me" I said, playing with my fingers, my face and voice laced with sadness. He sighed loudly like he understood how I felt.
"You know a lady named Helen Keller once said 'What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us' so," He said, his words were a source of comfort.
"I want you to know that your aunt is right here with you in heart and in soul" He said, placing his hands on the left side of my chest referring to my heart.
"I can't tell you that it would be easy, cause it would not. If we could at least try and put in the work of moving forward we will, "he added.
When Evan said his last phrase it was then it dawned on me that my mother had been trying to move on with life and she couldn't. She was just as messed up as I was and she didn't know how to comfort me. That was probably why she was crying when she called earlier. She had just lost her only sibling that was left in this world which was aunt Lydia.
"One day, you'll understand your mom better. You can't blame her, she's been through alot" Aunt Lydia's voice ringing in my head.
Aunt Lydia, I think I understand better now.
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