章節 38: A stage for a stupid clown
As Raven sank deep into the darkness of her mind, she felt as if she was sinking. But it was strange, this was the first time she had been able to remain conscious after passing out, she felt a little proud of herself, maybe she was becoming someone extraordinary.
Then she started to panic. She wasn't able to move, nothing at all. And she still remembered all the evil things she did during her life. At least the important ones.
'Wait... I'm dead?' She asked herself inside her mind 'This is as if... as if I'm sinking in...'
It was as if she was sinking to somewhere more terrible than hell, it was as if she was sinking in a bottomless ocean. Realization hit her.
"So you finally understood? Fufufufu how cute" She heard that voice engraved in her mind.
"Undine!?" She said out loud, but talking felt strange to her, it was as if she was underwater.
She was falling into a bottomless abyss indeed, but then two colossal hands surrounded her as if someone had caught a small cinder in her hands, it was the same. A giantess version of the water spirit's face appeared in the darkness. Raven wanted to scream, she wanted to ran away, and wanted to shout at her too.
"You have been having fun" Said the spirit smiling at her "It's cute seeing you, playing, pretending to not be a cutthroat"
Her voice resounded everywhere, it was as if she talked from every direction at the same time. It didn't hurt but made her feel very uncomfortable.
"Weren't you so feisty and full of yourself last time we meet?" Taunted Undine "What? Are you going to tell me the death of some miserable shocked you that much? Haaa... it seems you got exactly what you deserve"
"Pretending!?" Said Raven provoked by her words "You were the one that promised me power and gave me this healing skills instead!"
Undine smile faded. It was terrifying, for a moment the bandit cat thought she would smash her like a bug, she seemed confused about something. Then her eyes glowed and that tetric smile of hers came back.
"Aaaah~" She said in a musical way "I see, that's why you started to play"
"What do you mean witch!?" Raven said raising her fist towards the spirit.
"Raven, my dear puppet, you don't understand, It wasn't me who granted you those healing skills" Said Undine in a mocking tone "I granted you a part of my essence, the essence is the power, as you grew you could draw more... but~"
"But what!?"
"You are dense as a brick!" Said the spirit, her face going serious again, as if she was scolding a kiddo "I'm the spirit of water, I'm not rigid as that numb skull of yours, water take the shape of its recipient"
Raven was confused, she didn't understand. The spirit found the best way to annoy her, when she spoke again, it was with the voice of Raven, of a very young Raven.
"Mom! Mom!" Taunted the spirit "I can't do it mom! I can't save you!"
Then she did it again with her teenage voice.
"Sorry Cherry! Sorry!" The spirit's eyes glowed with pleasure as she tormented Raven "I didn't mean to do that... because of me you will never be able to...!"
"Shut up!" Screamed Raven "Shut up! Shut up!" Her breathing was even more agitated than when she was running for her life at the port "... shut up..."
"You understand now? Little punk" Said smugly Undine "Your regret, your feelings of inferiority and your inner wish to save all those lives you ruined were the ones who gave you those skills, don't put your blame on me if you don't like them"
Raven snarled in response, but her voice felt weaker than she wanted it to be "You twisted everything! You...!"
"Me?" Undine's laughter cut her off "This is your doing, Raven. You had the choice to shape my gift. You chose to wield it like a wounded animal, desperate to fix things you broke. How... adorable"
Then Raven began to ascend... as if she had been fished out of the water. The Spirit just smiled innocently.
"Until next time, dumb cat"
As Raven woke up, she felt really comfy. Her head was resting on the lap of Fuwa who was sleeping with a stupid smile on her face, for a moment Raven felt angry and wanted to hit her, but her strength was lacking, or so she wanted to trick herself, she felt way better now after some rest.
'Stupid girl with that stupid smile, wannabe hero' She thought when she noticed that tears streamed down her face 'And stupid spirit, one day I'm gonna make her pay!'
Raven lay still, the warmth of Fuwa's lap strangely comforting despite the turmoil swirling inside her. The gentle rise and fall of Fuwa's breathing was steady, peaceful, almost mocking in its innocence. Raven clenched her teeth, annoyed by how easily this girl could sleep, even after everything they had been through.
'Wannabe hero' Raven thought bitterly, wiping the tears from her face. She hated how vulnerable she felt, how exposed Undine's words had left her. She had survived countless battles, tricked many people, and made her way in a brutal world by being cold, detached, and above all, in control. Yet here she was, crying like a helpless child on the lap of someone she barely knew.
Fuwa stirred slightly, her stupid smile still plastered across her face. It was infuriating how pure and carefree she looked. How could someone like her be so unaffected by the weight of the world? She had barely survived and now there she was... how stupid.
But deep down, Raven knew that wasn't the truth. She had seen Fuwa fight. That smile might be genuine, but the girl wasn't naïve. She had her own strength, a different kind of strength than Raven's, one that came from a place of hope, not survival. Raven hated it because she didn't understand it. She had never needed hope.
Regret, she regretted so many things. Her chest tightened. The faces of those she had failed, those she had hurt, flashed in her mind again... her mother who died because of her, Cherry, a small innocent child at the orphanage who suffered because they wanted to make her angry, and the countless others she had crossed during her days as a bandit. She had always told herself she didn't care, that it was just part of surviving. But now, in this quiet moment, with nothing but Fuwa's steady breathing to distract her, it was harder to lie to herself.
She was never in control of her own life after all, she had tricked herself, she forced herself to believe that she commanded her life, but in reality, as Undine showed her, she was always dancing in the palm of others. And then, she remembered the faces of her old companions, they were mercenaries together, then bandits, she acted though and pretended she didn't care, but for the first time in her life she cried mourning, she hated that they were dead now, they weren't innocent, but they were part of the few people who cared about her. This world until now has been a stage, a stage for a clown.
And after some moments sobbing like a lost kid, she felt... better? Yeah after releasing some of the emotional cargo she had inside of her she felt relieved. The tears had stopped now, and Raven felt more grounded, more resolved. She took a deep breath, glancing at Fuwa once again. The girl's peaceful expression softened something inside her, and Raven let out a small, begrudging sigh.
"Thanks, idiot" she whispered, her voice barely more than a breath "Don't let it go to your head"
As if in response, Fuwa mumbled something incoherent in her sleep and shifted, her arm draping protectively across Raven's chest. The gesture caught Raven off guard, and for a moment, she didn't know whether to push her away or let her be. In the end, she didn't move.
'Just this once' Raven thought, closing her eyes 'Just this once it's okay'
She let the steady rhythm of Fuwa's breathing lull her back into a light sleep, knowing that the battles she needed to fight... both inside her mind and out in the world... were far from over, this time the ghostly Undine didn't haunt her.
創作者的想法 
Losinistro
Losinistro Whew... It took me a bit more to than I thought to get to this point, when I started to have this dreams in my head that led me to writte this, you could say I had imagined around this point of the story and ahead, I have so much planned for ahead but I need to fill the voids. This might not be the best thing ever but I feel happy to reach this point.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票