章節 42: Chapter 42: Chamber of Reflection
Lately, I feel a deep ache in my heart. In the past few weeks since we got back to Korriban, Sola's father has kept calling her away for this and that more and more often. I know it's normal for a couple not to be together every second of every day, but going from living as one soul with someone to suddenly barely seeing them is like a vibroblade through the heart.
I sigh. 'It's funny, in my last life and even up until a year ago I loved being alone. I mean no I wasn't happy per se but I didn't understand the silence that truly comes with loneliness. The inherent deep misery to be separated from my fated one.' My thoughts echo my sister's fervor she used to have for me.
Things are truly different since we told Zenna. 'I really regret telling her.' I stare at zenna's door from the living room couch. 'She used to be fun. Or… even if she wasn't fun, she used to actually act like my sister. Now, she barely talks to me. Just training and hiding in her room. I've seen her occasionally get along with Rana, but even that's only in passing, it seems.
'You should kill yourself, Jason, ' my mother's voice from my past life rings through my head.
I sigh loudly, desperate for a distraction from my sprinting thoughts.
Like a gift from Santa himself, Rana's door slid open. Her hair was long and thick like a red lion's mane flowing out of her.
"Oh, Vex, sitting all alone?" She laughed, teasing me.
"Yeah, ha ha ha," I laugh awkwardly, struggling to hide this disgusting loneliness.
"Hey, have you seen Sola? I had a few documents I needed her to sign for an upcoming event."
"She left in a hurry this morning. Her father has been pushing her hard lately. Something about how he wants her more involved so she understands the local governments or something like that." I respond
'All incredibly dull stuff, she says.'
"Oh wow, since I've joined, I only ever see her coming in late. You must be thrilled dating someone so emotionally unavailable?" Rana jokes, but it's wicked rude.
"What? No she's not emotionally unavailable plus we just spent months together." I snip back.
"Oh, that's good. As long as she's not getting sick of you. Girls like her always seem to love bomb and then leave, don't they?"
'She's right, Jason. Kill yourself to save Sola the trouble.' Mother's voice whispers to me. It's just a projection, but it's dreadfully rude.
'Is my loneliness for Sola really manifesting itself in this kinda way? Hopefully, Sola doesn't make me unmask my mind like last time I mentioned getting along with Rana, or she'll see how depressed I am. Or maybe it's okay for her to see that I'm depressed?'
I get lost in my thoughts as Rana awaits a response.
"Oh, uhhh, Rana, Sola isn't going anywhere. She loves me, and I love her. I'm not worried about that."
"I would just hate to see such a cute boy heartbroken because he put too much love into someone undeserving." She laughs.
'Dude, what is with this fucking girl. What is her deal.'
I lean forward, my eyes narrowing as I speak slowly and deliberately. "Rana, you don't seem to understand. Sola is mine. Her heart, her mind, her very essence, all of it belongs to me. We are bound by a love that transcends the petty games and machinations of those around us."
I can see Rana's confidence falter, a flicker of unease in her eyes as she takes a small step back. I keep going. "Our connection is unbreakable. She would never leave me, for I am the very air she breathes, the blood that flows through her veins."
My voice drops to a whisper. "And even if she tried, even if some misguided notion compelled her to stray from my side, I would never let her go. I would inflict every mortal terror upon her before I would even consider maybe letting her leave me. My love…." I correct myself based on what I know Sola would say. "Our love is an inescapable inevitability." I speak what I truly believe.
'God, I hope Sola doesn't break up with me.'
Rana's eyes widened, and she raised her hands in a placating gesture, a nervous laugh escaping from her lips. "Whoa, hey, relax, Vex! I was just joking around, you know? No need to get so intense about it. I'm sure you and Sola are very happy together."
For a brief moment, I entertain the thought of making an example of Rana, of showing her the true depths of my power and the consequences of her insolence. But then I remember her fondness for Space 4chan, and a flicker of amusement softens my features. Perhaps she can be forgiven this once. Her transgression was chalked up to a misguided attempt at humor.
"Just don't make fun of Sola, alright?"
"Yes, Yes, I hear you loud and clear." Rana says nervously. Clearly sensing my vibe.
Just then, Zenna's door slides open, and my sister steps out, her expression distant and preoccupied. "I'm heading to the cafeteria to grab some lunch," she announces, barely sparing a glance in our direction.
Sensing an opportunity to escape the suddenly oppressive atmosphere of the living room, I quickly stand up. "I'll join you," I say, moving to follow her out of the room, leaving a visibly shaken Rana behind.
*****
The lunch room was popping today. I'm eating something that tastes and looks kinda like chicken. Zenna is as quiet as she has been lately.
She suddenly mutters under her breath while glaring at something behind me. "Disgusting biracial couple"
My eyes bulge out of my head. "What the fuck, Zenna? You can't just say that about black people." I spat out a response quickly, without really thinking, as Zenna spoke the most racist thing I've heard since coming here.
'Star Wars is about inclusivity, not racism!'
"Vex," Zenna gives me a look of disgust, "I don't give a shit about what color that whip neck is. He shouldn't be with that human. It's impure!"
As I look over, I see a blue twi'lek with a human girl. "Ohhhhh, uhhhh" I sat there stunned about my misunderstanding.
'My care for racism starts and ends with humans. I do not have the patience to extend it.'
'Woke did not prepare me for the Sith.'
"Yeah sorry sis. I actually think it'd be interspecies not bi-racial though." I speak, not really feeling comfortable how to handle something like this in my current situation.
'I mean, killed a few billion people. Can I really act like I have the high ground?'
I sat there uncomfortably pondering when I realized it didn't matter in sith space no matter where I landed on this topic. I did however have a different issue I grappled with. 'How can I bridge the gap between my sister and me.
"Hey, Zenna," I began tentatively, poking at the gelatinous blue cubes on my plate. "Are you... still mad at me? About the whole Darth thing?"
Zenna's gaze snapped back to me, her eyes blazing with a mix of hurt and resentment. "Mad? Why would I be mad, Vex? It's not like you completely pushed me aside for your precious girlfriend." Her words dripped with venom, each syllable a barbed accusation.
I flinched, the weight of her bitterness pressing down on me. "Come on, it's not like that. You know how much you mean to me, Zen."
A bitter laugh escaped Zenna's lips. "Oh, spare me the platitudes. I wouldn't want to get in the way of you and your true love." She spat the last two words like they were poison on her tongue.
Silence stretched between us, heavy and suffocating. I searched for the right words, anything to mend the rift that had grown so vast. But before I could speak, Zenna leaned forward, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.
"You know, I overheard your little chat with Rana earlier. And as much as it pains me to admit it, she had a point about Sola."
My heart seized in my chest, a cold dread seeping into my veins. "What do you mean?"
Zenna's lips curled into a cruel smirk. "Oh, come on, Vex. Don't be so naive. Girls like Sola, they're all the same. They reel you in with their charm and affection and make you feel like you're the center of their universe. But then, once they've had their fill, they cast you aside like yesterday's garbage."
'Would Zenna lie to me about this? I don't know. She never lied growing up.'
I shook my head vehemently, refusing to believe her words. "No, you're wrong. Sola loves me. She would never do that."
"Wake up, little brother," Zenna scoffed, rising from her seat. "Sola's just playing her little games, and you're the fool who fell for it. Don't come crying to me when she breaks your heart."
With that, she turned on her heel and stalked away, leaving me alone at the table, my mind reeling and my appetite gone. Around me, the cafeteria buzzed with life, but I felt isolated, adrift in a sea of doubts and insecurity.
*****
Zenna's POV
As I walk back to my room with a smile plastered on my face, I realize that this Rana girl might be useful.
'If we both attack Sola's reputation, Vex might actually believe us. Perhaps I should ask her what she wants, and maybe we can find a middle ground. I will not share my lover, but if it's just strength she needs, I could be willing to lend him out as a warrior.'
'My plans are taking root.'
'If all else fails, maybe I can even pin the murder on Rana. Two Porgs, one stone.'
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