章節 91: Chapter 1733 - What Is Right? (3)
People sometimes drink alcohol.
Some do it because they're happy, some because they're sad, and some because they're in pain. The deep aroma of alcohol soothes everything without questioning it.
But on a night like tonight, when the bright moonlight settles on the hem of your sleeve, the alcohol drinks the person instead.
*Pour.*
Chung Myung reached out and poured liquor into the cup in front of him.
On the old eaves, where the scent of aged tiles flowed in, even though many people were present, it felt like a place where only the two of them existed in the world.
*Drip.*
The filled cup floated lightly in the air. But at that moment, a bony hand reached out and gently pressed the cup down.
"Leave it."
"..."
The cup was slowly placed back down. Baek Cheon then reached out with both hands to grasp the cup.
It wasn't an easy task.
His trembling hands, like the leaves of a poplar tree, showed how difficult it was for him to lift that small cup with both hands.
But Baek Cheon managed to bring the cup to his mouth. More than half of the liquor spilled to the ground, and in that brief moment, cold sweat beaded on his forehead.
"Hmm..."
Baek Cheon noiselessly placed the cup back on the ground after drinking.
"Not bad."
"..."
"Losing my martial arts has its advantages. I can't remember the last time liquor felt like fire."
At those words, Chung Myung let out a small laugh.
"Then you should have just drunk more."
"That's impossible."
Baek Cheon shrugged his now-emaciated shoulders.
"I can lift a cup, but holding a bottle is difficult. I need someone to pour for me."
"There's probably over a hundred people here who would obey you with just a flick of your finger."
"True. But..."
Baek Cheon spoke in a slightly bitter tone.
"Their eyes are scary."
"..."
"The eyes that look at me, not knowing what to do."
Baek Cheon gave a short laugh.
The words that would follow were too heavy, so Chung Myung simply poured more liquor into the empty cup.
The moon rose within the filled cup.
It was the same moon he had seen in the past. The moon was no different now, but it could never be the same moon anymore.
The world doesn't change. Yet, the world appears different because the person seeing it has changed. How would the world look to Baek Cheon now? Would it be the same world he once knew?
"You found me well."
"What?"
"I mean, you knew where I was. Someone who can't even sense my presence."
Baek Cheon let out a small laugh and grabbed the cup again with his still-thin hands.
"I didn't find you."
"..."
"I just thought you'd be here. That you'd be in this place."
The liquor in the cup emptied into Baek Cheon's mouth.
Watching him, Chung Myung also took his own cup and poured the liquor into his mouth.
A small warmth lingered on the tip of his tongue.
But that was just the taste of the alcohol to Chung Myung; it would be different from what Baek Cheon was tasting. Though they were in the same place, drinking the same liquor, they had to drink different kinds of alcohol.
Chung Myung's gaze subtly shifted to the area under the eaves. He could see them. No, his senses told him. Those who had been driven away by the order of dismissal, yet could not bring themselves to leave Baek Cheon's dwelling and continued to hover around.
"Foolish people."
"..."
"They're making such a fuss, really."
Baek Cheon seemed to know this too. He didn't have to see with his eyes or sense with his intuition.
But Chung Myung silently watched Baek Cheon. His expression was unreadable, revealing no emotions.
"It's empty."
"Hmm."
Chung Myung picked up the liquor bottle and poured more into Baek Cheon's empty cup.
*Pour.*
The cup filled once more, but this time, Baek Cheon didn't reach for it. Instead, he lifted his head and looked up at the moon in the sky.
"What do you think?"
"..."
"Are you going to try to convince me too?"
At those words, Chung Myung laughed lightly again.
"It was Sasuk who called you to drink, not me."
"True. That's right."
Baek Cheon smiled faintly.
"So? Just because the sequence changes, doesn't mean the heart does."
"Who knows."
Chung Myung didn't bother to respond.
There was no need for grand reasons or profound insights. He just knew. Some decisions are entirely up to the individual. No advice or help is meaningful.
He had seen it before.
In an era when the word 'death' had become numb. In a time when the word 'injury' was considered a blessing. Those who had to shed tears of frustration while clutching their broken swords in that harsh world.
What had Chung Myung told them back then?
"I'm not qualified."
"..."
Upon hearing those words, Baek Cheon quietly lowered his gaze to the liquor in his cup.
"Qualified, huh..."
Baek Cheon's withered fingers, like the branches of a dry tree, stroked the cup.
"Since we started this war..."
Perhaps calmly, perhaps coldly, or maybe bitterly,
Baek Cheon's voice flowed out slowly.
"How many people have died?"
"..."
"Suddenly, I realized... They, too, each had something. Something they should not have lost."
"But... I couldn't truly honor their deaths."
With each victory and defeat,
The meaning of death fades in war. Even though one knows that each death is never light, contrary to the just words spoken, it's impossible to mourn each one.
"So it's absurd."
Baek Cheon grasped the trembling cup.
"Losing an arm, what's the big deal? Losing martial arts, why is it such a big deal?"
"..."
"To this extent..."
What were the words that would follow?
To this extent, why the fuss? Or, to this extent, why is it so painful?
Chung Myung didn't know the answer. He couldn't bring himself to ask. He just watched Baek Cheon, who was bringing the cup to his lips, with dark, sinking eyes.
Baek Cheon caressed the empty cup as Chung Myung looked on. The standoff, though not really a standoff, between the two lasted quite a while.
"Chung Myung."
"Okay."
"Do you know when it's the hardest for me?"
"..."
A bitter smile formed on Baek Cheon's lips.
"It's not when those damned Imperial officials come and demand I go to the Southern Edge Sect. It's not even when Soso, who healed me, silently sobs outside the door. It's not when the disciples who used to look at me proudly can't even meet my gaze anymore. And it's not when the Sect Leader, who had never shown such an expression before, holds me and sheds tears. Even... even when I couldn't properly hold a spoon and had to shove my face into the bowl like a dog, desperately trying to survive, it wasn't the hardest."
Chung Myung closed his eyes.
Not because he couldn't bear to look, but because it was simply too heavy. The person he was looking at. The world he had to face.
"It's when I first wake up."
"..."
"Because in that moment, I forget. I forget everything. And without thinking, I raise my hand to rub my face. But then..."
Baek Cheon let out a bitter laugh.
"My arm doesn't move."
"..."
"The hand that I finally manage to lift... it looks shriveled, like it's not even mine. And in that moment, I realize again. Ah, this is who I am now."
A dry laugh escaped from Baek Cheon.
Chung Myung couldn't respond to that laugh. He simply refilled the empty glass in silence.
How many rounds had they drunk? After watching Baek Cheon's trembling hand grow more severe with each drink, Chung Myung finally broke the long silence.
"Sasuk."
"...What."
"Don't you want to go to the Southern Edge Sect?"
"..."
Baek Cheon looked up at Chung Myung. Even Chung Myung couldn't figure out what was reflected in his eyes.
"Of course, Sasuk has a deep affection for Mount Hua..."
"Affection?"
"..."
"Is that what you think?"
"Sasuk. I..."
"A hundred times."
Chung Myung's hesitant words were swallowed by Baek Cheon's voice.
"No, maybe more than a thousand times. I've decided to go to the Southern Edge Sect."
"..."
"But I'm still here. Do you know why?"
"I don't know."
Baek Cheon's gaze lowered.
What he saw were the elegant buildings of Wudang, but what he was truly looking at wasn't the buildings.
"I'm afraid."
"..."
The answer surprised Chung Myung as well.
"Of going to the Southern Edge Sect?"
"No."
Baek Cheon shook his head slightly.
"Of facing it."
"..."
"I chased after you."
"Sasuk."
"I don't want to admit it, but I wanted to be like you. Unyielding, unwavering, capable of doing anything."
"I'm not that kind of person."
"I know. But the important thing is that I thought of you that way. And... I wanted to be like that."
A laugh slipped out between Baek Cheon's lips.
He knew it too. He knew that Chung Myung wasn't as strong as he appeared. What he was seeing was a small person who had desperately built up thorns, only showing the sharp tips.
But even that, he wanted to resemble.
"And at some point, I realized. Someone is watching me... just like I watch you."
"..."
"And that's why I'm scared."
Baek Cheon grabbed his drink. His hand seemed so precarious, as if it could collapse at any moment.
Chung Myung saw it. Baek Cheon's eyes, slightly lowered, were tinged with red. And so, Chung Myung closed his eyes. There are things in this world that shouldn't be seen.
"Go to the Southern Edge Sect?"
Baek Cheon chuckled. The saddest face in the world.
"Then those who looked at me as I looked at you will understand. That nothing in Mount Hua matters more than martial arts. That our time together, our words, everything, doesn't weigh even as much as a single swing of a sword."
"..."
"That everything I said about things more important than martial prowess... they'll see that it was all just empty words."
A low sigh escaped from Chung Myung.
"Sasuk."
"I have to live."
"..."
"Going to the Southern Edge Sect and reclaiming my martial arts is nothing. The problem is what comes after. Just by being alive, I will become a shackle for Mount Hua. Every word I say will be proof that everything I preached was just the generosity of the strong."
Baek Cheon's bloodshot eyes met Chung Myung's calm gaze.
"I... I can't bear it, Chung Myung. I can't bear becoming a shackle for Mount Hua, or Mount Hua becoming a shackle for me. I don't have the courage to face those eyes."
Chung Myung shifted his gaze to the distant sky.
A sky that was only dark. And from that sky, someone's eyes were looking down at Chung Myung.
"I'm not sure if you'll understand."
But he knew. He knew it all too well.
That's why he couldn't help but ask.
"...So, you're going to rot away?"
Baek Cheon smiled faintly.
"Sometimes, you only understand after losing something."
"..."
"I think I understand now how the previous generations of Mount Hua felt as they died. They must have wanted to run away. To escape. To throw everything away and just breathe freely."
Chung Myung closed his eyes.
The one he had lost was standing before him once more.
"But they couldn't. Because their lives would become a guidepost for those who watched. Because there was something more important than their lives, more important than their misery."
"..."
He hadn't known.
He hadn't known the weight that had crushed those who died.
Those who trembled in fear but never retreated until the very end.
He hadn't known their hearts until now. And even now, perhaps he still didn't fully understand.
And that made it all the more sorrowful. All the more pitiful.
There was liberation in death for them. But Baek Cheon's suffering had only just begun.
A man who shackled himself. A man who would endlessly suffer.
The world calls such a person a ghost.
Chung Myung was a ghost bound by the eyes of the dead.
But Baek Cheon was about to become a ghost bound by the eyes of the living.
Which is more painful?
"Are you going to stop me?"
Chung Myung opened his eyes and looked at Baek Cheon.
A ghost who had died was looking at a man who was about to die.
Chung Myung silently filled Baek Cheon's glass.
The glass was filled just as it had been at the beginning, as if it hadn't already been filled several times.
And so, the two drank in silence.
But Baek Cheon didn't know.
He might endure his own shackles, but someone else wouldn't be able to bear the shackles around his ankles.
The unbelievable news of Baek Cheon's resignation reached them two days later.
創作者的想法 
Muffin_niffuM
Muffin_niffuM *Sobs* I feel like a im crying harder here than when I found out about his arms.
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