章節 29: 8 prongs
Prong Prong Prong- by Big Prong
Harry caught Bella before her face became best friends with the rose bushes. He quietly giggled as he noticed that not one person moved to save her. Maybe he shouldn't have caught her… but they had something fun planned and her early death would ruin that.
As all eyes were on him, it gave Felix time to get in character. Demetri was running around behind that scenes, and theirs final act was about to start. Raise the curtains, do the countdown, cameras roll, and starter pistol at the ready.
"Good Morning Ladies and gentleman and welcome to our Breakfast television show!" Felix happily announced as he stepped into the Cullen's yard after a costume change. "You may notice some set pieces from a very famous and well received game show and we hope that you will think back and fondly remember the good times that show brought."
The assembled group were all staring at him with varying expressions. While Harry was happily giggling from the air and Demetri was setting up some props, the wolves were confused and the Cullen's were furious.
"This morning our top story is the Bella Swan. Many of you are wondering will she die? Or will she get her wish to live an eternal life in luxury with her soul mate?" Felix walked around the yard using a hairbrush as a microphone. He finally came to a stop beside the giant white board that Demetri set up.
"Before we get to the conclusion, many viewers wrote to the show expressing some doubt that Bella and Edward belong together. I will read a few letters now." Taking out a card, Felix cleared his throat dramatically.
"Viewer One says 'They are very similar, like two empty black corner pieces of a puzzle. They don't belong together'. Well it looks like writer, 'A Hairy Situation' has thought long and hard on this. He does raise a good point. You don't put corner pieces together.
"Our second letter is from, 'De Vamps be Cray Cray'. He says 'Back in my day, singers were for drinking and the band was for sharing. You don't marry a hamburger.' That's true. If you marry a hamburger you will just watch it grow old and start to smell. Mouldy food is just the worst to clean up."
A fake audience reaction noise was cued and the garden filled with a pitying sound.
"I know. Who would doubt their young inexperienced teenaged love?"
Sam cleared his throat as he struggled with something. "What's going on?"
Felix glares at the Alpha. "It's not time for audience participation yet," he snapped. "I'm trying to run a show here. Do you know how hard I worked on this script? We need ratings or we are cancelled and you are not helping. I've had network presidents on my ass all week telling me this program needs to pull in the numbers or I can start looking for a new breakfast television show to host."
"What show?" Sam demanded. He clearly wasn't in the mood for fun.
"My breakfast television talk show- Morning Wood- be better with Felix." With an saucy wink, Felix opened his arms to accept the applause and love from the audience… if they had one. A good one at least.
"You're not on TV."
"Of course I am. We are currently live broadcasting on VOX- Vampire Original Programming." Felix shook off his interruption and plastered a large fake smile on his face. "Now before the break we saw Bella plummeting to her death when a certain little vampire got a sudden case of the butter fingers."
Cue audience laughter.
"Now, I can truthfully tell all you anxious fangs out there that Bella Swan is still alive!" A loud groan sounded next and Felix let out his own chuckle. "I know. You were hoping we would switch over to our man in the field as he reported on the no doubt beautifully gory death scene but not right now folks."
Carlisle took a step forward, probably planning to stop the parody in front of his, but at the last second just backed out. The action didn't go unnoticed. It just illustrated how defeated the Doctor was. For decades the Carlisle stood strong for his family and beliefs. He held his morals to his chest so tight it became a permanent badge but slowly… they had beat that badge. It wasn't destroyed but it was clearly worse for wear.
"See before Bella Swan dies, one man must make an important decision."
"Fine, we'll change her. I promise we will," Carlisle yelled, his self-control was diminishing. "Just stop all of this."
"Ah, I'm glad to hear that but that was not the choice we were going to give you. Carlisle Cullen, you must choose between changing Bella or keeping three family members that are ready to walk away forever." Felix gestured his arm out fully to the white board and Demetri spun it around to reveal two pictures. One had Bella's face and the other the three missing Cullen's. Above their heads was a large banner saying 'Choices- Dead or Alive'.
They didn't even need their stolen pre prepared Hollywood sitcom audience sound effects. The wolves were all impressed by the elaborate show and preparation. Which, granted, they should be. It wasn't easy sneaking into a major network television sound room to steal these things. There was always someone there- either editing, pitching new ideas, or having highly inappropriate office relations.
"I can't choose between them. I love all my children. I want Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper to come back but I can't tell Edward that he will be alone for eternity. It was destroy him. Just put Bella down and we can find a compromise, I promise," Carlisle begged.
Demetri chuckled as he examined his nails. Carlisle was looking for time and they really didn't have any to give. They had a schedule to keep and frankly he was tired of this situation. "Bella is our bargaining chip, we wouldn't just throw her away."
Harry started to spin, he was preparing for a discus throw, ready to hurl the girl in his hands over the tree tops and hopefully into some painful branches. In hindsight, he should have taken the time to prepare earlier and sharpened some trees to really skewer his prey. Reaching that correct angle and speed, combined with his gut instinct that it was time to let go, Harry opened his hands and let that monotone cardboard puppy fly.
Bella screamed as she flew through the sky. Carlisle, Alice, and two of the wolves were all moving to catch her, but before any of them could save her life, Harry swooped down, caught her, and carried her back in the sky. There was no way they were letting her out of their control just yet. If the animals saved her then she would be whisked away to the reservation for protection. That wouldn't keep her from the Volturi, but it would delay their leaving just that little bit more. IF the Cullen's caught her, they would wrap her in bubble wrap, several blankets and tell her everything would be alright as they tried to fight them off.
"Oh my bad. Phrasing is such a finicky thing." The group was still tense. To Harry, it felt like they didn't trust them. He saved Bella didn't he? The Volturi were people of their word. Most of the time. Bella Swan would not die until Carlisle made his choice. Of course that didn't stop them from having fun until that time.
Harry pouted. He had been practicing and he was positive that he could have launched her a record breaking distance. His form was perfect, he calculated the angle just right, and if he wasn't some stunted vampire child, he could have aimed for the Olympics with his potential. Gold medal for Italy! Or would it be for England? If he wasn't a vampire he would have grown up in England, maybe realized his potential and gone on to win gold only to age and fall into a depression as no one ever recognized his achievement. Or his skill came from his vampire strength so, if Demetri had waited until he was just a little older before slaughtering his family and changing him, he could look 16 and enter the Olympics. But then there was the issue of the sun and he was pretty sure he lacked papers, so they would need to falsify that, and truly he could only get one Olympics under his belt before people noticed that he didn't age… he felt cheated on the whole thing.
Deciding to pay attention again, Harry focused on the group below him.
"- to do it outside of Forks. My family and I will pack our things and leave," the doctor begged. "Once we break the town line we will change her and take her away to somewhere safe so she can transform… just allow us to do that."
"You heard it here first folks! Carlisle Cullen has thrown away three of his family members for a human!" Felix cried. "Live on the air, he has rejected two of his own created children. This is unheard of. In all of Vampire history, no vampire has ever decided that a human is more important than their own child." Felix quickly walked across the grass towards the pack.
"I'm live on the scene and I'm asking bystanders what they think about this whole thing." Picking out the closest wolf, which happened to be Seth, Felix stood close to the pup. "You were here when Carlisle Cullen said he chose Bella, what was going through your mind?"
Seth looked startled and unsure but he opened his mouth. "Um… I thought it was kind of ah… a duck move."
"And why do you think that" Felix followed up.
"Well it's just… family is important and stuff. Not that I want Bella to die or be a vampire or anything but… parents are supposed to love their children forever. My mom loves me even though I cause trouble and even when a was little and flushed all her gold jewelry down the toilet. So it's really bad that he didn't pick his kids."
"Very wise words we are hearing for the younger generation," Felix stated somberly. "Now, back to the studio." In the blink of an eye, Felix was back beside the white board and the three Cullen's children's picture was crossed out.
Slowly sliding towards the Cullen Patriarch, Felix extended his hairbrush towards him. "So you don't care that by biting her, you will have successfully driven away three of your other children?" He asked.
Carlisle looked devastated. "It's not like that at all. At this point my family is so broken and scattered the only thing I can do is try to keep what remains close to my heart. Edward needs Bella and I need him to stay. I will change Miss Swan." The poor doctor was crumbling and desperately reaching out to forcefully hold on to any shred of his family that he could. It would be sad if it didn't benefit that Volturi.
Felix slowly stalked around the family, a smug grin on his face as they finally reached the end game. "What a heart breaking scene we have before us, but… there is one last segment folks. Before we started the show today, we sat Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper down for a short interview. We asked them about their lives with the Cullen family, the connections they made, and what they wished would happen today. Here is their interview."
Demetri timed it just right that as Felix finished speaking, a large white screen fell down the side of the house and a projector started up. The first image was of the three former Cullen Children sitting on a couch and facing the camera. Off screen Felix asked them a question.
How would you describe your time with the Cullen coven?
Rosalie shifted. "It was nice. I can't remember my human life much, but I know that I received more warmth and love from the Cullen's than I did my birth family."
"I was lonely most my life. I know my family died young and I raised myself. I learned to hunt to feed myself and finally finding a group of people that wanted to help and support me was great," Emmett answered.
"I liked not having to fight all the time. Before them all I knew was fighting and death. My mind calmed."
Why did you leave them if you loved being there so much?
Jasper was first to talk to this time. "I never felt like a real part of the family. I wasn't bitten by Carlisle, I didn't conform as well, and I was always left to do the dirtiest of deeds while others were sheltered. Finding out that I wasn't appreciated or respected enough to be listened to on such an important family matter was an open door, telling me it was time to go."
"I love my mate. I know what it feels like to find my mate. Seeing Emmett being the butt of every joke, seeing them disregard my mate as unimportant and treating us like we don't matter, was terrible. I won't stand for that. We deserve better. But I also know that Bella is not Edward's mate. They aren't destined to be together. When I try to tell them, they don't listen. We'll let them all suffer with that choice then." Rosalie sniffed when he finished talking and looked away from the camera.
"Rosie wanted us to leave and I support her. I could see we weren't appreciated. If I believed she was wrong, I would have tried to talk to her about it. But she isn't."
Finally, if Carlisle decided to not change Bella and apologize, would you go back?
Emmett gave the camera a wary smile. "Probably. They would need to work hard to get Rosie to forgive them but I would go back if she was with me."
"They would need to make an effort to be nicer to my mate. They need to prove that they want us there and that they will take out opinions into account. No more moving across country because Edward doesn't get his way. No more humans in our home unless we all agree. Things would need to change and be more democratic."
Jasper nodded his head. "I can live without my mate, but I shouldn't have to. I want Alice to show me that she loves me as much as she tells other people. I would like her to listen when I speak and support my decisions and opinions even if they aren't the same as hers. I would go back, but not at the cost of my morals.
The video ended with Jasper's final words. It had been a quick interview and they told the three to be honest. Demetri had told them that they should leave with no regrets. This was their chance to say something and they may not get another.
"It seems that Carlisle did have the chance to reunite his family but once again he threw them away.
Harry giggled in the air. Those two could be so cruel sometimes.
Demetri stared each Cullen in the eye before settling on Carlisle. "They would have come back to you, you know- Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. They do love you in a way. You only had to choose them over Bella, and they would have come back to you. Instead, you chose the human girl already believing them to be gone from your life forever. That family you want to keep? You just traded three for one."
"They are just like the teenagers they go to High School with. They were acting out to get your attention. They thought that if they ran away you would finally notice them but you didn't care," Felix added.
"Now they are joining some fancy cult that promises them the world. They won't return to you. Maybe in a few decades they will miss you, maybe want to come back but… if they do see you they will know that you traded them in for a newer less intelligent model."
"Or they will never miss you and come to love their new life. When the day comes that we finally exterminate you and your family, they will be standing among us, uncaring that it is you they are there to kill."
Carlisle fell to his knees in despair. "They wouldn't…" he quietly denied. "They… they aren't like that."
"What are they like? Happy little sheep ready to follow their shepherd wherever he goes? I think we've already proven that's not the case." Demetri walked forward and spoke as he stared Carlisle in the eye. "We won."
"And that's it for today's show folks! We won't leave you wanting though. Before we leave we will give you all what you have been waiting for," Felix announced.
Demetri didn't look away from the Cullen Patriarch as he spoke next. "Harry, do it."
It was a task he had wanted to do since he first met the human girl. Harry grinned and giggles manically as he raised the girl up and bit into her neck. He tore a big chunk out, relishing in the delicious blood that gushed into his mouth. Fresh blood was always the tastiest. Cries of horror sounded from below as he licked his lips. He was a good boy though. He had instructions. Throwing the human away from him, he watched as the creatures below him struggled to catch her.
Bella Swan would be turned or she would die. He guaranteed it. No more waiting, no more compromises. This whole affair was done.
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Bad Joke Of The Day
Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
A: Vampire Camfire.
Out Of The Prongs
"Well that only took forever. I felt like we were stuck in that town for years!" Felix complained as their car pulled up to the airport. "Did anyone else feel like this whole thing just dragged on? We should send an apology to Aro for taking so long. It felt like we've been in limbo for five years. Right?"
"I admit, there were times where I thought this charade would never end. Those Cullen's, they are something else," Demetri answered. "We will turn her, we won't turn her, we will turn her, we won't turn her. They made such a simple choice seem like life or death…. Well… it was, but she would have only died a little."
"When you live with humans so long you pick up their bad habits. You start to care about those miniscule details like morals and continuity. This is why they should have turned her at the start. I feel like it could have saved us so much time, like 4 novels and 5 movies worth of time," Felix ranted. " 'Oh Bella, I'm a vampire'," Felix pitched his voice to mimic Edward and Bella.." 'Oh my sweet salty knickers!' 'I love you, Bella. Your blood makes my heart sing, cause I'm a wild thing.' 'Oh Edward, please turn me and turn my dull boring human life into a never-ending rerun of mind-numbing blank stares into the distance.' "
"Felix, I think you've been here too long," Demetri broke into Felix's no doubt Academy award winning performance. Although, Harry vaguely thought that Edward's voice sounded like Elvis Presley with marshmallows in his cheeks and Bella was a Southern Belle with the husky sound of a smoker. Felix should probably work on those.
Harry hummed in agreement as he licked his fingers clean from Bella's blood. Felix had never been good with being bored. Harry was surprised he lasted this long in Forks. Once, they were in Thailand and they got trapped in their hotel room for a number of days because some Chinese deal they were haggling went wrong, and Felix got so bored that he started to carve a tunnel into the floor to escape. The hotel staff and the people staying in the room below them were quite surprised when Felix came falling through the roof and landed on their bucket of champagne and chocolate. The poor almost engaged couple had been in hysterics and Felix hadn't been able to walk straight for a week. "Should we check the cameras? They had to have turned her by now." Maybe seeing Bella's fate would perk up his friend.
Demetri smiled at him. "We will once we get on the plane. I know Alec is anxious to see you," he responded. Demetri opened the door and grabbed Harry before he could start floating around.
At the mention of his friend, Harry popped up like a Meer cat. He forgot that Alec said he was coming to get him. "Do you think he will like his souvenir?" If it wasn't for Demetri's arm around his waist, he would surely be flying over the airport, desperately trying to get to the plane first. He really hoped his friend like the gift he brought him. It had been hard but with a lot of innocent charm and some more rumors, Harry had managed to convince Edward's fangirls to photo-shop him into various hilarious positions. One he was a cat stuck in a tree crying out for help, and another he was a circus elephant on a unicycle juggling all his rumored lovers. Jessica and Jacob were scowling, but Bella was blank faced because, even with photo-shop no one could give her an expression.
They managed to slip through the airport quickly. With all their money it was easy to have their own jet, and bypass most security on the way to it. As soon as the aircraft was in sight, Harry began to squirm.
"Alec!" he cried. "Alec, come out of the plane and see me!"
Slowly, because he knew his friend was a jerk and was probably taking his time to open it tiny inch by inch, the door began to open. When there was an opening big enough, Harry squirmed out of Demetri's arms and took off. He jumped through the gap and tackled his friend to the floor. "Alec," he cried!
The blonde gave him a flat look. "I see you still haven't learned any manners since you've been away," the teenager pointed out.
Harry giggled as he latched himself on to his friend and refused to let go. "Alec, you missed so much. There was this one time that we were having afternoon tea and we put laxatives into the cream and then we had the werewolves eat them. They were so trusting and they really shouldn't have since we are enemies but they ate the food anyways and then I heard later that the grocery store in town almost ran out of toilet paper because they were all going through so much. So then the store there had to make an extra big order of toilet paper the next week but on the way we sabotaged the truck and we put itching powder all over the paper and everyone who bought the toilet paper had itchy bums for a week! They didn't figure it out at all! They are so silly. Even Charlie, the police chief we were staying with had an itchy bum and he kept complaining and he changed his laundry detergent and blamed the 'damn company always trying to find a cheaper option and running a good thing'."
Alec firmly put a hand over his mouth to stop him talking. "I know. I heard everything you did on the hundreds of messages you left me." Harry pouted. He just wanted to tell his friend everything exciting that happened. It was so much better to hear it now because Harry had time to come up with even more exciting details to share. "You will have the whole plane ride home to talk my ear off. For now, I believe everyone would like an update to the Cullen situation."
Alec finally stood up from the floor and carried Harry to a seat. This finally gave Demetri and Felix the opportunity to enter the plane. The firs tthing the pair did was greet the three new comers.
"Japser, Rosalie, Emmett, I hope you got here without any problems," Demetri greeted in his own way.
Rosalie sniffed and started to inspect her nails. "It was hardly a challenge. If we can't even make it to the airport in time, how will we be of any us in the Volturi?"
Felix laughed. "True. I would hate to kill you since Harry did a get attached."
Emmett grinned as he decided to join the conversation. "Let's not talk about such depressing things. I hear we have a video to watch!"
Harry cheered as best he could with a hand over his mouth- it came out very muffled. They were finally getting to the good stuff. It had been a very long time coming, and the conclusion of their mission to Forks was just moments away. Bella's blood still lingered on his tongue making the moment even sweeter as he tried to tug Alec towards the television to get everything started.
Once everyone took their seats, including Emmett whose very large frame took extra time to fit into the small airplane seats, Alec turned on the television that was connected to a camera they left at the Cullen house. It recorded everything since this morning.
They watched the whole breakfast show to the end, seeing even more reactions than previous. At one point Seth and Embry had even applauded one of Felix's bad jokes. Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were silent when Carlisle made his choice. They didn't seem surprised, but there was still an air of sadness to them. It must be hard to know that your sire stopped caring for you. Harry didn't know that pain, Demetri was always taking the very best care of him, but he could imagine it would hurt. He silently applauded the three for remaining so stoic through the whole thing.
Unfortunately, Alec's hand was still covering Harry's mouth, stopping the phenomenal commentary he had running through his head. He was positive that if his words were allowed to escape, they would have surely cheered up the three. In his experience, there was nothing a good joke or funny story couldn't help. And he had a lot of funny stories to share.
Finally they reached the climax. Harry bit Bella's neck in two, dropped her, and the Cullen's swarmed like a pack of termites onto a piece of tasty wood. As they were escaping, Carlisle was cradling Bella and pumping his venom into her. It sounded very dirty without the video evidence of the good clean wholesome vampire turning happening on screen. Sam roared, shifted, and then attacked the Cullen's. Alice and Esme tried to fight the wolves off, and Carlisle made a run for it. When the doctor apparently made it clear of the danger zone, the others took off after him. The wolves howled and took chase. Once everyone was off screen, they turned the television off.
"I think that was the perfect conclusion. It doesn't matter if Bella survives, we forced Carlisle to make a choice and now she won't be a liability anymore," Demetri said with a large smile. "Overall I think it was a job well done."
Harry slumped back against Alec. With Demetri's words, it felt like all the adrenaline he was running on since he got to Forks evaporated from his body. He was tired, lethargic, and just wanted to have a nice quiet journey back to Italy. Alec, being the kind vampire he was, finally took his hand away so he could speak.
"Can we go home now? I miss my room," he whined.
"Of course we can," Demetri reassured him.
Harry smiled at his words and turned to snuggle more into Alec. Maybe he would close his eyes and pretend to sleep. He liked to pretend to sleep. It was like being human without the commitment.
"I'll tell the pilot we are ready to go," Felix spoke from the other end of the plane.
The plane engines just started to turn when a loud ringing sounded from Demetri's pocket. Harry opened his eyes to see Demetri reading something from his phone. "Lovely," Demetri muttered. "I installed one of those police radio apps. It was just updating me that a number of people from Forks are reporting a large wolf pack running through the town. They claim to have seen one catch and eat Alice Cullen. I'm terribly sorry Jasper, but it seems your mate has perished. They also said they saw a bloody Bella Swan being saved by Carlisle Cullen. Well it seems Carlisle will have his perfect little family with just the four of them. Edward also escaped. Well not all stories can have happy endings. Shall we take off then?"
Harry closed his eyes and let his thoughts leave him. Jasper would be okay. He was a soldier after all. No, the three Cullen's would fit nicely into Volterra.
"I should have mentioned this before but Aro has asked that we stop by in England before returning home" Alec spoke quietly. It's not like they had to talk loudly- they had super awesome vampire hearing after all. "He said the country is in desperate need of some pest control and well… Felix is the best."
"Then to England we go."
Le Pron.
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Bad Jokes of The day
Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he's a bat-chelor.
Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.
Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
A: Can't you count Dracula!
Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?
A: Ghouldilocks !
Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite ?
A: Veinilla !
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