章節 12: Chapter 12

She was with child again when king Robert asked her husband to join him at Riverrun for a celebration. It had been six years since Rhaegar fell at the Trident. Jon was four and Robb two years old. Cersei was in her fourth month. Ned had wanted to refuse but Cersei convinced him otherwise. "I want to go south." It was the first time she actually wanted to leave Winterfell. She missed some of the courtesies of the south and truth be told she wanted to see Jaime and aunt Genna.

Ned had wanted to leave Jon in the castle. There should always be a Stark in Winterfell. It was rather coincidental that Benjen had suffered an injury and needed to be tended by maester Luwin. Ned had not wanted to ride south. Cersei convinced him otherwise. "No, we are all going south." She said firmly "Benjen is a Stark. There is your Stark in Winterfell." She rubbed her belly and Ned acquiesced. He didn't want anything to go wrong with her pregnancy. She had never thought she would be pregnant again. She noticed when she had nausea and tried to hit Ned upside the head because Jon got a scratch on his face while training.

They travelled south with all their necessities. Jon and Robb played side by side with their wooden blocks and their swords. Well Jon tried to explain the games while Robb tried to tackle him to the floor of their wheelhouse. Ned rode ahead, he couldn't be bothered to ride with them. Cersei understood he husband's need to be in open spaces. Day after day they shed more of their furs. Robb and Jon liked the weather and played all day by the sun. She wore her lighter gowns; she now wore more blues and greys. The colors flattered her increasing girth. She hated travelling and her only comfort was that soon she would be in a castle. She would sleep on a feather bed with Ned to warm her. Her husband came to her at nights and asked her about her day and the boys. Cersei complained and he listened quietly, he soothed her feet and listened. Ned was too quiet sometimes. They were three weeks away from reaching the Tully's stronghold when she felt the baby move.

She smiled and stood up from her furs and pillows. She left her tent, Myra watched over Robb and Jon. "M'lady you shouldn't get up." Cersei ignored her and walked out looking for Ned. She wanted Ned to feel her belly. She found him laughing with Ser Jorah Mormont and one of the Umbers. "My lady." Ser Mormont was the first to rise and bow.

"My lords, forgive me for I can't properly curtsy." She rested a hand on her big belly.

Ned came close to her and away from his banner men. "My love, are you unwell?" His eyes concerned and his hands went to her face. "I'm fine." She grabbed his hand and led him deeper into the forest. The baby kicked up a storm.

They were by a river and big trees when She rested on the trunk of a big tree. "Feel this." She put his hand on her belly. Ned smiled and kneeled. He kissed her belly. "Does it hurt?" he asked gently and followed the movements of her belly.

"No, but it will once the baby grows some more." She said enjoying the fact that she knew something he didn't. She liked the way he was with her during this pregnancy. He was aloof and barely interested when she was heavy with Joffrey and absent when she was pregnant with Robb.

"Boy or girl?" She asked gently. She wanted another boy; Robb and Jon were so sweet and loving. They would grow to be powerful men, rulers of Westeros. They were her pride.

Ned looked up to her and wistfully said, "girl. A girl as beautiful and magnificent as you are." Cersei felt an odd thrill at his words. Ned wasn't one to wax on poetic about her. He only let her know that he loved her when they were alone, in the bedroom and he was too far-gone to care about propriety or anything for that matter.

The king and his party were set and the celebrations began before they arrived to the stronghold. The queen greeted them with all her three daughters. She was heavy with child again. The princesses; Myrcella, Lyanna and Alayne all redhead and blue eyed beauties, Cersei put on her best smile. Ned dismounted his horse and helped her out of her carriage. She smiled at the queen and waited as her sons jumped from the carriage. Jon was the perfect picture of propriety; he bowed in front of the queen. "My queen." He said trying to sound grown up. Robb was another matter completely. He looked at all the princesses and the queen with distrust.

The queen was taken with the children and they decided to go into her solar to talk. "Oh you must come to King's Landing. Lysa and Jon Arryn couldn't be here. She had another miscarriage." The queen whispered sadly. The queen explained that it was her fourth miscarriage in two years. Lysa only had little Sansa who had come with the queen to the festivities. They spent all afternoon gossiping. The queen looked happy, happier than she had ever seen her. "I'm sure this one is a boy." She said happily. Cersei told her about Ned's hopes and Catelyn's smile faltered. "If only Robert could be like your Ned."

Cersei noted that her brothers were in attendance too. She had seen Jaime and her heart beat a little faster. Tyrion could be with whores or his books for all she knew.

"Sweet sister. I would like to meet my newest nephew." Tyrion said a little drunkenly. She admonished him; they were in an empty hallway. "You shouldn't be drinking. Why are you always drinking? Where's father?" She asked hardly bothering to greet him. Jon and Robb were curious about their uncle.

"As charming as always I see." Tyrion drank more from his wine cup.

"Why are you so little uncle?" Jon asked. Cersei put a protective arm in his shoulder and waited for Tyrion to do something nasty as he always did.

"I don't know Lord Stark, but I shall tell you when I learn the answer." Tyrion patted the boy's head. Robb tried to reach for him and touch his face. Her younger son was too amicable to his uncle for her liking. He wasn't like Jon who was wary of strangers. Robb distrusted first and then threw himself at whatever stranger he liked most.

"Father has not arrived." He swayed, "I'm going to find that redheaded whore who looks so much like our queen. They must be related." He scampered away. "Tyrion." Cersei exclaimed scandalized that he used such language in front of her sons.

"Mother, what is a whore?" Jon asked as they walked to their quarters for the event.

"Don't say that word again pup. Your uncle doesn't know any better. He should be having classes with the septas and the maesters." She said quietly. Jon hated lessons with the septas. He preferred to be training with swords and riding.

Cersei walked with her children to her quarters she was glad when she found Jaime in a darker hallway. "What is it with us and dark passages?" Jaime said with a trace of irony in his voice. She smiled, she didn't care Jaime was there. He looked older but still as handsome as ever.

"Children meet your uncle Jaime." Jon was especially happy to greet him. Cersei had told the children all the tales of her childhood and that uncle Jaime was a knight of the kingsguard. Ned hated it but couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't stop her. She was with them all day and would tell her babies all about the adventures she and Jaime had when they were children.

"Mamma says you are truly brave and protect the king and the princesses. She says that you slayed a dragon. Did you uncle? Did you kill a dragon?" Jon said bouncing on his heels. Jaime looked at her with puzzled eyes.

"Answer him." Cersei continued and waited. Jaime liked children and broken things. He loved Tyrion even after he killed their mother.

"Yes, but I didn't slay a dragon." Jaime said.

"May I see your sword?" Jon's eyes gleamed. Her brother unsheathed his sword and her son gasped in awe of the blade.

"Ohh." Jon said.

Robb watched the sword with the same awe but he could not keep his mouth shut. "Papa's Ice bigger." Cersei giggled.

Jaime looked utterly confused, "he means the sword. Ned's sword is bigger." Cersei said.

Her brother scowled, "meet Robb Stark." She said and pushed Robb forward with her hands. His face changed as if reminded that she belonged to another, he looked at Robb with melancholy. "He has our nose and mayhaps our cheekbones but otherwise he's a Stark."

Jaime's stare did not linger too much on either of his nephews. "Lovely children. Where is your lord husband this evening?" Jaime tried to feign nonchalance but it was obvious that he still wanted her.

Cersei had a long time ago realized how impossible their love was. She loved him but they could never be. She had an oath to keep and Ned didn't deserve such treachery from her, regardless of her lack of love. Eddard would no doubt leave her and take the children from her. She wouldn't be able to live away from her babies.

"He is waiting for us in our chambers." She said with a forced smile as they came closer to the rooms in question.

"Sweet sister, I wish to have words with you if you please." Jaime stopped before reaching the doors. Ned came from the other end of the corridor and the children ran to him. Ned laughed and lifted Jon up to his arms while picking Robb. "My lady, Ser Jaime."

"Lord Stark." Jaime said stiffly. The children ignored her and Jaime. "Papa, I saw the big river. Not like the rivers at home and there were a shack and a clearing and the water was not cold papa. I met mamma's brothers too." Jon chattered while Robb giggled when Ned jostled him.

Ned carried them to their quarters and closed the door behind him. "Sister." He offered her arm and the walked the opposite way. Cersei knew she shouldn't have but he was so close to her and she truly missed him. He never wrote after the king's visit to Winterfell. "How far along are you?"

"Almost seven months." Cersei said with a small smile. This was safe territory, she could speak with him just like when they were children, before they touched and kissed each other.

"You look ready to burst." Jaime said honestly.

"Yes, my sons were big babies." She answered with a laugh.

"I still love you Cersei." He stopped and jumped in front of her.

"As do I brother but I love my children more." She said truthfully. His eyes shone with hope that she would have to dash once again. In that moment she remembered why these walks were dangerous. He would make wild promises of escapes and the free cities.

"I have gold Cersei. We could run away take your son, sail across the narrow sea." Jaime kissed her hands desperately.

"My sons." She said a little forcefully.

"We'll take the bastard too if you want." Jaime said derisively.

"He's no bastard. He's mine, you best remember that sweet brother." Cersei said coldly.

"What say you my Lady?" Jaime said with a smile as he tried to break the tension he created with a caress to her wrist.

"I say no Jaime. Ned would never stop looking for his children and me. Above all brother, I do not wish to leave his side. My children love their father. They would never forgive me if I took them away from him. Ned loves us, he would never forgive me." Cersei said and was surprised by her words. She did not want Eddard to think lowly of her. Ned was the only man who had given her any power. Jaime agreed to switch places with her because she dared him. As soon as her blood came Jaime treated her differently too. He refused to switch places. Jaime loved her; she knew that, he would kill for her. Ned would kill for her too, Ned would die defending her but he wouldn't do anything dishonorable. Her lord husband loved her and wanted to protect her but he trusted her too. Ned consulted with her. He made sure she could run Winterfell in his absence. He asked her counsel and valued her insights.

Jaime however thought of her as his, something to protect and cherish. Ned saw her as his partner, an equal. Cersei didn't feel less than her husband. Although it had never been his intention making her feel less Jaime was the golden child. His father shunned Tyrion and thought her stupid. Ned believed in her. She couldn't repay his trust and love with betrayal even if she didn't love him.

Cersei wanted to speak about something else. "Is it true that Lysa Arryn has another lover?"

Jaime thankfully took the hint and grabbed her arm as they walked. "No, she has the same lover since she came to King's Landing."

Cersei didn't care for such gossip but it was something to talk about when they were alone and still together. She asked about his life in King's Landing, Jaime told her about it and they walked around the castle. She was growing tired of walking and wanted to lie down in bed. This baby was bigger than Robb and Joffrey had been.

"We should be heading back." Cersei rested a hand on her belly.

Jaime avoided looking at her belly. She knew him better than he did himself. He thought that if he didn't look at it would go away. This baby wasn't going away; it was real just as real as her marriage to Eddard.

He kissed her cheek goodbye and lingered. Cersei did not begrudge him that contact. It was harder for him; he was alone. She had her children and Ned. "Good night sweet sister."

Ned waited for her in bed. Robb and Jon were fast asleep in their cots. She sat down on the bed and asked for help to remove her dress and jewelry. Ned unlaced her dress and rubbed her back gently. She put on a white shift and lie next to her husband. "Did you have a nice conversation with your brothers?"

She nodded and closed her eyes. "I only saw Tyrion in passing. He was drunk and looking for whores. Jaime and I talked. Lysa Arryn has a lover." Ned scowled. "I wouldn't trust the kingslayer's words." Cersei scowled back and moved away from his chest. She turned to the wall. She felt his hands snake around her belly but didn't say a word. "The Mad king would have killed you if Jaime hadn't cut his throat." She said harshly. "Don't call him kingslayer again." She closed her eyes and quieted. Ned rubbed her belly but didn't say anything else.