章節 5: Chapter 04: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
[Part 01: Into the woods.]
After I clapped some asses and Bitch slapped that dumb hoe, I was bored as fuck, and the last thing I wanted was to return to the castle. Going back means I have to deal with drama, and I detested drama even more than birds, people, and dumb bitches combined.
Correction, I love dumb bitches! Bimbos are the best thing that has happened to the world since the invention of atomic Bombs.
The bombs are remarkable because they helped thin out the human population, a win in my book since I loathed humans. And I love women who pretend to be dumb and overly sexualize themselves—bimbos are a delight.
I contemplated whether there are bimbo witches. With the plethora of spells available, surely there existed an extensive repertoire for sex or creating a sexy fuck doll, right?!
'I cannot be the only wizard with such a refined taste around, right?' I asked myself.
The mere thought was mind-boggling, the ultimate wet dream for any man, and woman! Assuming they are lesbian or bisexual! Not to mention, I didn't believe men were the worst; women could be just as bad, if not worse, given the chance. Equipping them with wands was like granting them an unprecedented level of power and 'opportunity'.
I mean, woman run laps around men without any magic, but give them wands, and the game becomes ultimately more difficult to play.
'Memo to myself! Look up if there is an instant orgasm spell, if not, invent one!' I thought as I was contemplating how to beat women in the dating game.
I would never openly admit it, but I am 100% sure that the Witch Hunts had occurred because wizards indulged too deeply in their perverse fantasies!
*HOOOOOWL*
'What the hell?' I cursed inwardly as I grasped the meaning of the howl.
(**) = Wolf language.
(*I am the Alpha!*)
(*No, you're not! You small-dicked beta bitch!*)
(*Go fuck yourself!*)
(*No, fuck you!*)
(*Fuck you both! I wanna sleep.*)
'Damn! Are all the wolves in this forest like that?' I mused to myself.
As I ventured deeper into the forest, I unexpectedly stumbled upon a pack of wolves. Well, probably one of the packs that were just hurling insults at each other.
(*Why is that human smelling like one of us?!*)
(*Do you think some wolf was sick enough to fuck a human child?*)
(*I've heard humans are sick enough to do things like that...*)
(*Whom did you hear that from?!*)
(*No self-respecting wolf would ever fuck an ugly git like that!*)
'Do I possess the equivalent of Parseltongue?' I wondered, then pondered further, 'Why aren't wolves as polite as snakes?'
--
(*I think the Git is able to understand us!*)
(*Huh?! No way! Humans are not smart enough to be able to pull that off.*)
(*Well, if he can understand us, he's probably the only smart human around!*)
(*Shotgun!!! He is my human, now!*)
(*NO! You cannot do that, I was planning to hunt him down like prey!*)
(*Shut the fuck up! We should drive him away before he causes trouble for the pack!*)
(*Agreed! Let's show him we don't tolerate trespassers in our territory!*)
[Part 02: Wolves that are way smarter than the Gryffs.]
I don't know why these wolves are the way they are, but I love it!
'I will take over this pack!!!' I thought to myself with a wicked grin.
(*The human is fletching his teeth at us!*)
These wolves are clearly more intelligent than the marauders, at least their sense of humour is much more to my taste than theirs.
As the wolves continued their ridiculous discussion, I scanned my surroundings for any means of escape.
'I don't want to kill them! All I want to do is to tame them.'
The dense trees and underbrush offered plenty of hiding spots, but I couldn't risk making any sudden movements that might provoke the wolves further.
(*He's still here, watching us!*)
(*Let's surround him and drive him out!*)
(*If he faints, I will piss on him!*)
(*No need for violence or whatever your sick fetish, guys.*) I try to reason with them.
(*FUCK! The human can talk!*)
(*SHOTGUN!!!*)
(*YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE THE ONLY TALKING HUMAN AROUND!*)
The wolves' words sent a chill down my spine, and I realized I had to act quickly if I wanted to avoid a confrontation. With a deep breath to steady my nerves, I began slowly backing away from the pack, keeping my movements deliberate and non-threatening.
'When in doubt, the best strategy is to always run away!' I thought to myself. This is the same strategy my dad pulled on my mom when he went to buy some milk, and I did the same to my Ex girlfriend, and it worked out fine until she eventually killed me. But until that point it worked great!
(*He's backing away! Let's follow him and see where he goes!*)
(*Stay together, everyone. We'll keep him in sight and drive him out of our territory.*)
As I retreated from the wolves, I kept a close eye on their movements, ready to bolt at the first sign of an opportunity.
(*Guys, can you please stop. You are all creeping me out.*) I tried to reason with them.
(*Oh, it talked again.*)
(*What are you doing in our territory? Are you looking for a mate?*)
(*I was just taking a walk, and no! I am not looking for a mate, but I'd appreciate friendship.*)
(*You don't have a pack?*)
After hearing that I don't have a pack, they mellowed down, and I was able to start talking with them.
[Part 03: YOU SHALL NOT PASS.]
It was already dawn by the time I returned to the school. I had spent the entire night with Fang and his pack. We ate mushrooms and talked about life, magic, and the world beyond the black forest.
Fang and his pack were not just smart; that would be an utter and idiotic understatement. After hours of talking with them, they revealed their true heritage to me.
This particular pack, like all Wolves in the Black Forest, consisted of the offspring of werewolves conceived during a full moon by two werewolves mating. As a result, these children were automatically werewolves, possessing intelligence far beyond that of normal wolves. At least, that's what we were taught in Defence Against the Dark Arts.
But that description was woefully inadequate, like a teenager thinking his dick is 18 centimetres while at best it is 14 centimetres. After conversing with them, I realized just how incredibly intelligent they were. The only issue was that these children had received no formal education, well, because they are wolves.
Some of them even displayed a talent for magic, which was utterly ridiculous. A true anomaly: an animal with magical abilities and the intellectual capacity of a human, all confined within the body of a wolf, but no one has ever tried to abuse the shit out of this.
Just as I'm about to enter the school, an elderly man appears out of nowhere in front of me, shouting, "YOU SHALL NOT PASSSSS..."
'Da fuck?! Has Dumbles gone full-blown Gandalf on me?' I wonder in shock.
"...until you've come to my office and explained to me why you were out the whole night, and why you beat up people in the Great Hall, and outside."
*PUH*
I let out a breath of relief.
'The old man hasn't gone insane! If he goes insane, who's going to fight off Moldy Head?!'
"Sure, Headmaster, please lead the way," I say as the man leads, and I follow him.
'It seems I just can't escape drama.'
Minutes later, we arrive in the old man's office, which, by the way, is a disgrace. His office is like the affair child between a library and a museum, and the bird is just there as an alibi to make the zoo who's the real cuck not doubt anything.
"Okay, Mr. Snape, explain," he demands, no lemon drop offerings for me, it seems.
Heck, he has three illegal animagi running around in his school, and they still get better treatment than me, and all I did was just love tap some people and take a night walk.
"What exactly, Headmaster?" I ask, trying to find out how much he knows.
"The attack in the Great Hall would be a great start," he says.
"Oh, well, being a werewolf has its own set of problems, like being more prone to emotional outbursts and a bit of a short temper," I start explaining.
"Is that so? Why hasn't Remus shown such behavioral tendencies?" he asks me intently.
"Because he's a beta, a follower, unlike myself who is a natural born leader! The natural characteristics of each person are different, and even more so for werewolves! Mr. Malfoy and his merry band inbreds stepped on my tail in their endeavor to unearth what's been going on between me and the four idiots from Gryffindor. And because of the Oath I've taken, I can't tell him what he wants to know, so he opted for a more aggressive approach to unearth the truth. I think you should talk him out of it as it's in your best interest that the whole story remains hidden," I tell him what's going on between me and Malfoy and how his BS is to blame for everything.
"And the fight outside?" he asks.
"I went out to collect myself but was approached by an enraged Lily Evans. She threw accusations in my face, and when I couldn't explain, Black and his group started pouring gasoline onto the flames, and so I returned in kind. Black pulled out his wand and started casting spells at me. I tried to reason with them, but eventually I came to the conclusion that my friendship with Miss Evans is neither beneficial nor smart. All I ever do is invest and give, and all I ever get is ridicule, injury, and allegations. I ended our friendship then and there. Black and Potter didn't stop and attacked me further until I was forced to retaliate, but due to my endless kindness, I didn't jinx them to hell and just beat them up physically, which is something Madame Pomfrey can take care of in seconds," I explain.
"And why were you out for the whole night?" he asks me.
"I felt like it. Returning meant drama, and I wasn't in the mood for drama. I gave you and myself time to cool off," I tell him.
*Sigh*
"Severus, my boy, I know it's a difficult situation, but..." He tries his grandfatherly bullshit again.
"Headmaster Dumbledore, I'm trying to cope with something that you haven't experienced! Something that will influence me for the rest of my life, and I get provoked left and right. Even a sage as magnanimous as myself will eventually lose it if some moron doesn't realize he's stepping on the wolf's tail," I say angrily.
"..." Albus looks at me contemplatively.
"Am I excused, Headmaster? I need to get to the Great Hall as I had no dinner yesterday, and am pretty famished," I say with finality, hoping to end this farce as soon as possible.
"Yes. I hope after the Summer you will have a better grasp of your temper. Such behaviour cannot be excused in th long run." Dumbles says while he waves me out, but I can see his anger has deflated.
[Part 04: An unexpected letter.]
The Great Hall is empty as I settle into a seat, the place is insane. I mean just the ceiling is proving that some people have vision, while some don't. Using Magic to send fireballs flying at one another is like Rocket scince level of education to become a kindergarten educator, iinstead of rising up to the challenge. An elf appeared, delivering a tray of food, and I began to eat in solitude. I really enjoy being left alone, and having time for myself, also, it seems the magic mushrooms have made me extremely hungry.
'I should sell that stuff!' i think silently.
Amidst the quiet, an owl swooped down and landed in front of me, bearing a letter.
"Oh, it is you. Nice that you ahve already a reply, my feathery friend." I say to the damn Owl that looks smug as fuck.
The note, written by my grandfather, Lord Prince, expressed surprise at my correspondence but conveyed his genuine pleasure upon receiving it. He extended an invitation for me to spend the summer at his estate, recognizing that we were each other's only family left.
Dear Severus,
It was a pleasant surprise to receive your letter. I must confess, I did not expect to hear from you, as I wasn't even sure you're aware of my existence, or interested in getting to know me asfter seeing how I treated your mother, but I am most pleased about it. Your willingness to reach out warms my old heart.
I would be delighted if you could spend the summer with me at the Prince Estate. It would give us the much needed opportunity to get to know each other better, especially considering we are the only family left for one another.
I understand if you have prior commitments or reservations, but know that my home is always open to you for as long as I live.
Looking forward to your company.
Yours sincerely,
Lord Prince
Finishing my meal, I penned a reply, expressing my gratitude for the invitation and my eagerness to accept. After coaxing the owl with promised treats, along with a little extra persuasion, it agreed to deliver my response to my grandfather.
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