章節 5: 5
"Stop doing that!" I yelled, pushing Lucifer back and away from me. A book fell from my hands and tumbled to the floor. "It's just a scratch, I'm fine! Stop healing me. What if something horrible happens?!" I demanded, "What then?!"
"I still have my gra…"
"You won't forever!" I shot back, interrupting him. "You're low on grace as is and there is no resupply here."
Lucifer's eyes were sad. "I was just trying to help."
"I don't always need help, Lucifer!" I couldn't make my voice drop its tone. I felt bad for the people who could hear us through the thin motel walls. "You need to start thinking. What the Hell is wrong with you?"
"Is that supposed to be a joke?" Lucifer shot at me, his jaw now clenched in anger. I could almost see the blue in his eyes smoldering as they slowly turned red.
"You can't use all of your grace, Lucifer," I said, trying to be a bit softer now. "Unless it is life or death, don't heal me. Do you understand?"
"So I'm just supposed to sit here and let you suffer?" He whined.
"If it's a damn paper cut, yes!" My voice raised again without my say. "A stab and a gunshot wound are far deadlier than a paper cut and razor burn. Stop!"
He was silent as he turned away from me. I sighed, rubbing my temples.
"Lucifer, there are plenty of normal everyday things that happen that you just have to let run their course." I sighed. "They're just not important enough to waste your only grace on."
"You're important enough." He grumbled, arms folded over his chest.
"This isn't there, Lucifer. It's not the same world anymore."
"You think I'm not aware of that?!" It was his turn to yell as he turned to face me again. "I know too damn well what this world means for me and I will not become that. I am more than a filthy pathetic human! I was my father's favorite! His most beloved angel! I am the fucking king of Hell! I am the Prince of Darkness!" His finger jabbed into my chest accenting his next words. "I will not become you!"
I fell silent. His words cut deep. My mind was blank, a response to those words covered in malice nowhere. I could feel the sting of the tears before my mind knew I was crying. I looked to the ceiling to stop them from falling down my cheeks.
"I'm done," I whispered, pushing past him and going to the door.
"Elizabeth…I…I didn't mean it…" Lucifer reached for my hand and took it. I stopped for a moment, my back still to him. "I…I'm sorry. I'm just so…afraid."
"The king of Hell shouldn't be afraid," I mumbled.
"I'm nothing here…" Lucifer laughed weakly. "Of course I'm afraid."
I hesitated, his new words cooling the flames the first had left. I turned back to him. His blue eyes were sullen and he looked as if he might start to cry, too.
"Afraid of what?" I asked.
Lucifer was quiet for a moment, before licking his lips. "I'm afraid of losing you. Of becoming normal. Of the monsters that we unleashed on this world. Of someday no longer being enough for you. Of fucking getting old." I smiled a little at that fear. "I'm terrified of dying. I have never had to fear that before, and now I have been close to death more times than I'd like to count. And there is nothing I can do about it."
"We could stop hunting, Lucifer." I sighed, "If you're that worried…"
"I couldn't do that to you, or the numerous amount of innocent people who will die," Lucifer said, dropping my hand and turning away from me. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "You love it. You were born to hunt."
"I can have a normal life if that would make you happy," I said.
Lucifer scoffed. "That won't make me happy. Not seeing you unhappy." He turned back and met my gaze. "Besides, we're the only ones here who know what these things are and where they came from. We're the only ones who can stop them."
I sighed. "I don't know what else to do then. If we keep hunting, you're just going to have to live with the fact that we could die. We'll both die eventually anyway."
"But I want you to grow old." He threw out. He turned quickly away from me again, his ears turning pink in embarrassment, "And maybe grow old with you."
I laughed lightly. "I don't think I want to know what I look like when I grow old."
"Well, you're not dying young if I have anything to say about it. And definitely not in some hunting accident." Lucifer scoffed.
I walked over to him slowly and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head between his shoulders.
"I never did get to see your wings," I whispered.
"They weren't that great." Lucifer said softly, "There wasn't much left after the fall. They were damaged badly."
My eyebrows furrowed. "You couldn't heal them?"
"No…"
I didn't press him. There was an answer in his voice that said he would tell me when he was ready. And now wasn't the time for that story.
"What do we do then?" I asked quietly. "I'm not sure it's possible to do both. We can keep hunting, or we can settle down. But whichever we choose, you know I will follow you to the ends of the Earth."
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