章節 61: 53: Oppai Logic
*Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*
Ophis stared at me, her expression almost a glare. Anyone else would have screamed in terror and run away. Or collapsed right there on the spot. Or burst into a gibbering wreck as their brains leaked out of their ears. The weight of Infinity lurked behind those eyes. And Infinity was hungry…
"Sweets?" I asked knowingly.
Ophis didn't answer immediately, simply staring at me for a few moments longer, "… No."
I blinked, "That's a first. What's wrong, Ophy?"
It was brief — practically unnoticeable — but Ophis' eyes fluttered pleasurably when I called her by her nickname, "Mn… More…"
Ah, that's what it was. She wasn't hungry for sweets. She was hungry for affection. The amount of people Ophis could relate to was counted on one hand. No, one finger, really. It was just me. I was the only one she invited to interrupt her Silence. She tolerated others but she rarely sought them out unless she absolutely had to.
"Ophy?" I called out to her, saying her nickname again.
Her eyes fluttered more noticeably this time, "Mn."
She lazily floated herself over the bar and into my personal space. Shrunk down to her loli-sized form for ease of handling, she fit perfectly into my lap… Even though I wasn't sitting down. She just sort of parked herself, floating in front of me and nuzzling into my chest.
I wrapped an arm around her, "There, there, make yourself comfy. All you had to do was ask, you know?"
"Un," Ophis made a little noise of acknowledgment and closed her eyes in bliss.
I went about my usual duties with her now snuggled against my chest. Even with one of my arms obstructed and my chest occupied by a needy Dragon God, I didn't have any issue serving drinks. If anything, it just made the experience more enjoyable for me.
The girls from my past had certainly made themselves at home in the Dead End. Everywhere I went, Simmy hovered over my shoulder like a fifteen-foot angelic shadow. When Ophis wasn't doing… this, she was doing her best to consume every little sweet put in front of her or simply enjoying the Silence the Dead End had to offer.
The Dead End had seemingly taken to Ophis just as well as vice versa. The Genius Loci 'heard' Ophis' need for Silence and obliged where it could, calling upon my conceptual knowledge to aid its efforts. Around her, a pocket was formed. A pocket of Silence. To Ophis, all the conversation and hubbub of the Dead End were merely whispers for her to tune into if she wanted to.
It was the closest thing to Silence you could get outside of the Void. Ophis loved it. I hadn't seen her this comfortable anywhere other than the Dimensional Gap. She even did this little half-nap thing with lidded eyes that was simply too adorable for words. Add in my presence and Ophis couldn't be anything but utterly content.
"God, that is 'painfully' cute," Someone said, shaking their head in almost-disbelief.
I glanced up at them, smiling as I worked, "Isn't she just?"
Cheetah had found the time to come back to the Dead End tonight. She was much happier than the last time I saw her. Visibly so. Breaking the curse cast on her and letting her control her physical change had done wonders for her mental health, it seemed.
Right now, she was in more of a 'catgirl' form than her usual fully anthropomorphic cheetah form. With my help, she could go from fully human to past her previous 'Cheetah' form. She was basically an out-and-out cheetah shifter now.
But she seemed to prefer somewhere in the middle, on the 'lighter' end of the scale. 'Catgirl' was her new normal, at least around her heroic and villainous peers. Just ears and a tail, which I could understand. It wasn't easy to get rid of a tail once you'd gotten used to it. The rest of her had returned to what she'd originally looked like before her curse.
Even without the uniqueness of 'Cheetah', she was still a beautiful woman. Ginger, curiously enough. A proper mane of fiery red hair fell behind her head, framing a pale face dusted by freckles. She had a sort of 'nerdy' look to her, about what one might expect from an archeologist. If being merged with a cheetah spirit didn't fix her eyesight, she likely would have been wearing glasses.
I didn't know if Klarion had called her back to the Dead End or if she just decided now was a good time to return. I still planned on tracking down the god that cursed her at some point. Cheetah wouldn't be too happy to see him. Almost certainly. But I wanted to talk to the 'man' who helped make such a quality catgirl waifu.
Klarion was here as well, having stuck around since my magic lesson. Even after being shown how technically unnecessary he was, Klarion hadn't skimped on what he said he would do. He was giving Alice the magic lessons he'd promised. And likely learning just as much as she was when I 'poked my head in' on them.
Other than those two, it was a rather standard cast for the Dead End tonight. Harley and Ivy were here, shooting the shit. Freeze and his wife Nora mostly managed Ivy's Ivy by themselves these days. Barbara and Kara weren't, having been called by the Justice League, probably to report on me. I expected plenty of good-natured grumbling from Barbara when she returned.
Jason and Cass represented the Bat Family in her stead. Penguin, Two-Face, Riddler, Catwoman, and Black Mask were here for Gotham's villains. My regulars were still mostly local, that hadn't changed just yet. The Teen Titans weren't here but considering how much they'd hung around the past few weeks, that was only fair. They were still based on the other side of the country, after all.
Didi was by my side, as always. She was the most consistent thing in my life. Hell, my whole existence considering how many times I'd died. I wouldn't trade her for the world. Simmy and Ophis were — again — settling in well, with Ophis opting for cuddles tonight and Simmy content to 'just' never let me leave her sight.
Then there was our newest member at the Dead End. Hecate was doing decently well, all things considered. She was readjusting to freedom and reveling in the new Age of Magic I'd rung in. Every moment presented new Changes for her to explore. In contrast, the Dead End was a carefully maintained island of stability, always there for her to come back to.
Zeus had reacted to my 'regifted demigod' about how I'd been expecting. Violently, of course. So naturally, I'd paid him back in full. Hecate had broken out into a gleeful grin when Zeus' scream of pain echoed through the Sphere of Gods. He hadn't stirred since. Good.
After proving my willingness to defend the first Avatar of Magic, Magic itself began to prod me. Like a needy puppy did with a snuffling nose, practically whining for my attention. The reason for that plaintive begging quickly became clear but I hadn't acted on it just yet.
Not for lack of desire. More for the need to rein in my FURY. The Starheart was… egregious. Simply loathsome. Once again, the Guardians of the Universe made the top of my shit list. They were exactly the type of organization — Hell, people — that I hated most. The type that thought themselves beyond reproach, all too arrogant in everything they did for their personal vision of the 'greater good'.
But the Starheart situation wasn't as simple as it seemed at first glance. The Guardians would get theirs. Both for Didi's 666-shaped scars and presuming themselves worthy and wise enough to chain Magic itself…
But the Starheart — Magic whispered to me with excited nothings — was quite happy with its situation at the moment. It'd been so long since its creation that it'd developed something of a will of its own, parallel but slightly removed from the rest of Magic. And the new Age of Magic had almost completely obliterated the chains that bound the Starheart. For now, it was fine where it was — Magic's mini-me, in a way.
Also, the chains that originally contained the Starheart weren't nearly as solid as the Guardians assumed. Because of course, they weren't. The Guardians couldn't even commit crimes against reality correctly.
The Starheart was already free in a way, a piece of itself finding its way to Earth — as all things seemed to do in this universe — long ago. It was actually in the hands of Earth's first Green Lantern, Alan Scott, now. As far as I could tell from Magic's overeager ramblings, he was a decent guy and the Starheart was happy with him. I'd have to talk to him a bit but I wasn't about to take out my anger on him.
The Guardians, however… Well, I'd have to sleep on it. Whatever I did, I wanted it to hurt. I wanted the Guardians to know that they'd fucked up on a universal scale, multiple times over. Even to me though, the Guardians weren't casual opponents. They thought themselves beyond reproach for a reason. But soon enough, they'd come to know that vengeful justice was cold, calculated, and oh-so-sweet.
It was something that stayed in the back of my mind. Magic made sure it did with its insistent, puppy-like nudges. I calmed the aspect of existence with gently soothing mental coos of 'Patience'. It would happen eventually. For now, any plans for vengeance were just that: plans.
Compared to the Guardians, the Olympians and Hecate's revenge was practically an afterthought. Which was almost impressive considering their King Idiot tried to smite me and my domain with divine lightning. I hadn't forgotten about that. Zeus was out of the picture for the moment but when the other Olympians continued to press me — they wouldn't be able to help themselves —, I was going to show them just what a terrible idea that was…
"You've been busy, Mr. Barkeep," Cheetah observed.
"I always am, in a way," I smiled at her. "And just call me Sean, Cheetah."
"Then the least I can do is let you call me Barbara," She said back.
"That might get a bit confusing," I chuckled. "Batgirl's secret identity is also a 'Barbara'. And she's bound to come in if you stick around long enough."
"Minerva, then?" Cheetah suggested.
I nodded, "If you're comfortable with it.
Alice pouted slightly, trying to hide it with typical teenage grumbles, "Why does she look more like your daughter than I do?"
"It's okay, little one," Didi cooed, wrapping Alice in a hug for me since my arms were occupied. "Your father and I still love you very much. Little Ophy's presence doesn't change that."
"That's not-! So not-!" Alice tried to protest. She quickly faltered and melted into Didi's hug, "Mmmmm, okay…"
"God, it just keeps getting cuter…" Minerva murmured.
"I'd agree with you but I'm pretty sure Alice would hit me," Jason joked. "You know, once she recovered from Deathly love."
"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )" Cass wiggled her eyebrows at me. 'So… What's a girl gotta do to get in on the snuggles around here~?'
"Ask nicely and say please?" I suggested, raising an amused eyebrow.
"(╯•ᗣ•╰)" Cass lamented. 'Oh no! My one true weakness! Being humble!'
Playing along, I turned my nose up imperiously at her, "Indeed. Beg. And pray that I deem you worthy, worm."
"(*′☉.̫☉)" She stared at me for a moment with wide eyes. 'Fuck… That was kind of hot.'
Jason groaned, "Please don't ask Sean to step on you, Cass. I think I could happily go my entire life without hearing that."
"Too late, I think," Klarion smirked with blatant amusement.
"(づ ‾̀◡‾́ )づ" Cass immediately proved him right. 'Step on me, Daddy~! Treat me like dirt beneath your boot~! Degrade me~! Humiliate me~! Make me WORK for it~! I'll be so good for you~! SO GOOD~!'
Everyone paused what they were doing to stare at Cass, her 'words' echoing even as they went unspoken. How exactly she managed that was still a mystery but I'll be damned if it wasn't impressive in a certain sort of way. And as always, she had absolutely no shame. None at all. Even as the rest of the bar stared at her, Cass just grinned unrepentantly at me.
Selina shook her head in fond exasperation, "Cass, Darling, I love you as one of my own. But you have ISSUES."
"Eh, she's not hurting anyone," Harley waved dismissively, grinning with wicked amusement. "What's a night with Cass without a little horny~?"
"More like enough 'horny' to make a nun faint," Ivy retorted dryly.
"Same difference," Harley shrugged. "Those damn nuns shouldn't be so damn prudish~! Let a young lady live, yeah~!"
Simmy tilted her head to the side a touch, staring at Cass, "[Inquiry: Niche personal communication method]?"
"¯\_(ツ)_/¯ " Cass shrugged nonchalantly. 'I don't know, it just comes naturally to me.'
"[Interest]" Simmy hummed a single note. "[Study]?"
"(¬‿¬)" Cass glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes. 'Only if Sean leads the experiment~.'
Simmy leaned over me from her position as my shadow. She stared at me upside down, a question in her utterly blank expression. Interest shined through her bright silver eyes.
I rolled my eyes, "If you're both good."
Simmy emoted a smile without actually smiling. She brought herself back upright, nodding at Cass. Cass struck an almost textbook anime-girl victory pose, one arm stretched high and the other in front of her with two fingers in a 'V' sign.
"They're joining forces…" Jason muttered a dreadful realization. "We're all doomed."
"DOOOOOOOOOMMMMEEDD~!" Harley repeated, dramatically hamming it up.
Didi gave me an amused look and smile, "You do know what you're getting yourself into, don't you, Dear?"
"I have a feeling," I sighed. "And also a feeling that that feeling is not even close to accurate."
"=＾● ⋏ ●＾=" Cass adopted an innocent, catlike expression. 'I have no clue what you could mean.'
A flat stare showed I wasn't convinced, "Sure, you don't. You're worse than Harley sometimes."
"Don't listen to Gothboy~! That's a compliment~!" Harley called.
Shaking my head, I turned to Hecate, "How are you holding up? I understand the Dead End can be a bit much for newcomers…"
As I turned my back on them, Cass' expression didn't shift from its 'innocence'. But she did momentarily break her act to give Simmy a high-five. Simmy played along, to everyone's amusement. Otherwise, they both kept up the innocent act as if I couldn't see them. I gave Hecate an exaggerated eye roll as the two unorthodox communicators formalized their friendship.
"(.-_-. )人( .-_-.)"
Hecate giggled to herself, "It's certainly lively. But also simply fascinating. It's been so long since I've been able to witness humans interacting so normally. For the longest time, I've been elevated onto a lofty pedestal. It makes observing these kinds of interactions practically impossible."
"I don't know if I'd call interactions in the Dead End 'normal'…" Riddler hedged.
"Compared to only seeing men and women worship the ground I walk upon?" Hecate asked rhetorically with a raised brow. "It's enough to simply be ABLE to go unacknowledged. It is as if I'm just another guest here."
"You're a bit more than that," I pointed out. "I've offered you Sanctuary. You're practically part of the family, if you want to be."
Hecate blushed slightly and looked away, "To be given the choice is refreshing. Thank you, Sean. You continue to do all you can for Magic and myself."
"I'm just doing what should have been done," I soothed. "Righting wrongs, even."
"No," Hecate shook her head in denial. "You've done much more than what 'should have been done'. You've reignited my passion to LEARN/EXPLORE/PLAY. Magic is as if it was young again. There is so much for me to STUDY now!"
She smiled brightly as she spun into an excited ramble, "Did you realize you inverted the Baba Yaga Principle?! It's fascinating! It was always a minor thing and it still is but 'dark' Magic — not that most magic can be easily put into such labels, I'm just referring to the magicks that are traditionally seen as dark — now seems to favor classical beauty and come more easily to classically beautiful people instead of the opposite and-!"
Hecate blushed, catching herself in a run-on sentence, "Ah… Apologies, I seem to be getting carried away with myself."
"It's fine," I gave her a genuine smile. "I'm always interested in exploring Magic's little intricacies. Quite a bit of my personal history has been devoted to just that. Please, continue. It sounds like this Change might just be relevant to a certain kuudere half-demon friend of mine."
"Me too," Alice pointed out, coming out of her Motherly-Didi-induced coma. "I pull from 'dark' sources just as much as I pull from 'light'. I'm still not really sure of the differences though. Klarion says it's more complex than just 'Good vs. Evil'."
Klarion interjected. "That's how I understand and am teaching it, at least. I'm having to change things on the fly after your lesson, Sean. And the new Age of Magic… I had a whole lesson plan prepared in advance and now most of it is subject to change at any moment."
He pouted at me slightly with that last sentence and I grinned back at him unrepentantly, "I'm always here as a resource for you to pull from. And I'm sure Hecate wouldn't mind lending a hand."
"Not at all!" Hecate eagerly shook her head. "Teaching and studying Magic is what I love most! I helped humanity take its first steps into magic! The chance to continue doing so now is simply delightful!"
Klarion had to steady himself against the bar in his shock and awe, "It's… an honor, Lady Hecate. I-I don't have the proper words."
"Hey, where's my 'honor'~?" I teased.
"You are utterly beyond comprehension, Sean," Klarion deadpanned. "Lady Hecate is native to this reality and I can actually put what it means to be taught by her into perspective. With you… that's a touch difficult."
"Just a touch," Alice snarked.
"Fair enough, I suppose," I chuckled.
Hecate was practically vibrating in her seat at the chance to teach magic again, "Excellent! As to your earlier confusion, Mr. Klarion, Magic certainly has a 'light' and 'dark' aspect to it. But they do not necessarily coincide with 'Good' and 'Evil'. Few things definitively do."
"The definition of 'evil' and 'evil magic' also changes between realities," I put in. "It depends on what concepts reality itself holds sacred. Here, for example, most forms of necromancy are viscerally abhorrent at worst and touchy at best because of Didi and her Endless position at the top of existence. Of course, that's usually the case. But not always."
"Fascinating…" Hecate murmured before shaking her head and continuing. "Anyway, light and dark magic are categorized as such because they illuminate and shadow the soul respectively. A dark practitioner's soul might eventually become as dark as night and a light practitioner's soul might become a beacon. Neither is inherently better or worse than the other though. They merely… are."
Didi nodded, "I happily accept both the darkest of souls as well as the brightest. There is a difference, of course. But not one of quality. Merely 'qualit-IES' and characteristics."
"Precisely!" Hecate beamed, utterly in her element. "The Baba Yaga principle I spoke of previously is referring to the tendency for a practitioner's appearance to embody their chosen magic. Light practitioners tend — well, 'tended' — to be classically beautiful. Fair, delicate, and surprisingly similar features. Light practitioners are usually remarkably homogenous in appearance, actually, ignoring inherent genetic factors such as ethnicity and biological sex. They embody the image of a pure, angelic figure haloed in light.
"That's not to say dark practitioners are 'ugly'. Despite the mythos surrounding her, Baba Yaga is rather stunningly beautiful. They simply trend toward a different form of beauty. Darker, more striking, and varied. Much more unique than their lighter counterparts.
"Of course, the actual effect of this principle is quite minute. If identical twins each practiced one end of the spectrum, you 'MIGHT' mistake them for fraternal after a decade or two. But the principle has also been completely inverted now! It's simply fascinating and I can hardly wait to study the lasting effects!"
"Didi~," Harley whined playfully. "The nerds are off in magic land again~! Make 'em stop and talk about something the rest of us can actually keep up with~!"
Hecate's face flushed with embarrassment, "Ah… I did it again, didn't I?"
Harley laughed to show she didn't mean it, "Awww~, you're fine, Heccy-pooh~! Don't go listening to lil ol' me~!"
"It's simply all so exciting and interesting," Hecate pouted slightly. "The Dead End and everything else happening beyond it."
Penguin chuckled, "Wait until you hear one of Sean's stories."
"Stories?" Hecate asked curiously.
"Of his other lives," Penguin clarified.
Hecate turned to look at me with barely concealed awe and interest. I could practically see her brain catching up with what was said and the chance offered by that description. Other lives… Other realities… Other Magicks to learn about…
"Sean…" Hecate said slowly. "May I request a story…?"
"I suppose you can," I chuckled. "Doesn't mean I'll tell one but you can."
I was treated to a devastating pout at that. Hecate's lip quivered and her bright eyes almost teared up, "Please, Sean~…?"
"༼☯﹏☯༽" Cass even joined in to further the pouting devastation. 'Pretty please~…?"
I caved, as one does before a begging goddess and whatever unholy abomination of sex, sin, and cuteness Cass was, "Alright, alright. Any specific requests?"
"٩(＾◡＾)۶" Cass cheered. 'Hurray!'
"Magic, please," Hecate politely requested. "All of the magic."
"Hmm," I thought for a moment before nudging the Infinite Dragon God nuzzled against my chest. "What do you think, Ophy? Should we tell them your story?"
"Mm," Ophis didn't immediately give a coherent reply. "… You were… good with magic… then…"
"I'm always good with magic," I grinned smugly. "I won't tell the story without your permission now that you're here though. I think I told part of it when the Dead End was first starting out but this would be the whole thing."
"Un. Okay," Ophis nodded. "I will help. Silence can wait… For 55 minutes. Not a second longer."
"Have you timed out my story for that life or are you saying that's when you'll stop helping even if it isn't finished?" I asked, amused.
"Yes."
"Good enough for me," I laughed. "Alright, everyone, buckle in. This story is a bit much. Not in the same way that Yharnam was but uniquely logic-defying all the same."
"If it's not Eldritch horror, it can't be 'that' bad, right?" Riddler joked. He loved tempting Murphy, it seemed.
I just gave him a knowing smirk, "The world Ophis comes from is varied and complex. But beneath it all, there is one underlying truth…"
I paused for dramatic effect, arranging my reveal to play out on the mirror behind me, "… Oppai."
Boobs appeared in the mirror behind me. Bouncing boobs. Jiggling jugs. Bountiful breasts. Titanic titties. Massive melons. Fantastic funbags. Awesome tig ol' bitties. Great hobberknockers. Earth-shaking, back-breaking milk tanks that promised the best damn paizuri the world had ever known. Bigger, perkier, and more supple than should have been physically possible, the flood of oppai defied the heavens.
If I looked closely enough, I could even identify who each pair of breasts belonged to from sight alone. That pair were Rias'. Akeno's there, impossible to forget. Serafell, without a doubt. Sona's itty bitty beautiful titties. Yasaka's overflowing MILF-tanks. Gabriel's heavenly bosom.
The absolute cornucopia of oppai was clothed… but only just. Clad in skimpy bikinis and overtaxed lingerie. Miles of cleavage burst out of shirts and tops. Gloriously jiggling tit-flesh bounced free of support, perky beyond belief in a way that showed the oppai didn't need the touch of a bra at all.
"What the fuck…?" Jason exhaled his disbelief and confusion.
"Huh?" Cheetah blinked. And then blinked again. "I mean, damn… but huh?"
"(; ꒪ö꒪)" Cass emoted a shocked, open mouth. 'Gasp, titties!'
"(´┓`*)" Her expression quickly turned awestruck and half-drooling. 'Hehehe~… titties~'
"Didi-damn," Two-Face nodded approvingly. "Giving us a feast for the eyes tonight, Sean?"
"I would kill for tits like that that don't need a bra," Selina groaned.
"Did you see that bounce~?!" Harley gaped in envy. "Ivy, Ivy~! Did you see the bounce on those banging bazongas~?!"
"What exactly," Black Mask asked, remarkably calm. "Is going on here?"
"Oppai," Ophis answered for me in a soft monotone. "The will of reality runs on oppai… The universe is two infinite breasts and we are all nestled in the cleavage."
"That… can't be true… can it?" Black Mask seemed somewhat worried by the prospect.
I chuckled, "In Ophis' native reality, it essentially was. That universe really did run on boobs. Boobs had power, either as motivation or in themselves. Boobs WERE power. It was a ridiculous reality. Hilariously so. Also where I had some of the most fun I've ever had."
Hecate's mouth fell open in utter, uncomprehending shock, "What-…? I-, How-…? WHAT?!"
"I think you broke the Goddess of Magic, Sean," Klarion deadpanned.
"Please explain…?" Hecate whimpered, sounding on the verge of giving up entirely.
I smirked but indulged her, "It's really rather simple. Two beings stood at the top of that reality. Ophis, Dragon God of Infinity. And Great Red, the Dragon of Dragons and Dreams. And what do men dream of most?"
Two-Face nodded at my leading question, answering sagely, "Fat fuckin' tits."
"Exactly," I nodded. "Ophis is rather reserved, as you might be able to tell. She tends to keep to herself, and as a result, didn't influence that reality nearly as much as her draconic counterpart. Great Red, however…"
"Baka Red," Ophis frowned and everyone in the bar felt her Infinite resentment.
"Didn't keep to himself at all," I finished flatly. "And with God dead-…"
"I'm sorry, WHAT?!" Jason reeled on me.
Penguin furrowed his brow, "You can't just drop bombs like that so casually, Sean."
"Yeah, yeah," I waved dismissively. "God was dead. It was a whole thing but the important part is that he wasn't there to balance out Great Red's influence over reality. An influence driven by the ultimate dreams of men…"
I trailed off again and Two-Face nodded again in turn, sagely finishing the thought, "Fat fuckin' tits."
"Couldn't Ophis have balanced out this 'Great Red's' influence?" Ivy asked shrewdly.
Ophis let out an adorable little grunt, "Nngh. Didn't wanna. Too much work. Not enough Silence."
"Understandable," Harley nodded an exaggerated nod. "Relatable, even~!"
"( `_ゝ´)" Cass' expression screwed up slightly in consideration. 'So… a reality powered by boobs… And where did you come in?'
"I was born a farmer," I began simply, almost nonchalantly. "The world was young. God had only just done his thing. It was long before Christ, before even the Great Flood that washed the world anew. The original man and woman had been cast out from the Garden of Eden. From them, mankind spread across the world."
My voice grew with gravitas as I spoke, "Angels — Fallen and Pure — and Devils roamed the lands. Myths and Legends were made real in their original forms, only later evolving into something you might be familiar with. It was an age of Gods, of Men, and of Monsters. In time, God would reassert control of his Creation but when I was born, he was in a somewhat hands-off phase."
"Did you ever meet God? That specific aspect of His?" Penguin asked reverentially.
"Something like that," My lips twitched. "See, I had a brother. Together, we farmed the land — tilling the soil and devoting a portion of our harvest to God. God favored my brother over me… I'm not proud of it but I… didn't react well to that."
"Oh my, fuck-!" Jason shouted. "You were Cain!"
I smirked slightly, "It is in my name. Not like I ever tried to hide it."
"Holy shit," Selina intoned breathlessly.
"Literally~!" Harley cackled.
"You were the First Murderer," Riddler stated the obvious.
"Big fan," Black Mask drawled sarcastically.
"I was," I nodded. "Some called me the origin of greed and violence. Bullshit, of course. I was simply the first one — the first human — recognized and made famous for it. God cursed me then, much more vengeful than he would come to be. I was haunted by my brother's memory and forced to walk the Earth forever — never to know hearth or home again."
"How terrible… Truly, I can think of no greater torture or curse…" A voice — mournful and sweet — drifted in on the wind.
It came from no one in the bar. Yet the Dead End let the voice in any way, heralding an arrival to come. As if called by the talk anathema to her divine domain, a woman with a warm aura entered the bar. Behind her came a man cloaked in Death and another woman who brought Life wherever she walked.
I laughed freely at the unexpected arrival, "Ha! It seems we'll have to put the story on hold for a moment. Come, come! I may have beef with your family but you three have come of your own volition. If you maintain your peace, you're more than welcome here."
The three Greek Gods — notably not Olympians — made their way up to the bar. Hestia gave me a soft, sad smile. Hades bowed a nod to me and Didi. His wife Persephone did the same, bowing a touch deeper both times. Hecate stared at them all, visibly conflicted.
"What, uh… what's all this about then?" Two-Face asked.
"Greek Gods," Minerva hissed to shut him up. "That's fucking Hades! Persephone and Hestia as well…"
Hades' lips twitched in amusement and Persephone tittered behind her hand but neither of them said anything directly. Spots at the bar were cleared for them. Everyone watched the gods curiously, just a touch tense in anticipation. There was nothing to anticipate. They hadn't come in hostility. I could tell. Their intentions were projected almost politely, free for anyone to pick up on and know they meant no harm.
Hestia hardly looked like a goddess at first glance. She was quite short and almost unassuming. The kind of woman who could fit and blend cozily into the corner of any room. Her beauty was subtle and soothing, the more you looked at her, the more you came to accept that she could be nothing less than a goddess.
An aura of warmth surrounded her constantly, as much a part of her being as her divine blood and bone. Her skin was ever-so-slightly dusky and flatteringly flushed from the warmth of her being. Toasty brown hair fell in a sheet of long, tight ringlets down her back. When she smiled, the world seemed to huddle in closer for comfy warmth.
In contrast, Hades was a cold man, with angular, striking features set in an almost constant flat scowl. Not just in bearing and demeanor — his very being striving to drain warmth and life from the world around him. He mitigated the effect well enough that it was barely noticeable but there was still an undeniably Deathly air to him.
His wife complimented him perfectly in that regard. She too was a warm woman. But not in the same way Hestia was. If Hestia was the warmth of an essential flame, Persephone was the warmth of steady-pounding blood and a Summer's bloom. She was Life to her husband's Death. Flowers blossomed in her shock-white hair and intangible butterflies fluttered everywhere she looked.
The two opposite spouses fit together perfectly. Even just watching them, I could see the care and love there, thought and consideration always given to the other. They matched and supported each other, leaning without leaning in the way only long-loving (and still deeply in love) couples could.
"Better Hades…" Ophis mumbled, turning her head into my chest as she compared this Greek God to the version she knew. She'd seemingly made her mind up on that matter already.
Didi smiled at the king and queen of the Greek underworld as they sat down, "Hades, Persephone, it's a pleasure to see you again. What brings you to my beloved's domain."
Hades winced, "We've come to right a wrong."
"Not of our own making, but a wrong all the same," Persephone added, her voice like a warm spring breeze.
"We feel the need to apologize," Hestia nodded in agreement. "For our family's unacceptable actions."
"Not like we got much say in those actions," Hades scowled. "I didn't agree with them even before learning you were involved, boss. And I didn't get a chance to smack some sense into my dickhead brother after learning either."
"I see," Didi considered for a moment before smiling. "Apology accepted. Have you met my Prince Consort?"
Hades blinked, "It… cannot be that simple, boss. Our pantheon is firmly in the wrong here. Not just with what we've recently done against you and your Prince Consort but also everything that has happened with Hecate."
Hecate glared at him, "Indeed, you are."
"For what it's worth," Hades treated her with a genuine look of apology. "I'm sorry, Hecate. I never meant to hurt you. I understand if you're unable to forgive me. It's what I deserve. All I ask is that you take your anger out on me and leave Persephone out of your wrath. I think you two would actually get along quite well."
He finished with a sad smile. Hecate glared at him even harder because of how heartfelt his regret was. A fierce frown furrowed her brow. It was ruined by Persephone lightly elbowing her husband.
"Don't make excuses for me, husband. I played a role in Hecate's pain as well. Why, I was scarcely better than a homewrecker. I seduced you more than you seduced me."
Again, the surprising responsibility and accountability from those who'd wronged her threw a wrench into Hecate's wrath. It was hard for her to stay mad in such a situation. They accepted the roles they'd played in hurting her and didn't even ask for forgiveness. Just expressing their regret and wishing her well.
She was torn. I reached over and squeezed her hand for support. Confused, scowling eyes turned back to me as if to ask what she should do. I gave her a small smile. It truly was up to her. I'd support her decision, my eyes and touch saying as much. If she wanted me to kick them out, they were gone in an instant.
That seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Hecate sighed, "Haaahh… I don't think I blame you, Hades. Not truly. I've been furious for a long time… A very long time… And now faced with the one who should be the source of my anger… I simply can't find it in myself to hate you."
"You're better than me," Hades bowed slightly.
"And me," Persephone chuckled. "I would salt the land if I was in your situation, Hecate."
"I'm not ruling that out just yet," Hecate smiled wickedly. "Just against those who deserve it. Those who haven't apologized once in their divine lives. The majority of your pantheon seems to have forgotten just who I am…"
"Without a doubt," Hades sighed. "I've just about reached my limit with most of my kin."
"They are troubled," Hestia said sadly.
"Troubling, more accurately," Persephone snarked dryly. "Even Mother still hasn't forgiven Hades for our elopement. It's been millennia and it was my idea in the first place."
"The Olympians have fallen into stagnancy," Hades nodded. "And it seems that they've finally found someone who won't yield to their brute force."
"Sounds like your family could use a bit of 'Change'," I smirked.
Hades paused, "… I don't know what you mean by that but it does not sound pleasant at all for my brothers and sisters."
"( •̀ᴗ•́ )و ̑̑" Cass cackled through just her expression. 'Heheheheheh~! Those fuckers are gonna get fucking FUCKED!'
All three of the Greek Gods blinked in confusion at her method of communication before the vulgarity within set in. Hades and Persephone exchanged worried looks. Hestia just sighed, seemingly having accepted the outcome from the start.
"You will not be too harsh on them, will you?"
I shot her a dark grin, "No promises~. Now… which one of you wants to run Olympus when I'm done with it."
There was a brief, stunned silence that followed my words, broken by Persephone a few moments later, "… Dibs."
Didi and I shared a chuckle at that. Even Hecate cracked a smile. Hades sighed, "Styx-dammit, woman, you're going to be the death of me…"
"Oh, you're so dramatic," Persephone giggled. "I won't make you leave your dark, brooding throne. Not when you look so, so handsome on it~."
Hades grumbled (but 'certainly' didn't pout) at that and Persephone continued with a grin, "I'll even have to rule from home for half of the year. Come now, dear husband, don't you for your beautiful, amazing, and powerful wife to become even more beautiful, amazing, and powerful~?"
Harley giggled in the background, "Oh, I LIKE her~!"
"Truly, a woman after my own heart," Ivy smirked.
IIIII
[AN: Don't worry, the story will pick right back up next chapter. This just seemed like the best spot to insert Hades, Persephone, and Hestia. Unfortunately, that means you all have to wait for next week's chapter on Friday. But I am a generous author. So have some hot cosplay girls as compensation ;] (Some of the images might not show up. Webnovel can be tricky with image censorship and stuff. Try visiting my profile/recent comments to see them all.)
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