章節 40: Her True Self II
I restrained my feelings just to hear her tale. I wanted to know why she stalled… why she didn't tell me right away. How long was she planning to hide this from me? why did she even do it? I wanted to know all.
"Why did you leave me?"
"I had to return to my world… no, I didn't have to, I wanted to? But I couldn't leave you. 'She' couldn't just leave you after everything you've done for us" Her answer was marred with confusion, as if she didn't know the answers herself but instead was putting pieces together, I noticed that.
"For what reason did you need to return? Was there someone waiting for you? or was there something you had to look for?" This question of mine was filled with apprehension. If there was anything I always feared was Elysir's past before she met me, I never knew anything... and from the way she always behaved it looked like she was trying to run from it.
"I don't know the reason, Ray. She took the majority of the memories when we split. I retained all the memories of our experiences together. From the moment you healed me, up until the night before I left... anything more than that are just faint feelings and conjectures" She frowned and clenched my palm as if upset at her incapacity to recall.
"…"
"I had existed for more than thirty thousand years in a different realm before coming to you, I don't know anything about that place but whenever I try to think about it very scarce memories come to mind. I think I committed a crime of some sort".
"A crime? If you had committed a crime why would you even want to return?"
"I don't know… whenever I try to think of it. Only something comes to mind".
"What is it?"
"Boredom".
Now I was a bit clueless and I could feel the reflection of her expression in mine. She didn't understand either.
"I don't understand it... but it is as if I was fed up with that world... so I committed a crime? I can't quite put the pieces together, but that's how I ended up in your world. You saved me and when I started to know you better and spend time with you... the boredom began to disappear".
"Why... did you never tell me anything?" This is the question that hurt the most, I remained in the void for a long time, until my death, without even knowing if she would ever come back.
She smiled self-mockingly and took my palm in between her hands.
"I need you to understand... because of your status as a mortal, I never told you many things. I thought our feelings would be brief. You were a mortal, you were going to die and leave me alone, Ray... that was my mindset for the longest while so I never told you anything".
"Then what changed? What made you give me a second chance?"
"Y-Your powers…"
I frowned, I felt an unexpected itch in my chest"So you didn't save me because you loved me?"
!!!
Her reaction was abrupt and harsh, she grabbed me by the shoulder with tears beginning to show, "Stupid fool! I saved you because I love you! I was relieved that you were special! If you had been just a common powerless average human this wouldn't be possible!"
"Ely…"
"Bastard! Even after everything we've been through after we have lived and died together, do you still doubt me? do you think I just want a good massage like all of those slut customers of yours?!"
Oh shit, she's mad...
"Who do you think I am?! I'm a Multiversal Godde-uhm~"
I had to kiss her to placate her anger we splashed a bit of water as she resisted at first, I know when she goes mad she rants and rants but right now I don't want that... I'm too happy to want an argument.
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean that".
"Hmph!"
She crossed her arms and evaded my gaze like an aggrieved judge, I don't know what she's talking about...? she's not Elysir? they have different memories. I don't care what you say you two behave the same!
"You know I love you more than anyone, Ely... I'm sorry".
She finally dignified herself, it was the 'look' the gaze that said 'I'm about to give you a chance and you better take it'.
"More than Yasaka?"
I gulped and felt the urge to look sideways to check no one else was in the room. To be precise, a gorgeous ten-tailed fox. This is one of those questions that can get you killed. If you answer correctly you get killed... if you answer wrongly you get killed. If you answer in the wrong place or time you get killed.
I hate those damn questions.
"Yes, a bit-"
*RUMBLE!*
"A LOT MORE! A HUNDRED TIMES OVER!"
I passed the test and she hugged me back, blushing madly like she didn't just force me to answer what she wanted to hear. I'm alive... because Yasaka isn't here.
Nevertheless, I embraced her back, aware of my mistake. Ely wouldn't be that type of person. She didn't just save me because I entertained her with my massages... my massages were just a trait of mine she enjoyed.
I indulged in her delicious body daily, but that didn't mean I loved her body and not herself, the same principle.
"So... why do you say you're not her? how are you two different?" our little gimmick seemed to have lightened her mood and she didn't feel as sad as before.
"When she split herself in two, she took the memories of the time I spent with you and gave them to me, but they were only memories... not feelings, not experiences. I don't know how to behave with you the same way she would. I don't know how to answer your feelings... I was even afraid to look at you in the eye. I was afraid that when this day came you would be disappointed... I also don't know how to properly answer the questions you had. I was afraid, Ray".
"..." It must have been difficult.
The way I see it... she was placed in the same confusing situation I was. Elysir did everything in an impulse but she never knew if her plan was going to work, she just took a leap of faith and believed in our love.
Thankfully, things have gone well so far.
"That's why I decided to instead call myself Anubis... I only told Reina as a way of self-relief. I knew she wouldn't give me away".
"No feelings whatsoever?"
"None, she gave me half of her divinity which was used to re-create your soul into that of a deity. Half of her flesh to create your divine body. Half of her combat experience… so that I could teach it to you when the time was due and you were ready, nothing else. Everything else she took with her. I was essentially made to protect you, no more, no less…"
"So then my mom?".
"When I woke up you weren't yet born, it took me a long time to analyse my position and make the best decision for your sake. Initially, I only knew one thing... Japan was the place you always wanted to go, so I chose it. Luckily upon arriving, I realised there was actually a powerful matriarch goddess in the vicinity".
"Amaterasu?"
She nodded, "My initial plan was for you to be born out of Amaterasu, Ray... that way you would have been stronger upon birth but there was a chance that woman would be suspicious as such a strong deity would have been challenging for me to manipulate even with the use of the Septem Diebus".
"Then?"
When I asked for her to continue she started fidgeting, what's wrong?
"Ely?"
"I-I wanted to be your mother, I didn't want to give up the chance!".
"..."
My jaw nearly hit the floor, so it was her selfishness in the end!? I know I shouldn't have let her read so many of that damn 'doujinshi', it thoroughly corrupted her mind!
"Whenever I thought about someone else being your mom... I couldn't take it so I created Reina's body instead using the Septem Diebus... a lot of chaos points were used just to create her, her background... her personality. I couldn't feel anything so I wouldn't have done a great job, but it didn't matter as long as I could feel what she felt. I created someone who I believed could be the perfect mother for you"
"Someone who is completely opposite"
She nodded meekly.
I deadpanned, imagining how my mom must be blushing bullets in her mind right now. Reina, my most beloved in this life.
"That's my story… there is no more to me than this empty husk. I have her memories but I can't claim I'm Elysir. I'm sorry for lying to you, please forgive me".
"There is nothing to forgive. C'mere".
!!!
I hugged her, feeling immensely relieved that things weren't as bad as I thought they were, instead, everything went well, I don't think there could have been a better result than this.
"I don't care what part of her you are. You are my Elysir… thanks for everything".
*sob*
"R-Ray, baby I love you too!" She embraced me back with tears of joy, repeating 'I love you' like a broken record, each time she said it, it didn't sound less genuine but instead like a crescendo.
We hugged for a long while but it was about time that we went downstairs, Yasaka must be waiting. I know she must be wanting to take me to her shrine after such a lovable moment between us, but right now I just can't... my heart is overjoying.
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Photosphere
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