章節 9: Awakening
“Both asleep…reluctantly…they wanted to be in here.” Charles Montague said, from my left I thought, as my mind rebooted itself, switching back on like a computer, slowly, one file at a time. He was whispering as if he did not want to wake me up.
“Sweet, but I think she is better off with just me…a quiet night, hopefully?” Caroline replied from my right, sounding worried, about me, presumably. Join the club, I thought. I was worried about me as well, because I had no idea what was happening to me. I was either going mad, or the whole world around me was, and neither option seemed plausible.
“I am really not sure about sending her to school tomorrow?”
“Neither am I…this reaction is disturbing…to say the least…but these tests are important…I suppose she could sit them later in the week, but Sheila is concerned that she is falling behind again…she thinks she would be better off dropping into year six?” She sighed, as I felt someone sit down on the edge of the bed that I seemed to be lying in. My head was on a soft pillow and I was tucked under a big duvet, dwarfed within its thick folds. “And this is not really going to help her concentrate on her studies, is it? I know we all think this is a reaction to what happened today…and she was clearly given a massive fright, the poor little thing…but there is something else going on here…I just know it?”
“Like what?”
“She is calling me mummy and you daddy…she has been good…in-between episodes…and we both know that is just not like her at all…she is like a different girl, Charlie?”
“Yeah…it is a little strange…but we aren’t going to complain about her being good? This is what we have been praying for…and working damned hard for…this is my little girl back? If we can just get her well…”
“No…of course not…I am just delighted that she is being good…she has been so impossibly sweet when she has been with us…but the sudden change…it is really puzzling? And then a bit frightening?” Caroline responded uncertainly, whilst gently resting her hand on my thin leg through the duvet. I could hear the concern in her voice, and her touch was so tender, I felt her affection through the warm padding. “I was really starting to despair of her…she hasn’t made any friends at Deepdene at all…in five terms, Charles…she is always getting into trouble…she is just impossible with us…and she can be horrible to the twins…quite apart from her bladder problems…and now all this? I don’t know what to do for the best?”
“Caroline…we are doing all we can…we’ve tried grief counsellors, therapists, doctors…we have talked to her endlessly and tried everything we can think of…but she isn’t responding to any of it, yet…but she probably will…like just grow out of it? Right now, I think we just have to take it one day at a time. See how she is in the morning? If she has to miss a day, she misses a day…we’ll worry about the tests later? She has dropped down one year…if she needs to drop another, we’ll cope…she has time to catch up?” Charles suggested, the voice of reason, trying to make Caroline feel better. I hung on every word, as if I could put Olivia’s life together like a jigsaw puzzle, collecting background information piece by piece, because thinking about her stopped me panicking about my plight, or questioning my own sanity.
“Yes…you’re right…I know you are…one day at a time…and this was a bloody awful one for all of us.” Caroline sighed again, and I half opened one eye to watch Charles leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. “Will you be okay in the spare room?”
“Only if you promise to call me if she needs me…or you do?” He kissed her again and I kept my eye open a crack as he walked out of the room and closed the door. It was quite dark with only a side light turned on, and I watched Caroline slowly stand up, take off her white bathrobe with a sigh, and disappear into what I presumed was an en suite bathroom. I felt like an intruder in her presence. Kelly had no right to be in there, either in her bed or her life. But for the time being, like it or not, I was Olivia, and I had, it seemed, finally got my head around that, even whilst I was listening to her poor parents talking about what a total mess Olivia seemed to be in. Opening both my eyes, I noticed a glass of water on the table beside my head and decided that I was really thirsty. I snaked my arm gingerly out from under the thick duvet and picked it up, gulping down several mouthfuls.
“Hello, you.” Caroline said, reappearing from the bathroom, wearing just a tee shirt and a pair of white knickers. She was very pretty, I thought, slim with a nice figure.
“Hello…Mummy.” I managed, putting the glass back, without spilling it. My hands shook a little, so that was harder than it sounds.
“How are you feeling?” She asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, right beside me, and putting her hand on my forehead, after pushing my hair back out of the way.
“Shaky?” I suggested, truthfully. I wanted to tell her everything but I did not see how I could do that, because she would think I was stark raving mad, or just lying to her. I mean, no one was ever going to believe me. But I still wanted to be as truthful as possible, and I was shaken to my foundations deep inside, so the word seemed appropriate. “I really don’t know what is happening to me?”
“In what way, pickle?” She asked, quietly.
“I…I’m not like other girls…I am in nappies; I keep having accidents…and I felt funny when I touched the Dream Stone?” I admitted, blurting things out, telling her without telling her, if you see what I mean, trying to make her understand what I was feeling. I needed help; I needed her help. Something had happened, and I did not see what I could do about it, because telling the whole truth seemed completely impossible. It would sound too crazy, because it all sounded completely mad to me, but if I could get people to investigate the Dream Stone, or something like that, maybe something would happen that would help. And if I had to live Olivia’s life for the foreseeable future, I also wanted to know what was actually wrong with her, I suppose. I did not have a plan or anything. I was just winging it, and maybe getting some more information would give me some ideas, I thought, doing my best to improvise.
“This is the thing that you were looking at in the museum, when the accident happened? The Dream Stone?” She asked, still stroking my hair.
“Yes, Mummy.”
“Ok…we can talk about that…but let’s talk about your accidents, first.” She smiled, patting my cheek. “You haven’t grown as you should over the last two years…since your dear mummy died, I think, pickle…and your bladder is really very small…whilst your muscles around it are not strong enough…so you leak sometimes. You don’t even know when you are doing it…most of the time…so the pull-ups during the day just protect you…and nappies at night do the same job with a bit more capacity. I know you hate it, and we both know that you haven’t been going to the loo, just in case, as much as you could…that really would help stop you using the pull-ups during the day…but it is just something you will, quite literally, grow out of, Olivia…in time. But you need medicine to get you growing and that upsets your stomach a bit, and makes you feel bad…so…it is all a bit of a nightmare…at times…we’ve tried to explain it all to you darling, haven’t we?”
“Yes, Mummy.” I said, although I did not have any sort of clue as to what they had explained to Olivia in the past. My shadows were gathering again, because they did not like Caroline. But I ignored them, trusting her to tell me the truth, mentally pushing them back down into the real darkness, where I could not feel them anymore. “I just don’t get it, really…why me?”
“Oh, Olivia…that’s hard to say…we all react differently to losing someone we love…and in this blessed family we all have…Daddy and you lost your mother, and the twins and I lost their father, of course. But in your case, the trauma stopped you from growing…you are around the average height and weight of an eight or nine-year-old…and that causes all sort of problems for you, sweetheart. This medicine is quite new…hopefully it will work, pickle?”
“Mrs Blackstone said I suffered ‘trauma’ today?”
“It certainly sounds traumatic…and when I was undressing you, I found a lot of bruises…but you are physically okay…the rest is just you getting upset…what do you mean you felt funny when you touched this Dream Stone thing?”
“It’s magic, Mummy…it makes your dreams come true…or your wishes?” I suggested, and she frowned, tilting her head to one side. Olivia was twelve, probably almost thirteen if she had been kept down in year seven. Believing in magic at that age was probably a bit unusual, but I reckoned that Olivia might get the benefit of the doubt after the day we had just had, so I pushed my luck a little. “I think it zapped me?”
“Zapped you?” She sounded doubtful, but I nodded, and she frowned at me. “So…what did you wish for, to provoke such a zapping?”
“Nothing…but I felt a shock…like an electric shock…and it made me feel funny?”
“Olivia…you had a huge fright…that is for sure…you got knocked about, scared out of your wits and understandably upset…so, you are bound to feel a little…out of sorts? If magic was at all involved, I am just grateful that I’ve got you back in one piece, and that you are behaving so well…but you have to try not to worry, okay?”
“Okay, Mummy.” I sighed, because I could not think of anything else to say. She was reacting like any adult would, when a child started talking nonsense about magic. In that case, she would put it down to shock and humour me.
“I am quite sure that you will feel loads better after a good night’s sleep…so, let’s just try to put this awful day behind us and pray for better tomorrow, shall we?”
“I did get zapped, Mummy…I promise?”
“I am sure you did, pickle…it all sounds so horrible…but you are safe and sound now, and I am not going to let anything bad happen to you…how about I get into bed and cuddle you, so that you can try and drop off?”
“Yes please, Mummy.” I murmured, ignoring the protests emanating from the shadows. They could shut up, as far as I was concerned, because I was scared, and worried, and a cuddle, even from a complete stranger who thought I was someone else, sounded nice.
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