She told everyone else goodbye except me. I got nothing but a mean look. Well, she didn't say goodbye to Claude in a nice way. Instead, she made fun of him, stuck her finger up at him, and got into her car.
I didn't really ask her why she was mad at me, but I think Claude was behind me at the time, so maybe that was why.
I'm in the big tent right now talking about Ana's leaving. So quickly, it happened.
I've been thinking about what Elijah, sorry, Dee, said. I don't really talk to people outside of the Circus, even other Circus artists from other Circuses. I don't know why, but I don't like having a lot of conversations.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go to a different Circus.
Claudius did say that we could be replaced quickly.
Tonight, I'll go to Elijah's Circus because they have a show. I've thought about changing, but I'm not sure yet.
I like the Circus I'm at, but I don't know anything else about it.
"What's up with the sad face?" Claude asks if he can come into my personal space. I move away as his hands move toward my waist.
He looks at me in a way I've never seen him do before.
"It's no wonder she left; why didn't you tell us you had been together for two years?" I slightly raise my voice and ask.
"She was the one who wanted to keep us a secret. She told me to flirt with you girls and do other things to keep people from finding out about us. But instead of staying with the Circus people, she went out to be a slut, which I found out last night when she broke up with me because she found someone else."
"Did you ever think that maybe you were too close to us girls?"
It hurts to find out that all of his flirting and shitting was a show.
"No, because that's how she wanted me to act around you girls.
She didn't want anyone to suspect anything, but we never went too far like having sex with someone else. But she made me fuck Melissa that one time because she said the Circus was more important. We wouldn't even do foreplay with anyone else," he says.
I tell him, "You were letting me suck your dick on the train."
"That's because I wanted you, and she knew that, but she made me feel fucking bad when I said it, so we got together four months after you came here because I realized how disgusting I sounded because you were seventeen," he says.
I plug up my ears. "You always, always, always, always lie. Just leave my tent. I don't want to see you unless we are working."
He says, "We have practice tonight." "I'm not going to Elijah's Circus because one of the girls who does tricks like mine wants to teach me a few things."
The look on his face is tense.
"No, you're not... Are you going? He asks, "Like leaving this Circus?"
"I don't know yet," I tell them. He says, "I can be nicer..." "I don't want to change," I tell him as I walk by.
"Well, then, what is it?" He says. "I'm going to watch them no matter what, so don't try to stop me. I rarely talk to anyone because I'm always here sleeping, practicing, eating, or acting."
"Tell me what you still want to change around here," he says.
When I turn around, he almost hits me. "It's a lie. I can't stand how you always act," I tell him as I walk away from him again.
"So you got all dressed up to go see Elijah's Circus because he said a few rude things to you? That made it look like I was worse than him? He may seem nice, but because he is friendly, he is a worse liar. He tells you what you want to hear so he can control you.
"Well, if that's true, I don't belong in any Circus because I don't like using liars like you," I say.
I was kind of ready for a hard slap in the face by now.
It hasn't happened yet.
"Then, where would you go?" He says. "I'd go anywhere but here. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to Elijah's Circus tonight. I don't want to be lied to or controlled anymore," I say.
"Now that Ana has left, I won't have to lie to you," he says, looking like he's going to get down on his knees and beg, which I kind of want to see.
"Are you coming back? Because if you go to his Circus, I might as well tell you to pack your bags, because yeah, he has a whole stadium for a Circus, he has over 400 Performers while I only have fifty, he can give you a mansion to yourself if you ask him, and as soon as you step into his ring, you're going to want to stay there because all I have is what I have."
I shake my head, and then I smile... I'm laughing. I'm sad. "You think I'd leave because he can give me more? Claudius, I want to leave because I'm tired of all the lies, and it's not because I'm selfish. I wouldn't leave because he can give me more. You gave me so much when I lost everything, and he wants me to act at his Circus.
"I want to leave not because of what he said to me but because I want to leave."
Just by standing there, he looks weak.
"Then leave... "You'll come crawling back, and I'll have to say, 'I told you so,'" he says, and then he walks away. "Like I've told you before, you're easy to replace."
I cough. "Okay, I'll go," I say. I tell them not to worry about packing my things because I'm sure Elijah can replace them. Then I leave the Circus area.
"Wow, that's huge!" I say. "So this is where most of our customers go?" I say. Elijah has a laugh. "Yeah, sorry about that," he says, and then he lets me into this tent the size of a stadium.
What the...?
"Can they grow this big? I ask, "Who puts it up?" "A machine helps," is what he says.
"This is Sasha. She's the leader of my aerial hoop performers," he says as he shows me a very pretty girl with long legs.
I offer her my hand. She says, "It's nice to meet you. How about I show you a few tricks?"
I say, "Sure,"...
The girl says, "I can see why sir was interested in you. You are very good at aerial hooping, almost better than me."
I couldn't help but show a few of my own tricks, and it looks like I'm pretty good at what I do.
I've seen that the girls wear a lot of makeup... I really care.
They looked their best for their show.
Elijah puts his hand on my back to lead me to where he wants me to go. He says, "I have something else I want to show you, Doll. Come with me."
We go behind the scenes and into a room. He shuts the door, and when I hear him lock it, I turn around.
"Have you already made your choice? About staying?" he asks.
"I'm going back," she says. "No, you're not. You're going to stay here whether you like it or not. If you try to leave, a performer will stop you," he says.
"I'm not staying here," I tell them.
He comes up to me, puts one hand on my waist, and the other on my face.
"Now, Doll, listen to me right now before I start touching you. This body makes every man want to taste it, and every time you disobey me, I'll want to have my way with you."
I cough. "You let Claude treat you like a jerk, and I'm sure you don't care at all."
"But I don't want you to touch me," I tell him. "I will touch you, and you will listen to me," he says, pushing me down so I'm against the sofa.
I try to stand up, but he pushes me down again. "Let me be clear about one thing: inside these walls, I am in charge, so listen to me or I'll hit you harder than Claudius ever did."
He runs his hands up my thighs and tries to grab my chest, but I hit his hands away. Then he opens my legs and tries to move between them to lift my skirt, but I kick him in the groin with all my foot strength.
He grunts and grabs his private parts. I cover my face when I want to laugh.
"Claude may be a jerk, but at least he taught us how to defend ourselves. He even showed us the weak spot, which is right where I kicked. Have fun trying to make a kid a jerk," I make fun of him and walk away.
I was not going to let him touch me that way. I want to be touched like that by Claude.
"Honey, where are you going?" The girl who taught me some tricks asks. I lie and put on a fake smile and say, "Oh, I'm just going to get my stuff and be right back."
I pull out my phone, which I never use. "Did you call me to let me know you're staying there?" Asks Claude.
"Come get me, you jackass."
He is sad. "Told you so, maybe you should have listened to me."
I roll my eyes and hope that he gets the hint. "Pick me up or I'll kick your behind," I say. "Are we brave now? Wait until you see me, and I'll have left my mark on you all over."
I laugh and then hang up the phone. I like how that sounds, though.
I wait around for at least forty minutes, but I stay out of sight of the douche bag's Circus.
"Are you going to get in, or do I need to beat someone up before we leave?" he asks.
I'm walking to the car. "Elijah," I tell him.
He asks, "What about that piece of crap?" "He was..." Why am I getting mad now? Just now, I felt strong. I whimper, "He touched me, Claude," and he gets out of the car almost as soon as I do.
He gets me to look at him by putting his hand on my chin and tilting it up.
"He what?" he asks, and it's almost like the devil has woken up inside of him.
"He had his hands on me and tried to..." I cry into his chest, and he strokes my hair in a way that makes me feel better.
I thought I could be strong now, but I can't stop crying. After Elijah hurt me for what he did to me, I thought I would finally be strong.
He moves away from me and storms off toward the door of the Circus. I run after him. "No... No... No, Claude, please let the police handle him." I ask.
"I'll kill him," he says with a scowl. If looks could kill, all performers would be dead because of how they look.
I stop him from moving again by saying, "Please, just let the police deal with him."
"Tell me you're going to turn him over to the police?" I ask.
He helps me. "I'm going to call the police and let them deal with him because right now I want to cut him open, make him into burger patties, and feed him to his fuckwit crew," he says as he walks me to the car.
My eyes get big. "Would..." "Yes, I would," he says, cutting me off.
"Come on, get in the car," he tells me gently as he opens the door. He uses his fingers to wipe my tears away, and then I get in the car.
He walks in next to me and turns on the car. He changes gears and starts driving away from where he parked.
He asks, "Why are you looking at me like that?" "You wouldn't actually do that," I say, no longer crying because I'm more interested than anything else.
"Yes, I would. He slept with one of my performers, so I'll poison all of his meat with it."
"You're crazy," I tell him, shaking my head and hoping he's kidding.
"I'm in a Circus..." What's the point of that?"
I can only give him a smile. "I see you're happy, even though I just said that his disgusting meat cakes would make all of his performers sick.
"Aren't you even trying to be funny?" I chuckle a bit.
He says, "No, I'm serious," with a straight face.
He says, "I swear that when we get to the Circus, I'll beat the crap out of you."
I try to sound as innocent as possible when I say, "I hope it's your balls hitting my crotch from behind." This time, he looks at me like he's surprised, then back at the road.
"Calm down, Doll," he says, and his breathing is getting faster this time.
I get angry and turn away. That was so awful, but at least we're not thinking about it anymore.