章節 14: 121-130
Dark, Tomoka could not only see it around her but she could feel it. This place is dark not only in a physical sense as there is an absolute lack of light but also in the metaphysical sense. Yet she felt familiar with the darkness. This was the deepest place within her mind, not, this was far beyond her mind, this was the very representation of her soul.
"What is going on?"
"wHaT i-Is gO-O-inNg oN?" Hearing a creepy echo of her voice Tomoka turned around to see a copy of herself. However, this one's eyes looked dead, soulless and yet she held an annoying cocky grin plastered on her face. At that moment Tomoka felt angry at her as it represented her arrogance. The very arrogance that made her complacent when fighting Danzo.
"I don't need such arrogance" As she said this a kunai appeared in Tomoka's hand. Her eyes grew cold, merciless as she placed the kunai to this other self's neck.
"i d-DooN't nEed sU-uCh aRRo-gAnnCe" Hearing it's voice Tomoka felt disgusted. Just as she was about to finish it off she saw it. Behind this version hundreds, thousands or maybe even millions of corpses stood there. Each one of them represented a piece of herself she had killed.
As she saw them, memories flooded her mind. Each one of them represented painful memories of the past. She had discarded what had made it hurt. She had killed that part of herself. Now looking at all of those corpses she couldn't help but wonder.
"Who am I?" As her voice sounded through the dark space of her soul she shattered. Like a mirror that had been smashed violently by its angry owner her body broke apart. As she looked at the many parts of glass floating in place barely making the shape of herself she realized.
"I am not myself." She was broken. She had been for a long time. Her phantoms were emotionless not because her jutsu had made them so but because she was. She had built her own personality like they had but it was all a lie they told themselves.
At that moment Tomoka felt that she was better off dead instead of living like this. However, at that moment a fragment of her broken self shone. No, that fragment had been shining for the longest time, it was just that she hadn't realized.
Looking at the fragment she saw how it desperately tried to keep all the rest together. It was what had been holding her together all this time. Looking at it memories flooded into her mind. The memories of her time spent with Hinata and Nozomi. Happy memories.
Unlike before they felt numb. Now that she wasn't reacting according to her built personality she couldn't feel the bursting love she had felt then. However, she could still feel it ever so faintly.
"I want it back." She didn't feel sad or annoyed. She only wanted to feel more of what was managing to leak through. She wanted to feel, she wanted to truly feel.
At that moment the sea of corpses parted and a single one stepped forward. It looked like a fifteen year old Aurora. Her skin gray and her eyes empty, soulless. Around her neck bruises in the shape of fingers could be seen. This was the first corps to ever appear in this palace. Looking at it, Tomoka spoke again.
"I want my love back."
"i WiLl bE h-Urt ag-aGaiN!" The corpse responded. Its voice, as monotone as ever. Its expression, as dead as ever, and yet, it conveyed anger, a boiling fury like no other.
"Perhaps, but until then we will be happy." Tomoka began to cry as she could feel it again. Her ability to love was coming back and it hurt. It hurt so much to be reminded of her. Of her first love.
It had been like any other day for Aurora. She had spent the day studying so she could have perfect grades as was expected from her. Her tutors were brutal with their exams and the topics she had been studying were quite advanced for her age. At least she understood that much.
"I need a breather." Every so often she would sneak out as even the luscious gardens of the massive villa she lives in felt stuffy. Instead she much rather prefers the city's main park. She liked watching how other people smiled and passed their time with others.
As she sat on one of the many benches in the park she couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to have friends, true friends. Those egotistical rich teens she had to meet every time her family was invited to a high class social event were the worst.
"Hey there." Suddenly Aurora's reverie was broken by a soft voice. Focusing her vision she saw a girl around her age standing in front of her. A round face with big brown eyes and a splash of freckles. Canela colored wavy hair framed her face.
"Um, hi." Aurora didn't know how to react. This was the first time someone had approached her during one of her outings. Not to mention that the girl's bright smile and outgoing tone made her feel strange.
"I'm Susan, nice to meet you!" Aurora was once again blinded by that bright smile. Seeing this girl made her feel weird. She could feel her heart rate rise and hands becoming sweaty and she couldn't figure out why.
"I am Aurora Ambridge, it is a pleasure to meet you." Aurora's confused brain had defaulted to a rather formal form of speech as she tried to figure out what was going on.
"I know it might be weird for me to approach you all of a sudden but I couldn't help but notice you a few weeks back. You would always sit here and look around with a sad expression so I thought you might like to talk or something." Hearing Susan's words Aurora felt a small smile creep onto her face.
"Yeah, I would actually like that." After that they chatted for a long time. Once they parted ways Aurora felt a mixture of new emotions. She felt happy to meet Susan. She felt sad that they had to part ways. However, above all those emotions was a strange feeling of longing.
Time passed and they got to meet again a few days later. Then they met again and again until the two grew to be good friends. However for Aurora that strange feeling of longing only grew stronger and stronger. It was maddening, she felt so calm and satisfied whenever she was with Susan and yet every time they parted she felt bitter deep inside.
Unable to withstand such feelings any more she went to the fountain of knowledge known as the internet for answers. That is when she realized she had fallen for the girl, she had fallen in love with Susan. As soon as she realized that it was like a dam had been broken.
"I love her." Saying the words out loud made Aurora's heart do a little dance in her chest. She felt happy, fulfilled but above all she felt the need to tell Susan.
The next time the two met Aurora felt extremely nervous and yet she was determined. She didn't know what would happen, she didn't know how Susan would react. However, she was sure it would all go well. How could such a wonderful feeling lead her astray?
"Susan, I realized that… I think I fell in love with you." Saying that Aurora couldn't help but give Susan the purest smile she had ever had. At that moment she had offered her heart to the girl she loved.
However, things didn't go as they should have.
"That is disgusting."
Aurora felt confused, she felt dizzy and tired. Her mind had come to a halt as if it had crashed against a concrete wall. No matter how much she tried her brain couldn't seem to comprehend what had happened. Worst of all was how her heart hurt. It was as if someone was squeezing it with all their might. It felt as if her heart would stop beating at any moment.
"I don't understand." That's all Aurora could say as she tried to keep herself standing. her legs felt like jelly, her muscles like lead. She simply couldn't understand what was going on.
"What can't you understand? You disgust me! To think I thought of you as a friend. I feel like puking now." Hearing that what little strength Aurora had left simply banished. Her legs gave under her as she fell to the floor.
"Tch, no wonder you were all alone back then. To think you were a lesbo. To think I had been mingling with a sinner for the last two years!" As Susan continued to speak Aurora felt her life crumbling in front of her.
"Don't ever talk to me again, ever." With that, Susan left. Aurora for her part felt tears falling from her cheeks as she saw her retreating back.
"What did I do wrong?" Aurora's words fled her mouth without her consent. She just wanted to understand.
"Being born." That is all Susan responded before disappearing behind a corner.
As Aurora saw her first love leave just like that she tried to think, to understand. How could a wonderful feeling like that of love devolve into what she was feeling now? How could it hurt so much? It was all so wrong. Her despair turned into anger.
"If I hadn't fallen for her we could continue to be friends. Love is stupid, it's a curse." Thinking that she swore to herself, she would never, ever love again. That was the first time she had killed a part of herself.
At that moment Tomoka came back to herself. The wound Susan had left behind had never healed. She had never allowed it to heal. She had simply pushed all those feelings away until she couldn't feel them any more. Now that she could feel them anew they hurt. Her words hurt as if she had been right in front of her saying them once more.
That was when another memory entered her mind. This one, a far more recent one. It was the first time she heard the words she had wished to hear back when she confided in Susan.
"I love you." These three words, spoken by two girls she had known for far longer than she knew Susan for. Nozomi and Hinata, these two girls had somehow reached her broken heart even past her dead emotions. Even though the pain of Susan's awful words continued to haunt her, Hinata and Nozomi's words kept soothing the pain away.
"I want to love them." That is all she could think at the moment. She truly wanted to love them, she wanted to be able to love again. That is why she looked at the corps in front of her full of determination.
"I will love again." Saying this she stepped forwards and hugged the corpse. As she did it began to regain life. The pale skin regains its color, the hair its luster and the eyes their meaning.
"I'm glad." That's all the now healed emotion said as it banished into motes of light.
That is when, like a tsunami, all of Tomoka's repressed feelings came surging. All the pain, all the love, everything came crashing onto her, It was too much. Before she lost consciousness again Tomoka glanced at the other corpses. She promised herself that she would come back and fix all the damage she had done to herself.
"For them, all this pain is worth it." That was all she could murmure before consciousness escaped her.
Tomoka's mind felt sluggish and slow. Normally when she wakes up it's like flipping a switch. Now however, she felt like her brain was slowly turning on neuron by neuron. The first thought that entered her mind was how hard her bed felt followed by how soft her pillow felt. If she had to compare the two to something else then her bed felt like a slab of concrete while the pillow felt like soft marshmallows.
As Tomoka tried to move so she could get comfy the next sensations flowed into her mind. She felt sore all over and a rather sharp pain on some specific parts of her body. Not bothering to think too much about it she simply attributed her body's state to a rather intense training session she probably did the past day.
Something in the back of Tomoka's mind told her that there was more to her current situation but she ignored it. At that moment the only thing Tomoka could think about was enjoying the warmth of the soft pillow and going back to sleep, though a blanket would be nice.
Suddenly Tomoka felt both content and annoyed. She could feel something gently petting her head. The petting itself felt heavenly, however Tomoka knew that the hand probably belonged to her mother who wanted to wake her up.
"Five more minutes" Once those words fled Tomoka's lips by reflex she heard a soft giggle coming from above her. The sound was akin to windchimes dancing along a soft spring breeze.
A little more awake now Tomoka realized that the hand going through her hair is a bit too small to belong to her mother, not to mention the voice didn't match either. Curious Tomoka wanted to open her eyes and yet she didn't want to do so at the same time. Her eyelids felt heavy as if made from lead. A war of indecision followed with a winner soon after.
Slowly Tomoka opened her eyes to see a pair of Onix orbs looking back at her. Eyes she could recognise anywhere looked at her with a cocktail of emotions. Love, worry, care, devotion and many others. Tomoka's mind in its slowed state couldn't cope with all the emotions those eyes showed to her. Not to mention her own emotions that began to bubble up like an unstoppable tide.
Before she knew what she was doing Tomoka pushed herself upwards. Strands of black hair tickled her cheeks as she approached her objective. Closing her eyes, Tomoka felt her lips brush softly against Nozomi's lips. The sensation was new as if she hadn't kissed her ever before and yet it felt familiar and comforting. For a moment, as if time had stopped, neither moved.
Tomoka's mind tried to process the sensation, she tried to categorize what she was currently feeling. However, before her mind could come with an answer her heart decided to provide her one. She was feeling love, true love. Tomoka felt as if her heart was about to burst as it melted into a puddle of emotions.
Tomoka felt a mixture of despair and longing that burned her mind. A forest fire had ignited in her heart that made her confused. Her heart ached in such a way she didn't know what to do. The fire grew until it burned like the sun and then it blew up as if the big bang that gave birth to the universe had come from within herself.
It was maddening, feeling such strong emotions made Tomoka lose her rationale. She felt a tinge of fear as she felt like all those emotions would crush and kill her. Nothing worked inside Tomoka's head as she tried to think. She needed a way to deal with all of those feelings.
Before Tomoka could truly go mad with all her repressed love crashing over her an outlet presented itself. Nozomi moved a little softly, sucking on Tomoka's upper lips for a moment. As if a detonation had gone off inside Tomoka's heart she felt her love soar even higher and at the same time she felt like there it all flowed towards that one gesture.
Tomoka felt scared of her lack of control but she decided to simply let go. Her instincts took the lead as their kiss deepend. From the chaste kiss it had begun as to sucking each other's lips to a full on makeout session Tomoka felt like she would go crazy from all the love overflowing her heart.
Like a starved beast Tomoka kissed Nozomi with a hunger she had never felt before. She felt like she would go mad should their kiss ever end. Minutes passed until the raging flame in Tomoka's heart calmed down. However they simply refused to go out instead burning bright no matter what.
Opening her eyes, Tomoka once again looked at Nozomi's beautiful eyes. They had little tears on the corners as her cheeks burned scarlet. A string of saliva still connecting their lips stubbornly refusing to break. At that moment Tomoka couldn't help but let the contents of her heart spill forth.
"I love you"
Nozomi had been taken by surprise. Once the phantom handling Tomoka's body said she was waking up, Nozomi felt relief wash all over her body. She hadn't realized how tense she felt. Now however, she felt as if time had simply stopped.
Tomoka's gorgeous eyes had slowly opened showing the pair of lustrous emeralds hidden behind her eyelids. Lost in those eyes Nozomi saw how they held a light that had been missing before. A light so bright so beautiful she couldn't help but admire while losing herself in it.
Then it happened, Tomoka moved slowly and yet for Nozomi it felt as if she had moved way too fast, then their lips touched. Nozomi had kissed Tomoka many times before, none could compare. This kiss, this moment felt as if it was the very first time they kissed. The passion, the hunger and above all else the care she felt from it made all their previous forms of affection pale in comparison.
Once their lips separated Nozomi's eyes opened lazily, once more seeing those eyes that shone with all the love in the world. Then she heard Tomoka declaring softly yet the words held so much more meaning than all the times she had them before. With a soft happy smile Nozomi gave her answer.
"I love you too."
They stayed in comfortable silence looking at each other with care and love shining in their eyes. Unable to contain herself anymore, Nozomi moved forward planting her lips on Tomoka's. Soon enough the two had started a makeout session anew.
Once the two needed to breathe again they separated. With their emotions having calmed down somewhat by now, Nozomi decided to question Tomoka about everything that had happened.
"Tomoka, I want… no… I need to know what happened to you. I need to know how to help you… I-" Before she could finish Tomoka placed a finger on her lips.
"It's alright. I will tell you but not now. After all, Hinata should know as well. Once we get out of here and rest for a while I will tell the two of you together." Hearing this, Nozomi felt relieved. She truly wanted to help Tomoka with whatever she could.
With that out of the way there was another question she wanted answers to. This one, born more from her own curiosity more than anything else.
"Say, what do you want a byakugan for?"
"hmm?" Tomoka tilted her head wondering when and when Nozomi learned of this. Nozomi knew Tomoka could tell what she was thinking so she answered preemptively.
"The phantom that had been controlling your body while you were out took a few Danzo had in a lab in here. She told me to ask you since she didn't have the authorization to do so or something like that."
"I see. Well, since the cat is out of the bag might as well tell you." And so Tomoka told Nozomi about the theories she had about her eyes and how she had already implanted a sharingan.
"So you want to implant a byakugan and see if something similar happens?" To tell the truth Nozomi felt a bit peeved and disgusted at that moment. She couldn't believe that Tomoka would pull something like that, completely disregarding her own safety. What if she lost her eyesight or something? Sighing Nozomi couldn't help but complain.
"Hinata is right, you are a menace specially to yourself."
"Sorry?" Seeing Tomoka with a wry smile lacking repentance Nozomi sighed again.
"So what now? How are you feeling? The phantom said your body is a mess right now."
"Oh it is, I am in a lot of pain right now. Anyone else would be screaming their lungs out right now from all the pain I am feeling." Hearing that Nozomi's wry smile became frozen as her anger rose. Seeing Nozomi tightening her fist and with the intention to smack her atop the head Tomoka knew she fucked up.
"Ehm, uhm, I-I am still hurt so… could you please let this one pass?"
"No can't do, otherwise you will never learn," and with a good smack Tomoka found herself lying face down on the floor. Her only saving grace being that her face landed on top of a pair of very squishy, soft and warm thighs.
"Worth it."
"What did you say!"
"Nothing!"
While enjoying Nozomi's thighs Tomoka noticed that her body felt weird, different in a way she couldn't properly explain. Something had changed and her curiosity made her do something dumb. Despite knowing her chakra network needed time to heal Tomoka still used some of her chakra. Thankfully the amount was small enough it wouldn't deteriorate her condition. Though it still caused her a lot of pain.
Using her chakra to look within herself Tomoka saw how her chakra network seemed to wiggle around. Like a dance of a thousand snakes her meridians moved and rearranged themselves. However, this wasn't the strangest part, no, what was truly strange is the group of new tenketsu points that had suddenly popped up within her network.
'What the fuck is going on?' It was a truly bizarre event. The new tenketsu points were disconnected from the rest of her chakra network. However, with time she saw how her meridians worked their way closer to them. Doing some quick math Tomoka could estiguess that all these new tenketsu points would be connected to her network in an hour or two.
No wonder her network was a mess, no wonder it was taking so long to heal. Her body was too busy modifying itself to heal. Admittedly Tomoka felt like she could redirect her body's efforts into healing instead of whatever it was trying to do right now. However, she decided to let her body do its thing. At the moment she isn't in mortal danger. Not to mention that something was telling her that this way she would heal faster than the other way around. All of this thinking only took a minute or so.
"Say Nozomi, we should get out of here. My fight with Danzo was anything but subtle and I would rather not be found here." Hearing Tomoka Nozomi had to agree. If it was found that the two had anything to do with the death of a village elder, as much of trash as he was, they would be in trouble.
"Also, sorry about killing Danzo, I know you wanted to be the-" Tomoka couldn't finish talking before she felt Nozomi's lips on hers. This kiss was a tamer and so they separated after a few seconds.
"I don't care about that anymore. The man is dead and you are alive, that is all that matters" Hearing Nozomi made Tomoka feel happy, or as happy as she could feel with that emotion still sealed behind her traumas.
"Alright then, let's get out of here. Once we are outside I will need you to contact Hinata. There are some serious topics I will need to talk about with the two of you." Before she had told her girlfriends about her being reincarnated. Now she was going to tell them the full story of her past.
With everything said and done Nozomi carried Tomoka outside on her back. Even though Tomoka could walk, Nozomi insisted on doing so since the redhead was hurt. The fact that she could feel Tomoka's squishy chest on her back was an added bonus, not the reason she was so adamant about it, not at all.
Finally outside, Nozomi took Tomoka to a nearby clearing so that they could rest. Physically Nozomi felt fine, however, mentally she was completely and utterly exhausted. Not to mention the discomfort of her damp underwear. She had been extremely thankful for the fact of her water affinity. Otherwise her underwear would be wet with piss instead of just water.
Tomoka for her part felt fine mentally. On the other hand her body was still a mess of broken or torn stuff. However, she couldn't help but feel energized as she felt the warm morning sunlight hitting her skin. Not only that but she realized her body's modification process accelerated.
'I still don't understand what the fuck is going on'
It took a while for Tomoka to realize what was going on, or at least have an idea of it. However, she wasn't a hundred percent sure. If her hypothesis is right then the possibilities for the future would be endless. For now though, she needed to ask Nozomi for some information. Though she would do so later since Nozomi fell asleep.
'Hey Kurama, what do you think is going on with my body?'
…
'Kurama?'
…
Feeling a mixture of worry and annoyance Tomoka closed her eyes so she could enter her mental-landscape. What she saw there was an absolute mess. Torn trees and boulders everywhere with puddles of black foul smelling liquid in between. Her library looked like it had barely survived all kinds of natural disasters. Worse of all, she couldn't see the fox anywhere.
With a sigh Tomoka began fixing the place while looking for the fox. After a while of walking Tomoka noticed something peculiar, her absolute control over her mindscape had degraded ever so slightly. She realized this by the simple fact that some flowers would appear around without her input. Moreover, she couldn't remove them, at least permanently that is.
"This must be a side effect of unlocking my emotions," The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Her mindscape is a representation of herself and her state of mind. Since her state of mind was a construct made by herself, then her mindscape that represents it is also a construct. These flowers however, represent in a way her true state of mind.
"At least they are pretty." A soft smile sneaked its way onto her expression.
[They are.] Suddenly hearing the fox's voice Tomoka turned around to see a pair of red eyes looking at her from a dark cave.
"Kurama? Is that you? Are you alright?" Tomoka sincerely felt worried for the fox. After All, she couldn't even imagine what he had gone through while she lost control.
[I've been better. However, I don't care about my state right now, after all, I am effectively immortal . Tomoka, we need to talk.] As Kurama talked Tomoka could see the glowing red eyes moving closer. Then she saw his state to say he was hurt would be an understatement.
Kurama looked, with all sincerity, half dead. A good two thirds of his head had been melted only leaving his white skull visible, in some spots not even that. His right front leg had its skin missing with the muscles visible. The left side of his ribs looked like some monster had taken a bite out of him. Meanwhile his tales were all in different states of disrepair.
"I am sorry."
[No you are not. I don't know the full story but what I learned through that whole ordeal is that you can't feel… anything.] Kurama felt angry, betrayed, he felt like all that time he had spent with Tomoka was nothing but a lie. Yet, here he was, talking with the girl in hopes that perhaps it wasn't.
"I… I am sorry, but you are right, I can't feel much of anything, I am a broken mess. I will be explaining everything to Nozomi and Hinata later today. Could you please wait until then? It's… a bit hard for me to tell the story."
Kurama stared at Tomoka for a while. He could see the regret, the fear in her eyes. However, he didn't know if he could trust those feelings he was seeing. After all, she admitted it herself. Thinking for a while Kurama sighed, he would give her a chance.
[Fine, but if I'm not satisfied with your explanation I will be leaving.] Kurama truly hoped that she could explain everything in a satisfactory way. He didn't want to hate her.
A few hours passed like a blur for Tomoka. She was aware of what had happened around her but didn't pay much attention as she had bigger problems in her mind to handle, both literally and figuratively. Her mind had been using most of its processing power attempting to build a believable narrative that wouldn't expose much. However, no matter how she tried, all her mind fired at her were blanks.
Deep inside she understood that she needed to tell the truth and yet her logical mind screamed at her percentages of outcomes both favorable and not. The reason her logical mind attempted and failed constantly to build a plausible lie was due to these possibilities. Tomoka had run the numbers many times in her mind and everytime she got the same result.
There is a seventy eight percent chance Hinata would abandon her. Kurama's number was even bleaker at a ninety eight percent chance. Last but not least Nozomi had a fifty four chance to leave her as well. Of course all of these calculations could be erroneous, after all, they had been built with data she had gathered through her life. There was no way to know for real.
As Tomoka continued to overwork her brain in an attempt to find a way out, time ran out. In front of her sat both Hinata, Nozomi and Kurama inside her mindscape.
"So?" Kurama said with an impatient tone as Tomoka had spent the last minute opening and closing her mouth.
Looking at the three in front of her, Tomoka decided to just let go. Her overworked mind came to a stand still as her suppressed emotions worked their way out of her mouth.
"I hadn't realized or rather, I didn't want to acknowledge the fact. I, the me right now in front of you all is nothing but a fake. Like my phantoms the me you have come to know is nothing more than a built personality made upon knowledge acquired through my lives. It's pathetic really that I didn't realize at least that much."
As she finished speaking an awkward silence fell as no one knew what to say or even think. This had been a heavy revelation for the people listening.
"Then… you don't love us?" Hinata tried, she really did try to keep her voice leveled. To keep her tone even. She failed miserably as it cracked with every word she spoke.
"No, It's not that simple. I couldn't love you because I couldn't feel love. At least that much has changed. During the whole Danzo debacle I came to realize my situation and with it I attempted to fix myself. I had to confront my trauma instead of just killing it away. It hurt but I succeeded because of you two. I can feel romantic love now, and I love the two of you to the point it hurts." At this point tears began gathering in the corner of Tomoka's eyes as she gave the two girls a sad smile.
That single smile conveyed a lot of meaning. The crafter personality felt sadness, guilt, anger and many other emotions but Tomoka, the real Tomoka, the one hidden deep within felt love.
"I understand if you are angry with me, I understand if you… would want to leav-" Before Tomoka could finish speaking a crisp slap resounded through the place, then another. With her cheeks red from the slaps Tomoka saw the two girls with angry expressions that would make an oni look like a kitty in comparison.
"DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND WE WILL LEAVE YOU!" A really angry Hinata shouted with her fists held so tight her knuckles turned white.
"Much less now that we know the truth" Nozomi for her part had suspected for long that something was wrong with Tomoka. However, she never expected that the one she loved would be this broken.
"I may not feel as strongly for you as they do but even I won't leave you alone knowing this much. Now speak the whole story, we will need to know it if we are to help"
Tomoka was a mess, she knew that much already but only now did she realize how much of a mess she truly is. The stinging sensation on her cheeks only grew sharper as her tears trailed down her cheeks. Her vision grew cloudy from the never ending stream of tears while her words got stuck on her throat from her uneven breathing.
Her broken mind fought desperately with itself. One side a cold logic place where only efficiency mattered. The other a mess of suppressed emotions trying to set themselves free. The end result being a broken girl unable to understand anything. Tomoka hated her current state, she didn't want to be broken like this. It was that thought that had tipped the scales towards her logical mind retaking control. However, she wasn't alone at the moment.
"It's alright to cry, take as long as you need and let it all out. Weren't those the words you spoke to me back when I lost mom? Now it's my turn to help you cry out all the sadness" Hearing Hinata's words tipped the scale once again towards her emotions breaking free.
"We are here for you no matter what so please let us help you even if all you need is a shoulder to cry on" As Nozomi said that she joined Hinata in hugging Tomoka.
Tomoka for her part didn't want to let her emotions out just yet. She wanted to explain her story from an objective point of view. However, now that was simply impossible. At that moment Tomoka felt tired, like she had been holding a mountain for far too long. Now she just wanted to rest, to let go.
The dam broke and with it all her repressed feelings came crashing down on her, worse of all is the fact the memories she had repressed with them came as well. All the trauma she had suppressed all she hated about herself, everything had been set free.
Tomoka felt like she was being crushed under all of it. She didn't know what to do or how to convey her situation to those around her. Tomoka's fractured mind in a desperate attempt to keep itself working began to diminish its own capabilities.
As Hinata and Nozomi hugged the wailing Tomoka they felt how she began to change. Her body became smaller and less muscular, her features turning rounder with baby fat to them. A moment was all it took for them to realize that Tomoka was deaging. Of course this was only happening inside Tomoka's mindscape as a representation of her mind.
To put it in simple terms Tomoka's mind that had been built on a shaky foundation had finally collapsed on itself. Her personality that was nothing but a lie had simply ceased to be. Tomoka, the real Tomoka that had never truly interacted with the world had finally come out. However, she isn't meant to stay for long.
Looking around Kurama and the girls realized that Tomoka's mindscape had shattered like glass showing what is underneath. Now that the fake personality is no more, he could see how truly broken Tomoka is.
A landscape with corpses as far as the eye can see were only dead grass and trees dotted the place. Truly a nightmarish place. Rocks floated around in defiance of the laws of gravity as clouds clad in lighting fought with them for dominance of the sky. The once blue skies taking the color of spilt blood as a black sun bathed the world in hatred.
The corpses would move from time to time to mutilate themselves or others only for the wounds to heal moments after inciting a sense of despair and hate on the corpses as if they hated what they are.
Seeing all this brought the two girls to tears. Meanwhile The fox couldn't help but shiver remembering what hid within this horrid place.
When Tomoka opened her eyes again she found herself to be empty. No, there was something there, like a weak candle flame surviving in the harshest of winters. A flame that refused to go out as it fed from the warmth the two hugging her provided.
"Tomoka, I'am so sorry I didn't realize before." Hinata cried while hugging the regressed version of her girlfriend.
"It's fine, I-"
"It's not fine! You are not fine!" Nozomi shouted while tightening her hug on the now four year old Tomoka.
"What is important now is that we will help you get fine in whichever way we can." Even the fox was having a hard time containing his emotions.
Nodding Tomoka wiggled herself out of the tight hug Tomoka looked around before speaking. She knew what needed to be done, she knew what doing so would entail. However, despite all the suffering she would have to put herself through she was willing.
"I am broken, that much should be obvious now. I have separated my own feelings and emotions by killing mental versions of myself. What I need to do now is relive all those experiences and accept them." Saying that Tomoka approached one of the nearby corpses.
"nO ma-tEr wHa-t You dO, yOu a-Re sssTill A fAi-lure" The corpse spoke with its broken and creepy speech while its dead eyes stared towards Tomoka.
"I-" Before Tomoka could answer Hinata stood between her and the corps.
"If Tomoka is a failure then there is no one in the world who is not. Yes, she has her own quirks and she makes mistakes sometimes. BUT! She always strives to better herself and help others! Tomoka is no failure"
As Tomoka heard Hinata's words she relieved the painful memory associated with this corpse. The Memory of her parents' indifference to her efforts. The memories of her boss shouting at her for not creating her inventions even faster. The feelings of being inadequate at everything. All those feelings were washed away by Hinata's words.
"Failure is part of success. Fail a hundred times, and learn a hundred things so you may succeed the next time." After saying that, Tomoka's eyes gain a glint of determination.
Determination had settled within her. The determination to make things right. The determination to progress and better herself. With her determination the corpse now regained its life as it looked at the little girl that seemed to age by a few months.
"Then let us fail as much as we need to succeed." Leaving those words behind the corpse burst into motes of light that sank into the ground. As the last mote of light banished a circle of dead grass regained its life. Then a brazier burning with bright orange flames appeared where the corpse once had been representing her ever burning determination.
"Thanks Hinata." Tomoka had made up her mind to go through all of that pain for herself and for those she loved. However, she hadn't realized how hard it would be. Now, with the help of those she loves the pain would lessen and the trials to come would become bearable.
"No problema. So this is how we fix you?"
Nodding Tomoka walked towards the next corpse. She felt nervous moving forward. Every single corpse represented her trauma, her past, and in a sense who she is. Would the others treat her differently after this? Would their relationship change? and if so, would it be for better or worse? She didn't know.
"Common Tomoka. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can spend our time together" Hearing Nozomi's words, Tomoka couldn't stop herself from smiling. Whatever is to come, at least she knows that they love her and she loves them too.
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