章節 74: 74
Cora's Den Club. Evening. While the Legatus was bombed out.
For three hours, Zaid, Rex, Grant, and Garrus had been drinking furiously and unashamedly. Drinking like hell. Even Garrus had already had a shot of turian vodka, Zaid had had a shot of Russian vodka, and Rex and Grant were trying to drink each other up with the 60 per cent alcohol that ONLY Krogan people were allowed to drink.
- "I'll drink you too much," said Grant, swallowing 35 "100 grams".
- Ha! - Rex mocked Grant, - You, youngsters, are only good for... For... A whole lot of shit!
- It's you, you old fart, who's only good for booze!" said Grant.
- Booze is more than shit." said Rex with a clever look.
- Erm... I don't get it. What are you? Are you a scientist?
- No. Eek. It's simple. Arithmetic. Rex was still a little more sober than Grant. Okir didn't expect Grant to drink with the master of war, so Rex could still lecture at the V.A. Steklov Mathematical Institute of the Russian Academy of Sciences. Rex could still lecture at the Steklov Mathematical Institute of the Russian Academy of Sciences. At the same time, Grant could only explain the solution of quadratic equations through the discriminant to seven-year-old village Gopnik.
- Hey... Eek. Why are you so smart and... - Grant was indignant and once again knocked back 100 grams.
- And why are you indignant... - Rex also knocked back a shot glass, - So, where were we? I'm slowing down.
- I'm slow. Grant laughed, but Rex was not in the mood for jokes.
- Shut your porcelain airlock. We talked about this. We've been talking.
- About the children," Garrus, who was still conscious, cut in. Relative.
- Yes! That's right, thank you.- thanked Rex- Yes, we talked about babies and...
- Females. Eek...," Garrus corrected again.
- Exactly! Who would we take from our own to have children?" continued Rex, and Grant answered immediately.
- Shepherd.
- Shepherd, what? Rex didn't understand.
- I'll take Shepherd." Grant repeated, causing Rex to react violently.
- HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! You haven't grown a shag yet, got it. She's gonna be mine. And she's going to give birth to my krogan.
- She's human. Garrus said.
- And she'll give birth to a krogan! Rex persisted.
- "She'll give birth to a human because she's a human!" explained Grant.
- I'M A KROGAAAAAN! And she's going to give birth to a krogaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" said Rex.
- Man gives birth to man. It's a trivial-- Eek. Nuclear plumbing." said Garrus, and then Zayed stepped in.
- Stop explaining the toaster manual's third amendment cooking factor of strawberries. It's already quantum woodworking, and I don't understand a damn thing about it. - after this incomprehensible set of words, Zaid fell with a thud on the bar, where everyone was sitting - Guys, something we've overdone... Eek..." Zaid said without raising his head.
- Yeah... - Garrus supported, - Let's... Eek. Let's wrap it up. Or Shepard's gonna get mad and pick... Eek. Liara.
- Who do you want to pick? Zaid asked.
- Samara." said Garrus, to everyone's surprise.
- What the hell are you talking about? - Zaid didn't understand.
- She and I have had the same notions of... justice. And also... She's the only thing that makes me want to quit calibration myself.
- Ooh! All three guys said it at once.
- That's love. There's nothing to say. Zaid said.
- So what?" Garrus was indignant, "She's the one... Eek. Who understands me. She's so good. And her eyes. I should have gone a long time ago. Eek. To start a family.
- It's starting... - Rex said and drank another 100 grams.
- Listen, we're in the wrong place... Eek... We started with war stories, then continued with the treatment of genophage with the help of alien dolls, and ended with lamour. What are we, anyway, huh?
- Krogan.- Rex answered.
- Crogan. Grant replied.
- Unhappy in love.- replied Garrus and knocked back another glass.
- No..." said Zaid, "We're all men!
- YES!" said Grant and Rex.
- Yeah. Eek..." said Garrus, staring into the void, but he picked up the glass like the others. And then his head collapsed on the bar, and his hand, apparently living its own life and suffering from Dr Strangelove's disease, followed suit because instead of knocking the glass on the bar, his hand missed, as it had no eyes, and smashed the glass to the floor with all its might. No one really paid attention to it.
- Wow... And if we're men, we need...
- Booze, said Rex.
- Shotguns, said Grant.
- No," said Zaid, "Firstly, shotguns are for our Tali and don't even try to argue with that.
- Why is that? Rex didn't get it.
- Because she has a shotgun. - this time, even through the veil of about two litres of Russian vodka, you could hear the fear in Zaid's voice;- And secondly, all men need a woman.
- Yes! - Grant and Rex said together again.
- Why do you need a woman?" suddenly asked a young man with pale skin, long curly hair, fringes slicked back, and brown eyes. However, in the club's darkness and behind the veil of alcohol, no one could see the stranger's facial features.
- Who else am I going to sleep with, pardon my French?" asked Zaid, who did not understand what was being asked of him. Although, for example, the questions "Who is he?", "Why is he looking at me with a slight smirk?" and "Why is he sober?" did not arise for Zaid. No matter how long Zaid had practised the arts of "Drinking", "Drunken punching", and "Drunken punching while saving a girl from the bulls", and no matter how long the mercenary had poured his chakras, apparently hoping that they would mutate and become a natural implant against intoxication, the purest Citadel alcohol had completely killed any rudiments of reason in Zaid. Alcohol is evil.
- Well, why should you give in to these chimaeras? There are other kinds of love. - said the guy and Zaid still did not understand what this was not suspicious and not hinting at anything was leading to.
- What's your name, kid?" Zaid asked.
- Stephen. Steven Korges. But it's just Stevie to you," said this Steven.
- Okay, Stevie. What do you want from me?
- You know, I like you. You're so powerful and rough. I like that kind of guy.
- What?" Zaid didn't understand, but he didn't have time to say anything else because Stevie was on Zaid's lips. Rex and Grant saw nothing as they began to argue over who danced better, the Azari or the Krogan, but Zaid did nothing. Even as Stevie's tongue walked across his mouth, Zaid remained silent. But after a minute, Stevie finished and looked at the mercenary, whose eyes exuded emptiness.
- How was it? You liked it, huh? We can continue at my flat. It's not far," Stevie said, looking at the mercenary with a slightly cheeky smile.
- AAAAAAAAAAAH, HELP!!! HOMOPHOBES ARE ATTACKING!!!" shouted Steven, who was now running through the Citadel's shopping corridors at the speed of an electric train.
- I'M GONNA GET YOU, BITCH!!!! I'm gonna give you so much more; you won't be able to sit down anymore!!!!" shouted Zaid, who was running after Stephen, holding a fire extinguisher and no trace of his intoxication. What you don't see on the Citadel.
****
Sushi Bar.
When the aircar landed and opened the doors, Tali and I stepped out. We immediately froze, inspecting the beautiful, bright and mesmerising queue that had gathered at this sushi bar. I was the one examining it, and Tali was examining the lighting at the entrance. Still, the sensible have learnt to make beautiful decorations outside to attract attention. Tali stared at it for about a minute, and then I did take her by the elbow and turned to her.
- Let's go.
- Huh? Yeah... Yeah, let's go.- she replied, and we walked quietly into the bar. And then past the queue.
- Hey, what the hell, turian face!?" one man said indignantly. The others weren't so bold, but I wasn't left out. I bent the first and third fingers of my right hand and held it to the man without glancing at him. The hint was clear, so the dumbfounded man, who had been shown a human sign by a turian, just shut up. In the meantime, the Frenchman called me and Tali.
- What a young couple! Can I help you? - he asked, clearly having a French accent, although the translator did not show it.
- We have a reservation. - I said, and Unicom showed the necessary data.
- Yes, yes, of course. Please follow me. - the Frenchman quickly took us to our table, which I was able to brazenly grab. But I paid for everything, so don't call me a hacker. I only took it away from the azari and hanar. Ironically, they're in jail right now. Here, have a seat. You've got the menu. Have a nice evening. He wished us.
- Thank you," I thanked him, and the Frenchman quickly disappeared.
- You know, Legatus, - said Tali, looking around the surroundings and interior, - I don't even know how you guessed it, but... Thank you for bringing me here.
- You're welcome. Is this your first time in a place like this?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.
- Not exactly. I mean. Yes, it is, but there's something else. You see, during the Pilgrimage, I used to walk along the street near this restaurant and... I dreamed of coming here. It was impossible, I had no money, but I dreamed of coming here anyway. I dreamed I'd save Galactica and come here.
- You dreamed of saving Galactica? I said with a little laugh.
- Yes, I did. As it turns out, dreams do come true.
- Well, you defeated Saren," I reminded him. "By the way, how did you do it?
- Well, to make a long story short. He really didn't like ethylene oxide grenades.
- You threw incendiary grenades? I asked ironically.
- Yes. And burned down the entire council chamber. Accidentally.
- I see. It's called Don't Get in the Way of the Underworld or, in lay terms, Team Shepard.
- Come on, we're not that scary." Tali tried to dismiss it.
- Yeah, we're not that scary. Tell me you're white and fluffy. I've seen the data from the heretic station, particularly the statistics of deaths in collisions with you. Three hundred and forty-five Stormtroopers were crushed.
- Well, there was that.
- Seventy-three Juggernauts crushed.
- Erm... Heh-heh.
- Seven crushed Primes.
- Eww...
- Seventeen crushed walking tanks.
- Oh.
- And three crushed Colossi," I finished, and then added, "And that's not counting the ones you killed with Mako guns, the ones you killed with weapons, biotics, in hand-to-hand combat, grenades, knives, and, as strange as it sounds, by falling on them with your carcass.
- It's... Rex once climbed up to the first floor and jumped on Jagger. He didn't appreciate the humour. And he won't," Tali said, pretending to be innocent but laughing. Of course, she was still wearing her mask so as not to arouse suspicion or avoid accidentally bumping into other Quarians. People would ask how that was possible.
- I wanted to know if you decided to explore all the planets of Terminus. I didn't understand because I wasn't there.
- No. It's just that Shepard Wanted to keep us well-fed. And that takes money. That's how we made money. We studied the planet, set up beacons and sold the data to human colonial companies. They paid well, and we didn't have to pay taxes, which was nice. Although we did find other, as Shepard said, perks.
- Spoils? Yeah, that was weird coming from Tali. What kind of spoils?
- All sorts of things. Matriarch Dilinaga's records, Protean discs, threshers, pirate bases, smugglers, mercenaries, Cerberus-- Kila, I wouldn't say I like Cerberus.
- And what did you find at Cerberus? That was interesting.
- In one lab, they were turning humans into Huskies, just like the ones on Vermair and Eden Prime. All to see the transformation process. There was also a lab with Torianin crawlers, you know, Tori. They growled so much. Brrrr...- it was obvious that Tali wasn't too happy to talk about it.
- Okay, okay, that's it. I didn't mean to.
- No, no, no, no, no. It's-- It's okay. I just really-- I don't like Cerberus. There was another lab with Rachni.
- Rachni? I was surprised. Although I remember a mission in the game that had something to do with that.
- Yeah. Cerberus was trying to grow them in incubators and make them all biotic. They were irradiated with null elements and implanted with implants. They had some success, except they couldn't control them at all. When we arrived, all the Cerberus were dead, and we cleaned up and found the videos... Rachni. They were screaming so loud. So loud. They were in so much pain when they were being irradiated..." She sounds like she's going off the deep end. I shouldn't have said that.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's it. It's over now. Calm down. Are you gonna order something?" I changed the subject because Tali's going to fall apart.
- Я... Oh, well. I don't know. I didn't eat any of it.
- Neither have I." I backed her up, and I could have sworn she smiled.
- You know, I've been meaning to talk to you. It's about-" Tali was slow to talk about it, and I was starting to guess what she was trying to talk about.
- Children," I said randomly and instantly realised I'd hit the mark.
- Y-yes. You see, ah. Why did you say that?
- Tali, I didn't mean that I want it right now or that I want it at all. Besides, I'm already a father, and I have Susie. I'm just afraid of-- Of taking it away from you. I had to get it out of me. It still took even me a while to find the right words.
- Is that so? I mean. Do you mean you think it's such a big loss?
- Wasn't it? I didn't expect that answer. Although, in a way, I was glad I did.
- Well. Eh, I don't know. Я... I haven't thought about it. I never have. I usually think about family after the Pilgrimage, but I didn't have time.
- Rael? I asked, and I hit the ten again.
- Yeah. Fly in and out, check-in and out. I tried to talk to everyone at first, one guy I even... I liked him. It wasn't love; it was just. Communication or something. And then he died, and I couldn't take it. I shut myself away, and I wouldn't let anyone in. Trying to protect him.
- Yeah. You know, there's something else I wanted to say back on Normandy. Forgive me if you can.
- For-- For what? What do you mean? Tali didn't understand, but I struggled to talk about it.
- That my Geth killed so many of your men. I've been thinking about that ever since she told me she loved me. Then I felt a twinge of conscience. I realised I'd caused her so much pain. Yes, I did everything possible to save the Quarians, but sometimes they had no choice. And that's what hurt.
- Legatus. It's not your fault. It's my father, who was always giving orders. It's also... It was my fault. Я.
- It's not your fault at all, I said sternly.
- No, Legatus. You only know some things. When I was three months into my deployment, I-- I... - Tali couldn't say it, but I was left wondering what had happened. After a few seconds Tali looked around as if she was looking for someone or wanted to make sure no one was there. Then she spent another minute twiddling her thumbs, her heartbeat racing to a maximum, "So then I... Purposely sent a squad on the goths. To kill them.
- Geth?" I asked as I didn't fully understand. But all I got was a negative nod, "So... You mean you sacrificed your squad?
- Yes...-hell, she's already crying. What kind of an idiot am I? I wanted to show my father what happens when we do what he says. I made sure none of our people came back. I tried to get my father to stop attacking the Goths, but he just hit me and told me to get ready for my next mission. He didn't care about the deaths of 30 soldiers, only the mission's failure. Я... I killed them for nothing. I'm a killer, Legatus, you know. Я... I'm sorry..." After these words, she got up from the chair and tried to leave the restaurant, but luckily I was faster. I immediately stood up, grabbed her hand and pulled her against me. Tight, so she wouldn't run away. I killed them all on purpose.
- Come on, Tali. It's okay," I whispered to her, so the others wouldn't hear us while she was already shaking from crying. Still, now she'd basically spoken her worst sin.
- Come on... Let's go back to Normandy. It's so-- Cosy. I couldn't argue with that. Normandy is our home now, and it's much cosier.
- Of course, it is. Let's go. - I agreed, and we both went to the exit. And now I was wondering what the others were doing there.
****
Somewhere on the Citadel...
- I'm telling you, there are fish in the Presidium." said the krogan to his mate.
- There are no fish there! You idiot!" replied his completely sober companion, to everyone's surprise.
- But there is so much water there! - the first krogan did not stop.
- Another krogan, with yellowish skin, red eyes and plates, and good scars on his head, suddenly shouted at the whole level. Next to him was a krogan with blue eyes, and he was larger than his mate by a few centimetres. And both of them had a bottle of krogan liquor. - Why are you so dull as warren shit?!
- It's none of your business!" said the krogan who was calming down his mate.
- Wait... We want to find fish in the Presidium, said the first krogan.
- There are no fish in there! - said the second krogan.
- "So," said the red-eyed krogan, "let's go.
- Where to? - said both krogan, to which the other two krogan approached.
- To look for fish, said the blue-eyed one.
- Yes! - said the first, and then took the bottle from the "red-eyed" and finished all, and that's half, of its contents.
- Oh no!" said the second one disappointedly, and he had to follow his friend. Otherwise, it would not be nice.
****
In some arsehole in the Citadel...
- MEEEEERGOOOOOL!!!" roared a drunken Garrus, who slipped on some brown mass and flew down the stairs to the basement, where the Salarian Mergol had his underground workshop. The turian managed to do Frolov's chakra, Immelman's coup de grace, a barrel, and a cobra, and only then could he fall to the sinful concrete floor of the basement.
- Garrus!" marvelled the Salarian, who he certainly didn't expect to see.
- Mergol, fuck left...- Garrus blurted out, getting up, even though the alcohol was singing the lullaby "Sleep, drunkard, sleep and don't get up!" very vigorously.
- What the fuck, Garrus. We had a deal," the Salarian began, "I opened a legitimate shop and paid my taxes. You forgive me for my black market transgressions. Garrus, you're drunk off your arse.
- God damn you, Merlog, shut the fuck up. - and then the turian pointed at the jeweller a pistol of a strange shape, black in colour and with some turquoise lines.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Garrus, easy. Я... I'm not in the black market anymore; I'm done. Я... I got a family now. Azari. I even got a daughter.
- Listen. Eek. "I'm paying attention," said Garrus, trying to speak clearly. Even a drunk man's diction should be clear. It's time to pay back the debts.
- Listen, Ga..." - Mergol stammered when suddenly it struck him - "Do you need money?
- Go to the Abyss... Ick. - Garrus sent the Salarian far and wide - I have a problem here - Garrus pointed his gun at the part of his body where his heart was. Anyway. Take it out. Eek. Your boron machine, you fucking dentist, and take your order. Eek. I need. Need-- Two rings. For me ee-ik... azari... Just... Is gold even good for an Azhari?
- You've chosen your date! - Merlog finally figured it out! - You should have said so right away. - The Salarian jeweller couldn't be happy that Garrus was not here to kill him but to place an order. And, of course, he had no intention of charging a price. He wasn't going to put a price on it at all. - You know, the Azari like white gold. And blue diamonds, they call them sapphire diamonds. Very rare. So, who's your date, anyway? If it's no secret.
- She's... - Garrus started to remember what he knew about his beloved - She's about seven hundred years old. She's a Justiciar. Recently I and our whole team killed her daughter Ardat-Yakshi.
- Garrus, do you have your head on straight or what? Justicars aren't allowed to have families.
- No, you're really pushing it, you toad!" said Garrus, pointing his gun almost point-blank at the Salarian's head and pulling the safety off.
- ALL-ALL-ALL, make two rings!" cried Mergol, "Why are you so nervous?
- I'm in love," the turian replied, watching the process.
****
Cafe at the Presidio.
Liara and Jane could sit quietly in the cafe near the Presidio ponds. It was a quiet place, and the Citadel turned off the cloud simulator at night, so they could look at marvellous space views.
- Look, I-- I can't eat this," Jane said. She had trusted Liara's taste for the menu and ordered something very strange. The main ingredient was small, centimetre thick and four inches long, steamed tentacles, plus rice; as it turned out after the First Contact, rice was the most favoured of the Azari and had been cultivated since ancient times, plus some vegetables, a spicy black sauce, bell peppers, the same story as the rice, and paprika. And then some other spices, to taste. And now Liara was trying to get Jane to eat at least a bite.
- Jane, just a bite." Liara said.
- Well... Well, I can't. Jane wouldn't stop.
- Why not?" Liara asked with frustration, tired, fifth attempt, but still with a laugh.
- Well... Eh, I feel like... That I'm eating your kin... It's just that there are tentacles...
- Ohhhhhh..." Liara was angry but still kept her hands up, "Goddess, help me teach this clueless girl that azari doesn't have tentacles.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, you've said that a few hundred times. They're outgrowths of cartilage.
- ... that we can't move.
- It's also very sensitive," Shepherd continued.
- ... erogenous zone. Yes, Jane, my physiology exam is over. Now eat!" said Liara, sliding the plate over to her. She'd already devoured hers.
- Well... It's... Jane stabbed a tentacle on her fork and was about to eat it when suddenly the Presidium was filled with the booming voice of drunken men.
- FISHYYYYYBAAAAAA!!! - and immediately, a krogan carcass fell into the pond. From the fall of the krogan bomb, Liara, Jane and their entire table were doused with water, and the candles that gave the romantic effect were extinguished.
- WHERE ARE THEY!!! - a second krogan voice sounded, another krogan fell into the water, and another wave doused the sweet couple.
- HEAVEN!!!- the third krogan didn't leave himself waiting and threw himself into the water too.
- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! - It would seem that God loves a trinity, but as it turned out, Legatus shouldn't have let Grant play Warhammer 40,000. The wave from him was the biggest and ended up leaving Jane and Liara soaked to the skin, the food ruined, and the date, which lasted ten minutes, even more so. And only a small tentacle remained on Jane's fork. And while all four krogan swam in the pond, occasionally diving and doing synchronised swimming, the SBC turians shouted at the Presidio, "GET THE KROGAN POWERS, FUCK YOU!!!" Jane stared meaningfully at the tentacle, which, surprisingly, would not move or wriggle, though Jane would not have been surprised. After a few more seconds, Jane did eat the tentacle, chewed, swallowed, and asked Liara a question in surprise.
- Is that a chicken?
****
The Citadel. Somewhere on its grounds.
- Isn't it beautiful?" Tali asked me, looking up at the stars. It was night, and I was beginning to feel glad I'd spent so much time in customs. The Vorks were rejoicing, scaring the Citadel people with their sight, scaring the SBC with their SPECTRE clearance. I was with the best girl in this universe, whom I had already managed to calm down, looking up at the stars, snuggling in the arms of my platform.
- Yeah," I confirmed, "I didn't know it was so beautiful.
- To be honest, neither did I," Tali said, "There are no Quarians here. It's the cream of the crop who need space.... tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk. Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
- Gypsies," I corrected her, "They're a people on Earth. By the way, the Quarians have nothing in common with them.
- Why not? We're all horse thieves. Horse thieves. We're the only ones with horses travelling through space. When I got busted, a man at the SSC explained that to me. That was two weeks before I met Shepherd.
- Well, there are a lot of differences between you two. You Quarians don't steal children, you don't beg using children, you don't steal from vegetable gardens, you don't trade brides, you don't marry without consent, you don't kill for insulting a relative, you don't do fortune-telling, you don't cast spells...
- Well, that's a lot of differences. Who can you compare us to?" she asked suddenly.
- Compare us? Barbarians.
- Thank you.
- No, you don't get it." I started to justify myself, but Tali didn't even let me finish. "You see, a long time ago, humans had an empire. It didn't occupy the whole planet; it just surrounded one sea. Then people fought with cold weapons, built walls and did not know about ordinary gunpowder or firearms. But they built a great civilisation. Then came the barbarians. They destroyed the empire and, on its ruins, built several dozen states, which were constantly at war with each other. But soon, these very states covered the whole Earth with their power, and in a few centuries, these states became the basis of the Alliance of Systems. So, your people still have a long way to go. And there will be a celebration on your street. I promise." I said the last one in a whisper, right in her ear, but she took off the mask, and then I decided to distract her because I found one very curious detail. "By the way, you see that bright star, right in front of us, under the petal." I pointed to the bright star, which looked like it was under the petal just in front of us.
- Erm, yeah... I see it." said Tali.
- And then there's this really faint one underneath.
- Yeah. You can barely see it. Why?" the quarian asked.
- You see, that's the system where the Migration Fleet is. Looking out there, you're looking at someone who's out there looking at the stars right now.
- You're a romantic, Legatus. I hadn't realised you had it in you," she said, and a chuckle in her voice warmed my soul.
- I was surprised myself," I admitted, and hugged my quarian even tighter.
****
The Supernova Club.
- So you hacked into the Palaven Financial Exchange when you were, in fact, eight or nine years old? HA! I wish I lived like that!" laughed the Joker, sitting with Susie in the club.
- Well, that was my developmental level. I was actually three days old.
- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...- Joker couldn't help himself. Still, only some days you get to hear something like that. Oh, oh, sorry. Tee-hee-hee.
- It's okay. Shepard had the same reaction... But Daddy wasn't laughing at all," Susie recalled guiltily.
- Why is that?" Joker asked, sipping his juice. He would drink alcohol but couldn't get Susie drunk, not even with krogan rincol.
- He'd had to reboot all the servers on that exchange. Luckily, he had time to save all the data to a backup. If he hadn't, the Hierarchy's entire economy would have collapsed immediately.
- Yeah, that would have been inconvenient. The harvest is coming.
- Yeah," agreed Susie, when suddenly a turian approached her.
- Hey! What's a little girl like that doing with human scum?" the red-tattooed turian asked mockingly as he stepped between Susie and Joker, leaning against the bar where they were sitting. However, the turian now had his back to Joker.
- "Hey, aren't you crazy, you red-faced redneck?" said Susie, who was unhappy about this attitude towards herself and Joker.
- Well, well, well, why are you so serious? Relax." The turian, who stank of "MAJOR!", couldn't say anything else. Joker turned him around and punched him in the face with all his might. And immediately regretted it, as his hand was now turned into mincemeat. He didn't know it yet, of course, but 15 broken fingers, hands, and one each of radius and elbow was the result. But the problems weren't over. The turian was in pain, except he never switched off, only got angry. Hey, guys, over here." The turian ordered three more men to come over. Joker could not do much because his right hand was shredded into mincemeat, his left hand was bad, and there was not enough for all of them. Still, the pain was already hellish, though Joker endured it. Life had taught him.
- All right. Now turn round and get the fuck away from us. - Susie ordered strictly. But it had no effect.
- Hey, baby. Take it easy. We're going to deal with this scum that came up from Earth, and then we're going to have a fun evening with you," the turian said, but it only made Susie angrier. When the turian finished, she suddenly became biotic. With her foot, not having to watch "300 Spartans" two days ago, she pushed the major away from her ten metres. He crashed into the wall and immediately passed out. No fractures, but he'll be out until morning.
- What the..." said the two Turians who had come up earlier. Susie didn't hesitate as the two were already reaching for their pistols. Susie hit one turian in the stomach without biotics, and the second broke his knee with a leg kick, but she didn't touch the third one; he was unarmed.
- Hey, what the fuck! - suddenly, three SSCs ran up to Susie and Joker. And what exactly they were doing here needed to be clarified.
- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! That bitch broke my leg, aaahhhhhh.
- Come with us, said the turian from SBC.
- "I wouldn't think of it," said Susie, which made the SSC guys grin.
- Why would they do that? The turian asked.
- You're going to twist that bitch up and put her in the kutzka," said the turian with the broken leg.
- This," Susie pointed to Joker, "is the pilot of the Council's SPECTRE ship, Jane Shepard. I'm the co-pilot." Susie deliberately dug into the unic so that no one would notice that he had flashed himself and showed everyone the data about her belonging to the SPECTRE crew. Joker, though with difficulty, was still able to do the same. All the turians who saw this had their jaws dropped, and mandibles popped open.
- Erm, I apologise for the inconvenience..." the SBC man began.
- Fuck you!" Susie blurted out, then turned to the Joker, "Let's go. You have seventeen fractures.
- Yeah, it wouldn't hurt to go see Chuckwas.- replied Joker, who was still trying to smile.
****
Morning. Horrible and unforgiving.
By now, the third tube of toothpaste had been completely squeezed out and sent to the bin. Zaid had been diligently scrubbing his mouth for an hour.
- Shit!" said Zaid as he cleaned his mouth again.
- I totally agree with you, Zaid. The bitches are increasing," said Legat, watching Zaid and holding five more tubes.
- Wt no! Dn pdras n Ctdadla!" Zaid wasn't even going to take the toothbrush out of his mouth. By the way, this was the third one. The other two had given their lives to cleanse Zaid of his filth.
- And they only go for drunken men to get a hold of them!" said the Legate.
- That's a good point!" said Zaid. After a minute, Zaid rinsed his mouth and spat it out. - Wooh! That's it. Do you think that's enough?" Zaid smiled his T-800 smile, and Legatus quickly analysed everything.
- Zaid, your teeth are white. Seriously, they're whiter than Shepard's or Liara's now.
- Well, that's good enough for me," Zaeed exhaled, looking at his teeth in the mirror. How did he not go blind from such brightness?
- Now I have two questions for you, Zayed," said the Legate.
- I'm listening.
- Why did you need this fire extinguisher? - Legatus took the extinguisher, showing it to the mercenary.
- Oh, this?" Zaid examined the fire extinguisher and examined it a bit, "Well, it looks like... Looks like I put it up Stevie's arse.
- This fire extinguisher is fifteen centimetres in diameter.- Legatus noticed that little detail.
- Well, he was screaming something about something ripping, and it sounded like something soft and wet was ripping. And there was blood. A little bit. Oh, and screaming. A lot of screaming and crying. I don't remember anything else.
- Yeah, I'd have told you off, but since it was a faggot-- Pretty boy! - Legat clapped Zaid on the shoulder and then moved on to another question.- And now explain to me why you took from that guy... - Legat took the thing in his hands, stretched, and squeezed, which made a homogeneous sound - accordion.
- You know... I don't understand it myself. I noticed it in my hands when I went through customs. But it looked like a warren at the time. Hell, I didn't even know they still had them.
- And the strange and unique thing is this special accordion. It's Gennady Timofeyevich Statikovkin's personal accordion. And I can only wonder how it managed to stay in such good condition. It's not nonsense, one thousand nine hundred and fifty years of production.
- Zaid scratched his head as he realised what he had managed to pick up drunkenly, "It's a rarity. Well, it was yours; now it's ours. No faggot should have such a thing lying around.
- That's right. Let it stay with me. I'll make sure it's fully intact. I think it will serve us well." said the Legate, going to his quarters.
****
Doc.
- Is that him?" Shepard asked, pointing at Rex, who had a universal hangover on his face. The question was addressed to a small Azari girl, about 40 years old, who resembled a five-year-old human child. She was with two older azari, but it was impossible to tell their ages.
- Yes!" the girl said in a squeaky voice, "He's the one who ate Flifi!
- So, Rex, you're eating animals in the pet shop now, are you?" Shepard said in a stern, commanding voice.
- I thought it was a fish!" Rex defended himself.
- Flifi's not a fish! Fluffy's a hamster! I bought him, and you took him away and ate him! Bad big fella!" shouted the girl, and her parents just looked on and reproachfully at the krogan.
- "Rex," Shepherd said, and Rex took the hint.
- I'm sorry I ate your hamster at the pet shop when you already bought it," Rex said in a disappointed voice. He was ready to do anything to go to sleep.
- I want to punch him!" the little azari said firmly. Rex looked at Shepard, but she agreed with the girl and, with a nod, ordered him to act. So the krogan sat down on his knee, putting his head up for a punch. - Iya! - the girl punched the krogan in the face with all her might. Rex collapsed to the dock floor, and the azari rubbed her fist in pain and beat Rex with her legs. Here you go! Here you go! Here you go! Here you go!" the girl screamed until her parents dragged her away.
- That's it, Kiya. Let's go home." said the azari.
- All right, Mum. I've avenged Flifi." the girl turned around and walked out of the docks with wide strides.
- Goodbye," said the other Azari, leaving with her daughter and wife. With all three Azari gone, Shepard turned to Rex.
- Alive?
- Alive," the krogan said, getting to his feet, "I can't be beaten by a child. Now..." Rex hinted, and Shepard handed him a jar of pills. He opened it and popped all fifty pills into his mouth. It was enough to make the hangover go away. Ohhhh, I'll never drink on the Citadel again.
- Preferably." said the captain, and they both went to the Normandy. It was time to go.
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