章節 74: Chapter 71
I still had no clue what exactly Austin had done to get us into that situation, but I knew he had done something.
He always acted irrationally, especially when I wasn't around to control him. But that senior had seemed ready to beat him up. And because of that we were officially the talk of the school, and not just the middle school but the seniors as well. I wanted to die! I was half mad at Austin, but he made it impossible for me to act out, and it was obvious that all he really wanted was answers. He had, however, promised to keep quiet about that matter and let it slide. I didn't want any more problems so I had told him to just say nothing even if he was asked about it. And to not react to anything anyone said because there was no use. It was always like that with rumours and they were going to die within no time. In a couple of days someone else was going to do something even crazier and all the focus was going to shift to them, but in the meantime we had to try and remain cool. I couldn't separate from Austin, even if that would help solve the issue. I had to have him close by otherwise I wasn't going to be myself at all. During lunch time, I didn't want to go to the cafeteria, so I went outside to bask in the sun instead. It was no surprise that Austin was with me, he was always with me. Especially during lunchtime.
His mom would pack lunches for both of us a lot of the time, and is she didn't get to do so, she would give each of us money for lunch. On that day she had given us both cash, but I had earlier on decided to save mine so that I could afford to buy Austin a gift on his birthday. He knew I was saving it but he had no clue for what, and because he didn't want to see me stay hungry, he'd share his did with me. He said he liked it when we are together, that it felt nice. If he wanted to really mess with me, he'd pretend we were on a date and try to feed me. He joined me in class after getting his food...as usual. But I was extra weary so I gestured to the desk behind mine and asked him to sit. Everyone else was hunting down those everyday touches we'd offer each other. Something Austin and I had been doing for ages, yet it wasn't up until that morning that they decided it wasn't quite normal.
He put his trey km the desk, but instead of sitting as I had advised him to, he came over and stood right next to me, placing one hand
on the desk's surface and the other one the back of my chair, then he leaned in with those grey eyes that always felt different whenever he was talking about me. A major reason why I was so in need of Austin was the fact that he always made me feel special. His excitement whenever he saw me never failed to cheer me up, it showed that he enjoyed being in my presence as much as I enjoyed being in his.
" Please sit, "
He shook his head. A clear and determined no. Normally he was always defiant, it was a hidden charm of his, but these days there was a lot more to it. He sometimes felt so far away, too deep in his own thoughts. And in as much as I wanted to pull him back I couldn't. I feared he was too far for my reach.
" What's gotten into you?" I asked because there was something seriously off. He was acting up way too much. It's like he was intentionally picking up fights with me simply because he wanted some sort of reaction. But he had to understand that he couldn't force me to think or say whatever he wanted me to. If I didn't want to speak about that forbidden topic then there was nothing he could do to change it.
" You know, some people kill themselves because of this. If you refuse to accept who you are then you'll probably be really depressed soon. "
" What have you been watching?"
He got more than half of his universal knowledge either from computer games or very bad TV shows. They had probably spoiled his mind rotten, making him speak so unreasonably.
" I'm trying to help you here but you're making it hard. "
" Help me with what?"
" Your identity. "
" Okay, I'm done. I just can't deal with you anymore, "
I stood up, ready to leave. Looking away from the food because it only served to remind me of how hungry I was. I was starting to consider giving my friendship with Austin a short break. And by short I meant a couple of hours because that's was as long as I would be able to go on without him. He was starting to sound genuinely crazy. I mean, I knew what he was saying and I clearly understood what he was referring to, but didn't want to talk about it then...or ever.
Seriously though, that topic was too much for me and he ought to have realized how serious I was about treading anywhere around it. But he must have really woken up with a mission to anger me that day because the more I told him to quit it the more passionate about it he became.
Too much so.
" I know everyone is talking, but what if that's not a bad thing?"
" I'm not doing this with you. "
" You were gonna have to come out sooner-"
" Come out of where? For what reason? Have I ever told you that I need to come out?"
" You don't need to tell me, it's what all gay--"
" Don't you dare! Why's your problem Austin?"
He was taking things a bit too far. At school? He knew how I felt about public attention, especially when it was at school, with all those students just looking at us like we were a rare and unique sight they couldn't keep their eyes off. I don't know how it happened but we ended up arguing, and it wasn't in a fun and playful manner like we were used to. We were literally throwing words at each other, his intentions were to make me open up more, but he was going at it the wrong way. That wasn't something you could force on someone but he didn't seem to be aware of that.
I didn't like confrontations, they just made me sick to my stomach. The simple idea of having to talk back to someone with the genuine intentions of hurting them had never sat well with me. In short, I just hated it.
" ..but I do love you!"
" Will you stop saying it like that?!"
" Like what?"
" Like that! You know what I'm talking about so quit messing around. "
The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch break, we had to get to class but he wasn't finished. I decided it would be better to give him some room and time to himself so that he could be able to calm down a bit. I started walking out, shaking him off when he held my hand. He was acting like he was out of control, as if he wasn't really himself. I was starting to realize that it wasn't just about me, there was so much more that was going through his mind. It sort of hurt because he always told me anything that was bothering him, despite how little and insignificant it was. I had to force him to let go, but he eventually did, then he stood there and simply watched me as I walked away. I hoped that the next time we talked he would be calmer. All he had to do was find a nice quiet place and think about things, I knew that wasn't his preferred method of cooling down but he had to try. My knowledge on Austin let me know that if he didn't try to control himself then it would only be a matter of time before he actually got into a fight. All the ones he had been in before hadn't really been a big deal. He had always just aimed to provoke the other people with no plans of actually hitting them or anything.
He came to class just as the teacher wa about to start, so she wanted for him to get settled down first before she commenced. It felt weird sitting there, among all those students who were not trying to hide their interest in my business. They all wanted to know about him as well. They kept staring, with curiosity more than anything else. This girl even passed me a note saying that Austin and I looked really good together. How was I supposed to not show up there again. I was definitely not ever going to look anyone in the eyes after that. Halfway through the lesson, I felt his eyes on me, staring too hard! I didn't want to look back so I just watched the teacher as she placed the small space at the front, explaining some mathematical formula. But eventually, it became too much to handle. I have no clue what he always did to me, but I was always compelled to look at him. To ensure that he was okay.
I expected to see that same look as before, the one that said he was determined to get his way no matter what. But instead, all I saw was anger. He was furious and there was no way for me to deny it. You could even feel it from where I was standing. Something was really pissing him off and I stared back, hoping he was going to stay put till after class. I could approach him then and try to get him to calm down because he was exaggerating the entire thing. And if he was up for it he could also tell me what the other issues were because I knew they were there.
I tried to get him to focus, but he just kept staring. His eyes narrowed like he was plotting something. Then he finally looked away from me and started playing idly with his pen. I silently sighed and run a hand through his hair.
It was about ten minutes later when he surprisingly raised his hand. something I had never seen him do before.
We were all a little shocked, not only because he had raised his hand, but rather because no question had been asked. The teacher stopped and nodded at him, asking him to go ahead and say what he wanted to.
I recall that quiet, and that feeling in my guy which warned me that he was about to either say or do something inappropriate and I would have to be the one to save him as always.
At least that's what I thought before he talked. But after he uttered those words my reasoning glitched up I was unable to gather even my most random of thoughts.
" Mrs. Kinn please tell Kyle that there's nothing wrong with being gay. "
That cursed boy!, I thought.
That crazy, unreasonable and temporarily self-centered boy!
Out of all the stupid things he could have done he had to go ahead and pick the craziest one. The one that was going to directly affect me more than all the rest.
He knew that things had been bad enough as they were, yet he went ahead and did that.
All eyes fell on me, including his.
A group of eleven and twelve year olds were staring at me with complete awe. Like I was an alien.
I immediately looked at Austin, thinking I'd find a hint of regret for his actions, but there was none at all.
" I beg your pardon Austin?" The teacher asked. She was just as horrified by the question as the rest of us were. That's not the sort of thins you asked your teacher, absolutely no way then. I didn't like the fact that she had asked him to repeat the question, it wasn't something I wanted to hear twice. She gave me a short glance before looking at. Proof that she had indeed heard me the first time that comment was made.
" Kyle loves me, but he doesn't wanna admit it because he's too worried about what all of you will think and say. "
I audibly gasped. It felt like one of those scenarios where you were there while something was happening, yet you felt as if you were watching everything as a third party. Just peeping in through a tiny space because the content was too much even for me to bear. He had seriously gone way too far, he had no right! I didn't care whether he was upset with me or if in his own twisted ways, he was trying to help me out. What he had done was just wrong and embarrassing and there was absolutely no way I would be able to live it down. That news was going to spread and it would be stuck in people's minds for way more than a few days. People didn't forget things like that. I was pretty sure that from that day, that would be the first things that came to people's minds whenever they say me. He wasn't being stubborn, he was being selfish and uncaring. The teacher turned pale, she looked at Austin, then at me and raised both eyebrows. She seemed very taken aback.
" Austin I don't think this is the appropriate-"she began but he cut her off.
" All the signs are there! He just doesn't want to admit it!He knows I love him too and he still won't accept the truth. "
I looked at Austin and shook my head even though he wasn't looking at me. I needed him to stop because with each word he uttered I felt my world as it cracked and got ready to break. To completely shutter.
" You're a teacher, you're smart right ? Tell me what I should do then, "
I was right there. And if it weren't for the fact that we were eleven I would have probably suspected he was high on drugs or something. The more he spoke the worse I felt. The number of whispers this time were so many, it just sounded like people talking. And he was casually seated there like he had done nothing at all. And he shot me this look, there was nothing likeable about it. It basically screamed the word ego.
I had wanted to hush those rumours, but he had gone ahead and helped to distribute them instead. There are certain things that you didn't mess with and that was someone's reputation. And he had basically just trampled all over mine.
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