章節 38: Chapter 36
" Austin, come on. "
It was always him, whenever I was in that state he was always the one to blame. I had intended the words to come out as a warning. A threat of sorts.
But I rather sounded needy and breathless. I could feel his breath heating the skin of my cheek. I knew he was doing it all on purpose, and that he could very clearly see what all that was doing to me, but my brain refused to function normally. There was no way for me to pretend I felt nothing when with each breath I took I took in that exotic scent of him. It was making my mind run wild, and somehow I ended up leaning against him.
I couldn't fight that imaginary pull that had my mind fixated on him.
Austin was like an illegal drug, the last thing you wanted was to get addicted to him. But he was so fucking tempting and naturally charming there was no way to stop his effect on me. And his charm was unique, could only be related to him.
" What is it about this that scares you Stevens? You have no idea how many times I've thought of this. Of you. "
" Quit it already, you can't keep telling me things like that. "
He kissed my neck. There was a natural intimacy to the action. He wasn't even trying yet everything he did seemed expertly executed, starting from where he placed his hand to how he used his words. He owned a double edged sword. And he was slicing me apart mercilessly. The scary thing however, was that I seemed to be enjoying that pain.
It was all twisted and complex and impossible to explain, even for me.
" I won't stop, " that humourous tone. He made it sound as if I were the crazy one between us for saying such a thing.
" I can't stop, neither do I want to. "
He removed his hand slowly from underneath my shirt. And after placing another kiss on my cheek he stood up straight and placed a hand on my shoulder. There was no other contact apart from that.
" You don't want me to either. " He matter of factly stated. I wondered what was wrong with me. I really wanted him to get closer again, to delete that tiny distance between us. I already missed his warmth,but I wasn't going to let it show because for some reason I was set on acting as if I didn't care. We had ages ago devised our own cat and mouse game and I liked it. It made things easier since we each had a role to play, but as it was with most games, we pretended to be unaware of its existence.
The second that hand on my shoulder let go, I turned around to look at him. A very large part of me was craving his touch, even if it was light and unintentional. But the only way to get it would be if I either asked or made the first move. I wasn't the one who made the first moves and I never wanted to be. It was better if that remained Austin's role.
" Do your homework, " he casually stated before he turned around and started walking away. I frowned in total confusion. He had told me he'd be staying for two hours and my mind had already digested that information and gotten used to it. He couldn't just leave!
" Where're you going?" I called out after him. He didn't even stop, but he did shoot me a glance over his shoulder. And that made me want to kill him a thousand times more. I wasn't sure why I was comparing it to this, but him walking out felt like I was being stood up. I assumed it was how people felt when they got ready to go and meet someone only for the someone in question to not turn up.
The feeling was devastating.
" I'm leaving!" he very casually declared, and I watched with wide eyes as he walked around the counter and began making his way to the door.
" Leaving?"
The level of disappointment coating that question was impossible to ignore. He stopped and turned to face me. I expected to see either a proud smile or a satisfied smirk, but I saw neither. What I rather saw was a confused expression which in turn made me confused.
" Yeah, leaving. Isn't that what you want?" he gestured to the door and raise a brow. It felt like a trap. Seemed like one as well. I saw all the red lights as they flashed ad warned me against walking into it. But as I had said, ours was the most complex if relationships. So confusing it was impossible to put into words. But the same truth was that I honestly didn't want him to leave, and I was willing to sit that if it got him to stay. And I hoped he was going to play his part and not make a big deal out of anything. The complexity itself however came from the fact that I knew he was most likely messing with me, but I had no problem with pretending I didn't know.
" When did I ask you to do that?" I muttered loud enough for him to hear. All my focus on my books because I wanted to play it off casually and not act like I cared.
He made feel like such a cliche teenager! The behavior I portrayed when I was with him was the same one I rolled my eyes to whenever I saw others portraying it.
" So you don't want me to leave?"
He was pushing it. His desire to always get what he wanted sometimes overtook him.
" Do whatever you want, "
Stay...I meant stay. And I had been completely sure that he was going to do just that, but I looked up and found him reaching for the door handle. My confusion heightened. That disappointment was real. And I was also angry because he was leaving just like that. Without saying a word. And I was itching to call him out on it, but my ego rose to the top and kept quiet and just watched him leave.
I thought over what had happened, everything that had occured since we walked into that store. I was trying to figure out whether I had somehow said something that I shouldn't have. Austin was that type of person. When he got upset he could react either of two ways. Throw a punch or walk out and wallow in silence. But I couldn't think of anything I possibly could have said.
I tapped my pen restlessly on my book and fisted my hand in my hair. Questioning the possibility of it all being an actual game. Perhaps I was reading too much into things.
It was unfair for him to do that sort of thing. Get me all hyped up just to walk out.
But he was already gone and there was nothing I could do about it.
A few minutes later, my phone buzzed. I immediately checked because I thought it was one of my classmates telling me the questions I had asked. But it was actually him.
" Burger or chicken nuggets?"
I studied the text as if I had forgotten how to read and was finding it impossible to understand. And then I felt a stupid smile as it overpowered me. He hadn't left after all. Just the mention of food made me realize how hungry I was. But I didn't want to respond to his question because I wasn't too comfortable with him buying me food. And it wasn't even the first time he was doing so. Another text came in and I read it.
" Nevermind, "
I was convinced he had gone over to Trenny's. It was right across the street, conveniently close. I forced myself to focus on my books until a few minutes later when he walked back in, two bags of Trenny's in his hand which he raised up and them winked.
" You'd better be hungry, I might have overdone it on the food. "
Without waiting for my reply, he walked over to me and placed the bags in the counter. Then he started taking them out and any thread of concentration I had on my assignment vanished. And I had a strong feeling he was doing that for me. He'd bought the chicken nuggets...a lot of them. But he had also bought my favorite burger. And then there was the two bottles of my favorite apple juice. And I spotted fries as well. The entire space smelt like food,and considering how long it had been since I ate, I couldn't help but feel hungrier than I had been. I knew I ought I take better care of myself. It was quite obvious that I didn't. But I sometimes I forgot, and I was always too busy to walk across the street and grab a bite. Or I pretended I was because it felt tiresome and I just wanted to save the cash for something else.
" Here, " he reached over and closed my books for me,then he pushed them away and set the food in front of me.
" We don't want you getting oil all over your assignment, " he said afterwards.
He was making it impossible to stay mad at him.
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