---
The Don's estate was just as beautiful as I remembered. I was in an incredibly good mood and giggled delightfully as I spun around in the air. The Don and his men looked very confused at my behavior. Ammy poked Pyronica and asked if she knew what was going on. She shrugged but seemed glad that I was feeling better. Xanthar ambled up to nuzzle her. "Hey Xanthar~what were you and Bill up to?"
As per always Xanthar didn't respond but he did lay down and roll on the grass. Despite my attempts to teach him ASL he just couldn't fully wrap his mind around the idea. He knew a few basic signs but generally preferred to just not bother.
"I made a friend while I was picking Xanthar up!" I squealed happily.
"Oh? Are we getting a new roommate again?" Pyronica sighs fondly. My joy calms but my smile is as wide as ever. "No actually, she has her own home and doesn't have any pressing concerns that would force her to leave. But she said she wants to be friends!" I was absolutely giddy.
"Oh~she~?" Pyronica drawls with a knowing waggle of her eyebrow. I sputter while she laughs. Don Jorgio just looks confused. "Look, enough about me, hey Don, is that water slide still here?"
Jorgio quickly collects himself and tries to look elegant and suave. "If you mean the fountain, yes, it is still in the side garden."
"Woo! Race you guys to the water slide!" I flew off cackling madly. I heard my friends hooting loudly as they ran after me. Don Jorgio was trying in vain to keep up with us, poor man just didn't know how to deal with our energetic chaos. Xanthar knocks over some bushes.
As I flew I continued flickering through images. Kryptos being shoved into the robot. Some of the Don's scientists trying to develop a way to use people as batteries. Remote controlled robots. Using living creatures as a power source allowed the robots to pass through many types of detection scanners.
Kryptos being given to the Don as a sacrifice/payment for his family's debt.
There it was. I frowned even as I blinked the image away. So I know why he's here now. How do I save him? Even if Jorgio is a brat, I didn't want to lose my alliance with his family. I've invested so many years of Deals with them. I didn't know enough yet. Best to just sit back and watch for now. Wait for an opportunity or make one myself once I learn more about the situation.
I get to the fountain which was large enough I could use it as a water slide. I make a show of playing on it as everyone else comes over. Act like a total weirdo. It makes people unsure what my thought process is, it makes it hard for them to read me, it makes them afraid to try anything against me. It was a very odd intimidation tactic but that's what makes it so effective.
Also, despite what Ax says, I'm not insane. Not right now at least. I tried out the insanity thing for a few million years, got bored. I'm gonna be sane for a while until I get sick of it and just decide to go nuts again. Ax says that the fact I can apparently do this is proof that I'm crazy. I refuse to believe he is correct, he hasn't gone insane before so what would he know?
"Weeee~!" I cheer as I slide down the fountain.
Some of Jorgio's men were quietly asking him if I was all there in the head. (How rude! I'm gonna turn their bath water into jelly the next time they shower.) He slapped one upside the head and growled. "Of course he's nuts. Everyone knows that. Why do you think he is so dangerous?"
"But I thought he was dangerous because he is a demon?" One of them asked stupidly.
"Even demons can be reasoned with. Nonno has often told me when I was a child that Bill Cipher cannot be reasoned with. Or at the very least, his reasoning cannot be fully understood. Bargaining with him is a dangerous gamble."
"Why are you inviting him into your home then?"
"My Nonno dealt with signore Cipher for many years. He taught me many of the ways to handle him. So long as none of you do anything to offend him or his companions, we will be fine."
It's great how people don't realize I'm spying on them when it looks like I'm busy with something else. I mastered the art of multi-tasking back in my first life! You cannot hide anything from me-ooh is that a blue crested Snipe? I got easily distracted chasing the large bird around. Xanthar was already in the fountain splashing happily. Ammy was stealing random flowers, shoving them right into his blocks (this is definitely Pyronica's fault) and Teeth was right alongside me chasing the birds. A few guards (who appeared to be Scorpapups) chased Pyronica up a fruit tree, yodeling and waving their tail arms around when she tried to set fire of the rose bushes.
"Signore Cipher?" Jorgio asks, trying hard not to show his irritation at our antics.
"Yeah?" I ask while cuddling the fluffy bird to my bricks. As~so soft~
"May we adjourn to my study to speak privately on a matter? My men will be tasked with keeping your companions entertained."
"Hm...will you guys be alright on your own?"
""We can take care of ourselves Bill."" Teeth and Pyronica said, Pyronica had a hint of exasperation at my protectiveness. I gave her a glance and she tilted her head to point her horns towards Xanthar and Ammy. I flick my bowtie and Pyronica gives me a 'wink'. Ok, she got my message. Keep Xan and Ammy safe, keep the men distracted. I turn back to Jorgio.
"Sure, lead the way." I float down to plop onto the shoulders of one of the Manrillas, just so happening to chose the one Kryptos was in. "Full speed ahead!" I cheered, kicking my legs childishly. I heard Jorgio mutter "Nonno wasn't exaggerating how childishly playful Cipher gets when he's happy…"
---
The decor hasn't changed much in two generations. With how traditional this Familia is, I wasn't surprised. Jorgio led us to his lounge with the comfy chairs and a servant already waiting with some drinks and snacks. Looks like Tonio made sure to explain my love for food.
I felt somewhat nostalgic as I sat on a chair and munched on a little pizza-bite. Used to do this with Tonio a lot. Just sitting together after a Deal. He liked to talk to me. Sometimes I think he trusted me with things he never even told his own family despite his strict adherence to omertà.
I miss him.
"You may go." Jorgio told the robot. It walked away. Not once in all this time has it spoken. "Quiet guy huh?" I asked nonchalantly. Jorgio's poker face was rather impressive when he tries since he didn't even hesitate before responding "He's mute."
Kryptos was half conscious in there. Seems it's sound proofed. The metal actually made it somewhat difficult for me to 'see' inside as well. He didn't seem to have any control over the robot, being used as nothing more than a battery. If I have to compare it to something, it's like Eggman's robots filled with woodland creatures from the original Sonic games.
And wasn't that a strange thought. Why would Jorgio create things like this? I couldn't just flicker right in front of him so I would have to look it up later. I tossed more snacks into my eye, as per usual, I sent half of them into stasis to eat later. Jorgio motioned for the servant to get more food.
"So how has everything been? I know you've managed to get one more planet under your influence since you took over the familia." I ask casually as I took a sip of tea.
"It's been good. The only real issue being those wretched Federation agents. Always poking their noses into everything. Always getting in my way."
"That's just what the Feds do." I shrug. Mostly they leave me alone and vice-versa. "They generally look the other way when bribed. That's what your family has done for generations."
Jorgio snarls. "Well I say that's ridiculous. Having to pay those pests just for some peace. Would a farmer pay the craw-birds to leave his crops alone? No."
I felt 'annoyance' and 'outrage' from him. Jorgio literally considered the galactic law enforcement to be pests trying to invade his farm. I mean, I don't like them either but that's a bit much. The one I hate is their boss, not them specifically. They're just doing their jobs, I can respect and pity that.
"Signore Cipher, can I ask for a favor?" Jorgio asks with a calm expression. I frown "I don't normally do things for free." I deliberately ignore the fact that I often did many things for my friends free of charge. That's different. They're my friends. Jorgio chuckles. "So you say, but Nonno told me you sometimes granted him small boons in exchange for things without having to make a Deal."
"...fair enough, what do you want?"
"About your companions...the cute one..."
"Who? Xanthar?"
"No, the shapely one."
"....Ammy?"
"No! The fiery one with the gorgeous body! The female one!"
"Oh, Pyronica? What about her?
"Is she your woman?"
"The only thing Ronica IS is my friend. Please don't refer to her like that. It's rude."
"My apologies. So she is not your...partner?"
"No. She's just my friend." How long do I have to play dumb? It's pretty obvious what Jorgio wants.
"So you wouldn't mind if I...got to know her?"
"That's entirely up to her. Just go talk to her. If she says yes then I have no issue." I roll my eye. It might be problematic if Ronica eats him though. "Is that seriously why you called me here?" I folded my arms and sighed.
"It is not the only reason. Recently there have been more Federation dogs sniffing around my establishments."
"What? You want me to get rid of them? I'll tell you now that you can't sic me on your enemies. I don't do that kind of thing. It's too annoying."
"No, I just want some information. Tell me about the Federation agents. How do they chose their members?"
"Are you trying to sneak your own agents into the Fed's Police Force? Good luck with that, they make thorough background checks. Hell, most members of the law enforcement were literally raised from birth to become a Federation dog."
That always upset me. Generation after generation raised within the brainwashing to serve loyally. All free will and individuality stripped from them. It was a miracle they retained any personality at all. If they wanted mindless loyal drones they they should have just gotten robots (oh hey, irony). It irritated me that the Federation would just take living, thinking creatures and strip them of their free will.
And the multiverse calls ME a monster.
I have never messed with someone's mind in such a way. Sure I can trick people or manipulate them but I've always allowed for them to make their own choices. Free will is a big thing for me. I want to believe it exists. It's why I can understand Ax's stance on neutrality. Even if I can't do the same. I like interaction with others. I can't just sit back and ignore the world like he does.
"So they clearly know who every member is..." Jorgio muses to himself. "Do you know who they are?" He asks. "Do you know what they look like, their mannerisms? Their voices?"
"I do know but what're you gonna trade for that information?" I lean back in my chair.
"I've got some of the best chefs this side of the galaxy in my employ." He responds.
I wipe my drool quickly. "So you have no problem bribing ME?"
"You are not a pest. And it is in the familia's best interest to keep you happy."
He's not wrong I guess. Still, I had the weirdest feeling of being a pet given treats in exchange for performing some tricks. Also, why did he go immediately to food as a bribe? Sure I like to eat but that's not my ONLY interest...am I really that 1-dimensional?
Jorgio startles when I suddenly laugh like a maniac. "AHAHAHA! ONE DIMENSIONAL! AHAHAHA! OH MAN! HAHAHA! Ah shit I should write that one down...heh heh..." At his mildly disturbed look I tried to reassure him "Sorry, I just thought of a really funny joke."
"O-okay?"
"It's not important. So. Is there any Agent in particular you want to know about?" I collect myself and take a calm sip of tea, acting as if I hadn't just fallen off the chair in a fit of hysterical laughter.
"There is one man who's been hanging around the establishments I own. Particularly a casino on Ghlop-6."
Oh. So that was his plan. Jorgio's thoughts were pretty clear. He wanted to replace the Agent with one of his robots. Infiltrate the Federation itself. And even if the robot got found out, the Federation would only find the helpless battery inside. The poor victim would be the one blamed for anything the robot did.
What can I do with this information?
First off, I'll need to actually talk to Kryptos. How do I create the situation to let me 'realize' that Manrilla was a robot with a person inside? I pondered that even as I negotiated for a nice dinner with Jorgio tomorrow. Of course my friends were invited as well.
I have an idea...
---
I can tell it was taking all of Jorgio's self control not to start screaming when we went outside to find the garden around his estate looking like a giant centibeetle had gone rampaging through it. I winced as a tree toppled over and the water level was rising to ankle-height. I really can't leave the guys alone can I? A guard-Scorpapup floats by, whimpering loudly.
Not that we were any less destructive even with me there to chaperone but still...
"...I can fix it." I tell Jorgio while giving him a comforting pat on his shoulder-esque body part.
A flick has my friends bubbled and floating above us. Another flick has everything around us seeming to move in reverse as all the damage repaired itself. My eye twitched as a few of Jorgio's men were lifted out of the ground gasping for breath. How the fuck did they get buried beneath the flower bushes?
"Guys. What have I told you about common courtesy?" I lower my friends back to the ground and pop their bubbles.
Pyronica pouts. "We were just having fun. Why is it fine when YOU do it but you always get so picky about what WE do?"
"I didn't flood the entire lawn."
"I distinctly remember that time you flooded a whole city..." Amorphous Shape blinks at me lazily.
"I fixed it." I say even as my bricks flickered orange.
"And you fixed this. So, no harm no foul?" Pyronica grins.
I point at the traumatized mafia soldiers crying like children as they rocked back and forth on the lawn. One of them screaming for his mother in Jibberish. I don't even say anything, just stare unblinkingly at the Cyclopian until she looks away sheepishly.
"That was Teeth's fault..." She mumbles.
"Ah! You said you wouldn't tell him?!" Teeth gasps dramatically "Betrayed! Sold out by someone I trusted!"
"Teeth also broke the fountain." Ammy adds delightedly.
"Et tu Am?!" Teeth wails.
He squeaks when I'm suddenly looming over him. "Oh Teeth. What am I always telling you guys? Don't break anything you can't fix."
"But that's not fair! We don't have magical fixing powers!" He pouts at me.
"Then you should be more careful." I patted Teeth's top "Though I will say I'm impressed you managed to traumatize some big bad mob goons in just a half hour." So proud of them.
I turned to Jorgio. "I think you need better minions. If they can't even handle a half hour alone with my friends, there's no way they can survive in the mafia world."
Jorgio's eyes twitched. "They were raised in the underbelly of the mafia world."
I blinked. "Well they need to step up their game. If they can't even handle an accidental mock execution they're not gonna last long."
Jorgio growls at his men. They whimpered, the Jabber continuing to cry for his mother. "Clearly." He barked at them to get over themselves. "You are all a disgrace!" He sneers and turns to me, seeking sympathy.
"You see what I have to deal with? These soldiers are pathetic. Tell me Signore Cipher, where did you find your companions? How to I build my familia strong like yours?" I just shrug. It's not like I chose my Friends for any strength inherent within them.
Jorgio considers for a bit. His next words shock me. "Be my Advisor. Join my Familia. Help me as you've helped my Nonno."
"Whoa whoa! I'm definitely not advisor material. Especially not in an official capacity. I can give some advice now and then but I'm not gonna swear loyalty to you or join the Literatura. The only side I'm on is my own." Tonio also tried many times to get me to join him. He often told me that if I became his Advisor he'd be able to take over all the known galaxy. I told him he was exaggerating.
Jorgio wasn't backing down though. "I haven't found my right hand man yet. Signore Cipher you have already helped my family for so many generations. Why not simply join?"
He was looking over his lawn as he spoke. I could feel his amazement at seeing my power first hand. I could feel his NEED to have someone like me on his side. To have my power at his command. Despite all that, I also felt a twinge of sadness and understanding from him. I saw it then, a memory from Jorgio's childhood.
A young Jorgio sat on his grandfather's lap. Tonio was telling him more stories about me. "Signore Cipher is more than just a demon. I am sure he is a god. It is only by his mercy and whim that we all live. If I could have gotten him on my side I would have been able to accomplish anything."
"But father says that Bill Cipher is too dangerous to have near our familia."
"He is not wrong. Cipher's power is great and terrible. He is a fickle god. But he is also lonely. If I could have gotten him to join me, if I could have helped to alleviate his loneliness...he would have been the greatest partner." He smiles as he gazes off into the distance, lost in his fond memories.
"Nonno? Why do you look so sad?"
"Ah nipote..." Tonio's smile was melancholy. "I wanted Cipher to join the familia only partly because I wanted to strengthen the Literatura. Mostly, I wanted an excuse to keep him around."
"Why?"
Tonio's smiles were fond even as his eyes were sad. "Because I liked being with him. Often I wished I'd met him earlier in my life. Back when I was young. Back before I married..."
"What does Nonna have to do with it?" Little Jorgio looked confused. His grandfather laughed and pet his head. "It is unimportant."
I blink out of that memory.
Oh.
I...never realized.
I should have visited more. I felt incredibly guilty for some reason. I should have at least gone to see him before he died...why didn't he summon me?! Dammit! Why didn't he ever TELL me?! How did I not realize it? Even if I never actively read his thoughts you'd think I would have noticed right?!
"Sorry Don Jorgio. I'm not gonna join your familia and I never will. It's not personal or anything. I just like my freedom."
He turns to look at me, disappointment and a hint of annoyance. "That is unfortunate Signore Cipher. It would have made my Nonno very happy if you did."
"I will not be bound to any organization. If you want my advice, just summon me like everyone else does." I was irritated and sad inside. I hated feeling like this.
Everyone else was quiet as they watched the two of us stare each other down. I will not let him guilt me into this. No matter how bad I felt. I didn't even know for sure what I was feeling right now.
"We can talk more about this tomorrow." Jorgio says at last. "Arrivederci signore Cipher."
I nod politely and blinked my friends back home.
---
"Are you ok Bill?" Pyronica asks once we land back at home. Teeth looked worried as well. Ammy looked oblivious as to what she was talking about. Xanthar rubbed his bread-face along my side, realizing I was feeling sad and not knowing why.
"Hey Ronica...what do you do when you realize someone was secretly in love with you for years and died without ever telling you?"
She just stares at me. "I'm gonna need some context here." Teeth looks confused. "Wait, who died?"
---
"Bill, you can't blame yourself for someone else choosing to love you. That was his decision, just as it was his decision to not tell you." Pyronica tilted her glass of space-tequila back for a small sip.
"But...he should have!"
"Well did you like him back?"
"...No...?"
"Then why are you so upset? You told me yourself, you weren't into him and he was married with a kid. Plus he's dead now so it's not like it even matters anymore."
"But I feel bad. If he'd just...told me then maybe we could have talked about it. Tonio wouldn't have had to die without closure." I finished my own glass. This wasn't the sort of thing I wanted to talk about while sober. I put the cup down and sighed. I wanted another but I also didn't want to actually get drunk.
"And how do you know he didn't have closure? You said he had YEARS without summoning you before he died. How do you know that wasn't the reason? Maybe he got over his feelings for you and didn't summon you again because of it."
"Maybe...but...still..." I fiddled with some paper, tiny nimble fingers easily turning the square into a rabbit. Pyronica sighed. "Are you sure you didn't like him back? 'cause from where I'm sitting it sounds like you might have did."
I shook my head. I wasn't into Tonio that way. I'm sure of it. Even ignoring the biological differences between us, his career of crime and murder wasn't something I would be able to overlook in a potential partner. "I liked him but not in that way. I guess...I feel upset because he always told me everything ya know? But something this important he never told me. I feel like I was unintentionally hurting him."
Pyronica groaned as she flops down over the side of the couch. "Of course the problems you have trouble dealing with would be shit like this."
"I just wish I'd known sooner."
"If he confessed to you, he would only have his heart broken you idiot. I bet he didn't want to go through your rejection. Also, you know, he was married."
"I know. I'm just being stupid..." I groaned as I resisted the urge to summon another drink.
"Look, it's fine if you need to vent about this sort of thing. I'm just glad I can actually help YOU with something for once." Pyronica grins crookedly at me. I slide down to lay flat on the couch. "I just feel bad for not noticing. I'm like...over 30 billion years old! How am I still so terrible at life!"
"Everyone has something they're bad at." Pyronica shrugs. "Getting off this topic though..." She turns to lie on her belly, facing me "What about Jorgio? Do you like him?"
"Ugh. No. He's nothing like Tonio, that kid has NONE of the good points that I actually liked about Tonio. I actually respected Tonio. Jorgio is just...a brat. Also, he's lusting after you."
"Really? Well...he IS a little cute..."
"It'll cause a lot of political problems if you ate him." I point out and she slumps in disappointment.
"That's no fun."
"Have you ever considered just...NOT eating your partner?"
Pyronica gives me a look like I had said something incomprehensible. "But..." She pauses. "I...never actually thought of that..."
"What if you find someone that you actually really like? And you want to be able to spend time with them? If you ate them then they'll be gone and you'll be alone." I felt somewhat hypocritical seeing as I ate someone I loved. To be fair, mine was an accident and he was already dead.
"I never thought about...keeping a mate..." Pyronica rolls over. "I know other species can keep their mates and live together but that's just...never been something I thought I could do too..."
"Well why not try? You keep trying to get ME to hook up with someone, do you want to try too? If you don't eat them you can have them for longer. I won't have to keep making constructs every few months."
"....can you still make the constructs? They're pretty delicious."
"I will never understand your preferences." I respond, mildly grossed out.
"So wait, are you telling me I should date the Don?" Pyronica scrunches up her face.
"You don't have to, but he DOES want to get to know you. To be honest I know he's not good enough for you. But if you choose to get with him I don't really have a right to stop you. Unless he hurts you. Then I get to tear him apart."
We sat there in quiet companionship and just thought about the various revelations we had today. Finally I sighed and flicked my fingers, sending Teeth and Amorphous Shape soaring into the room with surprised yelps. "If you guys are gonna eavesdrop, at least be more subtle about it." I mutter tiredly.
That might be a good idea actually. We still had a whole day before we had to go have dinner with the Don...I could always use some help with my plans to get to Kryptos and any other prisoners that the Don might have locked away.
"Hey guys. Wanna learn how to spy on people?"
---
Is it favoritism if I'm going out of my way to invade Don Jorgio Literatura's stuff just to meet Kryptos? Probably.
We were on a mission. I called it a Heist because I wanted to pretend we were secret agents. Teeth thought it was a cool idea and kept asking if we could get code names and communication devices. Ammy wanted to know what a secret agent was so I made everyone sit down to watch Kingsman.
Being able to pull movies from the future using the Future-Sight™ that Time Baby forced on me was one of the few benefits I've found from that power. Seriously though. Every movie that was, is and will be can be accessed. It was awesome. There's an alternate future where Atlantis the Lost Empire was a horror film. Damn that was a cool movie.
Teeth demanded to be called Galahad for the duration of our Heist. I claimed Merlin myself. Pyronica made me list off more knights of the round until she decided on Bedivere. Ammy chose Percival and Xanthar seemed to like Kay.
We had Ammy leave one of his blocks at home so we could transport stuff quickly. His job was to track down any important looking papers or evidence, take a photo with the camera hidden in his 'storage' block and don't get caught. We didn't have communication devices but I linked us all up mentally. Simply 'think' about sending a message to one of the others and I'll pass the thoughts around.
Pyronica's job is to distract the Don. The plan was to go to dinner at his estate and wander off after eating. Teeth's job is talking to all the Don's men. They already partially fear him and I'm counting on Teeth to get some Intel off them.
Xanthar is just going to wander 'randomly' because if people are going to assume he's just a mindless animal we were going to use that to our advantage. His task would be exploring and mapping out all of the estate. If he can find any hidden areas that'd be great. Jorgio had scientists in charge of making and controlling those robots. I could tell their labs were hidden somewhere on the estate but the metal shielding made it difficult for me to see it clearly.
Certain metals interfered with my powers for some reason. Funny enough, they were the same type of metal used for blocking transmission and scanners. Perhaps my telepathic powers worked similarly to them? Thoughts are created by electrons moving around inside a brain right? It's not entirely incorrect to say that thoughts are formed from small electric pulses inside your head. So if there was a metal that disrupted electricity...
Or, if you wanted to put it another way, metals that can block radio waves. Those can sometimes disrupt my ability to 'see' certain things. In other words, tinfoil hats actually make it microscopically more difficult for me to read thoughts. It won't stop me but they're a mild annoyance, like trying to see through glasses with finger print smudges. Thick sheets of metal though? That's like trying to see through glasses with the wrong prescription that have been tinted in weird colors. An interesting handicap despite my otherwise near-infinite power.
The metal will make communications a bit more difficult but I think we can do this. I was pretty giddy about the whole thing, me and Teeth just squee-ing about potential future heists with secret gadgets and stuff. I should make everyone suits. That'd be frickin' cool.
...we're all dorks...
---
It's a fancy dinner so I forced everyone to dress up, which means I got the chance to put everyone into suits. Or...just bowties. Fitting suits onto their anatomy is hard.
"Ah Signore Cipher. I'm so glad you can make it."
We exchanged pleasantries and sat down for an admittedly nice dinner. Jorgio had some wine brought out. Dinner conversation was pleasant. Jorgio flirted lightly with Pyronica. I had to stop myself from drinking because getting drunk right now wasn't advisable for our plans tonight.
After dinner, me, Jorgio and Pyronica went off to his sitting room so I can discuss the information he wanted from me. He tried a few more times to talk me into joining the Literatura but I politely declined each time. After he got the information he wanted, Pyronica asked to have some time alone with the Don to chat more so I left them alone. "Well I'm gonna go play on the water slide. You kids better not do anything I wouldn't do."
Pyronica laughs. "Sure mom~" I wave and float away. Jorgio's confused "Mom?!" Was the last thing I heard before closing the door.
Don Jorgio is now out of the way. A mental check showed Xanthar already romping through the gardens. Teeth was chatting with some trembling mob goons. Ammy sneakily sliding under door frames to get into locked and blocked areas.
Now I just need to do my part. I go out into the garden and play mindlessly in the fountains while flickering through images rapidly. I was also looking through my Eye on each of my friends to follow their progress. I even sent a part of my consciousness inside Jorgio's mind. I don't normally invade someone's mind but I didn't like what Jorgio was doing and I needed to know more.
He wants to take down the Federation from the inside. As much as I don't like the Federation, disagree with their methods and beliefs, I know more than anyone that you simply cannot take down such a long reaching governmental organization without terrible consequences.
For all that the Federation is restrictive and controlling, it's not evil. They help protect a lot smaller and less developed planets. They spread technology, medical advancements, education and more. I wouldn't mind sending in infiltrators to try and improve the way they run things from the inside, but taking them down? Nope.
You know...I could probably infiltrate the Federation if I really wanted to. Wouldn't even need the robots. Just go and tempt some high up council member with anything they want and strike a Deal. Sadly, they're too wary of me to accept anything like that but I could still do it.
Part of me considers making a new form and pretending to be an entirely different wish-granting cosmic entity but that could have weird consequences that I don't want to deal with. Even as my thoughts drifted I was holding the mental channel open for my friends to talk back and forth about things they've found. I notice a few men keeping watch over me. Of course. Jorgio wasn't stupid enough to let me wander around without supervision.
Already some men were freaking out over losing track of Ammy. I see one of the men ask Teeth where he went and Teeth shrugs and says that Ammy likes to explore because he's curious about everything. I giggle at the panicking mobsters. Splashing down in the fountain again, I take this time to scan for any robots aside from the one Kryptos was in. There's a chance Jorgio has more.
Aside from the Manrilla shaped one Kryptos was in, there was a pretty maid and another low level soldier that were secretly robots. Surprisingly enough, Jorgio's other men didn't know about the robots. Looks like only his team of scientists knew about the infiltration experiment.
Well. Time to do my part.
---
"Hey you. Where's the Don keeping his liquor?"
I grin wickedly as the robot maid was unable to answer in words. She was completely blank faced. Guess the 'bots weren't sophisticated enough to emulate true expressions. The guards not-so-subtly following me looked uneasy.
"S-should we stop him?"
"Do YOU want to be the one telling Bill Cipher he can't have alcohol?"
"We should tell the Don..."
Oh come on~ I pouted at the guards. I helped plant the orchard, I helped bottle the wine. In my mind, that means the wine belongs as much to me as it does the Don.
.....I am NOT an alcoholic.
Just...saying that now. I don't even like wine all that much. Rum and chocolate liquors are better. I like martinis. Mojitos are pretty good. I guess I like piña coladas as well...I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC! I just like tasting things!
I wasn't really going to drink it anyway. Just pretend to get drunk so I can wander more haphazardly without suspicion. From Pyronica's side, she had the Don figuratively eating out her hands...actually make that literally. I shuddered at the sight of the two of them curled together, Pyronica shoving cheese and bread in his mouth.
-We went over this Ronica! You can't eat the Don. Stop fattening him up.- I grumbled over the mental link.
-I'm not- Pyronica manages to convey a pout over the link.
-I found some blueprints.- Ammy chimes in. -Both schematics for the robots and what I believe is the layout of the grounds and where the hidden lab is.-
-Where are you?- I asked even as I found the wine. The guards were trying futilely to stop me as I tugged the cork off.
-East wing of the estate. A study room. According to this nap, the labs are near the basement. Entrance seems to be in the master bathroom? There's another entrance in the vineyard.-
-Don't enter it yet. I'm gonna check that out myself. Good job everyone.- I 'chug' the wine as the lobster-like alien panicked.
I float around the estate with a faked tipsy act. Jorgio and Pyronica show up when the Don's men inform him of my inebriated state. "S-Signore Cipher what are you-?"
"Hey Jorgio..." I slurred slightly. "Hope you don't mind me grabbin' this...it's the ones me ah'm Toni bottled together...I thought...I thought I should go visit him..."
Jorgio's expression softens. "Ah...I see..." He waves off the guards and I float out to the grounds behind the mansion. This should buy me plenty of time and if I get more 'drunk' later, they won't question it.
---
I floated there in front of Tonio's grave. I had some flowers from Iznang, even now after all these years I haven't found any other dimension with prettier flowers than Iznang.
"Hey Toni." I say to the grave. My voice is soft and quiet. I felt like something was lodged in my throat. Which was physically impossible. I knelt down and pressed my hand to the tree. It's been a tradition in the Literatura to plant trees over the graves of their Dons. They even have which type of tree they want listed as part of their will.
Tonio had chosen his planet's version of birch. I'm not even surprised. Just another reminder of how he felt about me. That idiot. I planted my flowers in the dirt around his tree. "You're an idiot. You know that?" I tell his grave. "I can't believe you hid this from me for so long. I can't believe you didn't tell me."
The tree stands silent.
"You should have told me stupid! Even if I don't return your feelings we could have...we could have been friends. I would have liked that you know?" I sighed. I know he can't hear me. I was just talking to myself, but that's nothing new.
"I'm glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone." I quoted sadly.
Patting at the soil I sent a bit of energy down into the flowers to ensure they would survive long enough to take root. I suppose I feel better now that I've said my piece. I pat the tree and smile.
"Bye Tonio." I whispered softly.
It wasn't much but I felt like I had gotten some sort of closure. That was enough for me.
---
Wandering the house 'drunk and grieving' was a fun experience. Jorgio gave me my space and aside from having a few guards to make sure I didn't do anything harmful while drunk, left me alone to my own devices. It was surprisingly thoughtful of him.
I could still feel his thoughts roaming around ideas of how to convince me to join his familia. His goals towards Pyronica had shifted from simply lusting after her to wanting her to join him. He was hoping that if he managed to charm her towards his side, he would be able to get me as well.
Pyronica informed us over the mental link that Jorgio was actually quite the good conversationalist once he stopped staring at her chest and actually spoke to her like a person and not a piece of meat. I suppose that means there's hope for the Literatura to remain for another generation at least.
Though if Jorgio really thinks he can get with Ronica, we're going to have some problems. I tell her not to lead him on too much. -Wouldn't want him to seriously fall for you. It would break his heart and that would make my Deals with his family awkward...-
-Well apparently unrequited love runs in the family...- Pyronica teased.
-Can you two stop messing with each other? I thought we were here for a Heist! I'm running out of topics to distract people with!- Teeth cries in exasperation.
-Ammy, do you have the photos of everything?-
-Yes. I even snapped a few of the bathroom. I haven't figured out how to open the secret door yet though.-
-That's fine. Everyone start regrouping. I'm gonna be drunk and you guys'll need to take me home for tonight.-
I felt everyone give their affirmations. Xanthar had wandered through most of the grounds and I would be looking through his memories later to see what I can find.
I took an actual swig from the bottle now. Ugh, still prefer something sweeter but whatever...I floated lazily in a way that seemed random but continued to bring me closer to the robot that Kryptos was trapped in.
"Heeeey~" I greeted the false-Manrilla. I clumsily bumped into it and just clung to its arm, giggling. "Oh wow~you're like...really soft..."
As I coo'ed over it out loud, mentally I was carefully extending my mind through the metal to reach the Compass inside. Name, Kryptos (I already knew that), species, Polytool, a species made up of various measuring creatures. There were compasses, rulers, protractors...
I brushed that information aside for later. Right now I had a frightened Compass to talk to.
-Hello? Can you hear me?-
"W-who said that?!" Kryptos jumped and looked around but couldn't see anything but the dark confines of his metal cage.
-Hi there! Name's Bill. Interesting situation you're in. Care to tell me what's up?-
"Who are you? Is this one of those scientists again? Please no more! I want to leave!"
-Geez kid, I'm here to help, if you want me to that is.-
"You can help me?! Wait! No! You can't go against the Don! He's got people everywhere! He won't allow anyone to get in his way...you'll get hurt..."
-It's cute how you worry about me kid. But seriously. What do you know about this? I've seen one other robot wandering around. Do you know how many of you there are? How many people need to be rescued?-
"I...I don't know."
-Well I guess I'll just have to find out myself.-
I pet the robot's synthetic fur as Jorgio and Pyronica found me. Pyronica makes a loud, exasperated groan. "Dammit Bill not again! You know you're a light weight..." She reaches out to pick me up and I giggle drunkenly at her.
"Hey Roni~did you-did you know that I helped b-bottle dis wine? Me an' Toni did it togetheeer~"
"Come on Bill, lets get you home..." She cradles me in her arm and carefully pulls the wine bottle from my grip. I make confused whining sounds even as I slumped into her arms.
"You are all welcome to stay the night? We have plenty of rooms." Jorgio offers.
"Oh we can't trouble you like that." Pyronica says but Jorgio waves her off. "It's no trouble. Signore Cipher is in no shape to travel."
I start giggling for real. "H-he said shape!"
Pyronica groans. "No Bill. Stop it."
"I...can-can still get ush home yeah?" I blink blearily. Pyronica immediately shoots the idea down. "Bill, you can't drink and teleport." She says firmly.
I make a show of grumbling before going limp in her arms, my eye closed. I can hear and feel the others arriving and Teeth laughs quietly. "No matter how many times it happens, seeing Bill drunk never gets old."
"Is he...asleep?" Jorgio asks cautiously. I can feel his thoughts swirl towards ideas that alcohol is my weakness (which it IS, I'm not gonna deny that) and how best to use this to his advantage in future negotiations.
Pyronica was going to respond but I sent her a quick message to stay quiet. She gives a careless laugh out loud. "Probably. I guess this means we're staying the night."
"Woo! Sleepover!" Teeth cheers.
"What is a sleepover?" Ammy asks as he curled up on top of Xanthar's head. As Teeth attempts to explain it, Pyronica was asking Jorgio for room placements. He tried to ask if Pyronica wanted to spend the night in his room and she politely turned him down.
They put me and Xanthar in the same room under my mental direction so I could review his memories of everything he's seen. Also, now that I've connected with Kryptos once I'll be able to talk to him again without TOO much trouble.
---
-So what now Bill?- Teeth asks once I've finished scanning Xanthar's memories. The room arrangements were Xanthar and I, Teeth with Ammy and Pyronica gets her own room.
-You guys stay. I'm going to look over the papers Ammy found and sneak into the lab itself.-
-How will you get in unnoticed?- Teeth asks in confusion.
-I'm gonna ditch my body.-
-Wait, you can do that?-
-Yes? You didn't know?-
-I don't know half of what you can do Bill...-
-Oh. Well. I don't actually have a physical body. The form you see is actually a construct I built and possessed so people can see and hear me.-
-What?-
-Never mind...just don't give the Don any reason to be suspicious of you while I'm gone.-
I slipped out of my body, the bricks fading into a dull gray as Xanthar pokes it worriedly. I was gonna try something different this time. I've seen Bill do it on the the show once (twice if you count a deleted scene) and I've been meaning to test it out for a while now.
I split myself into two pieces. I blinked at the me across from me. We just stared at each other for a bit. "Whoa, are my bricks really that thick?" I ask as I inspect the other me.
"I dunno, but your voice sounds the same out loud as it does in my head..."
"Well it's not like I talk using vocal chords or hear sounds through vibrations in my head so that should be a given?"
"How DO we hear? I doubt we have ears."
"Good question, bad time, we have one night to get this shit done."
"Right. I'll go back to the house to check on the photos Ammy sent there, you can start messing around with the labs."
"Which one of us is the original?"
"We're the same entity, so...both of us are just as real?"
This was so weird.
---
Being in two places doing two different things and still being aware of it all was...an odd experience. It was like multi-tasking but worse. I looked through the images Ammy took of the schematics and blueprints. Interesting, I understood them and could already think of three different ways to improve on the design. I was also sliding myself in between the gaps in the metal around Jorgio's bathroom searching for the secret entrance.
I found a place where I couldn't get through easily. This must be it. With a bit of power I managed to bend the metal microscopically and slipped through. Looking around the tunnel I prepared myself for the long night ahead of me. I mean that literally, nights on this planet last 14 hours.
As I flew down the tunnel to where the laboratory hopefully was, I looked through the robot designs to try and figure out why the living batteries were so important.
So aside from getting the bots through certain scans, it also allowed for a second experiment they were working on. Actually turning people into batteries. They were conducting experiments to force their subjects bodies to produce electricity. Every living thing produces energy in some way. I produce heat and light. Pyronica makes fire, the males of her species produce ice by absorbing the heat. It's why the females of her species eat their mates. The coldness from the male will dim the female's fire for the duration of her pregnancy because otherwise a female's natural heat would be harmful for the baby. I have no idea why their species evolved in such a way.
Ammy produces light energy. Xanthar and Teeth both produce body heat like most living creatures. So the Don's scientists are simply trying to change the type of energy a creature produces from Heat to Electricity. It was a fascinating study to be sure. I know humans actually DO make small bursts of electricity, it's what makes their brain work, what makes their nerves send signals. It's why doctors use an electric pulse to stimulate hearts to beat.
While producing electricity is normal for a human, even they can't create enough power to run a robot. Neither can most creatures. There are some aliens I have met that are capable of producing mass amounts of electricity but Kryptos is not one if them.
The bio-engineering required to turn Kryptos into a battery was...ingenious actually. It was also awful and I frowned darkly at the papers. Some subjects have already died in the course of their experiments. Which means I really WILL have to stop them.
I reached the end of the tunnel and easily slide right through the door. I take in the room and start working. A dozen subjects in cages with 3 scientists opening up the robot maid and pulling out a round fluffy creature. It looked like a cotton ball but green and covered in crying eyes. It's fur was sticking up in all directions as electricity crackles around it.
The poor thing looked singed. It was placed in one of the cages next to a banana-like creature I recognized as being from the Sentient Fruit dimension. The scientists were jotting down notes in their clipboards and muttering about failures. I made and discarded various plans for freeing the test subjects.
This would be so much easier if I wasn't trying to remain allies with the Literatura family. What if I helped the test subjects stage a prison break? It might free them but what's to stop the Don from finding more? Plus, from what I can see, Jorgio acquired these people 'legally' through payments and collected debts. Even if they got free, they wouldn't be able to go home.
There was one solution that would free them, ensure more subjects weren't taken in the future and allow me to keep my alliance.
Make a Deal with Jorgio for them.
But I'll have to phrase it right, along with putting on an act so he doesn't know the real reason why I want this Deal. I can't afford to show emotional weakness here. Sympathy is something I cannot let show. Plus I'll need to offer Jorgio something really good to entice him to accept my offer. I had an idea in mind.
I telepathically connected with the test subjects and started planning.
---
"I apologize for my unsightly behavior yesterday." I adjusted my bowtie and glowed with an orange tint.
"Do not worry. I can understand the need to have a drink." The Don gives me three reassuring smiles.
"Regardless, thank you for your hospitality. Feel free to summon me when you need help with something."
"Do you wish to stay for breakfast?" Jorgio asks, I can see in his mind that he's hoping to get more free information out of me, along with more attempts at convincing me to join him.
"Hm..." I hum to myself before looking at my friends. "What do you guys think?"
"I'd like to talk to that one cute maid again." Teeth grins. "What?" He asks when Pyronica giggles as him. "She was really cute. Nice pearly whites."
"Well I don't mind staying a bit longer." Pyronica gives Jorgio a flirtatious wink.
"I don't mind." Ammy shrugs.
Xanthar just shuffles up to me and gives a thumbs up. "Ok, guess we're staying." I twirl my cane and nod to the Don. He barely hides his satisfaction as he leads us back to the dining hall.
I told my friends the plan last night, we had plenty of time to set up. I was still somewhat worried but all we can do now is make it through this.
---
It happened partway through breakfast. I had to make it seem random and unrelated to me after all. The building shook with an explosion. Teeth screams and jumps to grab onto Xanthar. "Aaaah!!"
"What was THAT?" Pyronica gasps. "Bill can you see what just happened?"
"Checking right now." I say as I begin flickering through images.
"Wait! You don't have to-!" Jorgio tries to say but even he knows it's too late. The images flash across my bricks and I giggle.
"Oh that's adorable~Jorgio's got a secret lab and it looks like the test subjects have all escaped~"
"WHAT?!" Jorgio gasps, flinging his chair down as he roars at one of his men. He pulls out a communicator and starts shouting into it. "What the HELL happened?! How did the subjects get loose?!"
"I'm sorry sir. They...they all combined their electricity together and destroyed our machines, just overloaded our systems!" A frantic, fearful voice responds.
"Sounds like you've got a problem. Want some help?" I asked lightly.
"....I...can handle this..." He grits out. More explosions rock the building. The lights start flickering. I can hear Jorgio's men running around and screaming. They weren't very well trained at all. I see Jorgio scowl heavily. "Those...incompetent-!"
"Are you sure you don't need my help?" I munch on some scrambled eggs. "I think your men are having some trouble."
Jorgio frowns before looking at me. "How much do you know?"
"I know lots of things." I grin cheerfully. "I also know that your plan isn't going to work. Using live creatures might trick the sensors the first time but there's no way your robots will fool Federation staff. It's a cute idea but you're going about this the wrong way."
"Then what would you suggest I do?" He looks at me imploringly and I realize that for all his pompous confidence, he's still quite young. The human equivalent of 19 or so. He'd looked up to his grandfather all his life, having heard whispers that Tonio was the closest in their long family history to being able to 'Figure out how Bill Cipher ticks' and always aspiring to surpass him.
To make Bill Cipher join him, the one thing his grandfather couldn't do.
Jorgio was so young. His father died suddenly in a Federation shoot out and he became Don much too early. He's lost on what to do and hides his uncertainty behind an arrogant swagger. He IS a self entitled brat but he's also scared. And he's looking to me for help. His pride doesn't want to admit it but having grown up on stories of me, he can't help but value my opinion.
Well, I understand better now why his robot infiltration plan seemed so convoluted and stupid. He's just a kid making it up as he goes. I couldn't help but feel sympathetic. Well if he's looking to me for help...maybe I could teach him to be a better person?
I sighed and relaxed. I think I know what to do. I reached out and patted Jorgio's head, the way Tonio always did to him as a child. He looks at me in surprise even as he unconsciously leans into the touch. "Just let me handle this. I won't even make it a Deal, consider this...a freebie, you're Tonio's grandkid after all...I suppose I owe you at least one."
As my friends all stared at me in surprise I held up my hand. "BUT, you'll have to stop this ridiculous experiment thing you've got going. It's a waste of resources when there's a much easier solution to your problem."
Jorgio looks somewhat offended but as another explosion rang out and the lights shut off, leaving us all in complete darkness aside from my warm glowing bricks, I see him bite all three lips and nod. "Alright..." There is a barely audible waver in his voice, not caused from three mouth speaking at once but by his stress finally surfacing.
It doesn't take me long to round up the escapees. I knocked them all out and bubbled them. "Hey, can I keep these? You don't need them anymore right?"
"...they belong to me." Jorgio says stubbornly.
"Trade you?" I ask as I create a soulless construct. Jorgio stares at it in surprise. "This little guy here will obey your orders and never go against you~I can even modify it to your specifications..."
He stares at me in awe, once more craving to have my power on his side. He envisions a huge army of loyal monsters at his beck and call, a force strong enough to destroy the Federation that took his father from him- "How many can I get? One to one trade-"
"My construct is worth 10 of these things." I shake the bubbled test subjects lightly. Jorgio hastily backs down. "Yes, ten for one, sounds great."
I hold out my hand with some flickering flames. "Deal?" He hesitates a little before nodding and taking my hand firmly.
He ends up with 4 constructs and I agree to help him send in 2 of them to infiltrate the Federation. I warned him that it's not advisable to take down all of the Federation but I can help him at least find out which officer killed his father. What he chooses to do after that is his own choice.
Infiltration is scarily easy if I put any effort into it. I simply scanned the mind of the Federation agent hanging around the Literatura owned casino, made a copy of his mind/memories/mannerisms and implanted them inside the construct that I altered to be identical to him, turned the real agent into a frog and sent the construct to replace him.
Jorgio was thrilled. He now had a plant in the Federation and there would be no way to tell. The only difference between my construct and the real thing was the lack of a soul. It's not like they can check for that. It was rather insidious and I couldn't help but relish in it. I felt so good inside and to my secret shame and horror, I didn't even feel all that bad for turning the real agent into a frog. He was living in one of the ponds on the Don's estate now.
The scientists were upset that all their research was for naught. I suggested they go do something productive with their talents, like augmenting the Don's rather pathetic men.
"You can biologically engineer creatures to produce electricity. Give these idiots super powers. Lord knows they can't possibly get any more pathetic than they are now." I fumed at them as Jorgio face palms at never thinking of this himself.
"Are you sure you cannot join me?" He asks once more.
"...if you need my help or advice, just summon me. It's what your family has always done."
I took my friends and the bubble of unconscious test subjects with me as I Blinked away. There are probably long reaching consequences from my actions today, already I could see many future paths branching out. I didn't really care anymore though. What will happen will happen. I'm...too mentally exhausted to really worry about that.
---
I set the test subjects free on a Neutral planet. "So, I sort of own you all now but frankly I don't give a shit. If you want to be my Friend and come with me, that's great. If you wish to leave and find your way home or make a new life for yourself, that's also great. The choice is yours."
One by one the terrified aliens left. Pyronica and the others stood behind me silently and watched as each of the people I saved turned and ran off. Finally only Kryptos stood there, trembling, sparking with small bolts of static as he looks up at me.
"You're the one who spoke to me..."
"Yes."
"You're the one who helped us escape..."
"Yes."
He trembled harder, hugging himself. "You're...the demon, Bill Cipher..."
"Yes."
"Why did you help us?" He looks at me then at Xanthar and the others.
"Because I didn't like what they were doing to you."
"But...why help us? Why do you even care?"
"...I don't know really. It was more of a selfish whim than anything else. I saw you and decided I wanted to help you." I answered truthfully.
As Kryptos continues staring at me in incomprehension I sigh and roll my eye. "If you want to leave I won't stop you. Don't you have a family to go back to?"
Kryptos growls. "My...FAMILY-" He spat "-put me in this situation to begin with." He kicks the ground and clenches his fists tightly as more jolts of miniature lightning crackle around him. "There's no way I'm going back to THEM."
He glances up at my friends again. "You said...that I could...be your Friend. What does that mean?"
"Exactly as it sounds. You'll be my Friend. Just like the others." I gesture to the group behind me. "That's Xanthar, Pyronica, Amorphous Shape and Teeth."
Kryptos looks over at them again. "Are you demons too? Did Bill turn you into demons?"
Pyronica laughs. "Oh please~I've been doing terrible things since LONG before Bill found me. If I wasn't a demon then, I doubt I am one now."
"From my research on the topic, I am led to believe the term demon is more of a title than a real indication of species." Amorphous Shape says mildly.
"Eh, I don't know what you mean by demon. I'm a Mouth." Teeth shrugs.
Xanthar just flops on the ground and rolls onto his back. I give him a tummy rub. "Xanthar here is just a big 'ol sweetie. I don't know why anyone would think he's a demon."
"I thought you were the last of your kind. This fellow looks somewhat similar to you?" Ammy remarks as he floats up to look at Kryptos from all angles.
"He's not my species. His people just happen to look similar." I shrug.
Kryptos watches the interaction between us with a furrowed brow. I can tell he's thinking this over. I can't help but be impressed. He's not going to just make some snap decision to join me. Pyronica glances at me and ambled over to whisper "So you've got your eye on this guy huh?"
"Eh, sorry for not asking first, are you alright with him? If he DOES say yes?" I ask.
Pyronica looks over at the compass then at me. I catch a brief flash of 'sympathy' from her. "If you like him, I don't mind. At least we've met him first." She gives me a gentle, somewhat sad smile.
What was that about? As I ponder over what the emotions I sensed from her could mean, Kryptos clears his throat and looks right at me.
"Alright. I'll be yo-your Friend. But I'm not going to do any...demon things like killing people or eating souls."
Teeth laughs. "We've never eaten souls. Roni eats people but that's just her thing, Bill actually has to stop her from killing people."
Kryptos looks relieved and yet terrified, staring at the Cyclopian with more fear than he's shown even ME. I couldn't help the giggles bubbling up from inside me. Someone fearing Pyronica more than me. Hilarious.
"Sure kid. You and me, Friends from now until the end of time. No soul eating, no problem." I giggle as I hold my hand out and he shakes it. I yelp when he accidentally zaps me. It didn't hurt, just startled me. "Geez kid, warn a gal next time, that tickled."
Kryptos was already freaking out over accidentally 'attacking' me and apologizing over and over. I squeal at how cute he looked when embarrassed.
"Woo! New friend!" Teeth shouts loudly as he jumps up and down. "Hey, we should have a party!"
"Party?" Pyronica grins and the two begin discussing plans right then and there. I blink, considered it and laughed. "You know what. Sure. Let's have a party back at the base in celebration of our newest roommate!"
A party, I never even thought of it. Sure the clean up would drive me nuts but still, decorations, music, food...it's been far too long since I've gone to a real party. Why the fuck not?
Kryptos yelps as I pull him and the others with me into a spinning teleport, I'm laughing the whole time. A new friend. A party in the works. What could be better?
---
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