章節 49: Ch.49

(Matt Pov)

Following Jacob further away from the house and away from the rest of the tribe, we eventually stop after about thirty minutes of travel. The whole time was an awkward silence and Jacob was tense the entire time. Finding a clearing I go and sit on a rock nearby, while he stands about ten feet from me looking at me with curiosity and nervousness.

"Well, what is it you want to talk about?" Jacob asks me with some strained annoyance in his voice and a hint of fear.

"I know you probably hate me for various reasons, but the day I almost killed you for talking about Alice harshly, I just want to say sorry for going so far. I was dealing with not being able to control my emotions that well as I'm sure you know what that is like. Though I really don't understand why you hate the Cullens or vampires in general so much. I thought we were best friends and childhood friends, I know people grow apart, but I thought maybe we could patch things up," I say to Jacob sighing and looking at him with a mentally tired look. I can see the mixture of emotions flashing on his face from anger, annoyance, fear, confusion, and finally regret.

"Matt....I…..I don't hate you. But I don't think I can ever like the Cullens, they…..they are just too different from us. I mean how can you love something that will never give you a real or normal life? Someone who can't give you a family or grow old with you?" Jacob says to me with the mixture of emotions still on his face.

"Jacob, you may never have experienced the mate bond as others in your pack, but I'm sure they told you what it is like. We can't choose who we bond with or why we bond with them, it is just something that the fates decide. No one can discard fate, but bend it sure, however fate will always win in the end or bend enough to benefit you, but ultimately the outcome will remain the same. Even if Alice can't give me a 'normal' life, I love her more than anything else in existence. One day when you have the mate bond you will understand," I say to him and I can see he is still very conflicted with everything I am saying to him.

".....I'm sorry for speaking as I did about Alice. I can tell she is different than the others. Though that doesn't mean I accept the Cullens, but….you are right we were best friends and I should understand you better. I support…..I support your mate bond and life," Jacob says to me with regret winning his emotional fluctuation and sitting next to me on the rock and giving me a strained smile.

"I appreciate that and hopefully we can put all the issues in the past now and move forward as friends again. I also understand you will not completely like or trust the Cullens, but as long as you are good with Alice then that's good enough for me," I say to him smiling and giving him a brotherly hug, which makes him tense up at first but returns it.

"No problem brother and yeah let's move on. Though about the mate bond, I have heard what it is like from Sam, my old feelings for Bella before turning are messing with my head. Every time I see her with that blood– Edward, I get annoyed," Jacob says to me with an aggravated sigh and correcting himself after almost calling Edward a bloodsucker.

"I can somewhat understand that seeing someone you once had a crush on with someone else sucks, but it is probably your heightened emotions making it even harder for you to overcome your hate for him. You need to learn better control over your emotions before you can think more logically and critically about a situation. Yes I know, easier said than done, it took me over a year for learning my self-control," I say to him and he just sighs tiredly.

"I don't know how to, everyone tells me different ways to help learn self-control and none seems to work for me," Jacob says annoyed with himself it seems.

"For my clan, everyone has different ways of learning self-control, some use exercise, eating, sleeping, meditating, and other things I'm sure. Just try everything you can think of, that is not dangerous or harms others!" I say to him and emphasize the last part in case he misunderstands me.

"Ok…..though what worked for you?" Jacob asks me after thinking about the suggestions I told him.

"Meditation helped me. It made me look inwards at myself by learning more about who and what I am. Once I learned who and what made me the way I was, I was able to fix those issues and bring peace to myself. Which is why I don't really meditate anymore since it gave me the knowledge of fixing myself," I say to him which is a half-truth technically.

"I never tried meditation before...I guess I could try it," Jacob says and thinks to himself.

"Ok, we are in a somewhat good and quiet area, it takes some time to learn to calm yourself down enough and not let the surroundings both you as you meditate. Try sitting down and just breathing steadily while also not letting any thoughts in your mind. Once you achieve this you will find yourself in a peaceful trance and passing time without even knowing. I will stick with you, I don't really have anything else to do today, plus we haven't hung out in a while," I say to him and motion for him to sit on the ground next to me as we both now are sitting in silence. I don't meditate but watch him and see if it does help him in any way.

After sitting on the ground for about thirty minutes I can see at first he was frustrated and couldn't find himself not thinking about something. Then he seemed to calm down a bit after an hour and now seemed to be meditating, it just took him a while to find the peace. Seeing him meditating I use this time to return to Jotunheim by overlooking the world without being there physically and seeing the progress of my people. Overlooking the world I can see there are now a few thousand jötunns who are training to be soldiers, with others who have become farmers, carpenters, smiths, and many other jobs required to run a city. Sarnald is running the place quite well in my absence, which is expected as I gave her and the other general the knowledge to run a city and military.

"Damn what time is it?" I hear Jacob say snapping me back to here and I notice it is late, close to midnight.

"Midnight or around that time I'd say, how do you feel? Did the meditation help at all, but just know it is not an immediate fix but one that you have to keep doing at least once a week I suggest," I say to him and look at him curiously, seeing that he does seem to be in better control of himself.

"I do feel somewhat better, though I guess it is only temporary," Jacob says to me as we stand up and stretch from sitting in one position as we did for hours.

"Yeah it is a long process of self-introspection to learn better control, mediation is just a means of learning this faster I feel. Just keep trying it for a while, it won't hurt, either way, maybe wake up earlier every morning and meditate before starting your day," I suggest to him and he just nods to me somewhat thoughtful about it.

"True I guess it wouldn't hurt," Jacob says still stretching.

"Well I'm gonna head home, Alice is probably worried I haven't contacted her in a bit," I say with a chuckle.

"Got a ball and chain now? Wonder what's it gonna be like when you're married?" Jacob says to me smirking and laughing.

"Ha, ha. Though you will be invited to the wedding for sure and you are going to be there," I say to him giving him a look now that we have patched things up somewhat.

"Fine, though if I'm not the best man or part of the groom's men and the Cullens are too...I'll try to be nice," Jacob says sighing and smirking at me, which I just chuckle too.

"Good enough, though we need to hang out more as we used to in the old days. Though like you said I have a ball and chain now, you are going to be the third wheel with us now too," I say before quickly leaving and making him grunt in annoyance at me as I run back home.

Arriving back home, I see that everyone is here who lives here. Entering the house Alice, Edythe, and Rosalie are watching a reality TV show together on the couch. While I assume Jasper is in the study reading and Emmett is somewhere, maybe annoying Jasper. Seeing me enter they all wave at me and greet me, though Alice jumps up and skips over to me jumping into my arms and kissing me. Edythe and Rosalie just smile and snicker at us.

"How'd it go? I assume well," Alice asks me while I still hold her in my arms.

"Yeah, the wolves are going to be on the lookout for Victoria. The elders are going to discuss a formal alliance with my clan, once my grandfather comes to visit this summer. I also talked with Jacob and we seemed to have patched things up," I say to Alice, while Edythe grimaces at the mention of Jacob, and Rosalie looks pissed just thinking about him.

"That's good! I'm glad you are both friends again! We should invite him over and hang out with him!" Alice says to me in her usual excited happy self.

"He would come, not knowing that everyone is living here with us. But after learning it he'd not be that happy. He seems as accepting of you as he can be, but I'm sure once he gets to know you better you can make him love you as everyone comes to love you. As for the rest of you guys, he doesn't seem as...as happy with you all," I say to Alice and turn to the girls telling them about Jacob, Edythe just shrugs in indifference while Rosalie snorts in annoyance.

"Then invite him over this weekend, I'll make him come to love us!" Alice says to me not taking no for an answer, to which I just sigh and nod. Shooting a text to Jacob to come and have dinner with us this weekend, to which he responds back agreeing to come.

"Where are Emmett and Jasper?" I ask them after letting Alice go to text Jacob.

"Jasper is reading as he usually does," Edythe says while Alice skips back over to the couch sitting between them.

"Emmett said he was going to work out in the enhanced gym you set up, though that monkey is probably just messing around outside," Rosalie says rolling her eyes and imagining what Emmett could be up to.

Nodding to them I then make my way to where Jasper was and seeing if he wants to smoke a cigar with me outside while reading and drinking too. After seeing the drinks they served in that club in Italy for vampires, I was able to recreate it with animal blood. Jasper agrees and we sit outside on the patio by the library outside, snipping our drinks, smoking, and reading in peace, before Emmett notices us.

"HEY! Where was my invite?!" Emmett says jumping up to us and disrupting the peace.

"Do you even know how to read?" Jasper says sighing as Emmett ruined the peace and quiet.

"Ha, Ha, fuck you Jasper," Emmett says and stealing his drink downing it in one go.