章節 43: 43. Chapter 43
Waverly gets dropped off at Nicole’s house the next morning, entering the front door quietly.
She finds Nicole awake and in the garage. As she enters, the sound of the door alerts Nicole to her presence. Nicole looks at her from her stool, something in her eyes that Waverly can’t read, but says nothing.
Waverly just stands there for a second, wondering how to say this or even start this. Apparently, she voiced this thought aloud because Nicole puts the wrench in her hand down slowly and wipes her hands with a rag.
“Waverly. I already know.” Nicole says softly, looking at Waverly, but not at her eyes.
“What?” Waverly asks.
“I know. I know about you and Rosita. I knew it would happen eventually.” Nicole says again, still not looking at Waverly’s eyes.
“How?”
“Because I am not an idiot. Because I see the way you two look at each other, how you touch and neither reacts. You didn’t come home last night. I even went to the bar early this morning and your jeep was still there. That, and you have a hickey on your neck and we haven’t had sex in over a month. So, I can pretty much guarantee that it isn’t from me and is from Rosita.” Nicole says it in a way that Waverly can’t quite place.
But then she realizes. Nicole isn’t looking at her eyes because she is staring at her neck… at the hickey on her neck. She moves to cover it but Nicole puts a hand up.
“You don’t have to. The cat is out of the bag Waverly.” Nicole almost looks like she might laugh.
“Nicole, I am so sorry.” Waverly says, tears welling in her eyes.
“So am I.” Nicole says softly. “I am sorry you had to marry to me. I am sorry you are stuck in a situation you don’t want to be in. A life you don’t want to be in. I am sorry that I couldn’t be enough and I am sorry that I hate Rosita because she is. I am sorry for hating her for being everything you want. I am sorry that I hate her because I am jealous. And I am sorry for yelling at you last night because I hate the idea that you two are better together than we are. I am sorry that I am so damn jealous of her because I want that feeling back. I know that feeling. That feeling of love that you can give people. I am sorry I hate her because I feel like she took that from me.”
Waverly watches with every sentence as Nicole falls deeper and deeper into the hole. Waverly moves towards her but stops short.
Nicole stands and braces her hands up against the hood of her truck. She takes a few deep breaths, trying to compose herself. “I will do what you need Waverly. It you want a divorce, I will give it to you. If you want to be with Rosita…” Nicole swallows hard and Waverly sees Nicole crack. “If you want to be with Rosita, I will wish you the best. That is all I want for you. The best.” There are tears streaming down her face and Waverly watches in that moment as Nicole’s heart shatters. It hurts. It hurts to watch. But she feels her own heart do the same and the pain becomes even more unbearable. It is unbearable because she knows it is her fault.
“Nicole, will you sit with me?” Waverly asks after a long moment.
Nicole looks at her now, eyes red and cheeks wet. The redhead nods and follows Waverly into the house and into the living room. They sit on the couch and Waverly looks at Nicole, who is twisting and pulling on her wedding band.
“Nic, I don’t want a divorce.” She is looking at Nicole, but the redhead has no reaction. Waverly takes a deep breath and decides to just get it all out. “Rosie and I, it was a mistake. I knew it and I stopped it. But I did make a lot of mistakes last night and long before that. I don’t have an excuse for my actions. I could say we were fighting and Rosie was there for me. Or I could say that I just didn’t know what I was doing. But I know excuses are meaningless and not the real reason why. The real reason is because I was selfish and she was different and new. And then she kissed me and that made me snap back to reality. But it took me a while, too long, to realize how wrong life felt without you. Because I don’t feel anything when she touches me. She would touch my hand and I wouldn’t even notice it was there. Because when you touch me, I feel it and it makes me feel alive. I didn’t even notice Rosita in that way because… because it wasn’t you.” Still no reaction from Nicole, but she isn’t leaving so Waverly continues. “I love you Nicole. I do and that is the truth. And I want to be with you and no one else for the rest of my life. I want all the things we talked about and I want to grow as an individual and as a partner. I want a life with you Nicole Haught. But…” Waverly takes a deep breath. “I will understand if the damage I have done is too much. I will understand if you are done and don’t want this anymore. I will understand if you are done being patient.”
Nicole is silent for several minutes, still fiddling with her ring with her eyes glued on a point on the floor. Then, she is jumping up from the couch and running over to the kitchen trashcan. Bending over, Nicole pukes into it and Waverly immediately jumps up and dashes over to her side. Once Nicole is finished, she washes her mouth out at the kitchen sink and then slumps down to the ground. She finally looks at Waverly and motions for her to join her on the cold floor.
Nicole holds a hand out to Waverly and Waverly slowly takes it, intertwining their fingers together. “Nic?”
“I am not…” Nicole stops and lets her head thud back on the cabinet behind her. “I am not saying I am over it. I am not. But I am going to be, eventually. And if you are sure you want this, us… I am willing to try. But I am not going to pretend this didn’t affect me. Like I said many times, I can’t go back to friends after all we have done. You broke my heart Waverly. It is going to take time for that to be put back together. And… I think we need to talk to someone. Someone professional. Because, this…this isn’t working. And I want it so badly to work but it won’t if we don’t change something.”
Waverly nods and wipes tears from her face with her free hand.
Nicole lifts their joined hands. “And Waverly…” Nicole waits for Waverly to meet her eyes. “We won’t be doing anything more than this until that hickey and any other mark she left on you are long gone.”
Waverly breaths out a pained chuckle. Nicole never stops trying to ease her pain, even in moments when she deserves it. “Deal.” She says softly. “So, what now?”
“Now, I need to shower and get coffee into me because I have to go to work in a few hours. Do you want me to give you a ride into town on my way?” Nicole answers.
“Yes, please. I will uh, just… make coffee while you take a shower.” Waverly says awkwardly.
Nicole nods and squeezes Waverly’s hand once more before leaving her to go take a shower.
Walking into the station with Nicole, Waverly isn’t surprised to find her sister and her father in Nicole’s office, waiting for the redhead. They seem surprised to see her, but don’t really comment on it.
“Nicole.” Wards greets.
“Chief. What can I do for you this morning?” Nicole replies in her normal casual tone, sitting at her desk and starting up her computer.
“Just here to check in…” He looks at his youngest daughter. “Making sure I am in the loop if anything drastic is going to happen.”
Nicole looks at him but doesn’t say anything.
After a long moment, Nicole turns to Wynonna. “And why are you here Earp?”
“Kinda the same reason and uh… I care about what happens here so… yeah.” Wynonna says, acting almost pained by the words.
“They are trying to figure out if you are divorcing me because of what happened with Rosita and because of me just being a general shit ticket to you.” Waverly says bluntly.
Nicole leans back in her chair and peers at all three Earps for a moment. She looks down at her wedding ring and then up to Waverly. “We aren’t getting divorced. At least, not now anyways. That is not what I want. But we aren’t… I have to take this slow. I don’t want to rush and realize too late that I am not over it. I need to give myself time to decompress and put myself together. And, I think we both need to seek professional help. I already told Waverly that this morning. But um… I am taking some time. Dolls and I have an assignment that will take us out of town for a few days. I was debating taking it but I think now would be good timing. So, I think that will give everyone some time to decompress.”
“You’re leaving?” Waverly asks, panic settling deep in her chest.
Nicole motions for Waverly to come over to her and takes the brunette’s hand in hers. “Yeah. It has been on the schedule for almost a month. We even talked out it last week.” Nicole doesn’t say it with accusation, but Waverly feels in anyways. She has been so focused on Rosita and everything else… she doesn’t even remember having a single conversation with her wife in the past few weeks.
Waverly shakes her head and refocuses, pushing the guilt to the side for now. “A few days?”
“Dolls and I are tying up some lose ends in the city. Should only take a few days.” Nicole responds.
Waverly nods, but doesn’t seem thrilled. “When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow afternoon.” Nicole says.
Waverly nods once again. “Okay, well. I better get to work.”
Nicole squeezes her hand and then releases it. “Briefing will start in ten. I will be out in a minute.”
Waverly exits, leaving Ward and Wynonna seated in her office.
“So?” She asks, looking at the both of them.
“I think our conversation is best had over alcohol. It can wait.” Wynonna says, leaving out the door.
Nicole waits for Ward to start.
“Are you okay?” He asks genuinely.
“As okay as I can be in this situation.” Nicole responds.
“I didn’t raise her to be this way. When Nonna told me what happened, I didn’t believe her.” Ward says.
“It isn’t about how we were raised or morals and values. That stuff went out the window the moment Waverly and Rosita kissed. Now, it’s about trying to figure out if I can accept, forgive, and move on. And Waverly too for that matter.”
“So, you are not divorcing her, not yet at least?”
“Chief. If you are worried about the financial aspect of things, don’t be. I won’t go after you or Waverly for compensation. The funds your family received because of the wedding were a gift. It is yours to keep. And if divorce is the end game, then I will handle the fees and keep it as quiet as possible. If she prefers, I am willing to keep the marriage official but live our lives separately. In either case, you have nothing to worry about.” Nicole assures. “You and Waverly are both protected.”
“And who is protecting you?” He asks. “I don’t ask about the divorce because of the money. I ask because I love you both and care about what happens between you two.”
“I need time to figure out if I can deal with it and move on. I won’t lie and say I am not hurt. It would have been one thing if she had done it before we actually got together. Like I had said, if she wanted other people outside the marriage, I could deal with that as long as her and I were just friends. I said I couldn’t go back after being with her romantically. I meant it then and I mean it now. I really hope I can get past this, I really do. Because I can’t be just friends with your daughter Sir. I can’t go back. But I also don’t know if I can be with someone who cheats on me either. You don’t do that to someone you love. I understand that it was a mistake. I get it. But after the whole Champ thing and now Rosita thing… I see all these red flags telling me that Waverly wants someone else. Anyone else. I don’t want to hold her back if that is what she wants, but I also know myself well enough to know that I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me enough to be faithful.” Nicole pauses and looks at her ring again. “But… just so you know, I am not quite ready to give up… Not quite yet.”
Ward looks at her and nods. “I am truly sorry Nicole.”
“Yeah, so am I.” She responds absently.
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