章節 14: chapter 13. The art of pain
[chapter 13. The art of pain]
trigger warning: bullying and self-harm
Mindless walking in the majestic hallway, Selena took out her phone and skimmed through her schedule. Her nails tapped against the glass, smoothly.
Her first lecture was on Discrete Mathematics and she couldn't have been happier.
Her heart was grateful that the Mariano family- though aristocratic, allowed her to select whatever subjects she liked with no pressure. Theodore only hoped his daughter would excel in whatever she chose.
"You have a shallow standard for what a family is," her mind scoffed like it had eaten a whole lemon.
I never had a family, so anything they give me is a new experience. It is similar to entering your first relationship, where you don't know what to do or expect. You go with the flow.
This time, her mind did not snap back.
Selena came to a stop as she peered at the hall number. Inhaling deeply, she pushed the door open.
"The new student," the math teacher mused, pausing and turning to face her, as did the entire class.
"Please introduce yourself, Miss."
"Hello, my name is Selena," she said. Her eyes curved into an innocent smile as she spoke like a frail girl that needed protection. "Please look after me."
Unknown to Selena, many people swooned over her smile as their hearts thumped. The girl was a beauty without even trying.
Samuel, who was present in the class, sneered under his breath. The girl won't even mention her surname in the introduction, as if she loathes the identity that Mariano brings her. What a bitch.
"Alright. Miss Selena. Sit next to Mr. Hernandez, and we will proceed with the lecture," the man cleared his throat, taken aback by her smile. He pointed at the empty seat.
The Hernandez boy leaned on the table, not paying attention to the class. The curly-haired boy raised his head when he heard his last name called.
"Huh, what?" his words slurred.
His eyes were tired as he looked into his teacher's disappointed expression.
The teacher, like his parents, had given up on him.
He went back to sleep.
Selena walked beside Hernandez and sat at the next desk. Her bag was on the side, and she took out a notebook and a pen. As she doodled in her book, the lecturer continued blabbering on equations and theories.
Her ears perked at the whispers behind her- nonetheless, her pen moved on the paper.
"She is adorable."
"I saw her coming out of the same car as Samuel. Does she have any relation to the boy?"
"Wait a minute, is she HER?"
"Impossible. The girl passed away."
"But what if."
"She is hideous."
A few laughed when they saw the doodles in her book instead of notes.
"She is a dumb bimbo, as expected. She has all the looks but none of the brain."
"Daddy's money got her in," they snickered.
Unbothered, she continued doodling. Liliana had already warned her how meddlesome the high society and people, in general, could be. The class ended quickly.
"As part of your assignment, you must solve 30 questions from chapter three. Make sure you submit it by the weekend. It will get considered for your final grade," the teacher said as he concluded the lecture, eliciting groans and grunts of refusal from students.
"Don't be a buzzkill, Mr. Cross," a student grumbled.
"35 questions by Thursday," the teacher smiled as he walked away. The students made sounds of frustration and refusal.
"You little fucker" the redhead boy said as he grabbed the blonde by the collar. "Who told you to open your fucktard mouth?" he hissed as the blonde pushed him away.
Declan and Viktor break it up," whispered the girl.
"Kai," she called sweetly. The brunette boy hummed; his gaze fixed on the notebook. "Can I invite the new girl to our table?" she asked, wrapping her hand around his arms.
He politely swatted it away.
The girl's smile slipped but then replaced it with another radiant smile. Her smile was so warm that it would brighten your day. Viktor felt butterflies swarm in his stomach.
"Mirelle, do whatever you want but don't bother me," he coldly grunted, turning away from her and finishing the last equation before closing his book.
"Rise, our sleeping beauty," Declan tapped his friend Jaden's table. "It's lunchtime."
"Already," yawned the curly-haired boy, rubbing his eyes.
"Well, since you slept through two hours of Math, then yes," Viktor deadpanned, earning a sleepy glare. He laughed it off.
"Hey," Mirelle approached the new girl.
Selena looked upwards; her eyes widened at the beauty.
"Would you like to sit with us for lunch? I am Mirelle, and I can even give you a tour of the place," the girl chirped. "Let's be friends," she added with a giggle. The sound was pleasant to her ears which Selena found soothing.
Selena was taken aback by the walking bubble of excitement. Her eyes darted to Samuel, who was with the same group as Mirelle. "Alright," she smiled and agreed, getting up from her seat.
She could feel stares on her back but acted oblivious and smiled sweetly and seated in the lunch area as everyone introduced themself to her. Her mind probed the new information and what she had from the little whispers in the dark alleys.
Viktor Walsh, the third son of an Irish trader, is known for his arrogance, even though he has never been in a relationship. The Academy had a fanbase of the red-headed boy with the playboy charm.
Mirelle Sullivan was Rafael's fourth great uncle's niece. The relationship was so distant and complicated that Selena became baffled, but the name Sulivan made everyone kiss the ground Mirelle walked on. The girl was born with a golden spoon. Mirelle intends to take over her father's position in the Sullivan conglomerate after he retires, but first, she plans to pursue a business degree.
Kai Spade was the heir to the world's largest pharmaceutical industry. The one who had direct access to the Big Five Families. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Currently ranked second in the Academy.
Samuel took the lead. He was the youngest but also the most intelligent but had a nasty temper and could be easily led astray.
Declan Harrington, the Harrington media company's second son, is known for throwing extravagant parties. No one dared to offend the blonde because he was known to cause numerous scandals in the Academy.
Jaden Hernandez was the only son of Country A's tech tycoon, but he was born with no brain and preferred to sleep wherever and whenever he pleased. He was two years older than everyone else, making him twenty since he was repeating college.
Viktor let out a whistle. "Go get some snacks for me," he told Samuel. The youngster sat up without a question and went to the vending machine to get some junk food for the group.
Selena's eyes dimmed. What was up with that tone? Viktor referred to him as their bellboy. And what was the fuck wrong with Samuel, who obeyed his orders like an obedient puppy?
"Here," Samuel said, presenting them with candies, savory snacks with a cup of coffee for Viktor.
"Thank you, Sammy," Mirelle said, picking out the gummy bears.
"Welcome, Elle," Samuel said as he watched the girl eat the food, he'd brought her.
"Oh, you don't know," Viktor grinned at the blank girl. His smile widened, glancing at the confused face of the newbie. Mirth glinted in his eyes. "You know, Samuel is our little pet," he chuckled as he poured the coffee on her brother's head.
"He even barks if I say it."
Selena pushed herself to her feet as she stared at the red-headed boy, her frail, innocent mask cracked for a split second. Then she hid it with sheer terror.
Viktor laughed at her reaction; the poor girl looked mortified.
Her gaze flew to the young Mariano, who did not appear to be offended or angry by what had just occurred. He wiped his face and sat silently in the seat.
"Why the hell are you not reacting," Selena spluttered and looked at him in anger. "Samuel," her voice raised, garnering attention from side tables, she could already see a few of them filming them, and her face paled.
If these videos get published on social media- they will find out where she is, and a shiver went down her spine.
Suddenly the voices in her mind made their presence known. Kill all of them- they cooed like sirens.
Kill, they chanted.
They are nothing but children- easy prey.
Her rationality started slipping. Focus, Selena.
Her fist clenched as she looked at the silent boy. She reminded herself the boy is only fourteen; he has not seen the horrors of the world and can get misled. He is a victim too.
"These are not who you call friends," she said in a soft tone that surprised her.
Now her words pierced through a sore point in his heart. "You orphaned wench. What do you know about friends? Huh."
The entire table focused on the new information. The group was not aware the newbie was related to Samuel and was from an orphanage. "Oh, my," Mirelle slapped her hand across her mouth, her eyes widening as she looked pitifully at Selena.
The boys looked down on her as if she was filth. The heirs born with golden spoons and never faced any obstacles in their life were used to looking down on people.
Selena's pupils constricted. She considered punching the guy named Viktor for her brother, but Samuel deserved it, and anger erupted within her. She'd had enough of the name-calling bullshit.
Let him live in his misery.
"Selena, you don't have to leave the table. There is nothing to be ashamed of," Mirelle apologized. Ashamed and her? "Samuel," she hissed. "Apologize to her now," she reprimanded as if she were Mariano's sister.
It didn't sit well with Selena.
"I'm sorry," Samuel said.
Selena pulled her hand away and decided to play. Her eyes reddened.
"I am s-sorry," her voice stuttered. "I um- I don't think you guys would enjoy the company of a girl like me. They abandoned me and left me alone in an orphanage. I don't think I can fit in as a posh person like you," she let out a sniffle.
"I am so ashamed of myself."
She smiled inwardly, watching Declan's face morph into sadness as the boy regretted his actions. "Mirelle," he called. He turned to Selena. "That was rude of us; let me apologize on behalf of my group," he said.
Mirelle's eyes constricted for barest. "Oh my. Selena, we are there for you. We are your friends, and we can promise that you will settle well with us, no matter your identity," she clasped her hands and looked sadly at the crying girl.
"I am sorry, but I don't think I can sit with you guys today," Selena sniffled, looking around, embarrassed by her action.
Everyone was filming them. "Go ahead, release those videos and see the wrath that Sullivan brings," Mirelle smiled, watching everyone pale and keep their phones down.
Selena turned around and ran away.
----
Selena entered the restroom. "Aww, I wasted my tears," she said, splashing water on her face. Her olive orbs looked at herself in the mirror. The rim of her eyes had turned red; she applied concealer and patted the area vigorously.
She sat inside the bathroom stall.
Sweat trickled down her back. How could you be so reckless, Selena? For an act, you risked yourself getting filmed? What if they had seen it; her heart pounded against her ribcage at the thought of it. She would die, no worse, she would need to relive those memories.
So what, the morbid voice inside her head mused. We can kill them all, it giggled.
I am not a killing machine, she seethed.
I will never be a killing machine.
She had promised to give up violence once she had succeeded in getting her revenge. Settle somewhere where she won't be bothered by anyone or anything.
The voice mockingly laughed. Once you enter this filthy world, there is no going back. You belong here.
It laughed as if Selena were the same naive six-year-old girl. You were born into filth. And you darling will die as filth, becoming filth as your turn into ashes.
My child, the world is not black and white. It's gray. And you're the darkest gray with a hint of white. Lose that, and you will survive; turn black, and you will survive. White will be your undoing.
The voices in her head burst out laughing.
She clutched her throbbing head and rubbed the painful area. Stop laughing at me; she hissed at the increasing laughter.
Ugh, she groaned, her hand clutching her head. Images flashed before her eyes of little Selena screaming, crying, and pleading. Nonetheless, they never showed mercy.
Her gaze darted toward the small knife hidden inside her boot. Her trembling and firm hand brought it to her thigh.
One cut.
Only one cut.
She reminded herself as the blade slowly glided over her traumatized skin, inking its presence as the crimson rolled down her pale skin, a stark contrast that made her smile.
The stinging pain burned her inner thighs but provided her with alleviation. The laughing in her mind came to an end.
Everything became void.
The blade moved across her skin, creating swirling patterns of red on the supple surface. She hummed at the beauty of pain that had brought her solace. One cut became an art of pain- which regained her sanity.
Pain brought her sanity.
It cleared her mind. Pain silenced those screeching voices. Her body slumped as she let out a sigh of relief. Her fingers trailed over the dripping blood, cascading like drops of clarity.
She looked at the silver lines that ran from small to large, shallow to deep, on her thigh and inner thigh. No one knew about her little secret, not even her big brother or Hayate.
A smile bloomed on her face like a lotus growing from mud.
She wiped the blade with tissue paper and tucked it back in safely.
With numbing pain, she walked back to her class and continued her day as if nothing had ever happened.
~~~~
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