章節 251: C251 F*ck Boy
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(A/N: Since I baited some of you into thinking that there was two chapters yesterday, which was kinda funny to be honest, I decided to be nice for once and actually give you guys a bonus chapter. Enjoy, cuz times like these are rare.😘)
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"I'm Spider-Man by the way. Nice to meet you." Peter introduced himself without a care for the alien pistol pointed at his chest.
"Spider-Man? What are you some comic book character?" Quill asks jokingly as he felt confident with the gun in his hand. "How did you get on my ship?"
"Magic." Peter answers casually as he walks over to take a seat.
"Hey! Don't move!" Star-Lord backs up as he keeps his pistol trained forward.
"Relax, If I wanted you dead, you'd be headless by now." Peter says as he got comfortable in his seat.
"Yeah, last I checked, I'm the one with the weapon here." Quill says as he gives his pistol a quick glance. "Now take off your mask, Mr. Magician."
"No." Peter answers simply as he looks at the weapon in Quill's hands. "Are you threatening me with a banana right now?"
"What?" Quill asks in confusion.
"I mean, look at it. It's a banana." Peter says with a nudge of his head.
"Is this some kind of sh*tty trick to make me look away or something?" Quill asks as he keeps his eyes on the stowaway.
"Yeah, you got me." Peter says with a teasing tilt to his voice as he reaches behind his back.
Instantly, Star-Lord squeezed the trigger of his 'gun' but the familiar 'pew' sound never came, nor did the red laser that should have pierced the Peter's chest by now.
*Splat...*
Instead of that, the 'gun' in his hands squished from the force of his grip and some yellow banana guts oozed out before flopping onto the metal floor.
"What the..." Quill looked down in shock and found a mangled banana in his hand. "How did you do that?"
Meanwhile, Peter pulled a can of coke out from behind his back and cracked it open.
"A magician never reveals his secrets." Peter says as he takes a sip of the soda through his mask.
"Wait a minute..." Throughout all of his confusion, Quill's eyes locked on to the familiar red can that his intruder was drinking from. "I-Is... Is that a real can of Coca-Cola?"
Before Peter could respond, a metal grate on the floor popped open and a beautiful pink-skinned woman came crawling out with her hair in a complete mess.
[Insert picture of Bereet here]
"Peter? What happened?" She looks to Quill and asks worriedly.
One moment she was asleep and then the ship started flying erratically, sending her soaring across the bedroom like a rag doll.
'Having another Peter around is going to be confusing and annoying...' Peter thought as he enjoyed the awkward atmosphere that suddenly bloomed between Star-Lord and his lady friend.
"Hey, uh... uh... I..." Quill tries to remember her name and fails horribly.
"Bereet." She says with an annoyed stare.
"Bereet!" Quill exclaims in realization as he scratches his head awkwardly. "Look, I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I forgot you were here."
Bereet looks at him in shock.
"Wow, I found myself a real space playboy." Peter says as he finishes off his can of soda. "Though even for a f*ck boy, like yourself, forgetting the name of a woman who you've slept with is just... disappointing."
"What's a f*ck boy?" Bereet asks, finding the name fitting without actually knowing its meaning.
"A weak or contemptible man, who has many casual sex partners." Peter explains it to her as she took a seat close by. "Do you want something to drink?"
Whipping out another can of soda, Peter handed it over to her, completely ignoring Quill, who was still gripping his banana.
"Thanks..." Bereet says in confusion as she takes the strange can from him.
"Let me see that." Quill walks up and snatches the soda in an instant.
"Hey!" Bereet exclaims as he cracks it open and gives it a sniffs before throwing it back and chugging the whole can down, like a dying man in a desert.
"ooOoOoo!" As he finished chugging the entire drink, Quill let out a loud deep burp, which caused Bereet to jump in surprise.
"!?" Star-Lord stared down at his empty can in wonder.
"It's really Coca-Cola..." He muttered as he turned to Peter. "Are you from Earth?"
"Yep." Peter answers with a nod.
Peter Quill was born and raised on Earth before he was abducted by the Yondu Ravager Clan, and turned into one of their members.
He always wanted to go back and at least see his old home, or possibly meet any of his living family members, but he never had the chance to separate from his new 'family'.
And even if he could get away from the Ravagers, Quill didn't have a single clue as to where Earth was.
The Universe is endless and he didn't have any clues, except that everyone seemed to call it Terra.
Ever since then, Quill has treasured the very few Earthly possessions he still had, like his cassette player.
"Holy sh*t!" Quill exclaimed as his former hostile demeanor completely disappeared. "Do you have any other Earth stuff? Where are you from? Oh my god, do you have Doritos? I still dream about eating Doritos..."
While the great Star-Lord was freaking out about meeting another person from his home planet, a low and incessant beeping sound filled the room.
"Peter, I think you have a call." Bereet presses a nearby button.
"No, wait, don't!" Quill panics as a blue man with a short metal red Mohawk imbedded into his head appeared on the monitor.
[Insert picture of Yondu Udonta here]
"Quill?" The angry-looking blue man called with his sort of country-southern accent.
Behind him, Peter could see a glimpse of the hellhole that is Morag.
"Hey, Yondu." Quill smiles awkwardly at the monitor.
"I'm here on Morag. Ain't no Orb, ain't no you." Yondu sounded p*ssed off.
"Well, I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd save you the hassle and pick it up myself." Quill says, as if he planned to give the Orb to Yondu.
"Well, where are you at now, boy?" Yondu asks, feeling suspicious of this whole situation.
Instantly, the facade crumbles and Star Lord's fake smile drops.
"I feel really bad about this, but I'm not gonna tell you that." Quill says as all of Yondu's suspicions were instantly proven true.
"I slaved putting this deal together-" Yondu complained.
"Slaved? Making a few calls is 'slaved'?" Quill asks incredulously.
"-and now you're gonna rip me off!" The blue Ravager yelled in anger.
"I mean, really?" Quill rolls his eyes.
"We do not do that to each other. We're Ravagers. We got a code." Yondu lectured as he pointed to the camera.
"Yeah, and that code is 'steal from everybody'." Quill countered.
"When I picked you up on Terra-" Yondu tries to guilt trip him now.
"Picked me up?" Quill says in disbelief at what he's hearing.
"-these boys of mine wanted to eat you." Yondu continued.
"Uh-huh..." grunted as he heard this a million times already.
Every time Yondu wanted him to do something, he would whip out this whole song and dance.
"They ain't never tasted any Terran before. I stopped 'em. You're alive because of me! I will find you, I will..." Before Yondu could say his threats, Quill cuts him off by ending the call.
"He didn't sound happy..." Peter states the obvious.
"You think?" Quill asks sarcastically.
"Is it because of this?" Peter asks as he held the Orb in his hand, playing around with it as if it were a toy.
"How did you..." Quill stopped himself from asking that again, as he knew the answer he would get. "Give me that!"
Peter watched in amusement as Star-Lord paced over and ripped the Orb from his grasp.
"First rule of being on my ship. Don't touch my stuff." Quill said as he stashed the Orb in his coat yet again.
"Aye aye, Captain!" Peter exclaimed as he jokingly gave him a salute.
"I truly can't tell if I hate you or not..." Star-Lord sighed as he walked passed Peter and took a seat at the controls.
"So, where are we going?" Peter asks as he watched Quill set a destination on the alien controls.
"I'm going to Xandar to meet with a buyer." Quill says matter of factly. "You, on the other hand, are a stowaway, who I will graciously take with me in exchange for some Earthly goods. Otherwise, I'll throw your costume wearing a*s out the airlock, comprendo?"
"Sure thing, Captain." Peter says with a small laugh. "What would you like?"
"What you got?" He asks expectantly.
"How about I give you a surprise box." Peter says as he opened a portal and steps through. "I'll be back!"
Before either Quill or Bereet could peek through the portal, which they were utterly shocked to see appear out of nowhere, it snapped shut, leaving the two of them alone in the ship.
...
Only a few minutes later, another portal opened up and Peter came back with a box full of goodies.
"What's all that?!" Ignoring the portal as it swiftly closed, Quill excitedly hopped out of his seat and rushed to see what Peter brought.
The box was filled with all sorts of snacks, candies, and drinks, but that wasn't what drew the great Star Lord's attention.
"Is that... McDonald's?!"
A/N: 1577 words
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