章節 17: Chapter 17: The queen and the crown princess IV
Although Serena only used Geoffrey as her means initially, she began to fall in love with him herself. For how could she not? Despite everything, her aloofness to him, her callousness at times, and though unknown to him, her cheating behind his back, he loved her. Loved her enough that he never even questioned the paternity of her child and married her right away.
She knew she has been unfair to Geoffrey, for she has never told him the truth. Though she alluded towards it, she could not bring herself to say it plainly. At first, it was because she did not trust his love enough, later it was because she has been afraid for she began to love him too much. Just thinking of Geoffrey's disgust if he were to know, that he would abandon her, scared her to even mention it again. Instead, she convinced herself that Geoffrey might have already known and even if not, she could make it up to him for the rest of her life.
When she lost her first pregnancy, she began to blame herself. Told herself that she lost the child because it was her just desserts. She went into depression, and she would have succumbed to it, if not for Geoffrey.
Geoffrey. Geoffrey who did not know that the child she was carrying was not his, took the loss as deeply, if not maybe more. She could see it in his eyes, that he loved the child and have never doubted for a moment that it might not be his. He too was grieving, but instead of wallowing in his sorrow, he tried his best to pull her out of hers.
As he said, he loved their child, but he loved her more. He comforted her, took care of her, tried to make her smile, and never once had he blamed her for the loss. He was so good to her that she couldn't bring herself to remain in her depression because she didn't want to hurt Geoffrey any longer by the way she was being.
She told herself that perhaps the one above was still being merciful because despite her loss, she could now start anew. She wouldn't have to continue cheating Geoffrey, live in fear of the next moment when he or any other person would discover that the child was not his. She wouldn't have to be reminded of her past transgressions and she would, this time, truly be free of Charlton.
Geoffrey pulled her out of that dark place, he guided her back and made her live again. The loss of her child, which presence brought her to marry him in the first place, did not make her love for him diminish. Instead, it made it stronger.
And so, just after two months, she was able to get her life back on track. Her love for Geoffrey ever stronger made her become more active in her role as the crown princess. She stepped out of her comfort zone, took initiatives, brought into life any advantageous knowledge she had from the future, and at the end of the day, she never forgot to attribute all her efforts to Geoffrey.
She loved him like he was her life and he never failed her because he too loved her all the same.
When her second pregnancy came, it was truly a happy event because that time, not only was she ready, but she was also sure that it was her and Geoffrey's love child. So, when that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage after 16 weeks, she was once again back into that dark place only worse.
Again, she began to blame herself for the loss. That this was her punishment for she has been so selfish to forgive herself too quickly for the loss of her first child because it made her life become easier.
However, like the first time Geoffrey became her champion. How could she stay in that darkness for too long when he was always beside her? Proving to her every single day how much he loved her? To hurt herself was to hurt him and she could not keep doing that. Besides, they were still young, and they can try again.
Then came her third pregnancy. That time, they were more prepared and as soon as they discovered it, she was kept on bed rest. Having experienced the loss twice, her heart was more guarded, and she did not dare raise her hopes too much.
The pregnancy at 19 weeks ended in another miscarriage and though it still hurt the same, it was good that she was more prepared because her mother-in-law would not and did not let her wallow in her self-pity for long.
A week after she lost what could have been her third child, she was visited by queen Loretta who was then not really there to give her sympathies but to break it to her that it was high time she made way for Geoffrey's second wife. Although of course, that's not how she said it because as she recalled, it was more subtle and gentle. However, it was the same thing especially given the timing.
Anyhow, in fairness to her mother-in-law, despite initially not liking her for how she treated Geoffrey, they hit it off not long after she accepted Annalys as her lady-in-waiting.
The main reason for this was because she understood that despite queen Loretta's attitude, she had Geoffrey's best interest in mind. Knowing that they stood on the same side and shared the same objectives helped her accept the demands of her mother-in-law. Aside from that, no matter what, she was Geoffrey's mother and she loved Geoffrey.
Her feelings for her mother-in-law only grew to become more sincere when she did not take her first pregnancy against her. Queen Loretta knew that it was a stillbirth because she was there when it happened. However, instead of outing her, she sympathized and even protected her to the point of proclaiming that what happened instead was a miscarriage. Although queen Loretta might be regretting that now given their current relationship, she (Serena) always remembered it.
That's why despite everything that queen Loretta have said and done, like backstabbing her, then later taunting her to her face with words that were below the belt, she never took them against her and in fact even continued to show her respect as a daughter-in-law.
Of course, considering that she accepted that they were true also played a huge part.
—
TBC
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