章節 97: 2.65

"I need you to get me out again," I sat down in front of Ty who was tucking into an overly filled sandwich.

"Say what?" He set the sandwich down, then looked around the grassy area outside the hospital where he'd tried to take a peaceful moment to eat his lunch.

"I remembered being Katsuki, Lex, he…" I shook my head, scrunching my eyes to stop the tears. I had no idea the human body could cry so much. Since Lex had left after my shower it was all I had been doing. My eyes were red, puffy, and sore.

He held a finger up to me, and made the sandwich disappear, an eye mask that seemed to be full of cool gel appeared in its place.

"Put that on and lie with me," he tossed it over and picked up Izzy out of my arms, "come on."

I grabbed the mask off the bench and followed him to lie down on the grass. Linking into the network underneath me of plants, feeling secure and safe I put the eye mask on and lay under the spring sun.

"What did Lex do that got your panties in a twist, Luna bug?" He asked whilst making Izzy giggle.

Her warm laughter put an unconscious smile on my face despite the dark thoughts.

"He…" my face scrunched as I tried to get the words out without replaying the memories in my head, "killed… my baby."

"Really?" Ty seemed genuinely surprised, "but he loves Izzy."

"Yeeah, he loves her so much he managed to stay away for two months," I grumbled, "besides, she's not really his, he just…"

"Well if the mad bastard was successful she technically is," he chuckled. I wondered if there was anything I could say to this man to make him understand just how scared and stressed I was. His reaction made me feel like I was overreacting. Maybe I was.

"Either way I can't, I just can't be around him anymore," I groaned, digging my hands into the soil in frustration.

"Then don't be," Ty said offhandedly, like it was an easy task to complete.

"So you're not helping me out?" I pulled the mask off, blinking in the sudden bright light.

"No, you need to stay put Luna bug," he messed up my hair then passed me Izzy when his pager beeped, "duty calls."

"Fine," I waved him away dismissively in a mood.

"Don't worry so much, Izzy is in your arms, alive and well, that's all that matters right?" He asked, raising a brow.

"Right."

***

"How are you doing?" Noah asked, appearing out of nowhere just as I left Izzy to nap in her crib.

"I wish you wouldn't do that," I muttered, hand on my beating heart, "yes, yes I'm fine, it worked well, where did you go?" I was surprised at how upset I'd felt when I couldn't find him when I woke.

"I could only stall them a few days, didn't think you'd take so long," he shrugged, then comfortably sat on the sofa making himself at home, "besides Nyx is always watching over her and Lex is her dad according to you after all."

"Yeah…" I groaned and threw myself to sit on the sofa beside him, staring aimlessly at the wall, my mind chaotic with bitter thoughts of my time as Katsuki.

"What is wrong Luna?" He asked, his arm pulling me sideways to rest my head on his lap, catching me by surprise. Still, I remained there, feeling safe and secure. How long has it been since I felt this way?

I rolled to my back, looking up at him, studying the sharp angle of his jaw.

"Come on, I can take it, speak to me."

If I told him the truth, what would he do? Would he take Izzy away from me and Lex?

"I… can't…"

"Okay," his warm hand rested on my head, stroking my hair from my face, smoothing it down.

"I don't think we're safe," I eventually blurted out, "I don't want me or Izzy to be around Lex anymore."

"Okay," was his only reply, "I'll arrange that."

Guilt built up inside my chest which was already feeling constricted and ready to burst.

"I'm a bad person."

Noah scoffed, then looked down at me, his void-like eyes pulling me in.

"If you're a bad person, what am I, having stupidly fallen in love with such a person…"

"No, you loved Hannah," I turned my head to face my spot on the wall again, unable to keep looking at the earnest expression on his face. Unable to admit my pattern of thoughts might be wrong.

"I liked Hannah, she was also my responsibility since I took over this body," he sighed, "and I love Izzy in a way I don't think I could love another soul, but I know one day she'll grow strong and live her own life without me..."

After a while, he tilted my head by the chin to look back up at him, "but you, I've loved you for so long I'm not sure it's possible to stop, no matter what lifetime, I just want to find you and be by your side."

"I never asked," my eyes drifted to find something to focus on other than his face, "who you really are..."

"You've certainly taken your time in asking," he laughed bitterly, "are you sure you really want to know?"

"Not really," I admitted truthfully.

He was supposed to just be Noah. Hannah's ex. Izzy's father. It was easier to think of him this way, to act accordingly to Noah. Not to the soul inside. I'd wronged him again and again. I owed him so much.

Nothing I could do would ever be good enough. I would never be good enough. Subconsciously, all I wanted to do was just push him away. Filled with shame and disgust at myself. I could only ever bring him misery.

I felt like I was only about to open a can of worms that my heart couldn't take. It was already so fragile, threatening to collapse until I found myself losing my humanity.

"Don't blame you, I'm a selfish man, in the end, it doesn't matter if you know who I am anyway," he sighed dismissively.