章節 16: Schrödinger

I have always wondered if it's better to be sad for a reason or to be sad without any reason.

When I lived with Liza, I was happy. Peaceful. Content. She made me feel normal and laugh at things which were not funny at all. Yet somehow I would find myself being sad sometimes. I couldn't find a particular reason why but the heaviness that used to possess my body made it difficult to do even the basic necessities of life. Some days they were easier to handle and some days they suffocated enough to make me knock myself out with sleeping pills just because the reality was too undesirable.

I just didn't want to live.

Now that I have a reason, I know that things can be always worse this way as well. Not being able to literally move or have those basic necessities snatched away without any consent. The comparison between both seemed hard still. Because like the former...

I just don't want to live.