章節 9: Chapter 9
Urgh, my back fucking hurts. I feel like a goddamn grandpa. Why did that bastard have to kick me like that? I'm normally not somebody to flinch away from some rough handling, but not like this. And it looks like I'm not the only one who needs to spend the next couple of days stuck in bed. Kakashi sure looks peaceful when he sleeps. And that hair of his still doesn't give two shits about gravity. How does that even work?
"See something you like?" Kakashi suddenly teases, his eyes still closed and facing the ceiling. Dude, you nearly gave me a heart attack! Tsk, fine, have it your way then.
"Sure do," I answer, "But I hope you know how creepy it is when somebody who seems dead asleep starts talking to you out of nowhere."
"Ma~ I can see that," he drawls lazily before turning my way and opening his lone eye. He has a soft look. "How are you feeling?" he almost whispers.
"Could be better, but it also could be worse. I seem to have cracked a rib or two, so these are gonna take a while to heal back up. Not to mention the cuts. How about you, Sensei? Chakra exhaustion, I assume?"
"You'd be correct. Since this Sharingan isn't originally mine, it does take a huge toll on me when I do end up using it. Other than that I'm fine." He then falls silent. It's really awkward. Uh, what do I say? Do I even need to say anything?
"Shizuya, say, what did you mean back then?" Kakashi asks carefully. Huh? What's he talking about? He seems to see my confusion and adds, "Back then with Zabuza, when you said that you've had it worse." Ah, that. Well, because, before I reincarnated into this world, I died a horrible death, of course... Yeah, as if I could just tell him that. Maybe those things that happened to me at the orphanage will be enough to sate his curiosity. So I show him a scar with the length of my pinky, that goes along my palm.
"See this scar?" He nods. "I have the same one on the other side, and on the other hand as well. It happened back at the orphanage. Because of my, let's say, peculiar appearance, the lady who ran that shithole hated me to no end. She beat me quite often, and other kids would naturally join in on the fun soon enough. But since I stopped showing any reaction to the beatings, she upped the game by depriving me of my meals every so often, and again, the other kids would emulate her behavior. I would go without food for three or four days at a time in some more severe cases. Though, I would use my naturally meager presence to try and get myself something from the fridge during nighttime when everybody else was asleep. Unfortunately, one time – a particularly bad one where I hadn't had anything to eat for almost a week, I hadn't been careful enough and she caught me red-handed. In retaliation, she nailed me to the fridge by stabbing both my hands with kitchen knives, leaving me there for the entire night. In the morning she then used me as an example for what would happen to thieves. After that, she would add knives to her arsenal for harming me. I've collected quite a few scars from cuts and stab wounds over the years I had lived there. After all this, you can imagine why two cuts don't really seem all that bad. I'm used to pain after all," I try to joke at the end to lighten the mood a little, but it fails miserably.
"Why?..." Sensei whispers.
"Why?" I repeat confused.
"Why are y-, no, how can you say that you are used to pain? Why haven't you told anybody? Somebody would've helped you," He sounds so... I cannot find the words to describe the way he said it. Defeated? Anguished? Sad? Maybe all of them? I don't know.
"I did try though?" I tell him and watch as his expression darkens, "Every time she overdid it and had to take me to the hospital to get looked after, I talked to the doctor who treated my wounds and even spoke to some of the nurses or other patients. Nobody believed me though. They said I was just making things up to gain attention and that somebody as generous and kind as that crazy woman would never ever do something like this, and to a child no less. And every time she found out about it because somebody actually did try to question her, her punishments were, uh, well, they were a class of their own. Anyway, I'm not that much of a masochist, and I'm rather quick to learn from my mistakes, so I've stopped trying and just kept ignoring her every chance I got. Until one day she finally had enough of me and kicked me out of that hell hole, after which I went to the Hokage and got myself a place of my own. The End," I finish my explanation. Damn, I wasn't even aware I could talk this much in one go. I actually feel better now that I was able to tell somebody about it. No wonder those shrinks back on Earth kept telling me that talking to people would make things easier. Who would've known, eh?
"I'm sorry." I hear him whisper.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Because you had to suffer alone for so long."
"But why are you apologizing when none of it has anything to do with you?" Like seriously, you probably didn't even know I existed, so how come you're apologizing to me for something you had no part in? How did you even come to this conclusion? Did you hit your head too hard earlier or something? Did the overuse of your Sharingan deep-fry your brain?
"Because people should've noticed, they should've done something instead of ignoring your-"
"This doesn't answer the question of why YOU are apologizing, though? None of it was your fault. If anything they should be the ones apologizing to me, not you. Stop projecting other people's mistakes and failures onto yourself."
"Shizuya," Kakashi says with a sigh. It's clear that he doesn't quite agree with me. But what else can I do other than tell him that it's NOT. His. Freaking. Fault! This man is giving me a headache.
"Yes?" I also sigh.
"Come here for a second," he says and pats on the empty space next to him on his bed. I lift my eyebrows in confusion, but ultimately I comply and walk over to him. The moment I'm within his reach, he grasps my wrist and pulls me down into a warm hug.
"Just promise me one thing, Shizuya, please. If you're ever in pain, no matter if it's physical or emotional, or have any other problems for that matter – tell me. Please. I can't help you if I don't know. You are now mine to take care of, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that nothing bad befalls you, you hear me?" It makes me wonder how one can sound so serious and helpless, yet also desperate at the same time. To think that he, of all people, would say something like this just shows that he's actually a very caring person underneath all of his "Leave me alone, I don't care" persona. So I hug him back. He tenses a little at first but soon relaxes.
"I promise..." I mumble against his chest before I, too, relax against him. Hugs are nice. I should do this more often. But for that to happen, I would need at least one other person. Which I don't have. And I can't just go to Kakashi and pester him for something like this. Now that I think about it, I'm all alone in this world, aren't I? Hah, that's kinda sad. But it's the truth. Truth hurts. Just like in my first life, I remain alone in this one as well. I'm still young though, so maybe once I'm older I'll be able to find somebody to spend my days with. Who am I kidding, with my luck, I'll probably end up dead in a ditch somewhere, with nobody remembering me once I'm gone. Fuck, I miss my cats. I wonder how they're doing... I wish that whoever reincarnated me here could've also let me take my cats with me. Then I wouldn't have felt as lonely over the past dozen years. Thinking this, I tighten my arms around Kakashi and rub my face against him to hide the tears that decided to involuntarily spill out of my eyes. I'm not crying, damn it! It's just really dusty here in this room, believe me! ... Shit, now I'm starting to sound like Naruto.
"You can cry, you know?" I hear Kakashi whisper above me. Yeah right, I'm a, what - twelve plus twenty-five, makes thirty-seven - thirty-seven-year-old man. There's no way Imma cry now. But again, my body refuses to listen, and soon enough I'm sniffing and have tears wetting Kakashi's clothes. Dagnabbit! I'm a fucking adult man! Men don't cry! Urgh... This sucks.
"Let it all out. It's long overdue." He encourages me further and I give in. I cry and wail and my tears just would not stop coming. Meanwhile, Kakashi continues to hold me tight and slowly rocks me from side to side, whilst soothingly stroking my head and rubbing my back. I have never felt like this before. I feel warm and safe, unlike anything I've ever felt before. Not even my former boyfriends had managed to give me this sort of feeling. If only I could stay like this forever. Shit, I hope my future boyfriend will be just like Kakashi. I highly doubt that, but one can always dream.
I don't know for how long I continued to cry, only that at some point I lose consciousness and sink into a dreamless sleep, right there in Kakashi's warm embrace.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票