章節 38: Omake 6: First Lesson (C)
"They treat me like a fox, a cunning fellow of the first rank. But the truth is that with a gentleman I am always a gentleman and a half, and when I have to do with a pirate, I try to be a pirate and a half." – Otto von Bismarck
"I suppose you got all your notes and pens ready for today's lesson," I muttered calmly as I found myself sharing the lone kitchen with a possible mass-terrorist in the making.
A nod, Cinder smiled as she prepared herself for her first lecture about becoming a 'Political Mastermind'. The setting was well-prepared and there was no 'distraction' to delay the inevitable predicament. But I wasn't exactly unhappy about facing this situation on my own.
In fact I was feeling quite eager considering what I had planned to do for today. After spending a few days thinking about how I was supposed to tackle the matter, I ended up endearing myself to some ideas that had the dual purpose of giving more knowledge to the girl while also shifting her alignment to a somewhat more acceptable degree.
Molding Cinder into a good person just wasn't possible. At least in a complete way. That kind of radical change would lead require forceful means I wasn't willing to go through, and I knew the only 'morally good' way I had to avoid her to become what she turned into in canon was to carefully steer her drive away from revenge and turn her hatred in something more akin to aggressive pragmatism. After all, energy can't be destroyed, but it can be changed into something else.
To do so, I needed to do something fairly simple that required the utmost state of peace within my mind. And that was achievable only thanks to Sally's intervention in keeping Ozzie busy while I dealt with 'Satan' herself.
"Since this is the first lesson, I suppose you know that this step will not be as easy to understand as the others that will follow because this is the first time dealing with the topic… right?"
A frown appeared on her face, but the girl still nodded and I started to speak once again.
"Okay. Then we can start with the basis of what I define 'my pragmatism'," I resumed with a nod. "Differently from the usual form that everyone knows of pragmatism, the art of knowing when to masterfully exploit a situation for a benefit or even more, my own version is something that can be divided in three specific categories of thoughts."
Cinder nodded, a hint of confusion flashing from her eyes but she still kept on writing down her notes as I started to list up these three important points. Points that weren't just part of how I handled things… but defined my existence as a whole. And I know, many wouldn't just give out that much info in a first lesson, especially if the student was someone that couldn't be trusted yet with so much info.
Still, there was something important within this sensible thought that made it a proper way to begin what I believed to be the best Redemption Arc I could offer to Cinder.
"The first point is… kindness. And before you ask, I'm not referring to the selfless acts that you may have seen done by people around," I assured quickly, drowning out the suspicious frown coming from the girl. "Kindness in this case is a way to label the basis of my pragmatism. When I invest something that can be either material or something a little more abstract like free time into something that isn't technically important until it appears to my eyes."
"So it's… what is the sense of this? Why is this 'kindness' important?"
"Well, that's because it defines the general outline of morality I strive to keep," I replied without hesitation. "An example of this could be when two days ago you mentioned to me about being unable to tell Nora that Santa didn't exist. You didn't tell me why you thought it was that difficult of a choice."
A huff left her lips. "I thought it would've made her react badly to it, and that I didn't want to deal with that while I would've wanted to tell her the truth."
…
I could see her point. In fact I was kind of dreading the day some poor kid would try and point out that the joyful man behind the 'non-descript' winter festivity wasn't real. And I feared even more when she would then run home in tears demanding to know the truth. I could only thank some divine mercy that Sienna had decided against giving into training Nora this early on.
A hammer with a big whip-grenade launcher switch was a terrifying thought that would normally keep me awake at night if I even pondered for a moment about the chances of this becoming the truth in a couple of years from now.
"I can agree to it… but I don't believe it's the truth," I muttered quietly. My answer drew a deeper frown from the child, but the confused half-glare barely got me fazed as I continued to speak. "I'm quite certain there is a reason bigger than the one you just gave me."
"I didn't lie," Cinder rebuked curtly, almost making a stand on this idea and, once again, reminding me that I was dealing with a stubborn individual that wasn't that willing to concede in many points of her mindset. Sadly for her, I knew how to dismantle that little defense of her.
"Never said you did. Only that you picked a reason that, while logically coherent, didn't match with your behavior about the topic," I calmly remarked. "It's a reason, but not the reason."
…
"And what is the reason then if you know?"
I hummed, sitting up and moving to the sink as I quietly started to clean some dishes much to the girl's growing confusion.
"If you told Nora about this now, what would she do? How would she react to this news?"
Her open mouth, caught up by my questions before she could've asked what I was doing, slowly shut closed as Cinder tried to think about that mental image of the situation. It didn't take her too long for her to answer my simple queries.
"She would get angry, trash around and hit objects and other people… and… cry?"
I blinked, my attention given to the current action I was going through in that complex act of mine I was trying to get to succeed. While this scene was sudden and seemingly unimportant to the overall lesson, I was preparing to make a solid argument once this brief interrogation was over.
"And would this reaction impact you that much? You could just move in a place where she would come to, or distract her by either sending her to me or Sienna."
Once again, Cinder's mouth opened to offer a response to that, but, like before, she couldn't come up with a proper answer to my innocent and easy question. Instead, her own confusion turned into curiosity and the next words lingered more on this than the current topic we were discussing about.
"I don't understand. Why would I mind if she was sad and crying?"
I blinked. "Maybe because, deep down, you don't want her to be that way," I pointed out. "But not because you ultimately care a lot for her. I don't believe that's the case too right now… and I think it has to do with how you don't like hurting those you don't know about."
… "What?"
"You are a smart girl, Cinder," I started, dropping a quick praise to deliver this explanation the best way I could. "And not just because you can understand what is going on in a greater lens than many of your peers, but because you know that emotion should be dealt with a degree of attention and logic in most circumstances. Nora did nothing to warrant you to act badly towards her, in fact she has been acting rather friendly in her own manner. Overbearing it might be for someone that is less about that degree of attachment, you're not against it since it doesn't go too far… and thus doesn't warrant any foul reaction out of you."
"So I didn't tell Nora the truth… because I didn't have any reason to be mean to her?"
"And because you had all the reasons to be nice to her," I added with a nod. "But yes. You invested your own silence on the matter so that she wouldn't have been hurt by it. You didn't make a solid gain out of it, but you still gained something that makes you feel better than if you hadn't."
The girl nodded, scribbling something in her notes before speaking up.
"So I showed 'kindness' by lying… for Nora's sake'?"
I tilted my head left and right to show some reluctance to that.
"I would say that lying is an exaggeration in this case. She didn't ask you a question whenever Santa is real or not," I pointed out quietly. "You decided to omit the truth since you knew it wasn't a lie, and because it helped you preserve someone you're slowly growing to appreciate."
"She is… noisy."
"She is a child. And while you may say that you too are one, not every child behaves the same way as the others," I rebuffed with a sigh. "There are quiet ones, there are loud ones. There are expressive ones and there are introverts."
"I guess she isn't that bad," She ultimately admitted. "But I will not call her my sister."
Yet.
"Fair enough. It's your choice how you wish to call people," I accepted happily. "And now I guess we can go for the next point."
I stopped washing the dishes, and took my seat back in my chair. I stared at the girl for some time and then I decided to speak up about this very delay.
"Do you know why I decided to wash some dishes just now as we discussed this?"
… "No?"
I nodded, accepting that confused response.
"During these lessons, I require from you to be truthful in some of the questions I offer you. Not because I want to coax you to be more active in those, but because I want to know what you think of each of the topics I bring up," I explained with a serious tone. "I want to know what you really feel on an argument that is generally difficult to answer when under pressure. Do you understand?"
At her nod, I shifted to the mid section of the lecture. One that was going to be perhaps the more complicated of the three sections of my pragmatism considering how abstract it was.
"I usually call it 'Mercy' or… the capacity to invest despite known risks," I explained with a calm voice. "It is mostly used when one is dealing with someone that isn't completely… clean as a person. As in they have done some bad things in their lives, but nothing that would warrant full condemnation."
Cinder's eyes glinted in interest at this summary.
"Like… what kind of bad things?"
"Well, small thievery, vandalism and other crimes that are mostly done by young individuals trying to get attention to themselves," I replied while nodding. "The kind of deeds that while bad, those can be forgiven until a certain point."
The girl hummed, writing down some more on her paper. Once she was done with that bout of scribbling, she looked up at me again and asked some more questions.
"So, it's like rehabilitation or something like that?"
I shook my head in a negative way. "It's a little more than that. Let's just say that it has to do also in giving trust to those that could potentially be bad people. It's about the capacity to see through one's lies and find their truthful selves."
Nodding at my words, Cinder shifted back on her notes… but I was surprised when she quickly asked for the final point and I said just a single word.
"Cruelty."
The writing stopped, her eyes narrowing at me in confusion and as if I had grown a second head.
"Cruelty?"
I nodded. "This is perhaps the one thing I dislike even considering, mostly because it's usually about the few times I have to make harsh decisions that I could potentially regret or not."
The girl didn't speak, merely listening as I continued with my explanation. This was by far the one bit I didn't like talking about with people. And I really wasn't happy I had to for the sake of good.
"It is something that happens when you plot to cut ties with someone, or to deal with them after they have done something so despicable that they don't deserve any form of sympathy," I muttered blankly. "The prowess to be unflinching and have a stern resolve when facing the hardships of stopping pain, may it be from yourself or displayed by others, from clouding your decision too much and make you choose some of the wrongest decisions you could actually make."
"B-But why? Isn't that the purpose of revenge? To be cruel and-"
"Revenge is the act of returning pain to pain, I will not say it is not. But it would be wrong to assume that fire should be fought with hell itself," I interrupted quietly. "Pain exists and will not stop even if you deal with what has caused you this. It will not stop and only grow as you try to make use of your own justice… which is why logic and some understanding of what to do is better than allowing emotions to ruin your own life."
…
…
"So I should just… think how to really deal with my troubles?"
"Indeed," I nodded with a tiny empty smile. "It's tougher than it sounds, I know that myself. But if you give your best in that, I can assure you that you will find some real satisfaction since you would be the better person."
…
"I suppose."
"Good. And with that, our first lecture comes to an end."
Dropping her pen, Cinder gave me a long look.
"Really?"
"It might sound really little to study on, but considering that this is the foundation of my thought, you can't expect it to be too elaborate. It's the middle-ground that makes for a rather complicated thing to understand without this lecture," I replied with a nod. "So don't expect the next lessons to be as simple as this one."
With that guarantee, the rest of the day spent alone in the house was wasted by the couch, Cinder was still against sitting too close to me and keeping herself to a quarter of a meter from me. Quite frustrating since it made me consider it all as a father trying to sit on the couch with his daughter as she was angry at me.
Cinder was fine but… that really left me perplexed.
And while I despaired in the coldness of my side, the girl pondered quietly whenever she should've sat closer or accepted this distance to appear polite.
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