章節 7: Yukino Yukinoshita always stands firm. [ 3 ]
Satisfied to have elicited that reaction from her, I continued triumphantly,
"You can't call yourself lonely. Everyone loves you. You're a disgrace to
real loners."
Suddenly, Yukinoshita's expression morphed into a derisive smile.
"What
a simplistic notion. Do you operate purely off reflexes from your spinal cord?
Do you even know what it's like, having people like you? Oh, I forgot.
You've never experienced that. I should have taken that into consideration.
I'm sorry."
"If you're going to bother being considerate, at least see it through to the
end." I guess this is what they call fake politeness. She really is a serious
jerk.
"So what's it like having everyone like you, then?" I asked.
Yukinoshita closed her eyes briefly to consider. With great effort, she
cleared her throat and opened her mouth.
"As a person whom no one likes,
you hearing this may be unpleasant."
"Everything that comes out of your mouth is unpleasant, anyway, so don't
worry about it," I reassured her, and Yukinoshita took a small breath.
There was no way I could feel worse than I already did. Our last exchange
had left me feeling like I'd had more than enough already—like that time I
ordered unlimited ramen.
"I've always been cute, so most boys who approach me are attracted to
me."
Uncle.
This was filling like double veggies and extra spices.
But now that she'd made such an impressive declaration, I couldn't leave
my seat. I would suck it up and wait for her to continue.
"I think it was from about fifth or sixth grade. Ever since then…" She
tapered off, her expression growing rather melancholy compared to before.
That was just under five years. I wondered what on earth it was like to be
constantly showered with attention from the opposite sex.
Frankly, as
someone who's been showered with loathing from the opposite sex for just
under about sixteen years, I can't imagine it. As a guy who doesn't even get
Valentine's chocolate from his own mother, I don't understand that world.
The way I see it, she's a member of that smugly smiling team of winners at
life. She's just gonna force me to endure more ridiculous bragging.
But…it's also true that because her vector in that area is positive whilemine's deeply in the negative, it was difficult for me to handle an open
expression of emotion from her. It was like standing stark naked in the
ravaging winds of a storm. It was as bad as being denounced by a classroom
kangaroo court. It was very much the hell of being made to stand alone in
front of the chalkboard, surrounded by your classmates on all sides as they
clap in unison, chanting, Apologize! Apologize!
That really did suck. That was the only time I've ever cried at school.
But that's enough about me for now.
"Well, it's got to be a lot better than being constantly hated right and left.
You've been pampered. Pampered!" The unpleasant memories surfacing in
my mind set off my mouth.
At that, Yukinoshita heaved a short sigh. She summoned something very
closely resembling a smile but was clearly a different expression altogether.
"I never asked people to like me," she declared, before adding, "Or perhaps, I
would have rather had someone like me for real."
"What?" My response was entirely involuntary. Her comment had been
delivered in a vanishing ly quiet whisper.
Yukinoshita turned to me again, her mien serious. "How would you feel if
you had a friend who was always popular with girls?"
"What a dumb question. I don't have any friends, so it's not something I'd
worry about." What a strong, masculine retort! I'd surprised even myself with
my instantaneous-to-the-point-of-interruption improv rejoinder.
Yukinoshita must have shared my surprise. She was left speechless, her
jaw hanging slack. "For an instant, I entertained the delusion that you might
have said something cool." She gently touched her hand to her temple, as if
beset by a headache or something, and cast her eyes down. "Just give me an
answer, speaking hypothetically."
"I'd kill him."
Seemingly satisfied with the immediacy of my reply, Yukinoshita nodded.
"See? You would attempt to exclude that individual, wouldn't you? Just like
an irrational animal…no, inferior to one, even. At the schools I've attended,
there were a lot of people like that. I suppose they were all just pitiful souls
who employed that sort of behavior as self-validation." Yukinoshita snorted.
A girl hated by other girls. There was indeed a category of that nature.
I've learned something from my ten years at school. I wasn't necessarily
immersed in it, but I got that much just by watching from the sidelines. No, I Understood it precisely because I was watching from the sidelines.
I'm sure
that Yukinoshita had always been in the middle of it, and that was exactly
why she was surrounded by enemies. I could imagine what would happen to
someone like that.
"In elementary school, my indoor shoes were hidden about sixty times,
and for about fifty of those incidents, girls in my class were responsible."
"I want to know about those last ten times."
"Boys hid them three times. Teachers bought them from me twice. The
dog made off with them five times."
"That's a high dog statistic." That bit had surpassed my expectations"
"That's not the part that's supposed to shock you."
"I deliberately ignored the lead."
"Thanks to that, I went home with my indoor shoes every day, and I even
took to carrying my recorder home, as well." Yukinoshita's expression
conveyed the tedium of these trials.
Unintentionally, I found myself sympathizing with her. It was just, you
know…not because her story rang a bell or because I felt guilty because back
in elementary school this one time I'd figured out the period early in the
morning when no one was in the classroom and had switched the tips of our
recorders. I just felt genuinely sorry for her. Honestly, honestly. Hachimaan
tells no lies!
"It must have been hard."
"Yes, it was. Because I'm so cute." Shelaughed in a mildly self-
deprecating way, and this time the sight of her wasn't nearly as irritating as
before. "But I don't think it can be helped. Nobody's perfect. They are weak,
with ugly hearts, and they quickly turn to jealousy. They try to knock others
down. It's so odd… In the world we live in, the greater a person is, the more
difficult his or her life becomes. Don't you find that strange? That's why I'm
going to change this world and everyone in it." Yukinoshita held a clear
sincerity in her eyes—eyes as cold as dry ice. Cold enough to burn.
"That's an incredibly bizarre direction to channel your efforts."
"Is that so? Even if you're right, I think it's a much better choice than to
end up withered and exhausted like you. I hate the way you…regard your
own weaknesses as virtue," she snapped, casting her gaze out the window.
Yukino Yukinoshita is a beautiful girl. At this point, this was an
indisputable fact. I was forced to accept it, however regrettable that was.
She appeared on the outside to be a paragon of flawless conduct—
academically peerless and generally impeccable. But her personality had a
massively fatal flaw.
No one found things like that cute.
But there was reason for the flaws. I wasn't taking Ms. Hiratsuka's words
as gospel, but being an elite, Yukinoshita did have her own troubles.
I'm sure it wouldn't have been difficult to hide it. To cooperate with
everyone, to use every trick in the book, excelling at everything, while
fooling the world around you. Most people do that.
Just like how someone good at studying, when they get good grades on a
test, will say it was a fluke, that they were guessing, or just got lucky. Or
when a bunch of plain girls are jealous of a pretty girl, the pretty girl makes a
big show of her own ugliness by talking about her subcutaneous fat.
But Yukinoshita doesn't do that.
She never lies to herself. I can respect that. Because I'm the same way.
Yukinoshita redirected her attention to her paperback, as if to signal the
conversation was over.
Seeing that, an odd feeling caught me off guard. It occurred to me that she
and I were alike, in a way, though it was very unlike me to think so. At that
moment, I even started feeling as though the silence between us was
somehow comfortable. My blood pressure increased ever so slightly. It felt as
if my heart rate had surpassed the speed of the clock's second hand and was
telling me it wanted to go even faster.
So…
So her and me…
"Hey, Yukinoshita. Can we be frie—?"
"I'm sorry. That's impossible."
"What? I didn't even finish my sentence!"
Complete and utter rejection. And plus, the look on her face said, Eww…
There's nothing cute about her. Rom-coms can go die in a fire.
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