16評論
4.3
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
與他人分享您的想法
寫檢討
It's a good thing the author dropped this fic. It just followed the plot of the original story, without making any real changes. The worst part is definitely the MC, who treats life like he's in a novel or video-game. Referring to people as NPCs and ignoring everyone he sees as unimportant side-characters. Even if he knows the world he lives in from a book series/movies, it's still his new reality and he should logically treat it as real. Instead he completely lost his grip on reality and started treating everything as if he was playing a VR video-game. Someone like that should be locked up in an insane asylum.
The writing is good. What bothers me is the utter lack of common sense displayed by each of the characters. It starts out by the mc saying hes only likes fully grown women, but constantly basically grooms a 11year old Hermine. Also he basically has no other good quality beside his system. Hes only calm because he knows the story, which doesnt make sense since he completly loses this in other situations even though the parts of the story can be life threatening. He also seens to have some kind of god complex, pretending to know everything and showing it to Hermine, even doe at any point the story could deviate. His utter lack of considering this shows what kind of dimwit the mc actually is. Next is the parents. What kind of absolute psychopaths refer to them self as mommy and daddy. Its not llike he mc is like 0 -1,5 yrs old where he has to learn the words. Next off, instead of doing anything normal, like teasing the kids for their "puppy love" (=> which is basically the mc grooming a minor), they help the mc in grooming the child, treating them as if they were around the age 14-18. The next thing is how Hermine is displayed. Ok the puppy love thing is nothing to bad, but in the original she was an intelligent and self confident girl. This story makes her the mc's little pet which although sometimes thinks for herself, is reduced to monkey listens, monkey see, monkey do. All in all I think the story had good potential, but it was ruined by the characters. All in all i wont recommend it, you will lose ur braincells reading it
揭示劇透
Amazing novel I really enjoyed seeing the RuneScape incorporation as a system and the plot was amazingly well done with proper twists and turns. This is extra true for the second year. I hope you can continue with such a amazing story!
wait don't tell me it already ended yeh?if so I would be feeling hollow and empty when u saw poison I felt he die in movie 2.if so time to find new excitement.
pls. don't drop it's been a month and I'm scared my fanfic addiction is getting worse help kksksksbsbbsbsbsbsbbsbsbsbsbbsbsbsbsbsbsbsbsbbsbsbsbs
Can anyone recommend another fanfic with Hermione as love interest? ................Just filling the required characters...................
Uma das melhores Fan-Fics de Herry Potter que li, o personagem principal tentando desesperadamente fugir do tabuleiro de xadrez do Dunbledore .
a great premise that's poorly executed due to only 1 reason writing is perfectly legible the general world and adjustments to the plot, retaining its relevance is well done the main character is by far the crux, weighing in at an approximate 5 iq, he's extremely foolish, think Naruto level stupid the MC is what really kills story development for me so I can't give it 5/5 updating stability is great
nice fanfic !!ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
So far a really enjoyable read :) keep up the good work. What you could change is your usage of MCs name, it's used too often. Try substituting the name with 'he, his' etc. Otherwise, really good job and a fresh idea, again keep it up and it will be an amazing story ;) .
its a good story..........................................................................[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=recommend]
I like this, the idea is neat, it's just a bit annoying that the mc didn't do much to the story, but he's still in first year, so i can't really judge that as it's still quite early.
Completely new concept, quite interesting. I am curious to see what it’ll develop into. QqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqQq
I just found this And i havent found anything even remotely similar to this the idea is fantastic and your writingso far seems pretty good im excited and super interested to see where you take this please for all that is holy dont drop !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's a good thing the author dropped this fic. It just followed the plot of the original story, without making any real changes. The worst part is definitely the MC, who treats life like he's in a novel or video-game. Referring to people as NPCs and ignoring everyone he sees as unimportant side-characters. Even if he knows the world he lives in from a book series/movies, it's still his new reality and he should logically treat it as real. Instead he completely lost his grip on reality and started treating everything as if he was playing a VR video-game. Someone like that should be locked up in an insane asylum.
The writing is good. What bothers me is the utter lack of common sense displayed by each of the characters. It starts out by the mc saying hes only likes fully grown women, but constantly basically grooms a 11year old Hermine. Also he basically has no other good quality beside his system. Hes only calm because he knows the story, which doesnt make sense since he completly loses this in other situations even though the parts of the story can be life threatening. He also seens to have some kind of god complex, pretending to know everything and showing it to Hermine, even doe at any point the story could deviate. His utter lack of considering this shows what kind of dimwit the mc actually is. Next is the parents. What kind of absolute psychopaths refer to them self as mommy and daddy. Its not llike he mc is like 0 -1,5 yrs old where he has to learn the words. Next off, instead of doing anything normal, like teasing the kids for their "puppy love" (=> which is basically the mc grooming a minor), they help the mc in grooming the child, treating them as if they were around the age 14-18. The next thing is how Hermine is displayed. Ok the puppy love thing is nothing to bad, but in the original she was an intelligent and self confident girl. This story makes her the mc's little pet which although sometimes thinks for herself, is reduced to monkey listens, monkey see, monkey do. All in all I think the story had good potential, but it was ruined by the characters. All in all i wont recommend it, you will lose ur braincells reading it
揭示劇透 Amazing novel I really enjoyed seeing the RuneScape incorporation as a system and the plot was amazingly well done with proper twists and turns. This is extra true for the second year. I hope you can continue with such a amazing story!
wait don't tell me it already ended yeh?if so I would be feeling hollow and empty when u saw poison I felt he die in movie 2.if so time to find new excitement.
pls. don't drop it's been a month and I'm scared my fanfic addiction is getting worse help kksksksbsbbsbsbsbsbbsbsbsbsbbsbsbsbsbsbsbsbsbbsbsbsbs
Can anyone recommend another fanfic with Hermione as love interest? ................Just filling the required characters...................
Uma das melhores Fan-Fics de Herry Potter que li, o personagem principal tentando desesperadamente fugir do tabuleiro de xadrez do Dunbledore .
a great premise that's poorly executed due to only 1 reason writing is perfectly legible the general world and adjustments to the plot, retaining its relevance is well done the main character is by far the crux, weighing in at an approximate 5 iq, he's extremely foolish, think Naruto level stupid the MC is what really kills story development for me so I can't give it 5/5 updating stability is great
nice fanfic !!ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
So far a really enjoyable read :) keep up the good work. What you could change is your usage of MCs name, it's used too often. Try substituting the name with 'he, his' etc. Otherwise, really good job and a fresh idea, again keep it up and it will be an amazing story ;) .
its a good story..........................................................................[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=recommend]
I like this, the idea is neat, it's just a bit annoying that the mc didn't do much to the story, but he's still in first year, so i can't really judge that as it's still quite early.
Completely new concept, quite interesting. I am curious to see what it’ll develop into. QqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqQq
I just found this And i havent found anything even remotely similar to this the idea is fantastic and your writingso far seems pretty good im excited and super interested to see where you take this please for all that is holy dont drop !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please continue this story, it has so much potential