Trigger Warning: Self Harm
Walking together, a simple hushed conversation flowed between the two until they reached the entrance to the crown prince's residence.
"Your Highness?" One of the guards looked at the duo in shock.
"It's okay," Li Jie smiled, his hand gently resting on Alan's arm in a familiar gesture. "Can you find your way back?"
"I-I..." Alan looked down, his voice filled with uncertainty. "I don't think so..."
"That's to be expected. It's only been less than a day," Li Jie chuckled, attempting to ease Alan's worries. "A-Cheng, can you accompany Alan?"
"But Your Highness, how...?" The guard, Yang Cheng, looked at the man beside Li Jie suspiciously.
"It's alright, I requested his presence. Please do me this favor, alright?" Li Jie glanced at Alan, silently pleading for understanding. "I won't be alone."
Yang Cheng nodded, his suspicion evident, and bowed his head in agreement. He cast a watchful eye on the harem man as they departed, but as a mere guard, he lacked the authority to question a royal consort.
"Good night, Alan," Li Jie smiled, receiving a shy and small reply from the consort.
Once Yang Cheng left with Alan, another guard swiftly replaced him.
"Your Highness," Zhao Wen bowed respectfully. "Sir Alfredo informed me that there will be a meeting in three days."
Without questioning the guard's sudden appearance, Li Jie expressed his gratitude and made his way to his room.
The night seemed unusually dark, with the moon's glow appearing dimmer and shrouded in clouds.
Li Jie directed a smile toward the moon, silently offering a prayer in his heart and seeking forgiveness from the heavens.
That night, Li Jie felt as if his past—though it had ended with a slight improvement—was akin to a haunting nightmare.
Little did he know, the true nightmare was yet to come.
Li Jie smiled, his face radiating a brightness seldom seen.
It was his favorite season—winter—and his favorite day—the day he had first met Parsa—and his favorite weather—rainy and cloudy, which brought him the greatest joy.
Indeed, Li Jie was at his happiest when he was with Parsa.
Huang Yiming had departed from the capital to study swordsmanship in the west.
Huang Baozhai had also journeyed to her ancestral home to pay respects to her elders and inform them of her preferences for a partner—something she had thought long and hard about before making her decision.
The Empress was enjoying one of her extended vacations, leaving young Li Jie, at the age of fifteen, alone with his imperial father, who was engrossed in government affairs.
Even the members of the Orphic Order were preoccupied with their training and had little time to spend with him.
In essence, Li Jie found himself isolated, left with only his thoughts and history scrolls that needed memorizing.
Or at least, that was how it used to be.
Parsa, a young Persian-Chinese merchant who had recently relocated to the capital, coincidentally crossed paths with Li Jie while the prince was secretly exploring the city incognito.
With his brown hair and brown eyes, Parsa blended into the crowd, making it nearly impossible for anyone to recognize Li Jie, who was known for his distinct features inherited from his late grandfather, the former emperor.
Their first encounter occurred when Li Jie generously paid for Parsa's lunch, rescuing him from the trouble of having his money stolen unnoticed.
They encountered each other again when Parsa found himself running an errand within the palace.
Though Li Jie's appearance and demeanor had altered, Parsa astutely connected the two sides of the prince into one cohesive person.
Li Jie remained oblivious as to how Parsa accomplished this feat, but he was grateful that someone had finally seen through his facade.
For a long time, Li Jie had been trapped within the confines of being Li Jie, the Crown Prince. No matter how hard he tried, no one truly understood the other side of his identity—the side that longed to break free.
Whenever even a hint of his true self emerged, everyone questioned if he was alright, viewing it as a sickness or a bad day that needed comforting in order to be erased.
***
"You look absolutely lovely," Parsa murmured, his face turning a soft shade of crimson. "Just you. You're my savior and my crown prince."
Li Jie, still in his youth, shared an extraordinary bond with Parsa. Their love ran deep, a connection that most could only dream of experiencing.
"Will you promise to stay by my side?" Li Jie pleaded, his voice filled with desperation, as they huddled together in the corner of his room. "Please, never leave me."
That night, Parsa granted Li Jie's request. They were both young and burdened with the weight of their respective positions, trapped in lives they did not choose. Yet, in each other's arms, they found solace and a respite from their struggles.
Their shared pain forged an unbreakable bond, their comforting presence a balm for their wounded souls. It was a night of innocence and healing, where their hearts found refuge in one another.
As they drifted off to sleep, their hands remained intertwined, oblivious to the uncertainties that lay ahead. In that tender moment, they were lost in their own world, blissfully unaware of the storms that would soon engulf them.
The room fell into a haunting silence as Li Jie's cries for mercy echoed through the air. His pleas fell on deaf ears as his father, the Emperor, confronted the scene of betrayal that had unfolded in the crown prince's residence.
The Emperor's eyes were filled with a mix of disappointment, anger, and a touch of madness. He had known all along, his spies whispering secrets into his ears, alerting him to the forbidden love that had blossomed between his son and Parsa.
"You should have been aware of the consequences," the Emperor's voice dripped with icy disdain. With a swift motion, he drew his sword from the lifeless body on the ground, a stark reminder of the price that had been paid for their forbidden love.
The room, once filled with innocence and warmth, was now tainted with the crimson hue of blood. The bed, the sheets, the clothes, and even Li Jie's own face bore witness to the tragic end of his beloved.
Li Jie stood frozen, a mixture of shock, betrayal, and fury coursing through his veins. How could his own father, the one who should protect and cherish him, be the instrument of such brutality?
"That is the cost of loving someone like you," the Emperor declared, his voice laced with a twisted sense of justification. He wiped his bloodied hand against Li Jie's pale hair, smearing the once pristine white with deep red.
The Emperor's words cut through Li Jie's heart like a blade. Love, it seemed, had become a death sentence for him. There was no warning in his father's words, only a cold notice of the fate that awaited him.
"Act naive, my son," the Emperor said, a chilling smile stretching across his face as if he believed he was bestowing a favor upon his devastated child. "Be oblivious to the world's cruelties. Remember, only those I approve can hold a place in your heart."
With a gesture towards the lifeless body on the ground, a stark reminder of the consequences that would befall anyone who dared to love Li Jie, the Emperor left the room, leaving behind a shattered prince and a macabre scene.
Someone would come to clean the room, someone would help Li Jie bathe away the traces of the tragedy, and someone would bury the body. But in the end, the truth of that fateful day would remain hidden, known only to Li Jie, his loyal servant Han Yasheng, and the Emperor himself.
In the depths of his despair, Li Jie whispered, "I wish it was your blood." His heartache reverberated through his broken soul as he moved aimlessly, oblivious to his surroundings, leaving behind a trail of anguish and unanswered questions.
The innocence that once colored his eyes had dimmed, but the world remained ignorant to his pain, for the crown prince had always carried a shadow within him.
***
Blood stained the room, but this time it was Li Jie's own. Consumed by despair and anguish, he shattered a delicate vase, its fragments scattered like his broken spirit. In a desperate attempt to externalize his pain, he inflicted bruises upon his own arms, each mark a visible manifestation of his inner turmoil.
Han Yasheng, the loyal servant, rushed into the room, tears streaming down her face as she witnessed the depths of Li Jie's suffering. She reached out, her trembling hands attempting to provide solace to the tormented prince, but his anguish was far too profound for her touch to mend.
Li Jie, lost in the abyss of his despair, persisted in his self-destruction. He sought solace in the crimson tide, smearing his pain upon the once pristine sheets until they mirrored the redness that consumed his heart. In his shattered state, he whispered words born of sorrow and resentment, "I wish it was your blood..."
The weight of his words hung heavily in the air, echoing the depths of his longing for an escape from his torment. Each drop of his own blood represented a futile attempt to free himself from the shackles of his tragic existence. In that moment, Li Jie found solace only in the macabre, yearning for a twisted reality where his suffering could be shared.
His mind, clouded by darkness, could not fathom a way out of his misery. The pain he inflicted upon himself served as a desperate plea for release, an expression of his shattered spirit. Li Jie's depression had consumed him, eroding his innocence and leaving behind a broken shell, lost in a world that seemed determined to crush his very being.
I actually didn't want to post this backstory for a little longer but it just felt like it was time to do so :)
I hope you can understand Li Jie a bit more now
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