章節 200: OSL: Cameron ll
"Oh, oh, oh ... OHHHHHH!"
Even to my own ears, my moan sounded more like blissful relief than delirious pleasure. Not that Carter didn't do a damn good job on me, quite the opposite. His golden tongue took me to places I hadn't dreamed I could reach, and already I knew he'd grown up into the best damn rug-muncher I'd ever personally experienced.
Still, my latest series of orgasms were more about finally getting the satisfaction I'd been denied for so long, having been cooped up in Mom's house for the past six-plus months with nothing but my own fingers and toys for pleasure. I'd been carrying around a lot of pent-up stress, and only now after that latest orgasm did I finally feel relaxed.
Carter kept tonguing me all through my climax, riding each buck of my pelvis as it lifted his head up a few inches a couple of times. And eventually my moans subsided and my legs fell limply to either side of him.
Carter's face was absolutely soaked. If the first two orgasms weren't wet enough, I damn near squirted on the third. Sitting back on his heels, Carter stared at my wide-open pussy and for a moment, a deep hunger came into his eyes. I knew his cock would be rock hard, and he had to be soooo tempted to stand up and just slam it into me. And to be honest, I was feeling so incredibly grateful in this moment that I not only would have let him, but I'd welcome the feeling of FINALLY getting fucked.
But Carter turned his head away. He wanted me, but not like this. Not drunk and drugged in some random bedroom. IF we ever made love, he'd want it to be special, to be mutually desired, to be the kind of union that would be worthy of his True Love for me. And he did have True Love for me. Like, romantically. Like, marriage love. It wasn't fair that I couldn't see him that way, even worse than putting a guy in the "friend zone". Carter was in the "brother zone", and as much as it sometimes turned me on to think about the illicit incest factor without the ickiness of it actually being incest, being in the "brother zone" meant that I would never, NEVER consider becoming his girlfriend or wife.
Turning to stare at my crotch once more, Carter shivered and inched forward for just a moment, as if he was finally going to give in to his urges. But a split-second later he backed further away from me and sat down in an armchair, looking somehow smaller and younger and oh so pitifully sad. Bowing his head, my little brother actually started crying as he dug his hand into his pants, grasped his meat, and urgently stroked his shaft while staring at my fabulous naked body.
My heart went out to him. Here I was, feeling spectacularly satisfied and relieved after what he'd given me, and yet he was feeling terrible. His lower lip quivered and the tears rolled down his cheeks as he choked the chicken, and the turmoil in his mind was clearly obvious. I felt guilty about it, and I felt like I had to do something to make him feel better. Even if he didn't like me using the term, he WAS my little brother, and it was my job to make his tears go away.
Eventually, I raised my eyes to his, my most sisterly and warm gaze in my irises. Taking a deep breath, I gathered up the courage to re-start what I had told myself I shouldn't do. And then I slid off the bed and walked over to him.
Carter stared at me in surprise as I sank to my knees in front of him. His jaw dropped when I moved his hand off his cock and circled the shaft with both of mine. And favoring him with a warm smile, I said, "After helping me so well, I kind of owe you, don't I?"
Carter blinked, scarcely daring to believe. But he nodded eagerly.
And then I took him into my mouth.
-- FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2003 --
"Oh, shit. I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum!" Carter grunted beneath me, and I felt his entire body shudder with spasms. Seconds later, his cumload sprayed into the back of my throat while he grabbed onto my legs and literally screamed into my crotch.
It felt like minutes before he came back down to Earth. By then, I'd rolled off him and lay on my side, my head propped up on my left hand with my elbow braced on the mattress. I watched my little brother blink away the delirium and force his eyes to focus. And I smirked in amused satisfaction when he finally turned his head to look at me.
"Gawd, you're amazing, Cam..." he breathed with a look of rapturous wonder in his eyes.
I giggled and shook my head. "This is pathetic, though. We've got to stop doing this."
He looked at me like I was crazy. "Stop? Why ever for?"
I gestured with one hand. "Well for one thing, it's Valentine's Day."
"And I'm the happiest guy in the world," Carter beamed.
I rolled my eyes. "On a night like this you should be with a girlfriend."
Carter smirked. "Which one?"
"That's exactly my point. You have a girlfriend already, two of them at least. And it's Valentine's. Seriously, Kelly is gorgeous and like the sweetest girl ever. And I thought you liked Rebecca, too. She's nice."
"I do. She IS nice." Carter shrugged. "But I want you."
I didn't doubt his sincerity, but I still questioned, "Why? When you have them?"
"Look at them, Cam: tall, brunette, green eyes. Isn't it obvious? They're an outlet, poor substitutes for the woman of my dreams. It's the same as when we were in high school and you told me to pretend Lana was you."
I sighed and shook my head. "We can't. And you know why. And reminding me of your romantic infatuation with me is the fastest way to putting me OUT of the mood."
"Your mouth keeps saying that, but your pussy keeps getting wet when I look at you the way I do."
I sighed again and turned to bury my face into the mattress. I mumbled into the sheets, "I know, but..."
"But nothing. As long as we don't cross that line you don't want to cross, and I'm not pressuring you ... Don't you enjoy this?"
I picked my head up and looked at him. "Look, I've never tried to claim you don't arouse me, or that I don't enjoy what we're doing; I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't feel an attraction to you. But I simply can't shake the whole 'stepbrother' part. I know, I know, technically we're not related, but to me you've been my little brother since I was nine!"
Carter pursed his lips and looked sad again.
Immediately I went into comforting big sister mode. "It's not that I don't love you. I do. But I want you to know that if I had a steady boyfriend you wouldn't even be doing this much with me."
"Then don't ever get a boyfriend."
"Carter..."
"Whaddaya want from me? To wish that the woman I love be with some other guy? You really think I'm gonna do that?"
"It's gonna happen. I'll find the right guy for me and then..." I shook my head. I'd been leaning on these 'sexy times' with Carter as a crutch too much for the past month. Work was settling down and there really hadn't been anything stopping me from dating again and seeking out a real romantic partner. It was just so much easier and less of a hassle to drop by Carter's house and get nekkid whenever I was in the mood. "We shouldn't even be doing this in the first place."
Carter scowled and turned away. This was an old argument, a record going around in circles, and he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Taking a deep breath, he finally looked back at me and changed the subject. "How's Mom doing?"
Oh, right. There was something that had been taking up a lot of my time. I groaned and shook my head. "Not good."
"But she's getting better, right?"
I winced. "No. They've tried three different antibiotics but she can't shake the pneumonia. I'm getting scared. And what makes it worse is that she's already exceeded her max coverage on that pitiful medical insurance plan she got after the divorce, and this thing is killing her savings."
"Really? Because you know that if you need--"
"NO. We're not taking your drug dealer money."
"I keep telling you, I'm not a drug dealer."
"It's still drug money."
"It's my spending cash, surplus," he rationalized. "The trust fund I've got from Dad covers everything, really. If you and Mom are really in trouble then I CAN help. I'll give you money from that."
I shook my head emphatically. "So what, your drug money goes into your monthly upkeep so you can give us your 'clean' money? That's laundering and no better. We're fine. We can handle this. I ... I just might need to get a second job."
"What?"
I sighed and saw my romantic future going up in a puff of smoke. Really, if it wasn't for Carter giving me no-strings-attached cunt-munching whenever I wanted I'd be going NUTS. "Just until Mom gets back on her feet and she can go back to work."
Carter frowned and sat up. "You said your salary would more than cover living expenses for both of you."
"It's decent money, but it's still entry-level money. The mortgage and utilities and monthly bills aren't that bad." I groaned. "But the property tax on that big-ass house is crazy and the Melo-Roos and the community dues..."
"Well, I keep saying--"
"No!" I interrupted. "Don't say it. No way would Mom and I move in here. For one thing, your Dad would hate it."
"He wouldn't know or even care if he did. He's moved on to his own new girlfriends and new life. All I get out of him is a trust fund and a birthday card every year."
"But Mom can NEVER know the things that go on under this roof." I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but as long as Chad and Sam and your 'boys' are doing business in this place, there's no way either of us will live here."
"Fine, fine." Carter pouted and wouldn't meet my eyes. Unspoken – this time – was my suggestion that Carter tell the boys to take the business elsewhere, go straight and honest himself, and THEN Mom and I might move in. I'd said all that before, of course. But so far he'd been unwilling to budge on what had become his livelihood and modus operandi.
Still, I waited for a half-beat, hoping against hope that Mom's illness might just be the sort of catalyst for turning him straight. It wasn't that I was against using drugs recreationally; I was no prude. But there was still a difference in my head between using and being part of the "distribution network" as he put it. The latter could get him into serious trouble.
But it soon became clear that he wasn't going to say anything, so I rolled off the bed, hunting around for my clothes.
Carter checked the clock and said, "Hey, it's still early. Why don't you and I go out and get dinner somewhere?"
I arched an eyebrow at my little brother. "What, like a date?" We'd never been on a date before, not alone, and certainly not anything remotely romantic.
He shrugged like it was no big deal, but there was an earnest hope in his eyes. In a quiet voice, he explained, "It's Valentine's. And I meant it when I said there's no one else I'd rather be with tonight than you."
Staring at the longing on his face, the deep-rooted love he truly did feel for me, I felt my heart soften just a bit. Going on a real 'date' with my little brother was ridiculous, of course, save for the fact that he wasn't really my little brother and we weren't even stepsiblings anymore. Still, the barrier between us had always been more mental on my side than legal, so we sort of could go out in public together without it being a scandal. But before I could say anything one way or another, my phone started ringing in my purse.
I hadn't gotten any clothes on, but I wasn't bashful in front of Carter so I walked naked over to my purse and retrieved my phone. I hit the TALK button, put the phone to my head, and asked, "Hello?"
The voice on the other end of the line, female, matronly, and a little stiff, asked, "May I please speak with Cameron Singleton?"
"This is she."
"Are you the daughter of Amaryllis Singleton?"
"Uh, yeah, she's my mother."
"Miss Singleton, I'm calling from the emergency room at Alta Bates Summit Medical Center. Your mother has been received here and you are listed as her emergency contact."
"Wait, she's WHERE?" My mind raced.
"Alta Bates Summit Medical Center."
"Wait, what happened?"
"Your mother collapsed in a shopping area. She was brought to us by ambulance and the doctors are seeing her now.
"Ohmigawd, are you serious?"
"Yes, Miss." For the next two minutes, the nurse rambled on trying to explain the situation, reassuring me that Mom was in stable condition but expressing the concern that the doctors had raised. She asked me a couple of questions about whether Mom had experienced certain symptoms, and I answered all of them as best I could with a simple "Yes" or "No".
Finally, the nurse asked, "Do you need directions?"
"Uh, no. I know where that is."
"Very well."
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," I insisted.
"Of course, Miss. Drive safe."
"Uh-huh."
"Goodbye."
"Yeah, bye." I hung up the phone and turned to face Carter. He was looking at me intensely.
"What happened? Something with Mom?"
I stared past him at the wall, eyes unseeing. It took a while for his words to sink in. He wouldn't have heard what the nurse was telling me, only my grunts and non-specific answers. But eventually he got through to me and I nodded slowly before turning and raising my gaze to him. "She's in the hospital. The doctors think she might have cancer."
-- APRIL 2003 --
"You look tired." Setting down his coffee cup, Carter slid his hand across the little Starbucks table and rubbed the back of mine where I held my own cup with both hands.
Not looking back at him, I took a deep breath and sighed before shrugging and replying, "I'm fine."
"How's work?" he asked, still gently rubbing.
I shrugged. "Work's work. It pays the bills."
Carter's eyebrows went up. "Not all the bills."
I darted my gaze to him and immediately looked away again. I studied the barista behind the counter for a moment before sighing and muttering, "We're not talking about this again."
"Fine, fine," he conceded. "How's Mom?"
I shrugged. "As well as can be expected."
"Any sign of progress on her cancer?"
Taking a deep breath, I shook my head. "It's only been two months since the diagnosis. These things take time."
"How's her hair?"
I grimaced. She still had her hair, or some of it at least. But it had been falling out in clumps and while so far she'd resisted just shaving it all off, I was getting more insistent that it was the lesser of two evils. "Chemo's a bitch."
Carter winced at the bitterness in my tone. "Is her new pain medicine working?"
"Not so much." I arched an eyebrow at my little brother, and narrowed my eyelids accusingly. "On the other hand, that shit you slipped her last week ... Apparently that does the trick quite nicely."
Carter smirked. "Knew it."
I sighed but couldn't help a small smile. "I can't believe you gave Mom weed."
"Not just any weed. G-13. I can get her more if it's working."
I closed my eyes for a moment, momentarily debating in my head my mother's comfort against the morality of giving her marijuana. But it was a short conversation because I quickly inhaled, opened my eyes, and nodded in resignation. "Fine."
"Cool. I'll drop by again on Monday." Carter gave me a sly grin. "Mondays are kinda slow at the office."
I rolled my eyes.
"I'll bring an extra bag for you," he added with a grin.
I closed my eyes and frowned, but then again, an extra bag for me sounded like a REALLY good idea. Life was stressful enough for me, and getting baked certainly would make me relax a bit for a little while. Still... "Can we please not talk about that here."
"Sure. Come back to the house. It's been a while."
My eyes hardened at the innuendo in his voice. "You mean it's been a while."
Carter blushed but shrugged his admission. In the two months since Mom got diagnosed with lung cancer, I had come by the house a few more times. But in two months I hadn't so much as kissed him on the mouth. I wasn't worried about him going without: he had two girlfriends after all. Still, it was obvious that he still wanted me, or whatever I'd let him have of me.
"We're not like that, little brother," I said coldly, emphasizing the 'little brother'.
He scowled immediately. "You know I hate it when you call me that."
"Then stop pressuring me. I've got enough shit going on as it is."
"I'm not pressuring you. I haven't said a word about it in the last two months, alright? Seriously, I don't love you just to try and get into your panties. I'm honestly trying to help, alright? You're the only family I've got, and I'm the only family you've got."
"Which is EXACTLY why we can't do that anymore, alright?"
"Alright, alright. I can't stop the way I feel about you, but if you don't want to, you don't want to. I'm really not pressuring you. This is about Mom, and I'll stop by the house on Monday with more stuff for her, alright? Least I can do to repay her for raising me."
Nodding slowly, I smiled and nodded. "Okay then. Now seriously, I didn't meet you here to get all depressed. Let's talk about something else."
-- JUNE 2003 --
"You're sure this is what you want." I let my fingernails rap on the table surface, one after the other from pinky to thumb in a rapid rat-a-tat-tat that belied the outward calm I was trying to project for Mom's sake.
"He's your brother, even if it's not legal anymore. He's already offered to take us in, and it only makes sense."
"But Mom..." I took a deep breath and sighed, still forcing myself to maintain my outward calm. I could be good at that, projecting the cool and collected ice queen persona even when the sky was falling around me. But it was easier to do in front of strangers than in front of Mom or Carter or anyone else who really knew me well. "Look, I've tried to not talk about where Carter gets his extra income, but you should know that--"
"That Carter's friends are drug dealers? Please, Cameron. You think I didn't already know?"
I sat up straight and blinked in surprise. "You ... you knew?"
"I was here for the four years you were away at college, remember? I saw some of the types Carter was hanging around with, especially Sam and Sang. I'm not blind."
"And you ... you LET him?"
Mom took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "We've ... talked about it. It's been a fine line trying to raise Carter right. He listens to his own set of rules, and any attempts I made to keep him away from his best friends and their influences ... well it was like talking to a brick wall. Money is nothing to him, and he's capable of almost sociopathic behavior sometimes. He has no empathy for people, he doesn't care about their feelings, and he only values how much they can benefit him. But he loves you. He loves me. He'd never hurt us, you know that. But even so, if we tried to seriously curb his relationships with his friends and with that element..."
Her voice trailed off, and she slumped in her chair. Now with a shaved bald head, and having lost twenty pounds off a frame that really couldn't afford to lose twenty pounds, Mom looked terribly fragile right now. And tired. And well...
Well she looked like she had cancer.
Hanging her head, Mom took deep breaths before picking her head up and looking at the wall. "I love my son, flaws and all. He's not a murderer. He's not a horrible human being. He's a bit of a spoiled brat, true, but I honestly believe his heart is in the right place when it comes to you and me. He takes care of us, and as much as the outside world might disagree with the way he gets his extra income ... well ... the fact is that I'm dying and I'm out of money. I can't afford the upkeep on this house, my insurance is all used up, and I don't want to die sooner than I have to."
"You're not going to die, Mom."
Her green eyes sharpened. "I have cancer, Cameron. I'm strong enough to face that reality. I can't afford the medications that keep the disease at bay, not without help. And Carter wouldn't think twice before leaping to that help. He has plenty of room in his house. He'll be over the moon at having YOU nearby. All I have to do is turn a blind eye to the business deals he makes and the callous way he treats women, and I'll survive. What else do you want from me?"
"Nothing, Mom. Of course I'm not asking anything else of you."
"Then this is what we have to do."
Mom nodded silently, but then a little smile crossed her face. "Besides, your ex-stepfather paid for that mansion. I rather like the idea of his money footing the bill to house and shelter us."
I smiled and fished out my phone.
He didn't pick up right away. The call went to voicemail, but what I had to say to him was too important for a message. The second time I called, his phone answered, but it wasn't Carter on the other end of the line.
"Hey, it's Sam."
"Sam? I need to talk to Carter," I explained.
"He's a little ... ah ... busy."
"It's important. Can you interrupt him?"
Sam snorted and muttered, "Uh ... well ... he's kinda... getting busy, if you know what I mean."
I put my hand to my forehead and sighed. "I'll hold as long as I need to. It's important."
"Life or death kinda thing?"
"No. You can let him ... uh ... well, let him finish, at least. But seriously, I need to talk to him."
"They're your minutes," Sam replied and apparently put me on hold, because the line went quiet but the call stayed active.
Mom looked up at me with raised eyebrows and I gestured to the phone. "He's busy, but Sam's getting him," I explained. Mom simply nodded and went back to resting.
I figured I'd have to wait a few minutes. If my little brother was really mid-coitus, it would take him at least that long to cum. But surprisingly, I was only on hold for about thirty seconds before the line picked up. Maybe he was already done.
"Hello?" Carter said, a little out of breath.
"It's me," I explained. "We need to talk."
"Sure. Talk."
With a grimace, I thought about the situation and changed my mind about telling him this news over the phone. "We should really do this in person. Can you please come to the house tonight?"
"Tonight? I've got a party going on!" Carter complained. Moments later he grunted, although I didn't know what that was about.
"And the party will continue to go on without you," I reasoned. "Sam and Sang know how to handle it. Please?"
Carter groaned, and I got the distinct impression he was in the midst of getting a blowjob. Still he managed to mutter, "Can you at least tell me what's going on?"
I took a deep breath and looked at Mom. I mouthed, 'Should I just tell him?'
She gestured for me to go right ahead. Why wait, I suppose. Mom had already decided she was moving in.
So with another deep breath, I finally turned my mouth back to the phone and said, "Okay in a nutshell: We can't keep up with Mom's medical bills, she's selling the house, and she wants to move in with you."
-- JULY 2003 --
Escrow wasn't quite closed, but even so we were ready to move. My belongings had already been pared down in the move back home from Connecticut, but Mom had an entire life of ... stuff ... in that old house to clear out.
And clear it out she did. She sold just about everything: furniture, wall decorations, fine china, and household appliances. She even sold her personal effects: every knick-knack, trinket, and memento she'd accumulated over an entire lifetime, she got rid of. If she couldn't sell it, she tossed it. At least, she did if it had anything to do with her ex-husband. Everything that meant something to me or to Carter, she kept. Photos, videos, our old toys that she somehow ended up with: she kept those. She was keeping them for us, she told me. For when she died, and to keep her company until the day that happened. Those things were plenty to fill up a single room at Carter's house.
In the end, we only needed a single moving truck, paid for by Carter, of course. I drove Mom in my little Lexus IS300; she'd sold her car, too. And the movers followed us up the winding roads.
I parked on the curb outside Carter's house and popped the trunk. Mom's wheelchair barely fit, and it took me a little effort to maneuver it out. By the time I did and rolled it up to Mom's passenger door, Carter was sprinting down the walkway, eager to help.
"Here, I got her," he said in lieu of greeting, scooping a shoulder beneath Mom's armpit and lowering her into the wheelchair. Once she was seated, he quickly got into position behind the two handles and the leaned down to kiss Mom's cheek. "It's great to see you here."
Despite his smile, I read the tension on Carter's face. He'd grown up his entire life seeing Mom as the great Warrior Angel who comforted him after getting picked on by bullies at school, and it killed him inside to see the frail, bald, skinny shell of the woman she used to be. I knew because it killed me, too.
"Hello, my son," Mom reached up to pat his cheek and sighed tiredly, as if the physical exertion of getting out of the car and into the wheelchair had winded her.
He put his hand on her shoulder and looked up at me with alarm in his eyes. He'd come to the house only a week ago, but he still seemed shocked to see her in such a deteriorated condition now.
"She's just been a little stressed with the house sale and everything," I explained to his unspoken concern. "Selling off all her old belongings and all. But she'll be fine, right Mom?"
Mom smiled and patted the hand Carter had left on her shoulder.
Just then, he grimaced and shook his head. "I should've had an elevator installed."
I arched an eyebrow. "Can you?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. Anything's possible with enough money."
"Don't, Carter," Mom spoke up. "I can make it up and down the stairs just fine. Need to get some exercise anyway. The wheelchair is just to make things easier when convenient, but I'm not an invalid."
"Of course not," he replied warmly, leaning down to peck her cheek once again. Getting a grip on both handles, Carter turned the wheelchair and started rolling it up the walkway to the house. I followed after.
Just inside the foyer was a statuesque redhead. Carter stopped the chair and introduced, "Mom, this is my personal assistant."
Dressed smartly in a suit jacket and pencil skirt, she stepped forward and extended a hand. "Miranda Collinsworth," she introduced herself with her bewitching English accent, just like in the movies. "Pleased to meet you."
"Amaryllis Singleton," Mom replied with a smile before looking up at Carter. "Personal assistant? You never mentioned a personal assistant."
"You never asked," he replied with a smug grin. Turning to Miranda, Carter head-nodded outside and instructed, "Go handle the movers."
She nodded and went outside where the burly moving guys were already unloading the truck.
I looked around the house, taking in everything before muttering, "Looks different without all the girls lounging about."
"Girls?" Mom asked, looking up at us again.
"I throw a lot of parties here," Carter explained before giving me a firm look. "And I'm going to keep throwing parties here."
I sighed and looked away. I still didn't like the idea of Chad running a drug-dealing operation from under the same roof that sheltered my mother. I'd said as much to Carter last week, and even though we really didn't have a choice, financially-speaking, I still wasn't entirely comfortable moving in. Folding my arms over my chest, I raised my chin and wondered aloud, "So where are all your girlfriends then?"
"'All' his girlfriends? Plural?" Mom asked with glitter in her eyes.
"I guess Carter didn't mention them, either," I said with a smart-alecky smirk.
"Neither did you, apparently," Carter shot right back.
"Carter's dating half a dozen girls at the same time," I explained while gesturing at him with one dismissive wave. "He's trying to be the next Hugh Hefner. It's like Playboy Mansion North here."
Carter sighed and said, "It's not half a dozen. There are only two girlfriends: Rebecca and Kelly, and Cameron damn well knows it. They're all coming up and I'll introduce them."
"And Miranda, of course. You ARE sleeping with her, too, aren't you?" I said in an accusing voice.
Carter shrugged and looked at Mom. "Can you blame me? Miranda's gorgeous."
Mom thought about that and smiled. "That she is. But she's a redhead. Thought you had a thing for brunettes." Mom's smile widened.
Carter smirked and stared at me. "Of course. Of course. Speaking of which..." He turned at the sound of footsteps on the stairs and Rebecca and Kelly arrived on the top floor, both of them tall and slender and perfect examples of brown-haired/green-eyed beauty.
Mom looked up at Carter again and mumbled softly, just quiet enough that the girls wouldn't be able to hear her. "They look a lot like Cameron, don't they?"
Carter smirked down at her and replied, "They look a lot like you, too."
Mom laughed before rubbing her bald scalp. "Not anymore."
He bent over and pecked the crown of her head. "'You're still beautiful to me."
Heavenly smells wafted out from the kitchen as I walked by the second-floor Great Room. The scents were enough to get me to stop walking and back up a few paces to look into the kitchen, and what I saw there made my eyes pop out of their sockets.
Kelly was a baker. We'd been living in this house for two weeks, and I'd figured out that much within the first couple of days of moving in. She loved to cook, but loved baking desserts even more. How she managed to maintain her perfect figure making cupcakes and cream puffs and all that other sugary, saturated-fat-laden goodness I'll never know, but she did. So it wasn't a surprise to find her in the kitchen.
Kelly was also a doting girlfriend without any shyness about performing in front of others, and Carter was a horny bastard with a tendency to flip up Kelly's skirt from behind and just shove himself into her whenever the urge struck him. So it wasn't a surprise to find them in the kitchen.
Not even with Kelly bent over the kitchen island with my little brother pounding her from behind.
Still... "Jeezus, Carter! Again?" I complained. "You'd think in a house this big you could find somewhere private to do that!"
Kelly's head shot up and Carter looked over at me in surprise. I stood not five feet away from them, my arms folded across my chest as I stared at them in annoyance.
"Seriously," I continued. "Can't a girl get something to drink without walking in on a live porno?"
Unabashed, Carter smirked at me. "What? I thought you liked watching."
"No, you're the voyeur."
"And not ashamed of it." He started thrusting again and reached forward with one hand to push Kelly's head back down onto her forearms.
Shaking my head, I simply walked around the fucking couple and opened a cabinet. Retrieving a highball glass, I went to the ice dispenser in the refrigerator and got myself a glass of ice water. And when I turned back to face them Carter merely gave me a cocky smile, fucking all the while. "You want in?" he asked, gesturing for me to take Kelly's place.
I knew he wasn't serious (even if he totally wouldn't mind me actually agreeing). For one thing, Carter had given me absolutely zero sexual pressure ever since we'd moved in, something that had surprised me since I'd expected our close proximity to result in him having to work really hard to keep his hands off me. But then perhaps he'd simply worked off his arousal with Kelly and Rebecca that much more often.
I scowled and took a sip of my water. "What if Mom came up here?"
Carter shrugged. "Mom never comes up the stairs unless she has to. Haven't seen her above the third floor in days."
I sighed wearily. "No. She spends all day getting baked to take away the pain."
The thought of Mom's cancer was apparently the only thing that actually put a dent in Carter's libido, because he stopped thrusting immediately.
I noticed and frowned. "I'm sorry. I'm interrupting. Sorry, Kelly."
"It's okay," Kelly replied quietly, remaining as she was. "I'm here to please him. We all are."
I raised my eyebrows. "That doesn't bother you?"
"He's my boyfriend. I like to please him."
"Even though he's regularly banging two other girls, plus whatever hookups he has at these 'get-togethers'?"
Kelly shrugged. "Rebecca and Miranda are my friends. So are most of his party hookups. It's a good arrangement for everyone involved."
I sighed and shook my head. "I just don't get it."
Kelly looked back at me for a moment and said, "Maybe you'd understand if you joined in."
That brought my head up fast. "Excuse me?"
Kelly glanced back at Carter again. He was still inside her, but wasn't moving. Pushing herself off the counter, she braced her hands on the edge and started thrusting herself back at my little brother, resuming their fucking motions and concentrating on her inner sensations before looking back at me.
"He wants you, we all can tell," Kelly murmured quietly. "I know the family thing is a little complicated, but the fact is that you're not related. You're not even his stepsister anymore. He loves you, you're here in his home now, and did you ever consider that maybe this is where you belong?"
I stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. With wide eyes, I gawked at Kelly and then gawked at Carter and then gawked at what they were still doing. With Kelly fucking back at him, Carter had started up his own thrusts and ran his hands up and down his girlfriend's spine. Despite myself, I found my arousal rising and my skin flushing as I watched them fucking. I technically had put an end to my dry spell a few weeks ago when I hooked up with a hotshot businessman at a bar, pretty much because I realized it had been exactly a year since the last time I'd gotten laid. But although the encounter itself was satisfactory, I regretted what I'd done and didn't respect myself in the morning, so there hadn't been any repeats.
That still meant I'd only gotten properly laid one time in the last thirteen months, with every other orgasm coming either from myself or from Carter. I WANTED to find a steady boyfriend, a partner with whom I could show off my girly side and share my day and act out my hormonal urges. I WANTED the normal life most 22-year-old college grads got to have, but that simply wasn't my lot in life.
Not only had I had sex just the one time in thirteen months, I'd felt so alone for that entire time, too. My best friends from college were scattered around the country. I'd lost touch with my best friends from high school. And even Shannon and Sharon were more interested in hookups and getting wasted than being good friends. They didn't come 'round here anymore, after Sam burned them by being such a jerk, and they moved on to other guys and other parties.
The guys at work just wanted to bang me and the majority of girls at the office felt threatened by my looks. There were a few who were nice enough to me when we passed in the halls, and a couple even tried to make friends. But I didn't have time to go for drinks after work or to hang out on the weekends. My mom had cancer, and she needed someone to take care of her. All my free time was taken up studying for my CPA, already an exam with the reputation of being one of the hardest professional tests in the world, and that for people who didn't have to deal with their cancer-stricken mothers! There were no socialization opportunities to make new friends, let alone meet cute guys or anything like that. And I knew that the guys who came to Carter's house on weekend nights were NOT the kinds of guys I wanted to be with.
Work, sleep, take care of Mom, and maybe find an hour or two to study for my exam. Repeat ad nauseum. Money's tight, with every spare dollar going into treatments. Medicine's expensive. Chemo has her screaming in the middle of the night. And every painkiller other than Carter's G-13 just doesn't even make a dent in it.
"When was the last time you got laid, Cameron?" Kelly asked quietly out of the blue.
My jaw dropped and I started laughing at the absurdity of this situation. My ex-stepbrother was fucking his girlfriend in his kitchen while his girlfriend, who I barely knew, asked me about my sex life. Shaking my head, I muttered, "I can't believe we're having this conversation while you're fucking him."
Kelly glanced back at Carter and raised her eyebrows. He pouted for a moment, not really wanting to stop, but at Kelly's glare he took the hint and pulled out and tucked himself into his pants.
"You guys chat. Have a cupcake or two," Carter said with a warm smile. And as Kelly stood up, he tenderly caressed her cheek before kissing her on the lips. "You're an awesome girlfriend. Have I told you that lately?"
Kelly blushed and looked back at me. "There are much worse places you could be right now. Believe me, I know."
With raised eyebrows, I shook my head in disbelief. Carter came over and pecked my cheek. And then he was gone.
I awoke in an unfamiliar place, in an unfamiliar bed, and with an unfamiliar person spooned behind me, or at least that's what I thought initially.
As my conscious mind awoke, I recognized that this place WAS my bedroom, even if it wasn't my bedroom. At least, it wasn't the room I'd grown up in and then returned to after college. That room was gone, sold with the rest of the house when Mom and I moved out. This room was my new room: a spacious, luxurious bedroom Carter had set aside just for me in his swanky pad up in the hills. But even after two weeks the idea that it was mine still took some getting used to.
The bed was also my new one, of course. As for the person spooned behind me, well as my conscious mind awoke, I started to remember her, too.
She had woken before me, and as I twisted in her grasp Kelly smiled and leaned over to peck my lips. "Mmm, good morning, lover," she said brightly.
I realized that I was naked and the remnants of several girlcums and lube were leaking out of my stretched pussy. Two different dildos and a vibrator had been casually tossed aside but remained atop the bedspread, evidence of last night's conclusion to the "getting to know you" conversation Kelly and I had carried out for more than six hours yesterday.
"Good morning," I replied with a sigh, setting my head back down on the pillow.
Propping her head up with one elbow, Kelly looked down at me and scanned my eyes. It was a little strange, looking at one of Carter's girlfriends. We obviously weren't twins or anything, but she was still a tall, green-eyed brunette. An outside observer might simply say we were representative of Carter's "type", but I knew better, and I wondered if Kelly realized Carter's interest was because she was a physical facsimile of me.
Whether she did or not, I supposed, wasn't important. Despite his lothario ways, she clearly liked Carter and he seemed pretty affectionate with her. He was very sweet with both of them, actually, treating Kelly and Rebecca the way he might've treated me had we ever dared to become a romantic couple. I couldn't help it: I looked at the life Kelly was leading and wondered if I wouldn't be better off in her place instead of mine. Like she said: there were worse places I could be.
"How are you feeling?" she asked thoughtfully, reaching up to tuck a few stray locks of dark hair behind my ear for me.
I shivered at the intimacy of her gesture, took a deep breath, and thought about her question. "Confused," I admitted.
Kelly smiled and leaned over to peck my nose. "Confused about how you feel? Or confused about what you should do with the rest of your life now that you're living here?"
"Both."
"That's understandable, given everything you told me last night. But if I may make a suggestion, there IS a plan of action you can take."
"I'm NOT hooking up with my stepbrother, ex or not."
She shook her head, "I wasn't going to suggest that. Yesterday I might have, knowing the way he feels about you, but not today. Not after everything you've told me."
"Oh?"
"My suggestion is a lot simpler: Take your life back. Think about yourself more. Find out what Cameron wants, not what Cameron 'has to do'. Your mom's divorce and illness have dominated your thoughts for over a year now, but you don't have to deal with those things by yourself anymore. You're not alone. She's not alone. Carter loves spending time with her, and that's time you can easily take for yourself. We have part-time staff here, people who clean up the house and take care of the groceries and all of the little things that would ordinarily consume so much of your daily routine. She has people to talk to and people to take care of her and you don't have to do all those things by yourself anymore."
"But she's my Mom. I'm not going to abandon her."
"Nobody is suggesting you do. You'll still spend time with her, of course, but you don't have to spend ALL DAY thinking about her the way you've been doing. Plus, you're not the only girl in this house looking for connections. I met you more than a year ago when you moved back to the Bay Area, but even in the last two weeks we haven't talked very much. I'd like to be your friend." She reached down and caressed my naked thigh. "I'd like to continue being your lover, too, if you don't mind. I'm a sexual being, and Carter does have two other girls he visits regularly, so there's plenty of time and room for us to enjoy each other if you're interested. But the priority, of course, is becoming your friend."
I thought about that, and thought about how alone I'd felt for such a long time. Carter was right: Kelly was pretty awesome. She'd been such a patient listener as I vented everything out last night, and even now, the morning after, she was just as sweet as the pastries she loved to bake. "I'd like that too," I replied sincerely.
Kelly grinned and pecked my lips. "That's great. And Rebecca already talks about you and how much she'd like to get to know you. And Miranda ... well, okay, Miranda can be a little rough around the edges. But her heart's in the right place: taking care of Carter."
"I can tell."
"Then it's settled. You're not alone anymore. You have friends here, people who care about you, AND your Mom and Carter. All under one roof. The money for your mom's treatments isn't an issue anymore. Your mom is so much happier now that she's with BOTH of her kids again. And really, isn't all that so much better than the situation you were in two weeks ago?"
I smiled and agreed. "It is."
"Then stop being so down on yourself. Things are improving and will continue to do so, you'll see."
I smiled and rubbed Kelly's bare arm. "Thank you so much for this. I can't believe how much better I feel now than I did even twenty-four hours ago!"
"I'm glad." Kelly giggled. Twisting back, she glanced at the clock on my nightstand and sighed. "It's breakfast time. We should probably get going."
"Probably," I replied with a nod, but then letting my eyelids close halfway I leaned in close and tasted Kelly's lips experimentally. "Then again, I don't think anybody will be too put out if we're a little late."
Giggling again, Kelly kissed me back and slipped her tongue between my lips. "Mmm ... I think you're right."
Carter and Rebecca were at the dining table when Kelly and I finally emerged. Miranda was just getting up and leaving to handle some sort of work or another. All three of them were smirking with wide grins at us as we arrived, fully aware of what we'd been doing.
Carter took a dramatic sniff at the air before staring right at me and commenting, "Do I smell ... pussy ... in the air?"
My blush deepened while Kelly walked over and smacked him lightly upside the head. Carter retaliated by hooking an arm around her waist, shoving two fingers into her panties, and apparently penetrating her still soaking wet pussy. Moments later, he pulled out his fingers and popped them into his mouth, savoring the flavor before muttering, "Well somebody had a nice morning without me."
Now it was Kelly's turn to blush.
Carter continued making snide little remarks throughout breakfast, but nothing so bad as to make either me or Kelly uncomfortable. But when the meal was over he came behind my chair and bent over to whisper into my ear. "I know you've gotta get to work this morning. But can you give me a few minutes to talk?"
Blinking, I shrugged and nodded. "It'll have to be fast, though. I'm running late and still need to get dressed."
"Get dressed? Even better." He grinned, took my hand and started leading me back downstairs.
"Carter..." I groaned, my mind going back to the LAST few times he'd led me by the hand down the stairs.
"Looking. No touching. I swear," he replied innocently.
I sighed wearily but didn't fight him. Truth be told, there hadn't been much to fight in the weeks since we'd moved in. He could probably tell that I hadn't been a hundred percent onboard with moving into the house with him, only having done so because I felt we had no other choice. Carter taking us in rent-free AND providing Mom with the marijuana that kept her pain at bay was quite simply a deal I couldn't find anywhere else. But just because it was the best deal didn't mean I felt comfortable with it.
Leading me to my bedroom right now was probably the boldest move he'd made since our arrival, but I let him do it. I wasn't worried; I trusted him when he said he wouldn't touch me. If we were ever to do anything physical, even fellatio and cunnilingus, he wanted me to do it because -I- wanted to. My willingness had always been important. There had been hundreds of times when we were teenagers that I'd been limp and helpless before him after he'd eaten me to a spectacular orgasm or three. Each time I would have been unable to stop him from just getting up and sticking it in. But our first time could never be an unwanted rape. He knew it. I knew it. He'd always wanted our first time to be special.
And so he hadn't pressured me.
But he still wanted to look.
Once inside my bedroom, Carter hopped onto my bed and stuck his nose into the sheets. Moments later, he sat up with a cocky grin. "So ... you and Kelly, huh? Didn't know you swung that way."
I blushed and headed for my closet. "I'm no dyke, but let's just say I wasn't averse to a little experimentation in college."
"I'll bet. From the smell, you and Kelly must've done a LOT of experimenting."
"Shut up," I chided while shaking my head, feeling my ears redden. Standing in front of my closet, I picked out my typical work wear and tossed it onto the bed. Glancing up, I realized he was staring at me, and with a sigh I rather mechanically pulled off my house robe, letting it puddle to the floor before planting my hands on my hips and staring at him expectantly. "There, satisfied?"
Carter ogled my naked tits like he would never see them again. Under the heat of his gaze, my nipples turned erect and crinkly and I felt warmth flooding my already saturated loins. I couldn't help it; I started to smile. And we both knew that for all my protests about how naughty and wrong it was for us to be doing anything remotely physical on account of our previous stepsibling relationship, it still turned me on the way he stared at me.
"Never satisfied," he intoned quietly. "Not until we ... well..."
"We've talked about that. Never gonna happen," I stated evenly while picking up a bra and putting it on.
"I know," he replied sincerely, exhaling slowly and lowering his gaze.
I heard the note in his voice. It was different, more defeated than usual. I blinked and stared at him. "You do?"
"Look, I get it. Related or not, I'll always be a little brother to you. We've fooled around in the past, even recently, but that was always just physical and I know you can never see me as a ... romantic partner. Not in the future. Not ever."
I grimaced to hear again his defeated tone. "It's not that I don't love you."
"It's that you love me as a little brother, I know." Carter shrugged and sighed. "Life has changed ever since you and Mom moved in. We're in a different building, but it's felt a little like we've gone back to being kids in the old house. The three of us, a family unit, my dad gone off to do whatever it is that he does. Before, when you came here with Shannon and Sharon for a party, it was easier to think of you in sexual terms. You were visiting, and you were an independent young woman making your own choices. I almost thought I might have a chance. But having you AND Mom living here ... I feel like the little brother again."
I frowned. "You do?"
He nodded. "And it's like Kelly was saying yesterday, about you maybe belonging here. I tend to agree, but I also can't help thinking that the way you and I belong together is as brother and sister. Don't get me wrong, I'm still completely infatuated with you and if you EVER gave me the slightest HINT that you'd be willing to take our relationship to a sexual level, I'd jump ALL over it."
I chuckled and shook my head. "I don't doubt that."
Carter took a deep breath. "I guess what I'm saying is ... I love you. And I want you happy here. I want you to WANT to be here and not feel like you HAVE to be here. I LIKE having you here with me again. I like having MOM here, even if I wish it wasn't under these circumstances and in her condition."
"Yeah..." I swallowed thickly.
"I get to see you every day after missing you for almost five years, alright? I get to talk to Mom and spend some time with her every day. I LOVE that, and I don't want you to feel ... uncomfortable around me anymore. I know you did, whenever I'd make those innuendoes about fucking you. I don't want you to feel pressured. I've tried to NOT pressure you ever since you arrived. So I'm telling you that you don't have to feel uncomfortable around me anymore. I can be your little brother again, but just a little brother. No more trying to get into your panties. No more sexual tension. Just us. Alright?"
Still clad only in my underwear, I climbed onto the bed and stroked his cheek. "I love you, Carter."
He took a deep breath and sighed, defeated but resigned to his defeat. He looked a little bit like a boy who'd just found out his dog died, but he was putting up a brave front. And through moisture in his eyes that he refused to let turn into tears, he managed to reply, "I love you, too."
I pecked his forehead, and then I got off the bed to finish getting dressed.
-- AUGUST 2003 --
"It really is a nice view you've got up here," I commented while leaning over the fence, cocktail in hand, elbows on the railing. Even this time in the evening, the late summer air was warm and pleasant.
Carter chuckled. "First time you noticed?"
I thought about that. "Maybe. Sure, I've been in this very spot plenty of times before, but I don't think I ever stopped to really enjoy the view. Not like this. Not with all of you."
Beside me, both Rebecca and Kelly turned and smiled. Kelly slid over and wrapped an arm around me. "We're glad you're here," Kelly said with a smile.
"Yeah, things have been great ever since you moved in," Rebecca added. "Carter, certainly, has mellowed out a lot."
"Who, me?" he said with a surprised smile.
Rebecca walked around and wrapped an arm around her boyfriend's waist. "Yes, you." And then she tilted her head and kissed him.
He kissed her back and arched an eyebrow. "Me? Mellow?"
"Yes, you," Rebecca chirped while rubbing his chest. "You used to be such a hotshot playboy, flirting with anyone and everyone. Total party animal, hooking up with all those bunnies in there at your merest whim." She gestured behind us toward the house where the music was pumping and the conversation was crackling, just like any of Carter's other "get-togethers".
He frowned. "I still like to party."
"Maybe," Rebecca said with a shrug. "And yet the party is back there and you're out here with us."
"It's Cameron. He just wants to hang around her all the time," Kelly commented with a grin. "Best thing that ever happened to us was her moving in."
I blushed and averted my eyes, feeling a little weird about the praise.
Carter, meanwhile, pecked Rebecca's lips and pulled Kelly to his side as well. "That doesn't mean I care about you two any less."
Rebecca squeezed herself against his side and Kelly smirked knowingly. "Yeah, whatever, you silver-tongued devil," Kelly commented.
"Seriously, though," Rebecca continued. "I've liked being with you so much more these past couple of months. Like I said: you've been mellow. We've had a nicely domestic situation, lately. You cleared out the hardcore addicts. The parties are a little more under control. And it's been nice getting to spend more time with just the four of us – well five including Miranda, maybe six including your mom – in the house. Well you know what I mean."
"Yeah ... Not to put too fine a point on it, but having Sam and Sang spend less time here has been nice," Kelly added with a shrug.
Carter frowned. "Thought you liked getting DP'd every now and again."
"It wasn't the sex. Especially when I'm wired, that can be a lot of fun," Kelly replied. "They've been your friends since high school, and I get that. I understand the business that you guys are running and all. But at the same time, they were rarely here alone. They almost always brought their own sluts along, and it just made the house ... I mean, things were different then, you know?"
"I think it's more about Mom being here, not me," I spoke up. "You actually listened to me all those times that we argued about this before we moved in. You didn't close up the business or kick your friends out entirely, but you HAVE been trying to shield her from the seedier side of what you do."
Carter shook his head. "I'm not going to stop, you know."
"Of course not," I replied. "I'm not asking you to anymore."
"You're not?"
I exhaled slowly. "It's not that I necessarily approve of what you do for a living, but I'm not going to get into a moral debate about it either. What you do pays for Mom's treatments and gets her the only painkiller that seems to be working. And all three of us here enjoy a little recreational meth use, just for the fun of it. It feels good and nobody's really getting hurt. I'm as much a user as any of you, so I'm not gonna judge. Truth be told, if everything just stayed status quo, I'd be perfectly fine with it."
"Me, too," Rebecca smiled. "I've been with you for almost a year now and I've never been happier in this relationship than the last couple of months."
"Try two years with this amoral lothario," Kelly chimed in.
"'Amoral lothario'?" Carter blinked. "If I was so bad before, why did you two stick around?"
His two girlfriends looked at each other and then back at him. Kelly sighed and explained, "It wasn't that you were bad before. I knew from the beginning that you weren't monogamous and you were a horny little bastard. Hell, my first time with you was a threesome with Jillian while we were all on speed. It's just that I never seriously considered the idea of staying with you long-term up until recently. I have no illusions about you falling in love with me, even though we've had this relationship for years already. I figured I'd stick around for the ride for as long as it was fun for both of us, and when it stopped being fun I'd get off the roller coaster and go do my own thing. But you remember that time I was baking red velvet cupcakes and Cameron walked in on us fucking against the counter?"
Carter snorted and nodded. "Of course."
"Well I got to talking to her about how maybe this was where she belonged. And at the same time, I started thinking that maybe this is where -I- belong, too."
He raised his eyebrows. "You mean like ... permanently?"
Kelly took one look at my little brother's expression and turned to give me a wry grin before smiling back at Carter. "Relax, I'm not suggesting engagement or any kind of commitment. I'm just saying that for the first time in our relationship, I'm starting to think more than just a month or two ahead."
"Me, too," Rebecca chimed in quietly.
Sliding over, I wrapped my own arms around all three of them and hugged the group tightly. "Me, too."
This time when the moisture formed in Carter's eyes, he didn't try to stop it. Looking down at all three of us wrapped around him, my little brother wore an expression of genuine feel-good happiness. He pulled his own arms out and did his best to surround me as well as Kelly and Rebecca. And squeezing us tightly he truly started crying tears of joy.
It was a wonderful moment. But unfortunately, it didn't last.
"Carter! Cameron!" Miranda suddenly yelled to us from the patio doors of the house. Briskly, she hustled out across the yard toward us. "You have to come quick!"
Carter let go of us and turned in alarm. Miranda was practically unflappable, but there was genuine terror on her face. And turning to face her, Carter called back, "What's wrong?"
"It's Amaryllis! I think she had a stroke!"
Mom spent a week in the hospital before we brought her home. She should have been there longer, but her insurance was tapped out and there was nothing more they could do anyway, not for someone in her condition. This time there was no way she'd be walking down the stairs under her own power, so Carter scooped her into his arms and carried her down. It was a little awkward, because she couldn't even hold onto his neck or anything, but she'd withered away to practically skin and bones by now and was a frightfully light load for him to bear.
The doctors had told us that stroke was common in cancer patients, far more likely to occur than in a normal person. Even so, nothing could have prepared us for this. I'd met a couple of people who'd suffered strokes in their past. Maybe part of their face didn't move right, they'd suffer dizzy spells, or slur their speech. Mom wasn't like that.
Mom's stroke was MAJOR.
It wasn't part of her face that didn't move; none of her face really moved, except for a slack jaw that seemed to drool constantly with vacant eyes that stared at nothing.
We didn't have to worry about dizzy spells; she couldn't walk or move around anyway.
And Mom didn't slur her speech; she didn't talk at all.
In short: Mom was a vegetable. And it freaked the shit out of us.
It would have been easier if Mom had simply died. Carter and I would have mourned her, buried her, and found a way to move on. But Mom didn't die. She still lived...
... sort of...
Carter stayed in her room, sitting on the bed by her side holding her hand while they moved in the special equipment that would keep her alive. Tubes to feed her and evacuate her bowels. Electrodes to monitor her heartbeat and breathing and make sure she was getting enough oxygen. None of it was particularly cheap, but Carter didn't give a rat's ass. He made it clear he'd blow his entire fortune and steal what he could from his Dad if it meant bringing her back.
The chances of that were low, the doctors cautioned us. Mom had suffered severe brain damage and a full recovery was more or less impossible. But there was a chance she could at least wake up, talk to us again, and be an active part of our lives.
Maybe.
Not likely, but maybe.
Carter clung to that like it was his last lifeline. He wanted her to get better, and he would do whatever it took to make that happen. He personally massaged her limbs and rotated her body so that she wouldn't lose too much flexibility and she wouldn't get pressure sores from being in one position for too long. He changed her catheter bag and re-stocked her feeding tubes and even carried her into the shower once a day to clean her off. I'd almost think that last part was creepy if not for the fact that he was crying in anguish the last time I saw him do it.
Someone suggested that talking to her might help, to keep her mind active and responsive to the sound of his voice. So he stayed in her room for an entire week, telling her ... well telling her everything as far as I could tell. He told her about his life since he'd moved out of the house, he told her about his hopes and dreams for the future, and he even confessed in exquisite detail how much he loved me in a way that went far beyond mere sibling love.
I only got bits and pieces of that. While Carter spent all his time in her room, I spent as much time as I could out of that room. I hated that room, hated it. It had been hard enough watching Mom waste away into a bald, pale skeleton too weak from cancer and chemo to really move around the way she used to. I'd done enough of that for the months alone in the old house, just the two of us. Maybe it was because I'd always idolized her, always dreamed I could grow up to be exactly like her. People always said I looked exactly like Mom did when she was my age, and I'd always imagined her beauty, bearing, and elegance would be mine in my own future.
But the portrait of my future didn't look so appealing anymore. Her once pristine, perfect beauty was now a horror show of sagging skin. Her once heart-stoppingly gorgeous face was now a slackened mask of drool and pallid flesh. Rosy red lips were now ashen gray. Lustrous dark hair was now stringy thread. I missed Mom terribly, but I couldn't stand to look at her any more than I absolutely had to.
Kelly and I talked a lot, and Rebecca too. Carter's girlfriends had a lot more time on their hands since Carter wasn't demanding any of their attention. It was hard enough convincing him to eat, let alone have sex.
I found comfort in Kelly's arms quite often, sometimes breaking down into uncontrollable sobs not thirty seconds after she'd eaten me to a mind-releasing orgasm. Once we even did it with Rebecca, too. Neither of them ever judged me, or even really pitied me. They were simply THERE for me, comforting me the best way they knew how, especially since Carter wouldn't let either of them near him.
Carter's standoffishness seemed to be the hardest for the girls. While it was unnerving to have his mother in a vegetative state downstairs, they hadn't bonded with her very closely and didn't feel our sense of loss. What was most difficult was losing their boyfriend to HIS sense of loss, not being able to relate, and being pushed away at every attempt to comfort him. The entire week went by and he barely spoke ten words to either of them. As far as I could tell, their romantic relationships with him had never been based on love. He was rich and handsome and charming and threw really great parties. They both loved to have a good time and have sex and get high and receive expensive gifts. True, we all had started to bond quite a bit in the last couple of months, but even so Carter had never been the kind of guy to open up emotionally to either of them.
Some girls in their situation might have left, or perhaps merely bided their time until social protocol allowed them to escape a relationship with a guy who'd suffered the kind of loss he had. But perhaps those two girls had fallen for my brother a little more than they'd initially let on, because they both genuinely seemed to care about his well-being. It hurt deep inside that he wasn't letting them in, and that bothered them more than the lack of parties, gifts, good times, or sex. And after a week, it was Kelly who decided that the key to getting through to him ... was me.
He could tell THEM to go away, but he wouldn't tell me. Heck, the few times I'd gone into the room with him, he'd pleaded for me to stay and help get Mom back.
"You have to help us. You HAVE to get him to move on with his life," Kelly insisted. "He can't spend the next year in that little room talking to his practically comatose mother! He'll go insane."
Part of me wanted to leave him alone. My little brother was clearly in pain, still mourning even after a full week. Shouldn't I leave him to his grief? Mom wasn't dead, but the doctors had warned us that the longer her vegetative state persisted the more likely it would be permanent. At that point it wasn't a question of when she'd wake up, but when she'd eventually die. Mom was here but not here, and at some point we'd have to realize that for all intents and purposes she was gone from us and was never coming back.
I understood what Kelly was asking me to do, but I couldn't do it, not yet. No, I wasn't spending all my time in Mom's bedroom trying to talk her into waking up and smiling at me the way she used to, but that didn't mean I was ready to let her go.
Not yet.
Not today.
But someday ... yes ... I would.
"Hey Carter," I said quietly, standing in the doorway trying to not look at the figure on the bed.
"Hey..." he replied tiredly, his eyes straight forward and not leaving the figure on the bed.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Of course. Mom would like to hear your voice, too."
I took a deep breath. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you in private. It's the sort of thing I wouldn't want Mom to hear."
Only then did Carter look at me. He didn't argue, or try to say that Mom was a vegetable and wouldn't be listening to us anyway. -I- thought that, but Carter certainly didn't. As far as he was concerned, she heard every word and would someday wake up and talk to us about them.
"It won't take long," I promised. "But there are things I need to say that are just for you and me."
It took him a little while to respond. While he only slept in the chair three or four nights out of the week, and left the room to shower and change and sometimes eat, Carter was pretty rooted to his spot beside Mom's bed. I'd seen it before, his hesitation to leave her on the off-chance that she'd wake up and find herself all alone. But while I used to have to reassure him that the electronic monitors would sound the alarm if that ever happened, he didn't need that kind of explanation anymore, and it was simply a matter of him working up the gumption to stand and walk away that slowed his response.
Everything about Carter's movements was stiff. His muscles weren't used to moving as much anymore since he would literally spend hours on end just sitting there talking. A few times in the last couple of days I'd peek in and find him rambling with disconnected words that didn't even form a coherent sentence. My little brother was becoming delirious, and Kelly's fears about him going insane had started to sound a little less farfetched.
I decided to take a page out of his playbook. More than once in the last year I'd found Carter simply leading me by the hand somewhere and taking my clothes off. Usually I was drunk or wired or both, susceptible to suggestion and horny enough to go along with him. Obviously this wasn't that kind of situation, but he didn't resist me when I took his hand and pulled him out of the chair.
Carter took one last look at Mom before I tugged him out of the room and across the hall to his own bedroom. He let me park him in an armchair, but he didn't look up at me when I took the seat across from him. So I had to lean over and rub his knee to get his attention. And finally he looked up at me.
For the first time in a long time, it was easy to see Carter as my "little" brother. He'd been taking better care of Mom than himself, and his unkempt hair, three-day stubble, and faded T-shirt made him look like just another sloppy college student. There were dark bags under his eyes from sleepless nights and he slouched in his seat, staring back at me sullenly. And after taking a deep breath, I rubbed his knee and said, "We have to consider the possibility that Mom is never going to wake up."
"Don't you dare say that," he rasped, his voice a little hoarse. Mine would be too if I'd tried to keep talking to Mom for nearly sixteen hours a day.
"Carter, please." I took a deep breath and squeezed his knee a little harder. "I know it's hard. I know you're still grieving. I know how scared you were when Mom and Dad got the divorce, how terrified you were of losing her. And I know you're even more terrified right now. But you have to at least consider the possibility that she's never going to be with us again."
Through red-rimmed eyes, he looked up at me for just a moment and then went back to staring somewhere around my midsection. He didn't respond verbally.
"I'm scared too," I continued. "Mom was my everything, the perfect embodiment of everything I wanted to become as I grew up. She was my best friend and the one person in this world I could trust more than anyone, and it's hurt SO much deep inside that she hasn't been able to really BE with us anymore. I WISH things were different. I WISH she could come back to us. But I've had to consider that maybe the doctors are right. Maybe it's already over."
"It's NOT over," he growled vehemently, still staring downward.
"Not yet, and maybe you're right. Certainly I don't mind it if at least one of us doesn't give up hope. But stepping outside of that bedroom isn't giving up on her. Shaving and taking a shower and maybe even getting outside the house for a little bit isn't giving up on her. I need you to do those things. Kelly and Rebecca need you to do those things."
Carter shrugged. "Kelly and Rebecca can find new boyfriends."
"They want YOU."
"Then they're even more stupid than I thought."
"Don't say that. They're sweet girls."
"They're just toys to me. Pretty, pretty sex toys."
"Am I just a toy to you?"
Carter blinked and raised his eyes to mine. "What? No. Of course not. You're my sister."
I blinked twice myself and gave him a little smile. "Do you realize that you just called me your 'sister'? Not 'STEPsister'. I don't think you've ever called me that before, not willingly."
Carter scowled and looked away again. "Yeah, well our mother didn't have a stroke before."
I frowned and nodded. "Well you're right, I AM your sister and you're my brother. Blood-related or not, you're my family. And with Mom the way she is now ... Well..."
My voice trailed off as I inhaled sharply. My limbs tightened and I found my hands gripping the armrests of my chair. Clenching my jaw, I tried to not freak out, but it was a hard realization for me to come to.
Carter waited me out. My sudden quiet had his attention, and he was sitting a little straighter as he looked at me.
Eventually, I found my voice again. "With Mom the way she is now," I repeated before taking a deep breath. "With Mom ... gone ... I'm all alone again. All alone except for you. You're all I have left now, and I don't want to lose you, too."
Carter frowned. "What are you talking about? You're not going to lose me. Never, ever."
"But haven't I? I realize you've been going through your own pain with everything that's happened, but so have I. I've needed you the last ten days or so. I've needed my brother. But you've been in almost as much of a coma as Mom has, locked in that little room, not talking to me, not sharing the day with me, nothing."
"Cameron..."
"I NEED you, little brother. I can't stand this feeling of being alone anymore! I've got nowhere else to go and nobody else I can really turn to."
"Cameron," he said, his voice a little stronger. "I'm right here."
"Then STAY with me here, stay in the present with me, alright? You don't want to abandon Mom, I get that. I don't want to abandon her, either. But there's nothing more we can do. We'll keep her alive. We'll research treatments and cures. And we'll hire a full-time nurse or something to monitor her 'round the clock. But I need YOU to wake up and come back to the world of the living again. I need YOU to get on with your life, even if that means doing your thing with Sam and Chad. I need YOUR life to go on, because at this point, YOU matter more to me than anything else in this world!"
Carter blinked in surprise and sat up a little straighter. "You really mean that?"
My shoulders slumped and I buried my face in my hands. Taking deep breaths, I shuddered for a moment before finding a sense of calm again. Picking my head up, I stared straight at my little brother and explained, "Mom's not here to look after you anymore. That means it's now my job."
"It's not your job."
I shook my head, took a deep breath, and found my purpose in my life. "I always wanted to be Mom, and now in a way I can. Not that I'm trying to be your mom. But you're the only brother I have – the only family I have left – and I'm going to take care of you."
Carter blinked, and I took a deep breath as I worked that concept around in my brain.
"I'm going to take care of you," I repeated, steadfast and resolute in my new purpose in life.
Carter started crying just then, and on impulse I got out of my chair. Sitting across his lap, I grabbed his head and pulled it to my chest while wrapping my arms around him. And as he shuddered and sobbed, I bent over and kissed the crown of his head.
Taking a deep breath, I promised, "Everything will be okay."
I'd promised.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票