章節 175: Chapter 17: Love ll

I knocked, and after a little while the door swung open. Brooke gave me a smile and said, "Hey, it's good to see you. Feels like it's been forever."

"Whose fault is that? If you guys hadn't moved out, or if you would let me come within fifteen feet of this place without an invitation, I'd be here a lot more often."

Brooke folded her arms across her chest, leaned against the doorjamb, and leveled me with a look. "You want to see her? Or do you want to bitch and moan and get me mad enough to kick you out and not let you come back for another month?"

I took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please can I come in?"

"Well now that you've asked nicely ... You may enter..." Brooke replied in a condescending tone. She gestured me inside with a theatrical bow.

I rolled my eyes and goosed her ass as I walked by her, causing Brooke to yelp and cover her butt. I smirked, she grinned, and I knew everything would be okay.

At least, I felt that way right up until I looked into the living room and saw DJ sitting on the couch with her high school best friend, Faye Nguyen. DJ looked back at me, an expression of heartbroken anguish written all over her face, and she looked even worse than I'd imagined her.

Her face was skeletal. She'd always had a model-esque face, with great cheekbones and dainty features. But her cheeks had crossed the line between defined and gaunt, there were bags beneath her eyes that couldn't be erased with makeup, and there was a pallid tone to her skin that had never been there before.

She stood up as I approached, and I realized that she was a lot skinnier than I remembered. There had been the time when DJ had dressed up like a Barbie doll for me, but even then she'd never ACTUALLY had a Barbie doll's dimensions. The dolls were simply inhuman, way too skinny to be real, and yet, DJ almost looked like she was getting there. Brooke had warned me before that DJ wasn't eating well, but to be told that was one thing. Seeing her like this was something else, and I was absolutely crestfallen to see her in this condition.

DJ saw my expression and immediately burst into tears, turning and burying her face into Faye's shoulder while her friend reached up to hug her.

Brooke suddenly slapped me upside the back of my head. "You moron. We go to all this trouble to reassure her she looks fine, and then you walk in with that long face and ruin everything."

"I'm sorry." Immediately I stepped forward, reaching my arms out to her. Every instinct I had told me to enfold my fiancée in my arms and reassure her with my warm embrace that everything would be alright. But just before I got to her, Faye held up a hand palm out in a clear sign to keep my distance, and only then did I actually remember DJ wasn't my fiancée anymore.

It was hard. This was quite literally my first time seeing her since she'd moved out of the house, and despite everything that had gone on during the previous three months, my memories of her went right back to that fateful Sunday when she'd left. The young woman before me then had been upset, but resolute. DJ had stood up to me and argued with me about what was the best course of action for both of us. And even though her decision had been to break up and move out, at least she'd had fire and strength in her convictions.

The poor girl before me now was a literal shell of her former self: broken down, malnourished, and barely a step up from a zombie.

I wanted to cry.

And I wanted to make things better.

In a way, things weren't so different for me from the last time I fell in love with her, back when she'd gotten the flu and that nasty sinus infection. I knew just how beautiful DJ could be, vibrant and full of boundless energy. To see her reduced to weakness had shifted something inside me, triggered the White Knight reflex if you will. I knew she could be better, and I believed that I could be the one to make her better. She needed me, and it's a powerful thing for me to feel "needed".

And she needed me now.

"DJ..." I began softly. "How can I help you?"

With tear-streaked cheeks, she turned around and looked at me. She saw the concern in my eyes, the desperate need to understand and to help her, and she started shaking her head. "No ... no ... I can't do this," she began whimpering as she turned back into Faye's embrace.

I took another step forward, but this time it was Brooke who reached out and held my shoulder.

"Just ... give her a minute..." Brooke said quietly.

I glanced back and muttered, "I've given her more than two months already."

Brooke eyebrows went up and her eyes hardened in a warning. "Just ... give her a minute," she repeated.

I sighed and willed myself to calm down. I hated this feeling, this sensation of helplessness. It wasn't in my nature to stand back and just let things unfold. I HAD to take action. I had to at least TRY to make things better. And the longer I stood here, the more I realized that I HADN'T been doing anything to improve my situation with DJ ... or with Kim ... Instead, I'd simply been going about my daily routine, fucking Tri-Delts to pass the time while gently enduring their silly little infatuations with me (or more accurately, with Big Ben). I felt like I'd put my heart up on a shelf for two months, simply waiting around for the day when I took it back and stuck it into my chest cavity to be used once again. And now that I was here, the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do was wait another fucking minute.

But I did. Because that was what Brooke wanted. That was what DJ seemed to need. I did it because I had to, and if I tried really hard, I could convince myself that standing stock still and waiting patiently WAS doing something. Inaction WAS action. Remaining still and being patient was an active CHOICE.

Eventually, DJ calmed down and then went back to the couch. She sat on it and gestured for me to sit down on a chair on the opposite side of the coffee table. Faye sat with DJ, and Brooke took the chair next to me.

For a moment, all four of us were silent. The silence was killing me, but I gritted my teeth and forced myself to be patient. If nothing else, I had to prove to myself that I wasn't some impulsive four-year-old incapable of sitting still. And finally, Brooke spoke. "Deej, there was something you wanted to tell him."

DJ's eyes were on the coffee table between us, not on me. She nodded slowly, and then took a deep breath to calm herself. And finally, she told the table in a grave voice, "I had to tell you ... to your face ... that I'm not in love with you anymore."

For a moment, my lungs stopped working. I had to raise a hand to my chest and brace it, forcing myself to take a deep breath as I pondered what she'd just said. It wasn't that I was expecting her to still be in love with me. It's just ... well ... I WAS expecting her to still be in love with me! Wasn't that what she'd said on her way out the door? That she still loved me? That she held me blameless for our situation? That she only needed to come to terms with her past demons and then we might be together again? But instead of getting over her guilt, she had gotten over ME. And I found that I felt ... hurt!

"Wait, what?" I blurted.

DJ's chin came up, and she managed to flick her eyes to mine. "I'm not in love with you anymore."

I shook my head. "Waitaminute. This wasn't supposed to happen. You said I was still your ideal man. You said that once you forgave yourself for the abortion, you'd bring yourself to the point where you could face me again. And then you and I could start over again, right? Wasn't that the plan? Wasn't that what you told me when you walked out my door?"

Brooke's hand was suddenly on top of mine. "Ben..."

I shrugged Brooke off, anger rising up my throat. "No, I'm serious! You dumped me! You broke off our engagement! I told my friends, told my family, told the WORLD that I loved you and that you were going to have my baby! I put my heart and soul and all of my hopes for the future into YOU! Only YOU! Just YOU, DJ! Dawn came back to me! Dawn showed up in your house and told me she wanted me back. I shut her down. I kicked her out of my life. For YOU! Don't you get that?"

DJ started crying again. Faye looked at me with hate, and Brooke was trying to hold my hand again.

Again, I shrugged Brooke off as I stood up. "NO! NO! I don't accept this!" I barked, feeling anger I'd somehow shunted away for more than two months rise up inside me. Back when DJ walked out, I'd felt frustrated, but not angry. Not like this at least. Kim had talked about how I seemed to calm, so... fine ... with things. She said I was in shock, and maybe I had been. But the shock was over now and all that was left was the naked sense of betrayal.

"Don't you get it?" I barked harshly. "You needed to heal. You needed time. Brooke told me to stay away, to let her help you, and..." Suddenly I whirled on my little sister. "YOU! This is YOUR fault! If I hadn't listened to you, if I had FOUGHT for DJ for the last two months instead of staying away then this wouldn't have happened!"

"Ben!" Brooke stood up and got in my face. "SHUT the FUCK up!"

I turned to DJ. "I LOVED you! Look, I'm going to admit that a big part of it was that I loved what you could give me. I loved that you were pregnant with my child. I loved that marrying you and raising children together would bring me closer to your family. But I also loved YOU. I loved everything about you! I loved your body. I loved that you loved ME. I loved your smile. I loved your warmth. And I loved the way you made me feel about myself. I loved that you'd never HURT me the way Dawn did. I loved that what we had together was pure and unblemished. I loved--"

"You loved Dawn," DJ suddenly shouted as she stood up and glared at me. "You loved HER. And you loved that I reminded you of HER."

"Not true!" I yelled back immediately.

"I was there. I was standing right beside you," DJ barked back hotly. "We were in the cabin at Big Bear, and all of your sisters were standing right beside us. Dawn called in the middle of the night, and you completely tore her a new asshole, and I don't mean in a sexual way. I was THERE, Ben. I heard you. I heard you tell her that -I- was like HER, only without her flaws!"

I blinked and frowned. "And that's a bad thing?"

DJ's eyebrows shot up, and she shook her head in disbelief. "How can you not know how horrible a thing that is to say to me?"

"You're perfect, DJ. You're everything I could ever want in a woman. You're the definition of my type. I had you. And I want you. And I want you back. I've spent two months killing time with Tri-Delts who are falling in love with me ... with Sasha, who is falling in love with me ... But they can't have me. My heart's up on a shelf, out of reach. They can't have it! Because my heart has been waiting ... for you. I LOVE you, Dorothy Jean Evans."

She shook her head. "You love the idea of me. Aren't you listening to yourself? I think in some misguided way you're trying to flatter me, but all you're doing is proving my point. You loved the IDEA of me. You loved the definition of 'your type'. You loved my height and my blonde hair and my blue eyes and big tits. You loved that I'd suck your dick at a moment's notice before bending over and letting you ram it up my ass. You loved that my last name is Evans, and you loved the idea of becoming my mother's son-in-law. You loved that -I- loved you. But all that time, you never loved ME. You never really loved the little girl inside."

"Deej..."

She shook her head. "You only got serious about me when I became pregnant, and then you loved the idea of marriage and kids. You loved the idea so much that the day I walked out you went and impregnated Kim! You didn't wait for me to come back. You weren't going to LET me bear your very first child. No, you gave that honor to KIM. Not the woman you claim to have wanted to be your wife."

"It wasn't like that."

"I don't care what circumstances went into it. It's there. The first fertile womb who'd let you knock her up, and you did. Period."

"Deej..."

"And above all else, you loved that I reminded you of Dawn. You lost her. Even though she came back, you LOST her. You don't even love Dawn, do you realize that? You loved the IDEA of Dawn. The soulmate. The best friend of twenty-one years. She's gone. She's dead. She's NEVER coming back. She threw it all away. She tossed her old identity. Perfect Dawn: THAT'S the girl you want. The pure one, who will have sex with any girl you fancy but only wants your cock, and yours alone. That Dawn started disappearing while you were still together, lost in a haze of triple-penetrations. You wanted the wise, mature beyond her years Dawn, the one waiting patiently for you to grow up and figure out your shit before you finally became a real man, and then you and she could ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. THAT Dawn never even existed. She was a figment of your imagination, never the real, flawed teenage girl I called my sister and who lived in the bedroom next door. There's no such thing as perfection, and when even your precious Dawn failed to live up to that standard, only then did you finally turn to me."

DJ smiled, but it was a cold smile. Her eyes were sharp, and coupled together with her gaunt features, she looked rather malevolent. "The closest thing to that ideal you had left. You didn't know me. You still didn't know me. I was Dawn's little sister, the teenage blonde babe with the big boobs and the crush on Big Ben. Dawn fucked up and left for Morris Camp. I was left, and I made my move for you. I was your second chance at "perfection". I reminded you not of Dawn, but of "Perfect Dawn". I was like Dawn, but without the flaws. I was an ideal, not a real woman. And you never really loved ME."

"DJ ... That's not true. I admit I wasn't as tight with you as I was with Dawn for the last nineteen years of your life. I admit that I didn't know you inside and out the way I knew her. That's why I wanted to take things slowly in the beginning, to not rush to marriage or commitment even when YOU were pressuring me into reassuring you that we'd last forever. But I still knew YOU better than I knew every other young woman in my life, more than every other non-family girl I've ever been with. We've spent too much of our lives around each other, and spent way too much TIME in the last few months together for you to really believe I wasn't getting to know the real DJ."

"Maybe..." DJ sighed, looking bitter. "Or maybe I was only letting you get to know the best 'Perfect DJ' I could come up with. The façade. The best me I could be ... for you, because I wanted so desperately for you to love me. Maybe ... Fuck, maybe I never really loved YOU. Maybe -I- loved the IDEA of you."

"You're not in high school anymore, and I wasn't coming off a break-up with Adrienne. We took our time. We took things slowly, at least up until the pregnancy."

DJ shrugged. "You were still my fantasy. And I was yours. Maybe we were a little less blind about it, but then maybe not by much. The point is: we failed. Our relationship failed. And maybe it was a good thing that I got that abortion when we did, lest we get married and start raising a family and only THEN realize we'd fallen in love with figment idealizations of each other that simply didn't exist."

"It was real to me," I intoned seriously as I sat back down, slumping heavily into my chair. DJ remained standing, but Brooke had sat herself down some time ago. "Bluster all you want about figments and idealizations and feeling hurt because I compared you to a Dawn without her flaws. I'm sorry you think that's an insult, because it's actually the highest compliment I can think of. So yeah, maybe you did remind me of her. Is that really such a bad thing? You saw my relationship with your sister over all those years. You SAW how wonderful a relationship COULD be. That was love. That was real, REAL love. Do you even know what love is? Or just infatuation? Have you ever even been in love, even with me? I thought you were. I thought you knew. Love, for me at least, is that feeling you get when you can't stand to be apart from somebody. Love is trusting that the other person feels the same way even when you ARE apart. Love is hope. Love is believing your life would be SO much better to have the other one in it. And love is the driving need inside that makes you want to do everything in your power to create a future for yourself with them in it."

DJ set her jaw and looked at me, still standing, her arms folded over her chest.

"Love was dreaming about our baby ... OURS, DJ ... yours and mine. Our perfect little bundle that WE created together." I closed my eyes, bowed my head, and rubbed my temples while feeling the anguish of my loss. "Love was planning for his or her future and celebrating and protecting that baby as the physical embodiment of everything we meant to each other and the legacy we wanted to leave behind. And then for me at least, love was still cherishing that possibility, that future I could have with you even after you decided you'd rather abort our baby ... just so your ass didn't get flabby."

DJ glared at me and screwed her face up, looking ready to spit. "Don't you DARE say that. You KNOW how hard it was for me to make that decision, and know about all the reasons way beyond me keeping a firm ass, or do you REALLY think me so shallow?"

"Well what ELSE was I supposed to think? With you spouting off about not wanting to see your boobs drooping before their time and how gaga the Melissas went for your rockin' bod and all that other shit that did nothing but make me think your entire sense of self-worth is wrapped up in how awesomely hot you look?"

"You were SUPPOSED to think that I'm a 19-year-old girl not ready to be a mother! You were SUPPOSED to understand how hard it was for me to choose between parenthood and giving up my freedom ten years before I ever thought I'd have kids! You don't get it, do you? You think I haven't agonized over the 'what ifs' and 'what should have beens' every minute of every day since I killed that little perfect bundle growing inside MY body???"

Sensing her outrage, I grimaced and went on the defensive, holding my hands up. "Now I didn't mean--"

"FUCK YOU, Asshole!" DJ shouted right in my face while flinging her hands at me in disgust. "We talked ... a LOT ... about how hard this was going to be for me. You think I didn't know how much you wanted a wife and family? You think I didn't realize that all I had to do was shut up and give birth and I'd get to keep you for all eternity? It was MY dream too, and I wanted it with YOU. And you think I'd just give all that up because I didn't want my boobs to sag? Are you fucking kidding me? I WANT kids. I wanted them with YOU. I just didn't want them NOW. Oh my gawd!"

DJ was crying now, and she put her hands on her head and paced away from me for a moment. Brooke had come up to touch my shoulder. I looked at my sister, and she gave me the kind of look that said 'shut up and don't piss her off even further'.

"So yeah, I didn't want to be pregnant or a mom while I was still in college," DJ muttered, staring at the wall. "I wanted to wait a few years and enjoy my early-20s a bit. Was that so wrong? Especially when you kept telling me you'd still love me and wait to start our family later?"

I blinked. "But you didn't give me that chance, the chance to start OUR family later. You broke up with me."

I'd opened my trap, and Brooke slapped me upside the back of my head for it. But DJ was oblivious. "Couldn't do it. WANTED to stay with you. Just couldn't do it. And I realize now that I made the right decision, because now I know we weren't meant to be together."

"You don't know that."

"Of course I do. Because no matter how much you might argue otherwise, -I- believe you're settling for the closest copy to Dawn. And no matter what you might tell me about how hard this has been for you, I just don't see it. I mean look at you: You're fine. You're healthy. I didn't see YOU going to pieces after I aborted your baby and broke up with you. Me? Shit ... If I cared so much about my looks, do you think I'd let myself look like this? I mean look at me. Look at what happened to my supposedly 'rockin' bod' over this. Over you. But you? Like I never even existed."

"That's not true." I frowned and shook my head. "You don't KNOW what I've been through."

DJ's eyes narrowed as she sneered at me. "I know that you've been shacked up with a harem of sorority sluts servicing your every whim. I know that you spend your days walking all over campus holding hands with SASHA. And I know that you thought having a perfect little bundle of joy with ME was so special and unique that you could NEVER find something that special again with someone like ... oh, maybe KIM ... what, a few HOURS after I left? Huh?"

I grimaced and started, "That wasn't exactly--"

"I don't CARE," she groaned wearily, bowing her spine and letting her arms fall to her sides as she stared up at the ceiling. "It doesn't MATTER anymore! It just goes to show that after EVERYTHING you promised me, EVERYTHING you said about understanding what I was going through and how scared I was to be pregnant and how you'd still love me and you'd wait to start our family again sometime in the future ... it was all BULLSHIT! You DIDN'T really love me!"

"I DID love you!" I argued right back before slumping into the chair and rubbing my forehead in my hands. Then, I took a deep breath and sighed before correcting myself, "I DO still love YOU. Rationalize away all the reasons you want, but I love YOU. And I think ... I think some part of me walked in here hoping you WOULD want to start again ... to try again. I believe I can be happy ... forever after ... with you as my wife. I decided I wanted the rest of my life to be with YOU ... not Dawn ... Yes, I valued everything I ever had with her, and the near perfection of our early relationship was the standard against which I held ours, and will probably forever hold against any future relationships I may ever have. It was wonderful, it was naïve, and it WAS perfect to me. YOU ARE the closest woman I can see making me THAT happy for the rest of my life. Yes, because of your measurements and sexiness and other tangible things that make you my 'type'. But you are also my type in temperament and conversation and personal compatibility. I WANT to marry YOU. I don't want to marry Kim. I don't want to marry Sasha. I don't want to marry Adrienne. Do you know that she offered? She did. Said she would do it for me. But I turned her down. And I DON'T want to marry DAWN. Not even her. Because she fucked up. Because she LEFT me. And because I don't want HER. I want YOU. YOU, DJ. YOU."

She shook her head. "Because your head tells you I'm the closest thing to perfection you're going to get in this world, not because you feel it inside. I'm sorry, Ben. But that's not good enough. I'm not going to be the face that fills in the picture you've already constructed in your head about your future family. I'm sorry."

I slumped deeper into my chair, shaking my head and rubbing my temples, trying to come up with a response to that but utterly failing.

"At this point, it doesn't even matter if you ever really loved me or not, because I don't love YOU anymore. I'm sorry, but I don't."

"Deej..." I wracked my brain, trying to think of something.

"Go back to Kim. Go back to that perfect little bundle, that physical embodiment of everything SHE means to you and the legacy YOU want to leave behind ... with HER."

I winced. "DJ, the thing with Kim--"

"It doesn't matter," she cut me off as she slowly sat back down, exhaling wearily and putting her hands down on her knees. "I've spent all this time kicking myself for ruining a relationship with the greatest guy I've ever met, wondering if I could ever forgive myself for doing so. But at the same time, I could never quite shake my doubts about us, about whether or not you and I were really meant to be together. THIS is the point I've come to. THIS is what I've decided: I'm forgiving myself and moving on. I'm going to stop hating myself for what happened and choose to learn from my mistakes. I'm going to eat better, and study harder, and finish my degree. Someday, I hope I'll find love again, the kind that doesn't make me doubt my boyfriend's sincerity in how much he wants me over my sister. Because I'm not going back to you. I won't be like Dawn, crawling back and begging for forgiveness. I'm moving on with my life, and what may be, will be. I still care about you. I'll always care about you, because you're a great guy and you have a good heart and I know deep down that you never actually meant to hurt me, even though you have in so many ways. But even so I'm moving on. And so should you."

My heart ached, and with my lower lip quivering, I began, "DJ..."

"Goodbye, Ben," she cut me off, shaking her head somberly.

Defeated, I bowed my head and took deep breaths, trying not to cry.

"And take your heart off that shelf, will you?" she added in a much more gentle tone than I'd heard from her all night. "Not for my sake, but for yours. Because if you ask me, you never took it off that shelf after Dawn left you. And that's why even when you asked me to marry you, it was decision you were only making with your head."

I turned the Mustang into my driveway, having to focus a little bit harder to make sure I didn't clip the Chrysler Sebring convertible that had about a foot of its trunk sticking out beyond the curb. The street was packed tonight, without a parking space to be seen. But even though Andie's black Lexus ES was in the front spot of my tandem driveway, the girls had saved enough room for me to park as well.

Even after turning off the ignition, I stayed in the driver's seat. I had a lot to think about after that visit to see DJ, and I hadn't yet worked everything out in my mind.

Part of me thought she was right: That I'd gone into my relationship with her thinking with my brain, about how well DJ "fit" into my idea of a perfect relationship, but not my heart. Part of me thought she was just saying what she needed to say to convince HERSELF that she could move on from me.

Thing is, BOTH parts agreed that DJ was doing what was best for herself, and I couldn't fault her for that. I'd seen the physical toll the last couple of months had taken on her body. While I'd been living like a king with my harem of willing sex slaves, she'd been isolated with nothing but her own mental demons and what little comfort Brooke and Faye could provide. It had been unfair for me to make that crack about her ass getting flabby; clearly her pain had gone far beyond shallow concerns. Really, no matter what I believed about our past relationship or the future we might still have, I knew it was best right now for DJ to eat more and get healthy and BE better, for her own sake, not mine. And if that meant convincing herself that our relationship wasn't worth saving, then so be it. I cared about her enough to let her go.

And ... well ... let's face it: she was right. DJ had gone to pieces when we broke up. Me? I'd been... fine ... Not moping. Not shell-shocked and heartbroken. I'd gone out and banged Casey and Carolyn and Chevelle, enjoying the newly-single life. I'd hooked up with the Tri-Delts and invited them into my home to become my willing sex slaves. Yeah, I must have really loved DJ so much to have been so despondent and heartbroken when she was gone. Riiiight ... And I must have thought my relationship with her was so unique that immediately after she aborted our baby I went out and knocked up Kim.

I didn't deserve DJ. And maybe we weren't meant to be together. We could have been happy, yes. But she would have always second-guessed my commitment to her, and deep down ... well ... maybe I would have, too. Had I settled for second best? Would I forever have to settle for second best? If not her, who else? With whom ELSE do I find happiness?

Kim was gone, and to be honest, I'd never imagined a real romantic future for us. I'd simply never had that spark, as great as our Master/sub relationship could be. And maybe that was why I couldn't muster up the courage to go and get her. Yeah, she was pregnant with my child, and when push came to shove I would be there however she and her father wanted me to be. But deep down, I realized that I really was just a 'whiny bitch'. I'd promised I'd take care of her, but what was I really doing to actually take care of her? Nothing. I couldn't be the Master she really needed me to be, and because of that I knew she would be better off without me.

Sasha? The girl certainly was in love with me, and I'd felt enough chemistry with her to develop something romantic with her if I only let myself try. But at the same time, she'd only ever had one real relationship in her life, with Rod, and I wasn't entirely sure Sasha knew what love really was. Mind-blowing sex had ... well ... blown her mind. At this point in her life, she had very few friends and no family at all, and maybe she was just lonely enough to confuse her desire to be around me, have sex with me, and feel wanted ... with "love".

Andie? I was fond of her, and would miss her if she left my life, but I really felt that my little "cutie" was more infatuated than anything. She was emblematic of the whole Tri-Delt West situation: Lots of sex, lots of fun, no romantic commitments or even serious discussion. Despite all the time we spent together, Andie and I barely knew a thing about each other. Really, she was having fun and having great sex and she wanted MORE of those things, to the point where she felt left out and maybe a little jealous when she had to share me with her sorority sisters. That wasn't "love", either.

The simple fact was: I'd been to the brink of marriage and family. I'd come SO close to my happily ever after with women I'd spent my whole life with. Now with those people gone from my life, all I was left with were new people, new girls I barely knew and would have to build relationships with from the ground up. It was almost like I was a middle-aged divorcé, unable to comprehend how to get back into the game. How would I go from near-marriage to mere dating? Should I even try?

Maybe my life was better the way it was: sitting in the middle of my Tri-Delt harem waiting for pleasure to come to me. It would be a good life, the kind of life I'd imagine most guys would happily have. Minimal emotional connection. A wide variety of pussy, ass, and tits to sample, armed by girls who knew how to wield such weapons to maximize my pleasure and likewise enjoyed me maximizing theirs.

Simple. Convenient. Uncomplicated. Well, sure, juggling the schedule and keeping track of who was harem versus taken versus available was pretty damn complicated, but no emotional complications. Quite frankly, after getting my hopes and dreams with Dawn crushed and stamped into the ground, followed by getting my hopes and dreams with DJ crushed and stamped into the ground, and then my hopes and dreams with Kim crushed and stamped into the ground, I was emotionally tapped out. Done. Finito. Fuck it.

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

I give up. I don't care anymore. Why the fuck do people try to CARE only to get their hearts trashed, squeezed up for their juice, and then tossed aside like an empty orange peel. Why? How is THAT worth all the effort spent? Why even bother trying?

Dawn had some crazy idea of fixing herself and coming back to me, and look how that turned out for her? Down in flames in a hateful phone call that ends with her supposed soulmate telling her to 'go the fuck AWAY'. Why should she bother? Why try? It only ends in heartache.

Poor DJ. Always in the shadow of her big sister, so desperate for the approval of a mother who always viewed her as second-best to the golden girl (if not third, counting Dayna) that she came this close to giving up her youthful hopes and dreams in exchange for settling with the very man who would only ever see her as second-best to that very same golden girl. Why even attempt it? The relationship had been doomed from the start. And now even her famously rockin' bod had suffered for it.

And then there was Kim. Put her faith in the wrong guy is what SHE did. Mothers around the world warn their daughters not to fall in love with the wrong guy, and even if they do, don't be so STUPID as to let that wrong guy knock them up. But Kim didn't have a mother, and maybe never got that warning, and sure enough she went and fell in love with the LEAST dominating 'Master' she'd ever MET. Selfish asshole can't even keep his OWN life together, let alone look out for HERS. And now she gets to be a 22-year-old single mother for all her troubles.

This life is fucked up. They say misery loves company, but to be honest, knowing that three very special women I'd cared about were just as miserable as I was ... well ... it only made me even MORE unhappy.

And tired. FUCK, man, I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to NOT be tired. I'm tired of trying to NOT go to pieces. Maybe it would have been easier to take DJ's route: to sit in the dark and face my demons head on and let out all the anguish and terror until I fucking needed vodka just to sleep at ten in the morning because I'd been awake all night screaming at the shadows. For too long I'd tried to just keep it in, to tell myself I'd be fine and that I wasn't in shock and that I could keep moving forward and moving forward and moving forward until I miraculously found myself somewhere happier again.

Hmm, vodka, there's an idea.

And Lord knows there are enough pot smokers around Berkeley as well, losing their minds and letting their worries drift away in a haze of acrid green smoke.

Fuck, I wonder how the crystal meth at Carter Sheridan's would make me feel, make this fucking HEADACHE go away.

But no, I didn't need drugs. Not REAL drugs, anyway. I'd always had my drug of choice, and it was both free and readily available to me. Even as I sat here in the driver's seat of my car, I already knew my drug of choice was waiting for me just twenty feet or so away.

Really, I had three choices: (A) I could FIGHT to fix my life and find the true love and family I'd always wanted. My relationship with Dawn was ash, and DJ wasn't in love with me anymore, but Kim was pregnant and would continue to be so. I could put the car in reverse, head for the freeway, and go fucking get my baby mama back.

(B) I could FACE my failures through introspection and analysis to let out all my emotional anguish and find peace in my situation. I could go inside and take down the Tri-Delt charter, tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone, and let out all my emotions until I came to terms with everything that had happened to me.

Or©, I could FORGET all that shit, get out of the car, and fucking enjoy all the nubile sorority coeds I had waiting inside for me.

I was going with Option C.

Going out and FIGHTING for something was too hard, and too futile to attempt. That shit never ends well. Gave up on that already.

But isolating myself and dealing with my misery? Who the fuck wants to be miserable? I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to be unhappy. I'd be liable to fucking KILL myself after the shit I've gone through. If DJ had gone to pieces as badly as she had, with Brooke and Faye and her parents and Dayna checking in on her, what chance did I stand? My parents were in SoCal, Brooke was on DJ's side, and Adrienne was in fucking New York. Umm, no. Besides, what FUN is there in sitting in the dark screaming at shadows?

Why NOT get up, go inside, and go get my fix? Where was the harm? I was single, horny, and available. All of THEM were single, horny, and available. Everybody gets off. Nobody gets hurt. If that's not happiness, then I don't know what is.

So I got out of the car.

My stomach growled; I still hadn't had dinner. When Brooke had called, I'd stepped into the house just long enough to tell Jocelyn that I had to leave but for somebody to put some food aside for me in the fridge. I'd then left expecting to return and spend a normal Friday night with my girls, catching them all up for their missing Friday night dates. Usually, this meant an eight-girl/one-me orgy, but tonight I was in for so much more than that.

Walking up to the house, I immediately noticed the loud music thumping through the walls. The sun was setting and all of the lights were on. Although the air was cold and the windows shut, the sounds of many females chatting accompanied by the Black Eyed Peas singing something about lovely lady lumps wafted out toward my ears. It was more noise than usual, but then again, the girls might just be a little more animated in waiting for my return. Then again, Spring Break officially started tonight. We didn't have any classes all next week, and perhaps my girls were throwing a party.

Curious, but not worried, I hopped up the steps onto the front porch and tested the door. It was unlocked, and I walked inside and cruised on down the hallway, taking three steps before my brain belatedly realized it had seen something new in the foyer.

Without turning around, I actually walked backward three steps to return to the foyer, and once there I gawked at the wall where the Tri-Delt West charter had hung for over a month. It was still there, but now a second framed sign had been posted immediately beside the first one.

ATTENTION! Tri-Delt West has now been designated a 'Lingerie-only' zone between the hours of 7pm and 7am. All sisters of the Delta Delta Delta Sorority beyond this point during those hours are required to remove all outerwear within the premises. Strict laws will be enforced by the Sorority. Enter at your own risk.

Peyton Kent, President, Pi Chapter, Delta Delta Delta

My first thought was: You have GOT to be kidding me.

My second thought was: You have got to be KIDDING me.

How much more over the top could my life possibly get? Things like this simply didn't happen in real life, and for a moment I honestly wondered if I hadn't gone INSANE with all that thinking in the car and now my mind was just making shit up.

But pinching myself didn't wake me from this dream, and as I re-read the sign I told myself that I seriously needed to sit down and have a chat with this Peyton Kent, Tri-Delt President. A quick glance at my watch told me it was not yet 6:30pm. 30 minutes to showtime.

Maybe there's something to be said for Option B.

Ugh, my stupid conscience. The fuck are you whining about? This is exactly what I just said I wanted: Everybody gets off. Nobody gets hurt. Happiness, right?

This is getting out of hand.

There is no such thing.

Isn't there?

Why are you even questioning this? Don't you get it? This is karma being GOOD to me after all the shit I've just been through! Now shut up and let me walk in there and OWN it!

It's too good to be true. There's a catch, and more the point, they're using you.

Well maybe I LIKE being used. Didja ever think of that?

Are you sure? Nevermind, I'll tell you you're not. Because if you WERE sure, -I- wouldn't be here.

Well I don't WANT you here. Go away!

Doesn't work like that.

"Hey, he's here!" Jamie called down the hallway.

Turning toward the sound of her voice, I gawked to see the Junior Tri-Delt leaning against the wall by the living room archway. The Italian babe had always been one of the curvier girls in the harem, and every curve was on full display by a black bra and panty set. The bra cups and waistband of the panties were trimmed with lace but added little coverage over her shapely body, giving my eyes free rein to roam over her D-cup melons, taut tummy, and nicely-padded ass.

Andie immediately appeared behind Jamie, and I quickly drank in the smaller girl's appearance. While Jamie seemed to have simply removed her outer layers to leave herself in her underwear, Andie had donned actual lingerie, of the Frederick's of Hollywood sensibility. She wore a pink negligee with big bows over each shoulder, inviting me to tug and open them so that the material would fall off her body. She also wore pink gartered-stockings and fuck-me heels, which seemed to be doing their job as the urge to bend the slender girl in half and pound the shit out of her welled up inside me.

"It's not 7pm yet," I mumbled, jerking a thumb at the sign.

Jamie laughed. "7pm is when it's required."

"There's no rule against us stripping down early just because we want to," Andie giggled before giving me a come hither gesture. "Come on. The new girls want to meet you."

"New girls?" I gawked.

Jamie and Andie both giggled and gestured me forward.

Taking a deep breath, I walked down the hall and turned at the archway to look into the living room, and then I'm sure my eyes got REALLY big as I realized there were a lot more girls in my house than usual.

Leticia, Jeannie, Nora, and Whitney were seated on one of the couches, all of them stripped down to their underwear or clad in other forms of seductive lingerie. Tonya, Jocelyn, and Misa Ng were standing by the kitchen doorway, similarly dressed. But after only quick glances across those seven girls, my eyes were drawn to the five newcomers I'd never seen before.

I noticed the twins right away. They were the tallest girls in the room, with slender builds and excellent racks put on display by aqua-green bustiers that brought out a similar color in their eyes. Their hair was light brown with highlights and their tanned skin bespoke some exotic ethnic mix. And of course, there was no mistaking their identical faces.

There was an adorably cute brunette next to them in an almost frilly lingerie ensemble, and once Andie stepped over to her I found the family resemblance unmistakable. My jaw dropped as I realized she had to be the little sister Andie had mentioned sometime in the past.

The fourth and fifth newcomers stood together, one a beautiful black girl with a mini-Afro and the other a sweet-looking Asian girl.

And finally, there was a sixth new arrival. The Tri-Delt President herself, Peyton Kent, was someone I'd actually met, although I didn't know her very well. A Senior who had pledged the year before Adrienne's class, her path simply hadn't crossed mine very much, although as a statuesque dirty-blonde with the lightest green eyes you'd ever seen, she'd certainly attracted my gaze the few times I did find myself in the same room with her.

Her lush figure and trim physique put on full display by a form-fitting bustier certainly attracted my gaze right now. She had pouty lips made for sucking dick, tits to die for, and an ass that simply called for my hands so I could grip 'em and rip 'em. But despite her physical beauty, I'd never once considered making a move on Peyton. Sure, she was sex on heels to look at, but there was an icy danger in her eyes, and she had a haughty, imperial demeanor that always made me wary. Some of the Tri-Delts looked absolutely eager to hop on board Big Ben and go for a ride to their heart's content. Peyton, on the other hand, always viewed me like I was a venomous snake ... or that SHE was a venomous snake who would bite and poison me should I get within three feet of her.

Well, she was about four feet away now, that icy stare never more menacing than right now. "Hello, Ben," she began with an evil smile. "Welcome back."

"Hi, Peyton," I replied with an arched eyebrow. I could count on one hand the number of times we'd spoken to each other, and none of those conversations had ever lasted more than thirty seconds. "Surprised to see you here."

"Sorry to intrude, but we have a little challenge for the freshmen girls here: All of them are required to spend the night. You have your usual charter to seize and inseminate at your will. That's all."

Okay now, THIS is getting out of hand.

I agree.

Taking a deep breath, I arched an eyebrow. "You drop off a bunch of hot girls I've never met before and tell them they have to submit if I want to bang them? That's it?"

Peyton's smile was all teeth. "That's it."

I shook my head. "Then you don't know me very well. Yes, I've got a bit of a reputation, but I'm not a cold-blooded monster. I'm not going to seize a strange girl against her will, especially with the other girls here who've already been part of my harem. Thanks for the eye candy, but pass."

"I actually know you better than you might think. We haven't talked much, but the girls all report back to me. I knew you wouldn't be so easy, and that's why we've added a little spice to the competition. Bounty on you is set at 100 points. It's in the girls' best interests to change your mind."

My eyes popped at the mention of a bounty. "Points? I thought pledging was all during first semester?"

"Pledging is done," Jocelyn explained helpfully. "But status competitions run all year. The girls know what they're getting into. It's the same as you showing up at that first Halloween party where you tagged Misty and Lakhi."

Raising my eyebrows, I drank in the sight of 15 scantily-clad sorority girls all posing themselves for maximum seductive beauty as they sat or stood around my living room. Andie cuddled up to my left side, kissing my cheek before whispering in my ear, "What do you say we mess with ALL of them and you keep only little ME locked in your bedroom all night?"

On the other side of me, Jamie laughed. "No way. Stay here and have some fun with it. But I hope you took your vitamins. Otherwise you might actually suffer Death By Fucking tonight."

"So let me get this straight," Adrienne drawled from the other end of the line in whatever city she happened to be tonight. I knew her home base was in New York, but the way that girl traveled she could be almost anywhere. "There are FIFTEEN half-dressed Tri-Delts in your living room, all of them just itching to peel your clothes off and then lay back to let you have your way with them, and you're all alone in your bedroom talking to ME?!?"

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me, and rolled across my mattress onto my back with my head falling partway over the edge. Sighing wearily, I replied, "Yes."

"Tiger, sometimes I think I know exactly the way you think. But other times I don't understand you at all. Fuck, if I were in your shoes right now, I'd be all OVER them!!!"

As annoyed as I felt, the image of busty, beautiful Adrienne Dennis going buck-wild in a massive lesbian orgy with fifteen other hot sorority sisters did bring a smile to my face. But pushing past that vision, I exhaled slowly and explained, "To be perfectly honest, I thought I would be too. But my stupid conscience is getting in the way, and when I stop to think about it I have to agree that things are starting to get out of hand. We've talked over and over and over again about how awesome my situation is, about how guys would promise their firstborn sons and donate kidneys for a chance to be in my position. Initially, I loved it. I like these girls, I like their company, and of course the sex is a helluva lot of fun. But ... well ... I'm really starting to feel used right now."

"Puh-lease," Adrienne drawled. "Nothing's really changed, has it? You still have the harem and you know exactly which girls are currently in it. You said Peyton rounded up these freshmen girls for some kind of test, right? The Sorority pulls this kind of pledge crap all the time."

"They're not even pledges anymore. They're full sisters."

"Whatever. They're freshmen. This is a status points thing, and you'll just have to accept that this is how the Tri-Delts work. You remember the challenges they laid out for my class, of course. Were they really any worse than this?"

"Of course not. Okay, so designating my house as Tri-Delt West wasn't as invasive as I thought it might have been, and more good has come out of it than bad. I would have let the girls hang out here as a clique headquarters anyway, and they all go home each night except for the ones that sleep in my bed. But I still don't like the idea of the Sorority making rules about property that isn't theirs, and this new challenge that all these freshmen girls have to spend an evening in MY house just rubs me the wrong way."

"Why? Even if you aren't going to sleep with any of them, I thought you would have at least appreciated the additional eye candy."

"I get all the eye candy I need from the harem. I'm not saying that I would have slept with any of the freshmen, but parading them half-naked in front of me while simultaneously telling me about this new bounty so that I CAN'T just go and nail any of them just isn't fair."

"Why can't you nail them? If you really don't care, then fuck the bounty. Just pick one or two ... or ALL of them ... and do it. Do you really give a rat's ass who gets the points?"

I winced, rolling my eyes. I shouldn't, but...

"You do, don't you?" Adrienne laughed. "Worried about your reputation? Don't want to be the guy that gave in that easily with a bounty on his head?"

"It's not that."

"Try telling that to your ego."

"Adrienne," I sighed.

"Sorry." Her laugh sounded anything but apologetic.

"Putting the bounty aside, you don't know the night I've already been through."

"Why? What happened?"

"I finally talked to DJ today. First time since the breakup. She said she doesn't love me anymore and that she's moving on."

"Wait, WHAT?" I heard Adrienne sit up from wherever she was, and could immediately tell that I had her full and undivided attention. "Ben, why didn't you start with THAT instead of this Tri-Delt thing?"

"Sorry, just got distracted. But yeah, we went and had a pretty involved conversation about the nature of our relationship. DJ claims that I only fell in love with her because she 'fit' my ideals for a perfect wife. Looks, sex, heritage, all that. I tried to tell her that I fell in love with her because I believed she was the best person to make me happy. That she 'fit' only supported that."

"Splitting hairs a bit there."

"A bit, yeah."

"But only you know what was really in your heart."

"I know, I know."

"But you two really loved each other. I saw it myself in Big Bear. Yeah, you had issues, but no relationship is perfect. You two would have made each other very happy for the rest of your lives."

"That's what -I- thought."

"But this was only the first time you talked to her since the breakup?"

"Well, yeah."

"Not before? Not in over two months?"

"No. I talked to Brooke a couple of times, but she told me to give DJ space. I tried to respect that. But dammit, I can't help but wonder if things might've turned out differently if they hadn't been so obstinate about keeping me away."

"Ben ... what about Kim? When was the last time you tried to talk to her?"

"I don't remember. Probably almost two months as well. Same deal. I WANT to get involved. I WANT to talk to her and reason with her father. But they've threatened they would take my baby away from me and never let me see Kim again. Bert said her dad would get a restraining order if he had to."

"Okay, Tiger. Please understand that I mean this in the best possible way, but you're a pussy. I love you to pieces, but you let the people around you dictate your schedule way too much, and I mean it more than just these things with Kim and DJ. You do it because you value our happiness, which I appreciate. But it's so easy to take advantage of your nature. It makes you seem like a pushover, which I know you're really not. You're just very empathetic to others' needs and you want to see them happy, so you accommodate. But it sounds like you think you're accommodating too much and deep down, you're starting to resent it."

"Huh." I mused on that for a few seconds.

"It's great that you take others' feelings and desires into consideration. -I- certainly enjoyed your natural flexibility quite a bit. But to be perfectly honest, Tiger, you let me manipulate the hell out of you while we were together."

I rolled my eyes, thinking of all the times Adrienne simply told me to trust her and had me go along with whatever her agenda happened to be, which more often than not had to do with her own self-interests as much as they were for mine.

Taking a deep breath, I let out the air in a slow, extended exhalation that Adrienne could hear clearly across the phone. She waited me out, knowing that my brain was processing and that she should just let me work things around for a minute without interruption.

Finally, I picked my head back up from the edge of the bed, rolled over and propped myself up on my elbows. As I felt the rush of blood trickle back down, I frowned and said, "You know, I keep thinking about my situation from the perspective of the perfect male fantasy. Every guy can dream about being at the center of a multi-girl college sorority harem and how unbelievably awesome it would be with no negative side-effects whatsoever. But maybe I need to think of things with the roles reversed."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say you were in my shoes, but in the middle of a fraternity instead."

"I'm not so fond of cock anymore, remember? At least any cock but yours, Tiger."

I chuckled and smiled. "Fine, then think of pre-lesbian Adrienne for a moment, or at least some hypothetical, anonymous female. Let's say she enjoys sex, loves having it, and has voluntarily chosen to become the fraternity pussy. The guys all come hang out at her house, and they take turns fucking her and forming a rotating schedule over which two or three guys get to spend the night in her bed, using her up until she's exhausted. There's no love, no romantic complications. The guys have her as a convenient outlet so that they can focus on their studies and their own friends without the hassles of trying to find other avenues for getting their rocks off. She's a piece of meat – a living fuck-doll who exists solely to get used. How does that sound?"

Adrienne's voice was grave. "That sounds fucking horrible."

"Well, maybe it's not as bad as it seems. Like I said: she went into this voluntarily, and they don't just use her body as their plaything per se. They cook and clean and take care of her house. And she honestly does enjoy the frequent sex."

"But does she have the time to spend with her friends? Does she have the freedom to turn the guys down whenever she feels like it? If not, that still sounds fucking horrible."

I sighed. "It does, doesn't it?"

"Is that how you really feel? Trapped, used, and abused?"

"No, no of course not. For one thing, I really DO love having sex, and I can't beat this variety."

"You do, and I know it. But that doesn't change the fact that these girls are still using you."

"Only because I'm letting them."

"That's just it, isn't it? You genuinely like them, and you certainly like the sex, so you accommodate. You consider their base desires and you let them use you. But you're starting to resent it."

"It's not their fault. It's mine."

Adrienne sighed. "Can't really disagree with you there. So I guess there's only one thing to do."

"Disband the harem?"

"And give up all that pussy? Hell no." Adrienne laughed.

I chuckled myself. "No, I know what I need to do. Take charge of my own life. Stop letting things happen TO me."

"Wise words."

"They're Brooke's. She first said them to me when she was just sixteen."

"Smart girl."

"She is." I sighed and wondered where she was. I hadn't seen much of her at all the past month, and we certainly hadn't slept together. How could we, what with some Tri-Delt or another who didn't know our secret in the house at all hours of the day? Like my lack of friend-time with Bert and Kim, it was another unfortunate side-effect of the harem. "I miss her."

"She'll always be your sister."

"I know," I sighed. Taking a deep breath, I pushed up off the bed and sat up straight. Then with one more deep breath, I stood up and stretched out, drawing myself to my full height. "I've got to take charge of my life. I have to make decisions for my own best interest. I'll deny the harem if I have to. Yeah, I really love my life with them in it, but they seem to need me more than I need them. I can't let the girls push me around anymore."

"Attaboy."

"So now I've got to march on downstairs and explain this to them." Wincing, I added, "It's gonna suck, but maybe I've got to cut them off for a little while just so they know I'm serious. We can all have fun together when it works out for all of us. But they need to know I'm going to live my own life and not simply exist to satisfy their every carnal urge."

"Wait a second," Adrienne chirped, going silent for about twenty seconds instead of one. I waited her out, and when her voice came back, it was accompanied by a malevolent-sounding laugh. "I've got a better idea."

My eyebrows went up and a tingle went down my spine. Adrienne's tone was the same as whenever she had some wild and crazy plan in her head, and the conversation usually ended with her uttering the two fateful words: 'trust me'. "Adrienne," I growled in a warning tone.

"No, seriously, you'll like this," she assured me, though still with that malevolent voice. "Do what you did at my Pledge Initiation. Grab Peyton, drag her up to your bedroom, pin her down and give her the Big Ben Experience."

My jaw dropped. "Seriously?"

"Dead serious. You don't have to cut them off to prove a point. Just take over the harem and establish dominance. Announce to them that you are in charge, you make the rules, and if they want to continue having you, then it's got to be on YOUR terms."

"I can't just grab her."

"Why not?"

"I barely know her. Grabbing a girl and pinning her down is called 'rape' in this country."

"It wouldn't be rape. She knows what she's getting into."

"Do you even KNOW Peyton very well?"

"Well no. But you did tell me there's a sign posted by your front door saying that ALL Tri-Delts are subject to seizure and insemination, right?"

"Yeah, THAT'LL hold up in court real well. 'Did you rape that woman against her will?' Well, your honor, there was a sign by my door..." I sighed. "The girls only put up that sign because they know I'd never actually rape them against their will. I don't know Peyton. I have no way of knowing whether or not she'd actually want me to give her the Big Ben Experience."

"There's one way to know: grab her and see how she reacts. You did it before with Leighton."

"That's different. We were alone, mostly, in her room. I gave her a way out, and if she'd taken it, I would have walked away. That was another of your elaborate schemes."

"MY schemes? It was your idea," she corrected me.

"Whatever. The point is: it was a controlled situation with a fail-safe."

"So is this. Give her a safe-word if you want. If she honestly fights you off, you'll know to stop. Besides, the other Tri-Delts would never let you actually rape her. And if she reacts otherwise, more like Leighton, then you're good."

I blinked twice, in mild disbelief that we were seriously having this conversation. "Are you really telling me to go and half-rape a girl I barely know, and a fellow Tri-Delt at that?"

"Absolutely."

I rolled my eyes, clapped a hand over my brow, and shook my head slowly. "I can't believe I'm seriously thinking of doing this."

"Again, not like you haven't done it before. Gawd dammit, I still remember the way you held Leighton, and with me and Misty ... FUCK my panties are getting soaked right now. Ooh! Turn on your computer! You've got time to set up a webcam in your bedroom before you go down there and--"

"Goodbye, Adrienne," I cut her off mildly.

"I'm serious! Fuck I've gotta watch you do this to--"

"Goodbye, Adrienne."

"Spoilsport," she pouted.

"I love you, too."

"Fine." Taking a deep breath, Adrienne sighed. "Goodbye, Tiger. Promise you'll call later and tell me how things went. I want to masturbate hearing you talk about it."

I chuckled. "Okay fine. Will do."

Despite my absence, the living room had remained a hive of activity. I think it's humanly impossible for fifteen girls to remain in one room without chattering with enough volume to drown out a good-sized duck pond. Perhaps due to the occasion, none of my harem girls had made dinner tonight. Instead, there were several half-empty pizza boxes still in the kitchen and I could only imagine the look on the delivery guy's face when he arrived to find fifteen lingerie-clad coeds awaiting him.

Well, thirteen, or maybe only twelve, not that any of the girls had left. Rather, two or three of them had put some clothes back on, covering up either out of a sense of modesty or the simple desire to avoid dripping hot tomato sauce and cheese down their bare bosoms.

Scratch that: Jamie caught sight of me and rather deliberately dribbled some tomato sauce onto Whitney's chest, causing the Nordic blonde to squeal in surprise. Having successfully drawn my attention, the busty Italian babe grinned as she tugged down Whitney's bra cup, exposing a pale pink nipple before slurping up the trickling pizza sauce from Whitney's even paler skin.

Smirking, I turned to see the confirmed three girls who had covered up. "Misa, Leticia, and ... Kirstie, right?" I pointed to the newcomer who looked like Andie's little sister.

"Right," she volunteered with a squeak in her voice.

"Kirstie," I repeated with a nod before glaring sharply at Misa and Leticia while pointing at the wall clock. "It is now after 7pm. I believe you all have a new requirement relevant to the current time."

"Off! Off!" Jeannie immediately ordered while playfully tugging at the blouse of Leticia, sitting beside her. Her voice was joined by Tonya's, who similarly began tugging at Misa's clothing. Meanwhile, Kirstie blushed as she almost nervously removed her shirt without further prompting.

"The bra, too," I said softly, letting my obvious lust shine through my eyes. I probably shouldn't have added that. After all, the requirement was for the Tri-Delts to strip down to their lingerie, not to get naked at my command. But Adrienne had spent the past fifteen minutes getting my ego pumped up and my adrenaline running, and even before I'd come down the stairs I'd found myself primed for sex at a level of arousal and testosterone-fueled confidence that bordered on dangerous.

Petite Kirstie gawked at me wide-eyed for a second before looking apprehensively at her big sister. The two Holland girls shared a nervous glance, but then Andie took a deep breath and nodded to Kirstie while rubbing her sister's arm.

Biting her lower-lip, the young freshman rather coyly reached a hand up to her right shoulder and delicately grasped the flimsy strap to her frilly bra. But she hesitated before actually removing it. After all, it was one thing to be challenged with seducing me for pledge points. It was quite a different thing to be the only girl among fifteen in the room showing real nudity. But after that brief hesitation, the cute teenager raised her shoulder and tilted her head to it, giving me a nervous smile while slowly dragging the strap down her arm. And I found myself holding my breath in anticipation of that first glimpse of a new girl's rosy pink nipple.

"Kirstie, wait!" a new voice commanded from across the room. Standing up to her full height plus heels, Sorority President Peyton Kent put her hands on her hips and ordered, "Keep your bra on. The new mandate only specifies the removal of outerwear. You can't make her strip naked, you sicko pervert."

Arching an eyebrow, I spun on one heel to bring my full focus onto the statuesque blonde. I hadn't become familiar with Peyton over the past three years out of circumstance, not lack of interest. She fit my supposed 'type', from her height to her hair to her big rack and her boner-inducing hips. But she'd been the kind of girl to have steady boyfriends and not overly flirt with me the few times we'd crossed paths. And with so many of her fellow Tri-Delts being both more available and more willing, there just hadn't been opportunity to get to know her much at all.

And yet, she was the only one who could have placed a 100-point bounty on my head. She was the only one who could have mandated that these freshmen spend a full evening in my house. And she had to have been fully aware of the two prominent signs posted in my foyer, since it was her name and signature at the bottom of them.

The point is: Peyton's little dig about me being a sicko pervert for wanting Kirstie to take off her bra was completely without teeth. Any woman telling her young charges to seduce me for points and then deliberately wave their semi-clad bodies in front of me couldn't exactly take the moral high road. She should have understood what she was getting her freshmen – and herself – into.

Smirking like a know-it-all, I shrugged and replied, "I'm not forcing her to strip naked. I simply made a request."

"It didn't sound like a request; more like a command. And your charter doesn't say you can tell us what to do."

My grin immediately widened. Whether intentionally or not, Peyton had given me the perfect opening to execute Adrienne's little plan. "You're absolutely right, Madame President. The charter doesn't say I can issue commands," I stated obsequiously with an evil grin. "In fact, that charter on the wall says that there are only two things I can do to you..."

My eyes lit on fire as I let my gaze trail up and down Peyton's spectacular body. Her white ribbed bustier hugged and pinched her slender figure, making her breasts appear even larger while also drawing attention to the dangling diamond pendant piercing her navel. Her matching bikini-cut panties highlighted the gentle curve of her hips. And at the moment, she was wearing white heels that boosted her considerable height even higher while also giving her long legs an alluring flex. When my eyes returned to Peyton's face, I saw her pale slightly at the obvious... hunger ... in my gaze. The sexual creature inside me was now quite close to the surface, and I watched her quiver nervously before I spelled out those two very special things I was allowed to do to her. "Seize ... and inseminate."

There was a collective gasp from the surrounding girls as my intentions became clear. They certainly were quite different from when I'd first entered the house. Nearly an hour ago, I'd been almost overwhelmed by the lustful attention of the fifteen Tri-Delts wearing their skimpy lingerie. I'd retreated to the company of those familiar to me, allowing the primary harem girls to reassure me that I wasn't under any obligations to satisfy just any new Tri-Delt who walked in the door wanting to go for a ride. As usual, Jocelyn took up the leadership role in explaining that the freshmen girls had been tasked with spending an evening "at risk" here, along with the aforementioned bounty. But she also assured me that everything was in good fun and that apart from having a little extra eye-candy hanging around, nothing had really changed. I could go about my night as usual if I wanted and not have anything to do with the new girls if I so chose.

I didn't even talk to Peyton before just now, although I'd made introductions and exchanged pleasantries with the five Tri-Delt pledges. I'd chit-chatted with my harem girls for a few minutes, eaten a few slices of pizza, and then retreated to the privacy of my room to gather myself and call Adrienne. It hadn't been my strongest first impression, and the man the girls had seen depart more than thirty minutes ago was NOT the man before them now.

Now I was the man Leighton Barrister had first encountered in the dark shadows of her bedroom after taking a shower. Now I was the man who'd left a trail of unconscious Tri-Delt bodies through the upper floors of the sorority house in the months immediately after. Now I was the man who'd commandeered the Pledge Initiation ceremony two years ago. The sexual creature inside me had awoken, and it wouldn't rest until its carnal appetite had been sated.

Peyton stiffened up as I suddenly stood three inches in front of her, having darted forward faster than she could react. My left hand went to her hip, hooking the index finger through the strap of her panties. My right hand went to her face, flipping around so that I could brush the backs of my fingers down her quivering cheek. "I won't hurt you," I promised in a tone that was anything but reassuring. "Not permanently, at least."

"You can't. Not me..." she gasped.

"Of course I can. You're fully aware of the sign by my door. ALL sisters that pass beyond that point are subject, and last I checked, the President of the Sorority is by definition a 'sister'." Almost roughly, I let my left hand slide inside the back of her panties as I grabbed a healthy chunk of her tight ass, reveling in the feel of her naked skin against my palm.

"But this..." she whimpered, shaking her head. "I'm not the target! The bounty is for the freshmen!"

"You're absolutely right. If I slept with one of them, the bounty would be over. And there's no fun in that." Squeezing her ass tighter in my left hand, I turned my right around and cupped her head with my thumb and forefinger bracketing her ear. I leaned forward until my lips were just a fraction of an inch away from hers. She pulled her head back, naked fear in her eyes, but I followed with her, maintaining the closeness of our mouths as I anticipated my capture of her lips. And grinning evilly, I remarked, "Didn't Leighton or Carli tell you anything about me?"

Now shaking in my grasp, Peyton whimpered and darted her eyes around to the other girls. All of them watched intently, but none of them moved to interfere. "You can't! I can't do this!"

Now that she'd actually shown some resistance, I paused my forward progress. Peyton's green eyes clicked left and right in mine, searching my gaze. Blinking slowly, I stated softly, "I won't rape you. You have a safe word: tarragon. If you want me to stop at any time, just say it and I will set you free. Do you understand?"

"Tarra..." she began, but then bit her lip and stopped quivering in my grasp. She didn't finish the word, and actually regained some strength as she shifted her balance and began to support her own weight once again. I smiled, feeling her begin to acquiesce to my control. Her lips puckered, and after she dropped her eyes to my mouth for a brief moment and then brought her gaze directly into mine, she finally replied, "I understand."

Grinning, I turned my head to the right just as Peyton turned hers as well, and we met in a kiss as possessively aggressive as any I'd ever given one of the Tri-Delts. Her lips parted to accept my tongue's penetration. Her nostrils flared as she inhaled sharply. And her knees went weak again so I dipped her to the side, holding her body in my arms as I supported her from collapsing straight down.

But a second later, she yanked her mouth away and twisted her face. Both of us breathing heavily, I pulled her upright and sighed, expecting to hear her say 'tarragon' and end this little assault.

Instead, she said something I completely did not expect. "I have a boyfriend," she muttered apologetically.

My eyes popping open wide, I rocked my head back and pulled my hands away from her body. Taking a full step back, I gave her a sideways look and sighed. "Oh ... Well ... That changes everything."

She blinked at me rapidly, still breathing hard as her eyes searched through mine. Licking her lips, Peyton let her eyes trail down my chest for a brief moment before returning her attention to my face. And quivering once again, she cinched her arms around my back and pulled me against her chest. "I don't care," she insisted.

I blinked twice, raising a hand to her shoulder to keep her at bay. "I do."

Crestfallen, Peyton's mouth dropped into a frown and her forehead furrowed. "I wasn't expecting this, but I want this! I want you!" she pleaded. "I'll never tell!"

"But I'll still know. I can't live with that. I won't violate another man's woman," I growled harshly while shaking my head.

Peyton screwed her face up and whimpered for all of a half-second before jerking her gaze back to me with wild eyes. "Then don't violate me, not with your cock. Anything else goes – fingers, tongue, whatever – just don't fuck me. Can you live with that?"

"Hmm..." I arched an eyebrow, letting my eyes drink in Peyton's smoking hot body. A Big Ben Experience without actually fucking her? Hmm, I couldn't remember ever doing one of those before ... Challenge: Accepted!

Peyton grinned when she saw the smile spreading across my face. Taking my hand in hers, she walked forward and made to head upstairs and to my bedroom.

But just as she turned me around, I pulled back on her hand and remained rooted where I stood. A new idea had popped into my head. And as she gave me a fresh look of confusion mixed with fearful desperation, I gave her another wide evil grin.

"No, not upstairs," I growled as I yanked her body against my chest and slid my hand into the back of her panties once again. "I'm taking you right here."

"Holy shhh ... Holy fuuuhhh..." Peyton groaned and threatened to collapse. At the moment, she was standing up with her feet apart while I sat on the floor between her legs. I was leaning against the back side of a couch while Peyton braced her hands on the top of the backrest. And the poor girl started shaking from yet another orgasm as I held onto her hips and furiously ate her out.

In accordance with our agreement I had not fucked Peyton, nor even stuck my dick into her mouth. Hell, I still had all my clothes on. Still, I imagine her boyfriend would not be happy to find us with my tongue up his girlfriend's twat and two fingers sawing in and out of her ass. The statuesque blonde's arms and legs wobbled and her upper torso pitched forward, dropping her crotch a bit more heavily onto my face. Pivoting my head, I took her clit between my lips and chewed on the little nubbin to maximize the sensations she was feeling, and at the same time I let my right hand slide up her side and between her hanging breasts to support her chest until the sweaty and tired Sorority President finished out her orgasm and then managed to put some strength back into her arms.

"Oh, gawd..." the beautiful blonde moaned as she started to come down from her momentary high. I'd spent the last half-hour exploring all of Peyton's erogenous zones, including that irresistible diamond in her belly-button, while wringing four orgasms from her wonderfully toned body. Freed from the need to get myself off, I focused all of my attention on her while creating a new playbook for a girl I'd barely known before tonight. By now I had gathered all the intelligence I would need to control her body like she was a puppet on strings. And just when she least expected it, I was going to finish her off.

I felt the tell-tale sag in Peyton's muscles as she dropped her weight onto her forearms, just barely managing to keep herself upright as I pulled my mouth off her clit and withdrew my fingers from her ass. She panted for breath, her eyes closed and her thoughts turned inward on the aftershocks of pleasure slowly dying out within. So she had no warning when I suddenly grabbed her hips and lifted her into the air, making her shriek in surprise as I stood up and pitched her over the back of the couch, which forced Jamie and Leticia to abruptly dive out of the way from their vantage points for watching us.

I'd also twisted her, so Peyton fell backward over the couch as the sense of falling flooded her body with adrenaline and her mind with fear. She shrieked when her body abruptly came to a stop, my hands gripping her legs to arrest her fall before I lowered the back of her shoulders the final two inches onto the couch cushions. And with the Tri-Delt President now primed in this flushed state of elevated awareness and anxiety, I shoved my tongue back into her twat while thrusting three fingers of my left hand in and out of her already dilated anus, AND simultaneously reached forward with my right hand to manipulate the sensitive nerve clusters running along her ribs and beneath her breasts.

Peyton was now going out of her freaking MIND from pleasure overload, but her "taken" status had created a side-effect I wasn't used to: My dick was hard and throbbing in my pants, and had been so for the past half-hour, screaming with unfulfilled need to bury itself eight inches into a woman's warm body. With almost any other girl, that need would have already asserted itself and I'd have started pounding the shit out of her. But not Peyton. Those were the rules. So, long past the point where I would have stopped stimulating her and started getting some of my own pleasure, my hands, lips, and tongue continued their inexorable assault on the the poor girl's body. I tweaked nerve clusters. I strummed her clit. And those fingers kept pumping in and out of her holes. Never stopping. Never taking a break. Never being switched up for a cock instead. It was all her. None for me. And really, she couldn't take much more of it.

"What. The. FUUUUUUUUUCK?!?!?" Peyton screamed as she tightened up and came AGAIN, only a minute after her previous orgasm. Her ab muscles clenched and she arched her spine, thrusting her belly into the air and shoving her pelvis against my face. Her legs cinched over my shoulders while she dug the back of her head deeper into the couch cushions. And thus inverted, she writhed and bucked and screamed as I continued triggering her nerve points, pressing them like buttons on a video game to make the hot blonde Senior Tri-Delt shake, rattle, and roll in the biggest orgasm of her life.

One: I bit down on her clit, my lips covering my teeth so that she wouldn't tear but still producing enough pressure that she wouldn't be able to stand it.

Two: I pinched and twisted her right nipple, adding a second point of pleasure/pain.

Three: My entire FIST finally went up her ass, not quite to the third knuckles, but enough so that all five fingers momentarily stretched her out.

Touchdown.

She didn't scream. She didn't moan. She didn't say a bloody thing.

She simply jerked, just once, and she did so violently enough that I worried for a moment that she'd snapped her own neck.

And then, as if her power switch had been flipped to the "off" position, Peyton blacked out.

Suddenly I stood up, yanking my hands back and raising my hands above my shoulders to either side as if a police officer had yelled "freeze" directly behind me. Peyton's eyes had already rolled up into her head as she went limp. And freed from my support, her unrestrained naked body flopped down the couch, sliding down the incline until friction arrested her fall with her head hanging upside-down off the front edge and her knees peaked over the backrest to leave her feet dangling over the other side.

I'd never penetrated her with my cock. Peyton Kent wouldn't get added to "The List". But damn she was never gonna forget tonight.

And now -I- needed to CUM.

Spinning to my left, I grabbed the first girl I saw. Jocelyn squeaked when I suddenly pinned her arms against her sides with my hands, and for a moment, I'm sure she thought I was going to take her.

But the sexual creature inside had not completely taken over, the rational part of my brain having remained awake to remind me not to fuck Peyton. That same part of my brain reminded me that Jocelyn was also on the no-fly list, so I let go of her and grabbed the girl standing right beside her. It was Tonya, and I rejoiced when my brain gave me the green light to go ahead and take her.

And take her I did. The gorgeous Senior Tri-Delt wore a pastel yellow Victoria's Secret ensemble that off-set her caramel skin quite nicely. Spinning her around and kicking her feet apart, I slipped my left hand into her bra cup and filled my palm with her nice big D-cup breast. Amazingly, I'd remained fully clothed this entire time as the focus was on me attacking Peyton and not seeking my own pleasure. But with practiced ease, I used my right hand to unbutton and unzip, freeing my throbbingly hard erection. After pulling aside the strap of her thong panties, I swabbed my mushroom head through Tonya's twat and found that she was soaking wet after watching me knock out her Tri-Delt President. So I centered myself and lunged, burying myself to the hilt in a single thrust.

Both of us were on hair triggers. With my hands gripping her tits I rapid-hammered Tonya for only two minutes while she braced herself against the backrest of the couch much in the same way Peyton had been doing earlier. Tonya groaned and moaned before tightening up in orgasm. And when I felt her internal muscles spasm around my invading prod, I felt my balls coiling to explode as well.

But not inside her. Abruptly exiting Tonya's saturated cunt, I growled and swiftly circled around to the other side of the couch, roughly shoving Tri-Delt witnesses aside while shuffling awkwardly with my jeans still around my ankles. My hard penis twitched and bulged in my right hand, threatening to go off too soon. But I managed to hold out until I was standing over Peyton's still unconscious body. And then aiming my cockhead at her slumbering face, I started stroking my shaft to do something else her boyfriend probably wouldn't appreciate.

When I was done, I felt my strength momentarily leave me. The girls had cleared out the space immediately around Peyton's body, so I turned around and dropped down onto the cushion beside her. Breathing heavily, I let my head recline against the backrest. And I groaned with the deep satisfaction of having successfully given Peyton a Big Ben Experience without sticking my cock inside her, of course accompanied by the deep satisfaction of seeing the abstract artwork I'd left all over her face.

Just then, Jocelyn came over and sat down next to me. Grinning with a twinkle in her eyes, the pretty Filipina patted my knee and commented, "If that's what you're willing to do to a girl who's got a boyfriend, then I've got to complain that you've been holding out on me."

Without warning, I grabbed Jocelyn's head and sealed my lips over hers, twisting her around to press her back into the couch as I forcefully kissed her. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues sparred together, a wave of unfulfilled longing and emotion pouring through our lips after more than a month without fucking each other. But just as suddenly, I released her, stood up, pulled up my shorts, and buttoned myself into my jeans.

Jocelyn looked disoriented for a moment, her eyes glassy and her chest heaving. Blinking slowly, her head sort of wobbled while I stood there and looked at her to make sure she was okay. After a few seconds, she seemed to get her bearings before taking a deep breath and giving me a dreamy look.

I gave her a smirk and explained, "This thing with Peyton was a one-time special occasion because she's the President and I had to make a point. If you want more, I'm sorry but you're gonna have to break up with your boyfriend."

The look Jocelyn gave me told me she was going to do just that ... again...

I glanced around the room one last time, surveying the other thirteen girls who all seemed to be gawking at their half-naked President still passed out and flopped upside-down over the couch, her face absolutely covered in my cum. And then with a smug grin I went back upstairs.

Raising my right arm up beside my head, I took a whiff of my own armpit and scrunched up my nose. With sixteen people packed into the living room and the windows closed to limit the sex noises escaping out, the air had gotten a little hot and stuffy. I'd worked up quite a sweat making Peyton pass out, and since I hadn't bothered to remove my clothes my particular scent of masculine musk clung to me like a second skin, and not in a good way. A shower was in order, and I swiftly removed my shirt before wadding it up and shooting it basketball-style into the hamper halfway across my room.

Stripping myself further while shuffling forward, I deposited the rest of my clothing into the hamper in a less dramatic fashion. And when I was fully naked, I turned around to head for the bathroom.

"Hmm..." Jamie hummed wistfully with a little smile on her face as she leaned against the doorjamb. Raising a hand up and then drawing lazy circles in the air with her index finger, she asked, "Can you undress for me again? I particularly liked the way your ass looked as you wriggled out of your jeans."

I smirked, thinking of the last time I'd asked a girl to do something similar (that would be this morning, watching Lakhi's big tits jiggle as she got dressed). "Maybe another time. Right now I'm hot and sweaty and I'm not about to get back into those sticky clothes just to let you watch me peel them off again. It's been a long day."

"A dirty day, you naughty boy. I only ever heard stories about that little stunt you pulled with Leighton back during my pledge class. I thought watching you at my Initiation was out of this world, but what you just did to Peyton in front of all of us from only two feet away was INTENSE." Jamie was flushed and panting, her big tits swelling within the confines of her black lace bra with each deep breath. Clearly, the busty Italian babe had been quite aroused by what she'd just seen, and the look in her eyes told me she was very interested in getting her own fresh Big Ben Experience.

I wasn't exactly averse to the idea either. Fucking Tonya at the end had been more about getting my rocks off after focusing all my efforts on Peyton. I wouldn't mind having a girl focus HER efforts on me for a little while.

But just as I walked up to Jamie with a grin and a hand on her arm, she sighed and pressed a palm against my naked chest, stopping me from kissing her. "As much as I'd love to help you clean up, the position of 'Ben's shower attendant' has already been filled for tonight."

"Huh?" I queried in confusion, arching an eyebrow.

Just then, Andie arrived in the doorway, wearing nothing but a towel and a perfect smile. Moments later, she opened the towel to prove there was nothing underneath it. "I'd still get a boob job for you, but you said you like these just the way they are."

I smiled immediately and nodded. "I do."

"Can I use them to wash you with?"

"Absolutely."

Andie beamed, and I started walking away from Jamie to join her. But after a single step, I pulled on Jamie's arm and brought her face to mine for that interrupted kiss. "Stay in bed, lovely. Keep the underwear. I'll want to take it off you later."

She grinned back at me. "As you wish."