章節 45: 'But I couldn’t appreciate that and lashed out at you'
The hustle and bustle haven't died down one bit since the duke's birthday ended a few days ago. The servants were still busier going to and fro the courtyard. There wasn't an hour where a supply carriage would not pass through the palace gates and looking at the annex building to the west, there were still some carriages waiting to be filled.
"I guess you're being punished?" a familiar voice rose from behind Amelia, and she was forced to look back, faking a smile.
"Don't you think I'm too old for this kind of punishment? I'm not ten anymore." Amelia got down from sitting on the windowsill and slumped at the nearby long cushioned settee. She gathered the layers of her dress and brought her feet up so she could lay down, placing one of the square pillows covered with soft satin sheets under her head for support.
"I'm sure you understand Brother's worries," Piers answered, treading carefully not to offend her by saying that she was wrong and had no right whatsoever to say otherwise. Even a part of her said so.
Amelia remained silent. Her arms crossed about her chest as she recalled the time she had with Alexander at Midolde. It wasn't much, but it felt like the circumstance in which they decided to form this troublesome relationship wasn't so bad. She learned that by how Alexander treated her, no wonder she's the talk of the ladies. And the kiss…
She didn't think that she would feel deeply about the kiss. It was their third, and yet every time was like the first time. Could that be possible? Of all the things Amelia knew, this one indeed made her feel like she hasn't studied enough—and there's no available research about it too!
'Maybe I'd find some answers on those cheesy novels that Constance used to read,' Amelia thought, and she immediately searched her memory on what part of the palace library did Constance frequented to get her hands on the collection of it.
"I see that you're reflecting on a different kind of thing?" Piers spoke, and Amelia gave him a quick side-eye before she went back to gaze at nothingness.
After a short while, the duchess exhaled sharply, pulling herself up by grabbing on the edge of the settee's back panel with an intricate carving of a lion's head in the middle, all painted in gold. "I just don't get it, Brother."
"What? Don't get what?" the second Mulford son looked at Amelia as if whatever she's going to share would totally be out of his league to give a bit of proper advice to.
"When I'm with Alexander, I just feel so… safe, you know? Like—"
"No, I don't know, and I don't get it either," Piers inserted to tease her, and she glared at him, stifling a giggle.
"Just, hear me out, okay?" Amelia said, both palms facing her audience, "When I'm with him, I feel so safe—secured. As if everything will be alright if he's right beside me. I mean—how do say it?—being with him feels..." Amelia trailed off, unsure of her following words.
"Nostalgic? Familiar? Like someone you met a few years ago?" Piers murmured as he played with the ruffles of a nearby pillow.
"Pardon?"
"Hmm? Did I say something? I don't remember saying anything. I was talking to myself."
"You said, if he felt like someone I met a few years ago…" Amelia repeated slowly. Her eyes narrowed at Piers, but his face didn't convey a thing to her. "You're not the only person who brought this up when I talk about him. Could it be that we have met before? Maybe before I lost my memory?" It's a possibility, right? They could be childhood friends. Or maybe… they were arranged to be married in the first place that's why there was little resistance—no, no, no. Marriage between two Houses is not permitted, and she doesn't think her parents are cunning enough to plot something as joining two families and… overthrowing the current ruler.
They're not like those kinds of people, right? She doesn't remember them being as such and she hasn't heard anything bad or malice about them. That's not why the emperor's so eager about gaining her favor, right?
"Well," Amelia's attention darted back to Piers, "you're the daughter of a duke, and he's a son of one too. I am sure that you've bumped into each other before at one of your parent's parties. Or—" Piers stopped and stood up. He straightened his shirt and dusted off some bits of filth he got from sneaking in again. "Or you just fancy him a lot more than you expected. I see those heart-filled eyes every time he's around," he took a few steps towards Amelia and bent forward so he's leveled with the duchess, "Don't stress yourself thinking about anything else. Just celebrate the feelings of love and don't deny it." He said proudly. Piers then placed a hand on top of the duchess' head and patted her twice before turning his back and waving her goodbye.
Amelia was too confused to even say goodbye back.
Which is it? We're they some part of a ploy to overthrow the ruling family or was it just—love?
'Love?' the duchess scorned at herself. She said it herself before—in this kind of situation, there's no such thing as love. This is all that it is… political. To save herself from the pain of losing someone again, she shouldn't fall so much deeper than this.
She shouldn't.
She can't.
The duchess clutched her hand closed to her heart. Remembering the pang in her heart when she saw Alexander with his sister the first time, made everything even more confusing. A part of her is making her want to believe that everything that's been going on is purely political at best, but there's a small voice at the corner of her heart whispering, 'What if it's love?'.
She could feel her heart pounding really fast. She looked at a distance and wished their circumstances were different. She thought what difference it would've been if she was just a normal noblewoman and not some duchess with a dreadful past.
Amelia closed her eyes and controlled her breathing. "Things are the way they are for a reason, Amelia Cicely," she murmured to herself, and for a while she allowed herself to wallow in the comfort of being mindful at the moment.
Asking. Asking would be a better, more direct action. When she has the time back at Osmea, she will send a letter to Alexander and ask if they could meet. With how things seemed, it's highly unlikely that they would even see each other's shadow for the rest of her stay. And they're already leaving in a few hours too.
**********
A scrumptious lunch full of meat of all kinds, steamed greens, sautéed vegetables—Amelia's favorite, mashed potatoes—and pudding as dessert was prepared in the adjoining room as part of Amelia's punishment.
She watched as the servants brought the trays of food and a pitcher of water into the room. Then the taste testers came in. Two of them. Each tried everything that was laid, even the water. They also inspected the glasses and made sure that the utensil used were all silver. After they were done, they bowed their heads and left.
Amelia was told that her advisor had something important to attend to and will be back in time for them to depart. Arabella also informed her that her grandfather stopped by from a business trip, so she left with her brother just a while ago.
"Have you packed all your belongings already, Christa?" Amelia turned her attention to Laila, who sat beside her. The two ladies were now close enough to be comfortable using a first-name basis in just a short while.
"I didn't bring much with me, so I finished in no time," Christa replied, and Laila nodded. Somehow, Amelia wanted to join in the conversation, but at the same time, she didn't feel like it.
"Duchess?" Laila placed a hand on her arm. "Are you alright? You've been awfully quiet."
"I just… I'm just tired, I guess. Now that I'm technically imprisoned all morning, I think my body's starting to feel all the lost sleep and fatigue from all the… activities that happened." Amelia wanted to genuinely smile, but she only did so curtly then she was back to munching on the steamed broccoli that she's been saving at the side of her plate.
The rest of the meal was a quiet one with a few exchanges between the other two ladies. After that, Amelia requested water to be drawn so she may wash her hands and face. It wouldn't be long until they leave Aclador, and just thinking about the work that she has to do back at her duchy made her want to laze around more.
"Oh, right." Christa took her attention, "Mr. Vance said that we will be stopping by the Capital. Emperor Augustine has requested your presence. Do you know why, duchess?"
Right… her Uncle Vance did vaguely mention something about seeing the emperor on the way home. Aside from the gathering, she was never asked again to appear in front of the emperor. So, what's the deal now?
"Don't you think it has something to do with your coming birthday? He did send all those gifts, after all. And Kaerndal Palace?" Laila turned around and placed the smaller boxes of jewelry in a bigger box. "You haven't sent your reply."
"Kaerndal Palace? You're celebrating your birthday there? But I thought that's only for the royal family to use?" Christa was quick to question back, and Laila smiled apologetically at the duchess.
Honestly, Amelia has already forgotten all about the Kaerndal Palace. That place only came up when she received the tiara as a gift, and Vance didn't bring it up again either.
"You're right, Laila. I haven't sent my gratitude and reply yet. I think I'd have to decline."
"But why?" Christa sat on the edge of Amelia's bed, across her, and leaned closer. "Not everybody, regardless of status, can celebrate their birthday at Kaerndal. It's your birthday and your debut to society as the legal ruler of Osmea. Every lady out there would be envious!" she said excitedly, and for a second, the duchess thought that she was very much like Sybil. And if it was Sybil that she was talking to, without a doubt, she'd already been chattering away about it.
"My birthday's not really something that I'd like to spend the day prettying up and tire myself dancing. Its…"
"Oh, right… I'm sorry, duchess. That was rather inconsiderate of me." The young lady lowered her head, but Amelia was quick to dismiss it.
"It's alright. I do intend to celebrate my birthday, but I'd rather it be done at home. In my own land and with my people. It's my coming-of-age, so even I'm looking forward to it." Amelia placed a hand over Christa and smiled warmly. "And call me by my name. We're already friends, aren't we?" When the lady heard the word 'friends' come out of the duchess' mouth, her eyes instantly brightened, and a smile broke her sullen face. She quickly grabbed Amelia's hand with both of hers and promised not to do anything that would harm their friendship.
At a distance, Laila smiled too as she finished tying the ribbons back to the boxes, they brought with them and stacked them at one corner of the room together with the other luggage while Amelia sat at the foot of the bed, her thoughts still at a disarray.
Other than the remnants of her talk with Piers earlier, now she has to think about what the emperor wanted to talk with her.
'What if he caught wind of her engagement to Alexander and wanted to tell her it simply isn't happening? That such acts can be considered as conspiring to overthrow the throne—that's treason. And that such betrayal is equivalent to death?!" Amelia shrugged at the thought. She stood and went to the window and then to the closet to rummage on what needed to be packed. She has to stop thinking about the worst and just enjoy the moment.
After about two hours of rest, a knock took the ladies' attention, and in came Elias. He already changed his uniform; a fitted dark blue coat with gold edges that went up to his neck with a stiff, high collar and swerving designs embroidered in gold thread. His matching trousers were well-ironed, and his black shoes were shined and spotless. The white shoulder marks with two thick lines of the same color as his uniform across it signified that he's a vice-commander of a division. Hanging from his waist, held by a black leather sword belt, was the sword given only to the members of House Mulford.
Its metal grip was covered in braided shagreen, and rather than the typical cross-guards, theirs were lion heads with its mouth open and the rest of the single-edged sword coming from it. Running lions were also etched on the scabbard.
"You're rather dressed more than usual today," Amelia noted after lifting an eye away from her reading.
"I have to attend a meeting with the other commanders. Today's the last day of Father's celebration, so we're handing out honors later in the evening before the bonfire's lit."
At the end of the three-day celebration of the Duke's birthday, there's a bonfire lit in every village at Aclador where people gather until the last wood fell into ashes. There's was not much spiritual meaning to it. It just became sort of a tradition. The bonfires also signified the coming winter, and some villages in Aclador even offer prayers to the Heavens that the season won't be too harsh on them.
Speaking of the coming winter, that would be the subject of the duchess' meeting with her council once she's finished in Aclador. When she gets back to Osmea, she would have to travel to places to personally check on them. It's going to be another long month, and just before her birthday too.
"What are you reading?" Elias rubbed his hands as he walked towards the duchess, and the two ladies politely stood and bowed their heads then left to their rooms.
"Just something that I forgot I brought with me." Amelia only batted her lashes without lifting an eye. She turned to another page, and she heard Elias sighed. Sitting across her, the Mulford heir shifted uncomfortably. When he finally settled himself, his elbows propped on his knees with his hands clasped together, Elias cleared his throat to get Amelia's attention.
"I… I'm sorry about last night. I didn't want to come off as overly protective, but..."
"Don't you think you're apologizing to the wrong person?"
"I already apologize to Alexander on my way here to you." Amelia halted, and her eyes darted on the small ornament at the low center table between them before she casually brought her attention back to her reading.
Alexander was here, but she didn't even once saw a portion of his shadow. A heavy heart cruised through her and the duchess discreetly exhaled. She closed the book and faced Elias with steely eyes, and he looked at her pleadingly. But what's Amelia to feel or say?
Admitting that she felt guilty about what transpired between the duke and Elias would also be acknowledging that she was in the wrong—and being in the wrong's something Amelia hated to admit. Debates were healthy and probably the only time she allowed others to prove her wrong. But mistakes made at the expense of someone else's disadvantage weren't something she's glad about. She doesn't regret going out, but she regretted not standing on her ground even more and just letting Alexander take it all to himself.
"Am I a good duchess, Brother?" Amelia blurted out of nowhere. Even she was surprised at the words that came out of her mouth. Seeing Elias' stunned look and slightly gaped mouth, the duchess showed a small smile.
"Oh, Amelia…" Elias voiced slowly. He got up from where he's seated and took long strides to the duchess. He placed an arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. "You're every bit of a great ruler. I apologize tremendously about earlier. I didn't mean what I said. My frustrations and worries simply turned to anger."
The duchess remained silenced. Her body swayed with the Mulford as he rocked her slowly, and his hand brushed through the duchess' hair. After a few seconds, Elias distanced himself and caged Amelia's face with his huge hands.
"Don't ever think you haven't done enough as a duchess. You are enough, Amelia. You are enough, understood?" Elias' voice was firm, but it was warm. He released the duchess and held both her hands. "I wanted to see you off, but I'm afraid I can't. Take care of yourself, okay?"
"I'm sorry about last night and earlier too, Brother. I knew that you were only worried about me, but I couldn't appreciate that and lashed out at you as well."
"You don't have to apologize. I should've held my tongue and controlled my temper. I'm older. I should've known better. I guess that was kind of a turn-off to Leticia, don't you think?" Elias chuckled, placing a hand behind his head.
Amelia couldn't help but let out a short giggle, covering her mouth.
"I don't think she would want someone who hurt her dear brother."
"You think so too? Piers and Osmund said the same thing over lunch." Elias shared, and Amelia laughed. The Mulford heir stood up not long after, and the duchess helped him tidy the creases on his uniform. He once again grabbed Amelia's hands and held onto them tighter as he gave a small kiss on the duchess' forehead. "Take care on your way back to Osmea. And write us a letter once you've arrived."
"Thank you, Brother. I will." Amelia showed a broad smile, and Elias took three steps backward. He straightened his back and placed both hands firmly on his side.
"Duchess Florence," he said, placing a hand on his chest—a salute made by knights.
"Sir Elias Mulford," Amelia lowered her head and gave a deep curtsy. She would've replied with a knight's salute too, but he addressed her as 'duchess' specifically, so she has to respond as one.
Sitting back from where she was earlier, the duchess looked at Elias' back as it disappeared after he turned left from the door. Then Laila entered, all poised with her hands gathered in front of her lower abdomen. Christa followed her a few seconds later but compared to how proper her youngest lady-in-waiting was when she entered, the Marquess' daughter looked like she was blown by a hurricane and thrown at some place unknown.
Her eyes shook a little, and she was visibly uncomfortable. She kept on looking back at the door, all the while patting her reddened face with the back of her hand. Amelia looked at Laila, who sat across from her, and gave her a questioning look, but the lady only giggled and gestured for her to wait.
But who were they waiting for?
When Christa settled herself beside Laila, the grin on Amelia's lady-in-waiting was almost disturbing. The duchess wasn't supposed to ask, but all of a sudden, Laila shrieked. Her hands flailing all over with matching tiny marching feet.
"Sir Piers kissed Christa on the cheek!" she exclaimed, then covered her mouth. Laila turned to Christa, but as soon as she did, Marchioness Berdwell's daughter exploded, her face a little redder than it was.
"He what?!" Amelia's voice bounced off the wall. Her eyes were wide, and so was her mouth. Even after a few seconds, she still couldn't wrap her mind around what Christa told her. "He kissed you on the cheeks?!" Piers wasn't one to do that. If he's to kiss someone, it's always on the lips! That's just the kind of man he was. A part of Amelia was amused, and a part of her wanted to storm out and see Piers herself. She finally has something against the Mulford son when he teases her again in the future.
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