章節 12: Life Goes On..
Aiyla PoV
" If You Can't Do
Anything about it
tHeN let it go. Don't
Be a prisoner to things
You can't change"
- Tony Gaskins
*********
Growing up without your mother by your side was certainly the hardest thing in life, but like the phrase says" if you can't do anything about it then let it go" this quote is true and right but it was so wrong for me. I could never let go of the fact that our mother abandoned us. It was really hard for me to accept the truth and move on..
it was like I was stuck there at that moment but I still moved on cause I knew somewhere this truth will always be my shadow and it will be following me. But still I knew I had to move on.
move on with the family I had been left with i.e. my father, brother and grand dad, move on to live a healthy life..
move on to complete my school moving on was the right thing to do for me but I also knew deep down that moving on would be the hardest for me.
I could never move on, I was stuck in that deep dark hole but still I kept on living with the truth.Time went by living with my now so called half incomplete family. Somewhere I was glad that my father and brother was there for me. I was glad that my grandfather loved me more than my other cousins.
I was glad that I had my grand aunt caring for me, I was glad that I had them with me.
They were the ones who were there for me in my tough times.They were ones who cared for me when I got sick they were the ones who helped me with my studies and I was happy with that, at least I had them with me!
In the small age I had suffered a big trauma but getting recovered from that incident was the toughest thing for me.Even while growing up I felt like a part of my life was missing and at times I felt empty. I mean no matter how much you are surrounded by the people who loves you or whomever you love" A mother's love, care and affection cannot be replaced" nobody can love you like your mother does.
A mother has a special place in a child's life, she completes you. So it was the same for me no matter who loved me, cared for me. I was still longing for my mother's love. Even though I longed for my mother and missed her all the time. I kept on living my life playing, laughing, smiling, dancing and studying like nothing had happened and everything was fine within my family and our lives.
I never stopped doing things that made me happy and alive. I was a very sharp and talented girl and good at studies. I used to pass my exams with flying colours, passionate about dancing, participating in school functions or competition was my regular thing. Even when I used to be at home I used to dance a lot it was my passion and it kept me alive!
Besides dancing, watching movies was also my favourite. I used to watch every new movie that got released in either Hollywood or Bollywood, I used to watch them all. My naughtiness never stopped. I was still that naughty girl I used to be. I never let that incident stop me from living a happy life.
But you see no matter how happy I was there were still some things that used to hurt me and I used to remember I don't have what others have for their mother's love and support. Whenever I use to see my friend's or cousin's mother loving them, caring for them I used to feel hurt. I used to feel empty and the reality would come crashing down and it used to make me cry for my mother's love and longing.
Even though we would meet on weekends or talk on the phone it was not like having your mother with you and I used to realise that each and every day in my life. Mother's play a very important role in a child's life especially when they are growing up!
Though I had my father with me, it was not like having your mother close to you. Especially for a girl having a mother by her side is most important it is she who becomes your friend, it is she who teaches a daughter about things that father cannot teach or open up but you see it was not her who taught me these things a girl should know, it was my cousin elder sister or my grand aunt.
She was not there for me while my cousin's and friends had their mother's to teach them and I grew up everyday realising this fact. But life has to go on.. no matter how much the truth haunts you, life has to go on!
Fine, I accepted the truth that my mother abandoned us that she won't be there with us anymore, accepting the reality we were living a good life. But...but no life had another game up his sleeves and was planning to play with our lives.
A change of air was coming towards us which would completely change our lives.A darkness was following us as if one gloominess was not enough for us to swallow another was following like a black cloud and this morose and change of air would be the one to completely destroy our remaining happy life and what was remaining of my so called family!
When I was ready to forget and forgive everything and keep on living my life like a normal girl like nothing had happened in my life but no I still had other pain and sufferings to go through which would completely I mean completely change me and my life forever which would leave me bruised, battered and shattered.
This incident was nothing compared to my mom abandoning me.. this was the incident that was going to break me throughout my life..this was the incident from where I knew fate can be so cruel and unforgiven this was the incident that was leading me to the path of destruction. This was the incident where a once good girl turned into a rebellious girl.
And this was the incident that made me think I was a cursed child forever even more
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