章節 12: Getting to Know You
I stretched my arms and yawned. Keeping my eyes closed I turned in the soft bed. The mattress caressing my skin as I sunk in. The warmth alone made me want to go back to sleep, not that I actually would. Last night I had managed to crawl back to sleep after my nightmare woke me, screaming and crying as it grew stronger. It was so realistic I could feel the pain burn from the memory. Three years the same reoccurring nightmare, and not it was affecting me greatly. I gave a long and painful sigh as I buried my nose in the pillow, wanting to sleep a little longer. Sebastion is taking over Aspin's training any way, so there was really no point in me being awake, or at all present.
A soft object brushed against my nose. Ignoring it, I snuggled further into bed. It brushed against my cheek, tickling it. I growled annoyed and swatted at the air, coming up with nothing as I dropped my hand heavily back down on the mattress. Nothing was going to pull me out of bed. My brain was too mentally frazzled to say other wise. Another pass against my cheek and my eyes flew open with absolute rage. What the hell was that stupid feeling? My eyes met Drake's amused face and I faltered. Was he in my room? Seriously?
"Did you know you snore?" My eyes widened in surprise, realizing I was in nothing but underwear and my bra. I cleared my throat and casually pulled the sheet around my body. How dare he catch me indecently. How dare he disturb my peace.
"I do not snore....and what are you doing in here?" I snapped. He was straddling a chair between his legs. His head held up by his fist. A paintbrush sitting between his fingers. I wouldn't lie and say that he didn't look handsome, and rather sexy as he straddled the chair, but none the less he was still in my privacy, my bubble.
"Sebastion said you hadn't been sleeping well lately and went to train with Aspin. So I told him to let you rest. I didn't think you would sleep the whole day away." He smirked. "Do you really sleep like this with your brother in here?" He gestured to my sheet gripped tightly in my hands. I rolled my eyes, standing and wrapping the sheet tightly around my body. I was not going to let him patronize me. He had no right.
"It gets hot in here. Besides, it's not like we haven't seen each other naked." I muttered over my shoulder. "You are the intruder here. Maybe if you wouldn't just drop into people's room unannounced you wouldn't see things you don't like!" I called over my shoulder as I dropped the sheet. I was now safely secured in the closet. Keeping it slightly a jar as I tossed on a pair of shorts and a black tank top. I would teach him a lesson on modesty. With my fist against his face. After dawning on fresh clean clothes, I walked out of the closet, scooping up the sheet and tossing it back on the bed. He watched amused.
"Ah but who said I didn't like it?" At first I was appalled, but then his face broke out into a cheeky grin and I exhaled frustrated.
"Why are you in here Drake?" I asked bitterly once again. I was not going to let him avoid the question. It was one thing when I dressed and showed my body, it was another when a peeping tom came in and stared at me fully exposed.
"I came to wake you. I want to test your strength against mine before we head out in a few days." It couldn't have waited? I craned my neck to peer out the window. How much time had passed since the sun rose from behind the mountains? The sun was about half mass now, meaning I really did almost sleep half the day away. I cursed myself silently for truly having overslept. I couldn't help the dreaded feeling that crawled it's way up my spine. I needed to find a way to shake the hold that Drakos had on me. I couldn't fight like this.
"Well I am up now. Let's go." I walked to the door, but he stopped me. Waving me back over to the bed. 'If he wanted to hurt you, I think he would have already.' Oh Sebastion I really hope you are right about him. There is just two of us in here, and right now I don't think I am strong enough to take him on. His body mass alone was bigger than mine, meaning he could easily pin me if I wasn't fast enough.
"Sit." He commanded. Flat and bland. I fidgeted with my tank top and swallowed nervously as I casually sat on the bed. The mattress squeaked lightly under the sudden pressure from my weight. His arms where folded on the back of the chair as we watched me intently. His eyes searching my face like he was worried. Why would he be worried?
"There is something bothering you Aria. I can see it in your eyes. The bags under your eyes give it away as well. Was seems to be troubling you?" I avoided his gaze and watched out the window. Not really wanting to discuss this. He sighed haughtily and leaned against the head rest of the chair, inching closer to me.
"Aria, I'm not asking you to trust me completely. I get that it's difficult, but I promise I'm not here to hurt you. So when, I ask what's going on, I want the truth." I picked at the sheets, hoping he would just drop it. He waited quietly, making it very clear he wasn't going to budge on the subject. It made me angry to no end that he was going to invade my privacy, and then demand answers. Was he so cocky that he just assumed he would get what he wanted?
"It's nothing alright? I just have bad PTSD. It's nothing I can't handle." I mumbled, not looking at him. Truth be told, I wasn't handling it. But I wouldn't let him know that.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I glanced up at him. His eyes had softened as I met them. A spark lit in me, cooing at me to tell him my worries. I fought so hard against it though, struggling to shove what ever this feeling was and close it behind doors. No, I won't do it. I won't tell him.
"I won't even talk to the most important person in my life about this. Why would I talk to you? A stranger, who just invites himself into my room and invades my privacy." I stressed to him. A finger curled under my chin, forcing me to look at him. I gulped hesitantly. What was he going to do to me? Would he torture me for answers like every other man? Would he make me submit under his cruel hands?
"Well, as your commander, we aren't leaving this room until we talk about it. It's clearly bothering you. I can see that you are fighting with what ever has been happening. Don't think I don't hear your screams of terror at night. If you are unfit for this mission, I have no problems finding someone else to replace you. For someone who speaks so highly of being reliable, you aren't taking care of yourself." He dropped my face returning his arm back to the chair. So everyone really could hear what was happening to me. All this time I thought I was fooling them, but really they where just giving me my privacy.
I sighed frustrated. Why does he make me do these things? I hate talking about it, all the horrible things I went through. All the doors that I kept locked. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. What would he do if he found out about my dark secret. The horrible truths that I kept hidden, guarded so that no one would have to feel what I felt. They wouldn't understand what was going on, because I myself barely understood. I just knew that deep down, there was something horrible going on at the Guild, and I nearly almost became a part of it.
He kept his eyes on me, waiting patiently as I fought my inner turmoil. I closed my eyes in defeat and laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Tears formed in my eyes. I wouldn't tell him the full truth, just what Sebastion knows. That would suffice enough so I wouldn't have to bring myself to remember. I can give him a half truth.
"Right before the Master found us, I did something terrible. Of course anyone under the pressure of rape would probably do the same, but the way I snapped I am not proud of. Just like any other night, I was pinned down in my room, the usual stuff happened. But...I just had enough. So when they finished and the drugs wore off, I took my blades and just senselessly murdered. I couldn't tell you how many men I killed before they finally sedated me. I just remember the smell of the blood, limbs here and there. It was like I was seeing myself in someone else's eyes. No more an obedient solider, but a murderer. There was a time I wouldn't even hurt a bug, but now..." I trailed off, closing my eyes as I continued. Let's not forget that this was all for the sake of the secret project that Drakos prided himself on. To break his soldiers, and submitting them to such horrifying acts of torture. Or the way I murdered his son, the man in charge of years of damage, and dropped him at Drakos feet. Those things I would keep to myself. Those acts of violence, the way they made me successfully snap, would be kept under lock and key.
"Of course after the fact I was thrown in the cells and tortured endlessly. Sebastion had been forced to watch." I paused, my emotions making me choke. That night was the first night he had seen me in almost a month. So to go from vanishing into thin air, and then forced to watch the next was the most traumatic experience I went through. "I don't regret what I did to those men, in fact I would gladly do it again. I just hated the way I felt after words. This evil feeling that came over me. Like I was some damned monster, a beast. I don't know if these things will ever go away, I just know that I will forever hate me myself for letting them get to me." A stray tear rolled down my face.
"You are right Aria, anyone under that amount of pressure has every right to snap. You may have killed, but those men aren't human. They are murders, rapists, and thieves. They never cared about what happened to you. You where defending yourself. You aren't a monster for what you did. It was in fact brave for you to go against an entire guild. But you aren't there any more either. No one here wants to hurt you. Remember that Aria." He rose of the chair and offered his hand to me. I gratefully accepted it. But I almost pulled back when a spark coursed through me, warming my body. Drake felt it too because he tensed, his eyes wide. Swiftly, he pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around my small torso. I felt so small and fragile in his embrace. My head just barely came to the middle of his chest, so I could hear his thunderous heart beat with my ear.
What was this? What was happening to me? Why did I feel so safe, and yet so nervous? No man, not even my lover before, could make my heart pound this fast in my chest. I didn't even touch him before now, but all I wanted was this. This feeling of security that he embraced me with. It was intoxicating.
"I know this has been difficult for you, and I know change is scary as well. You can't always rely on Sebastion, he needs his breaks too. You have been through a lot together, I get it. But we are all here for you and each other. You don't need to keep hiding." He pulled back and looked down at me. I couldn't help the silent tears that dripped down my face. What was he doing to me? I could feel my walls starting to shake. My once strong fortified walls had started to crumble. How was he able to do this? 'When this is all said in done, your walls will crumble, and you won't be so guarded anymore.' Why though? Why did he want this? Why did he care? Men don't care about women! He wiped my face as I quietly wept. Why was my body betraying me?
"Th-thanks I guess." He smiled down at me, brushing loose strands of hair from my face and behind my ears. The touch sent more sparks through me. This was becoming to much, it was to intimate. But I was letting it happen, I couldn't shove him away.
"Eh, we are a team now. Don't thank me. Now come one, I know you didn't eat last night. Your stomach was growling even in your sleep." He let me go, his warmth still wrapped around me even though he was no longer there. I stood still, starring at him. I don't know if it was trust that I was feeling for him, but I did know that what ever was going on between us was dangerous. It was making me act out of character, and I wasn't exactly sure I liked it. I think that makes me trust him even less.
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