章節 319: Making countless enemies
The sound of drums resonated, and the entire hall erupted.
Host Ricky Gervais stepped onto the stage, causing everyone to turn and focus their attention. Applause filled the air, welcoming the host.
Ricky smiled as he ascended the stage, nodding in acknowledgment towards the audience below. Interestingly, there was a glass of beer on the host's desk. Ricky approached it, took a sip, and then grinned with satisfaction. "Hello. And hello. Welcome to the 68th annual Golden Globe Awards live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles. It's gonna be a night of partying and heavy drinking."
A low wave of cheers swept through the crowd as Ricky nodded in agreement. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast."
No wonder Ricky had a glass of beer on the table – he was planning to poke fun at Charlie. In recent times, a barrage of negative news about Charlie had hit the headlines, to a degree that was truly astonishing, leaving even the paparazzi overwhelmed. Tonight, Charlie was absent from the award ceremony.
"Let's get this straight," Ricky assumed a serious expression and began to recount recent negative news in a chatty manner. "What he did was, he picked up a porn star. Um, paid her to have dinner with him, introduced her to his ex-wife, as you do." Ricky's face curled into a mocking smile as he interacted with the audience.
Laughter and applause echoed from the back of the hall, where the open seats were placed to avoid awkwardness. However, glancing around himself, Renly noted that people around him seemed rather indifferent, displaying minimal reaction to Ricky's jokes.
Ricky shrugged, indicating his resignation. "Went to a hotel, got drunked, got naked, trashed the place while she was locked in the cupboard. And that was a Monday! What did he do New Year's Eve?"
The laughter from the audience was somewhat forced. Ricky's punchlines and jokes were discernible, but being overly excessive would have amounted to personal attacks. A truly astute host knew where to stop, tapping into the subject just enough and leaving room for audiences' interpretation – an effect that worked best.
Renly, however, found a sense of absurd amusement. Ricky was a renowned British comedian whose humor would likely be well-received in the UK, but in the United States... it was a tad less politically correct. Renly had a feeling that tonight's Golden Globe Awards would be quite intriguing.
Indeed, Ricky continued, "It was a big year for 3D movies: "Toy Story", "Despicable Me", "Tron". So many 3D films. Seems like everything this year was 3-dimensional, except the characters in "The Tourist"." The atmosphere in the room slowed after that line, taking a moment to erupt into laughter. Ricky shook his head, expressing a rueful smile. "Um, I feel bad about that joke. I, no I'll tell you what. I'm jumping on the bandwagon cause I haven't even seen "The Tourist". Who has?"
The scene of an impending accident.
That was the only thought in Renly's mind now. From the corner of his eye, he could see Angelina Jolie leaning against Brad Pitt's embrace, her expression somewhat rigid.
The cameramen standing beside the round table were usually ready to switch the cameras to capture the reactions of the guests. This was what TV viewers most wanted to see. However, now they stood still, unmoving. The atmosphere in the guest seats on the first level was truly dreadful. Hardly anyone dared to speak, let alone put on a smile.
This eerie silence, in stark contrast to the laughter coming from the back, created a pronounced dissonance. Renly exchanged a glance with Ryan and Jennifer, noticing that they were all trying to hold back their laughter. It was a struggle, and they had to lower their heads to conceal their expressions.
"But no, it must be good cause its nominated so shut up, okay?" Ricky attempted to carry on with the joke, but Renly knew that interrupting it here would actually improve the atmosphere. People would laugh more easily if it was cut short. However, continuing could lead to a frightening situation.
Yet, Ricky continued.
"And I'd like to crush this ridiculous rumor going around that the only reason "The Tourist" was nominated was so that the Hollywood foreign press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie."
From the corner of his eye, Renly could see that Johnny's face turned ashen. He was wearing sunglasses tonight, which he hadn't removed since the opening. Nonetheless, his somber expression was clearly visible. Renly wondered if this ongoing car crash was really appropriate, this kind of spectator mentality, was it off?
"That is, that is rubbish!" Ricky continued, before Angelina and Johnny could even catch their breath. His words continued to assault, "That is not the only reason. They also accepted bribes."
Johnny laughed, but it was through gritted teeth. His smile appeared strained, making it nearly impossible to maintain the decorum of the award ceremony.
"That's also incorrect. In fact, they just took the judges to a concert by Cher." Laughter was absent this time, and the expressions of everyone were somewhat awkward. But Ricky's commentary pressed on, "No, all that happened was some of them were taken to to see Cher in concert. How the hell is that a bribe? Really? Do you want to go see Cher? No! Why not? Cause its not 1975!"
Renly could sense the death stares of the guests in the hall, all converging on Ricky onstage. More importantly, the show's director was observing their expressions, resembling ants on a hot pan. Tom Hanks even looked directly at the director, a puzzled expression combined with a hint of interrogative sternness.
But Renly knew this wasn't the end. If Ricky knew the decorum, the first punchline would've ended at "breakfast"; the second punchline would've concluded at "who has". However, the reality was...
"There were a lot of big films that were not nominated this year. Nothing for "Sex and the City 2". Huh, no, I was sure the Golden Globes Special Effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster." This time, the audience finally broke into smiles again. Even the cast of "Sex and the City 2" themselves laughed. It would've been great if Ricky stopped here. Unfortunately.
"Great job. Girls, we know how old you are. I saw one of you in an episode of "Bonanza"."
"Bonanza" was a popular American TV show from the start of the second half of the 20th century.
Renly could see that Angelina Jolie slammed her handbag onto the table, Helena Bonham Carter shook her head repeatedly, and Annette Bening looked utterly stunned as she glanced at her tablemate Jacki Weaver. She seemed to doubt her own hearing.
This dialogue was practically devoid of any disguises for its gender discrimination.
This ongoing car crash continued. "Also not nominated "I Love You Phillip Morris", Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor. Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologist then. "
This was a jab at Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Recently, rumors about these two actors being gay had once again caused quite a stir.
This time, the audience erupted in boos, evidently unhappy with Ricky's pushing the envelope. This revelation truly widened Renly's perspective.
In 2005, Chris Rock hosted the Oscars and repeatedly pushed the boundaries in his opening monologue, making many big names turn against him. However, there was no booing in the audience at that time—just awkwardness at most.
Now it made sense why the journalists on the red carpet had adopted a rather confrontational stance.
Ricky, puzzled by the audience's reaction, raised his hands in a helpless gesture. "Probably." The booing still didn't cease. Ricky's expression became somewhat awkward, and the situation in the hall took an unexpected turn. He explained in a joking tone, "My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke." Finally, the booing subsided. Ricky waved his hand with a smile. "They're not here, okay." The joke ended, even if it was an abrupt conclusion.
At least they hadn't completely lost their sanity.
"I originally wanted to say that an actor and a ballet dancer also did the switcheroo, but who cares, so let's move on to the TV drama, shall we." Ricky couldn't resist making a dig at Natalie.
Although no names were mentioned, Renly could clearly sense that the air around their table suddenly froze. Natalie's smile appeared noticeably strained, and even the usual polite etiquette became difficult to maintain.
"There has been some great TV drama this year." Ricky continued his commentary, "Like "Boardwalk Empire" and "The Walking Dead"..." Then, he used "Walking Dead" as a segue to mock Hugh Hefner, the founder of Playboy, as a zombie. He ridiculed how, at the age of eighty-four, Hefner married a twenty-four-year-old, and made fun of this lady being after Hefner's substantial inheritance. "When she was asked why she was marrying him she said 'cause he lied about his age, he told me he was 94. Oh, come on. Don't worry, hold out. Just, just don't look at it when you touch it. I warned him." He even vividly used his left hand, mouth, and facial expressions to illustrate a scene that lasted a full fifteen seconds.
The atmosphere in the room stiffened momentarily. Everyone exchanged glances. No one expected that Ricky would directly reenact the intimate details on a globally broadcasted stage. Television didn't have the means to rate such content. The humor itself wasn't the issue—it was a matter of moderation.
Perplexed by the audience's lack of understanding for his jokes, Ricky shrugged and took a sip of his beer, using actions to convey his dissatisfaction. However, Renly could clearly feel that the tables around them had descended into silence, no one was able to find the humor, and even the polite smiles on their faces were faltering.
This reminded Renly of the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show when Justin Timberlake pulled down half of Janet Jackson's bra.
"Besides Hugh, there's one more who lied about his age, Renly Hall. I insist he's only fourteen. I'm not quite sure what deal he promised to Steven and Tom, but obviously, I much rather stay out of it. Anyway, quid pro quo; he got two nominations, just like Johnny Depp."
創作者的想法 
Shallowman
Shallowman I copied Ricky's award speech, so you can be sure that it is almost exactly as it was in that ceremony. I actually think that Ricky's performance was brilliant. I highly recommend watching that performance yourself. Author is kinda exaggerating a bit here, and the guest indeed had a blast with the Brit's jokes, not at all deadly silent as was stated in the book.
Also, there were two original jokes that the author added, try guessing the jokes without watching the original opening
"Despicable Me" - "Godfather"
"Tron" - "Chronicles of Tron"
"Bonanza" - "The Greatest Showman", "The Greatest Show on Earth", "Once-in-a-Lifetime Opportunity"
"I Love You Phillip Morris" - "I Love You Maurice"
"Boardwalk Empire" - "Atlantic Empire"
"The Tourist" - "Fatal Companions"
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