章節 12: "I fucked up..."
Chapter 12
"Fuck, I didn't mean it like that dad. I wa-"
"I've heard enough Kehlani. Goodnight." he tossed my phone onto the bed and left my room.
I hated myself.
I'd only known James for a few months and I'd already said something I'd regret for the rest of my life
I didn't mean what I said. I'd fucked this all up. If I just kept my mouth shut, then this wouldn't have happened. My dad wouldn't have been hurt by me if I just said why Liam was on my lock screen. For fuck's sake I should've never put him on my lock screen in the first place!
Tears started streaming down my face.
If only I had stayed at mum's. I should've left with Kaiden but nope, I stayed to see if I could bond with my dad but now instead of improving our relationship I made it deteriorate.
I didn't want to lose my dad. What if this fucked up his relationship with my mum?
Shit. This was worse than I thought.
Mum would be heartbroken if she and James broke up. I knew it had only been a few weeks since they've started talking but I know that she loved him. Whenever we were with Max, mum didn't act like she did with James and I began to think maybe mum didn't love Max but she just stayed with him for Kaiden and I's sake because we deserved a father figure in our life.
I tried getting some sleep because I knew fretting about it all wouldn't do anything to help me.
•••
I woke up at 6 knowing James wouldn't be up. I quickly took a shower and by 7 I had finished everything and I was headed for the door.
"Kehlani."
"D-Dad. You're awake!" I didn't expect him to be awake so early.
"Yeah, I am and you are trying to leave without telling me. What if I looked for you but couldn't find you and I thought something had happened to you?"
"I just didn't want to say anything else that would piss you off." I muttered embarrassedly.
James just stares at me and nods "Goodbye Kehlani." he said stiffly and entered the living room.
I put my head down in shame and walked out the front door.
Once I got to my mum's house I walked up the stairs ignoring Kaiden and mum.
I wanted to get into bed and shut everyone out but unfortunately, I couldn't do that since I had to go to work at Smith Inc in an hour.
I quickly changed into a black pencil skirt and a white blouse with my black stilettos. Then I just put a layer of foundation on and did my mascara with some lip gloss.
A knock came from outside my door "Kehlani baby?" Mum entered without me answering and pulled me in a hug. Without my consent, tears broke the dam, and a waterfall erupted.
Luckily all my makeup was waterproof.
I stayed in my mum's arms for about half an hour with no chatter, I just stayed in her arms and cried. I only let go because I had thirty minutes until I had to start my shift.
"What's wrong hun?" Mum wondered.
"I fucked up mum. I got mad and said some things I didn't mean to dad, I really didn't mean it mum please don't get mad at me." I wiped my tear-streaked face.
Mum grabbed a brush from my bedside table and brushed my wild curls "What did you say Kehlani?"
"I-I'm so sorry mum" I kept on crying desperately trying to avoid the subject.
"Kehlani!" she reproached.
"He saw Liam's picture on my lock screen and he questioned it and I got mad and said that Liam has been my family longer than dad has and that I didn't even know him. I'm sorry mum, I didn't mean it."
A smile appeared on her face "I'm proud of you Kehlani." She continued brushing my hair.
"Why? I've probably just ruined your relationship with dad. Why aren't you mad at me?" my voice displayed my confusion.
"After your outburst yesterday your dad called me, he was crying. Don't tell anyone about that," she chuckled "he was crying, and he was wondering where he went wrong and what he should do so we talked and I gave him advice. And I'm proud because usually you distance yourself from me and you don't tell me the truth but today you have and I'm proud and I'm not mad because it'd drive you away and I don't want to lose another daughter. I lost Kayleigh and I'll die before I lose another child." She kissed me on the cheek and held me like her life depended on it.
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