章節 11: 9. Introduction to the Outcome
-Memory 9-
-Yumetourou-
-RADWIMPS-
During my life, I've heard a lot of people saying "broken heart". Honestly, I've done so, and I was wrong. Those of us who truly know what it is can define it as a horrible feeling. You feel a sharp and stabbing pain inside your chest, which fills up your eyes with tears and, in the meantime, one single thought tears your heart apart, causing that terrible suffering.
That is why smart people are usually unhappy; because of their mind, too powerful even for themselves, becomes a double-edged weapon. And those thoughts that live inside it are the thorns in the intellect's rose, nailing so deep that they leave you scars in your soul.
During these 4 years, I've tried to always do the right thing with my relationships and friendships. But they always end in a terrible way. That is what this memory is about.
This arc is a rift in my story, which is why it is better to show you the before and after of the problems. This is my point of view, wrote with the highest possible objectivity. If you're part of this story —Rebecca, Roy Patrick, Adam, Tara, and especially you, Sea—, you need to take this into consideration while you're reading the pages that I've written for and because of you. And for the rest of you, just pay attention to the details.
Introduction to the Outcome:
-Cold-
-Maroon 5 feat.Future-
Between the eighth and ninth months of 2017 —August and September, for the lazy ones— is when the rose color fades. This gave it's last bright a few weeks before, when Sea gave me a draw as a present, completely done by her. That day, when I arrived at school, I found her in the benches next to her curly and exuberant hair; from the distance, I saw that she had a rolled paper with a golden bright ribbon tied up around it.
—I finished it! —she said with a hope brightness in her big and happy brown-colored eyes.
—Thank you, sweetie! —I replied while I hugged her without even having unrolled the draw.
I took one side of the ribbon and pull from it softly so that the knot would get undone. Then, I took off the ribbon and unrolled the paper. Inside it, there was a draw of Link and Zelda, with the design of one of my favorites games from the saga: The Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword.
It was just beautiful, the most elaborate present someone had ever given to me. I rolled it up and saved it to place it in my room as soon as I arrived home. That was the last time I felt completely comfortable with my relationship with Sea.
September 21. Let's remember that date, shall we? For now, we will call it The Rift Day. But that's something you'll read later. We need to travel several weeks before. It was something that had been happening for a long time, but it was hidden behind the love veil.
After dating Sea for some time, around five months of relationship, the Jealousy Stage started. It was something that got inside our relationship in a discreet way; going unnoticed in the beginning. But little by little, it became a serious problem.
It was terrible to figure out that I was the one suffering from this situation. I've always tried to treat everyone as I would like to be treated. That is why, since I became Sea's boyfriend, I worked hard to do things right. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, hurt, or sad. But I would lie if I said that there wasn't a time in which I felt that it wasn't something mutual; I didn't feel it was both-sided. Talking about this with her several times was exhausting and made me feel that I was annoying, but it also seemed to become something serious.
Sea always was a very lovely girl. She was a friend of everyone, remember? Well, the problem —at least from my point of view, which was really criticized back then— was that she could be very lovely, or more than usual. I never had any problem with her hugging her friends, I even liked that she had friends. I loved to see how she was surrounded by other people who loved her, just like I did. But it got to the point in which she hugged them more than she hugged me —and yes, she used to do it in front of me—. But as I said, I didn't pay attention to it in the beginning. But it was just like when you turn a lever. The more you turn it, the harder it gets to keep going, and there is a point in which the lever breaks. We all have breakpoints. And the situation grew up that much that it made me reach my breakpoint. So I spoke to Sea. And not just once. Several. However, the situation seemed to get better and then, all out of a sudden became worse.
My first breakpoint —and yes, I've got a lot— was during the retiring trip we did at school. Since the beginning, I knew I was not going to have any fun as soon as I got inside that bus. First, Sea decided to seat with her friend, so I thought I could seat next to Roy. I felt a void in my stomach when I realized that Roy would seat with Patrick. My only left choice was seating apart, alone —abusing from my headphones, obviously— and that's what I did.
Once there, I spent almost no time with Sea. But when I was returning to the bus, I saw her with the raw of my eye and realized that she was walking next to someone, while that someone was hugging her. In the beginning, I thought it was her girlfriend, but as my sight turned in her direction, the least credit I could give to what I was looking at. And then I saw it. In that instant, I felt a terrible and stabbing pain in my chest, while my eyes got filled up with tears and I felt like I was about to die. Since that first instant, I feel the same pain —just like I'm feeling it right now—, and my eyes fill up again with tears, while they run through my face like rivers. It sounds dramatic, but that's how our feelings as humans are. Dramatics. And with this, the guy who made me suffer that much back in 2017 joins the story. He is that Guy Who Stabbed Me In The Back.
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